Ash did you read any posts of mine before the one you did. Iwas in process of deleting posts that went to much into my childhood.I felt embarrassed for bringing childhood issues in.I had a bit of a whine about my dad made me seem like a wimp
When will I feel normal
- Thread starter yubacity
- Start date
How you doing ash I hope everything going well how's your pain management going
Also I made myself look like a serial adulterer.That was from my crank days and later my coke days.We married young I was prick then. I might think and say it but on my kids i could not do it to my wife i could never love anyone else so would never risk it
somnilicious
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jul 31, 2012
- Messages
- 3,220
Hey Yuba, Long time member lurker of bluelight here. My recovery attemps first started when I officially joined back in 2012 so I know the relapse cycle all to well. I've been reading your thread and I'm a lot like you. I've had my run with almost every drug from the rave scene to poppy pods and heroin. Been on the methadone clinic and been to rehab for meth and crack. 37yrs old and I'm also tired of the bullshit. It took us a long time to get where we are at so getting out is a process as well. You just had a small relapse during a moment of weakness. In the grand scheme of things it's not such a big deal. You're breathing, still married and still have the desire to stay clean. Your friend wasn't so fortunate. Right now you just have the bends. Your neurotransmitters are artificially depleated from your binge. The important thing is that you learn from this and make adjustments. Things will get better. I promise. Message me anytime you like.
Your friend Somni..
Your friend Somni..
Yeah I read it Yuba, no worries, like Somni says, no harm done. Just get back on track, you have so much going for you!!
We are all here for you,
big hugs, here if you need me,
your friend,
Ash.
We are all here for you,
big hugs, here if you need me,
your friend,
Ash.
Hi Somni, you seem like a very nice, helpful guy and you like the Gorillaz Clint Eastwood, one of my favorites!! I hope you're having a great day!!
Your friend,
Ash.
Your friend,
Ash.
Thanks somni your words about pat perked me up he is the unlucky one.I am still here with got a wife I love and two beautiful girls and a son.I am glad to hear you have finally had enough it can take a while but until we get to that stage we dont stop.You got there before me do you think my many relapses since feb detox is normal My friend Ashley here is a diamond she has kept me clean and enjoying life.If you ever feel weak message her she normally levels me out.I will not blame pat for my relapse I dont know why I did it.Just taken one blue valium just to ease anxiety.Thanks for your words
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Should have deleted before long drive.I told you about him but dont like telling a lot of people about my childhood.I made him look worse this morning .He never hit my mom or sister and he was no a violent drunk that was the best times when he had a few shot.He kept his beatings for when he was sober the prick
Stargazer
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Apr 28, 2013
- Messages
- 1,673
Hi yubacity-.
Recovery is a process. A bird flies, a fish swims, an addict gets high. When we use, we're doing what we're used to doing when faced with stress, frustration, boredom, etc. Recovery is alot of re-learning. Thinking about the end consequence BEFORE we put something in motion.
"If I cheat on my wife, and she finds out- I could lose my marriage and family. Is this ok w me?" "If I go on a tear and binge use for a week, I'm going to go through mental and physical withdrawal, start alot of shit w my wife, etc. I'm going to stay unavailable to my children, and before I know it, they're going to have their own lives and I can never get this time back, am I ok w that?".
It's making yourself stop and think. Mindfulness. You have to put this behavior into motion until it becomes 2nd nature. Toothpastedog is very experienced w this, maybe he'll chime in or you can PM him.
Many of us here have gone through/are still going through (myself included) the same process you are. Yeah, it sucks at times. Yes, alot of blood, sweat and tears is involved. Is it worth it? Yes. I believe it is.
Have you considered going by to NA meetings? Meeting like-minded people that are struggling and trying to live a life without the chaos, suffering and heartbreak of addiction.
I went to a meeting Monday night and I'm going to one today at noon (which I have to get going to get ready for). The people usually are welcoming. I'm hoping to build a strong support system. I desperately need one.
Hang in there. There are many of us going through it w you.
Recovery is a process. A bird flies, a fish swims, an addict gets high. When we use, we're doing what we're used to doing when faced with stress, frustration, boredom, etc. Recovery is alot of re-learning. Thinking about the end consequence BEFORE we put something in motion.
"If I cheat on my wife, and she finds out- I could lose my marriage and family. Is this ok w me?" "If I go on a tear and binge use for a week, I'm going to go through mental and physical withdrawal, start alot of shit w my wife, etc. I'm going to stay unavailable to my children, and before I know it, they're going to have their own lives and I can never get this time back, am I ok w that?".
It's making yourself stop and think. Mindfulness. You have to put this behavior into motion until it becomes 2nd nature. Toothpastedog is very experienced w this, maybe he'll chime in or you can PM him.
Many of us here have gone through/are still going through (myself included) the same process you are. Yeah, it sucks at times. Yes, alot of blood, sweat and tears is involved. Is it worth it? Yes. I believe it is.
Have you considered going by to NA meetings? Meeting like-minded people that are struggling and trying to live a life without the chaos, suffering and heartbreak of addiction.
I went to a meeting Monday night and I'm going to one today at noon (which I have to get going to get ready for). The people usually are welcoming. I'm hoping to build a strong support system. I desperately need one.
Hang in there. There are many of us going through it w you.
Hello my dear friend.
Today is a new day. A new start. Let go of all the shit of the past, you can move forward, I like 10's suggestions to join a group of like minded people for support too. Think about it, I just want the best for you and your lovely family. Time is marching on whether you aware of what's going on or not. There's still time now. You can do this Yuba. Always here to support you. xo
Love and strength to you,
pm me if you'd rather,
your friend,
Ash.
Today is a new day. A new start. Let go of all the shit of the past, you can move forward, I like 10's suggestions to join a group of like minded people for support too. Think about it, I just want the best for you and your lovely family. Time is marching on whether you aware of what's going on or not. There's still time now. You can do this Yuba. Always here to support you. xo
Love and strength to you,
pm me if you'd rather,
your friend,
Ash.
Couldn't let the day go by without telling you that I love the way you write and the advice you give is wonderful, I read through a lot of your posts this morning. I got up early, you've been through so much, you're doing so well though, very proud of you! Hugs and I sincerely hope you have a great day 10.
Here for you anytime,
your friend,
Ash.
Here for you anytime,
your friend,
Ash.
Stargazer
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Apr 28, 2013
- Messages
- 1,673
Wow. Thank you Ashley. You made my day 
. I mean that sincerely.
You are a wonderful friend to many here. You have handled your situation like a boss. I relate to chronic pain. There's no easy solution.
It is devestating to be treated like pond scum when you pick up your pain meds. And to be harshly judged when your life has been destroyed by pain.
Thank you again for kind words.
. I mean that sincerely. You are a wonderful friend to many here. You have handled your situation like a boss. I relate to chronic pain. There's no easy solution.
It is devestating to be treated like pond scum when you pick up your pain meds. And to be harshly judged when your life has been destroyed by pain.
Thank you again for kind words.
Thanks 10, you're a lovely and special person and I really mean that.
I hope you have a wonderful weekend,
your friend,
Ash.
I hope you have a wonderful weekend,
your friend,
Ash.
Wow. Thank you Ashley. You made my day
You are a wonderful friend to many here. You have handled your situation like a boss. I relate to chronic pain. There's no easy solution.
It is devestating to be treated like pond scum when you pick up your pain meds. And to be harshly judged when your life has been destroyed by pain.
Thank you again for kind words.
Thanks for the kind words friends.I have problems talking about my problems to people in person.Thats why this forum is my lifeline what I say on here I could never say face to face.But there is a meeting in my local area today might cheat it out
How you doing ash hope life is treating you good.I have spent the last few days thinking about what you said a few days ago.I have decided to take your advice and stop going to my dealers.It can not work with me being around opium and be in recovery.Cant fucking believe one days heavy use made me feel a little shitty for a few days.The temptation to use is high got so much stress and I know wife and kids head of to states and I'll miss them for a few months.Think my relapse was due to kids leaving putting house for sale just stress.Keep well my friend enjoy your day
Stargazer
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Apr 28, 2013
- Messages
- 1,673
I have difficulty opening up at mtgs- which is strange because I'm very social. I think it's when the whole room stops and all focus is on me that unnerves me. IRL, no one would believe that bothers me lol. Others seem to think I'm very strong and confident. I always am taken back when they say that.
Yubacity- I went to a meeting last night. I made myself go. Firstly, I was a little late and did NOT want to walk in and have everyone turn around, etc. Or what if they wanted me to introduce myself, etc. Ugh.
I very quietly went in. I felt uncomfortable the whole time. At the end of the meeting- a woman came over to me, she introduced herself. She gave me a list of meetings and put her number down and had other women write theirs too. Omg- and I started to cry. Her kindness made me cry. I was really embarrassed that I was crying.
I have alot of difficulty accepting kindness. It makes me feel very uncomfortable. I'm accustomed to the opposite.
I'm going to try to get over it and use the phone numbers and keep going. I have to learn I'm worth being treated w kindness. It is not going to be easy.
I hope you're having a good day.
Yubacity- I went to a meeting last night. I made myself go. Firstly, I was a little late and did NOT want to walk in and have everyone turn around, etc. Or what if they wanted me to introduce myself, etc. Ugh.
I very quietly went in. I felt uncomfortable the whole time. At the end of the meeting- a woman came over to me, she introduced herself. She gave me a list of meetings and put her number down and had other women write theirs too. Omg- and I started to cry. Her kindness made me cry. I was really embarrassed that I was crying.
I have alot of difficulty accepting kindness. It makes me feel very uncomfortable. I'm accustomed to the opposite.
I'm going to try to get over it and use the phone numbers and keep going. I have to learn I'm worth being treated w kindness. It is not going to be easy.
I hope you're having a good day.