When will I feel normal

[EPL1]

I'm here.

You've had a momentary lapse of judgement, you were sad about your friend, which is so understandable and you're human.

Now get back on track, Yuba. You don't want to shorten your own life doing drugs. you, your wife and your lovely children deserve better than that.

And to lessen temptation stay away from the dealers/friends place.

I'm here for you and I am very proud of you, like I've said before i would rather hear when you're not doing well so I can help you, okay?

Here for you always Yuba,you can do this!!!
your friend,
love and strength,
Ash.

It's a Sunday evening kids swimming I'm smoking crack and the brown what is wrong with me

 

[EPL1]

I personally believe in Karma and a lot of other shit, "people" actually monsters like that will get what's coming to them for being so evil, whether it's in this life or the next, don't you worry about that.

I pray your friend rests easy Yuba. He sounded like a lovely guy!

I feel for you ash and angry ate the medical establishment take make you feel bad just to get your pain meds.How strong are you to deal with that.I came on here to see how you was and lie to you about me staying clean.Got together with a few people to talk about our friend that died.We were gathered at my dealers then the inevitable helped.First I had some crack which felt great then smoked some brown.Not going to lie it was a great buzz but in the background my guit was not for wife and kids but what I was going to tell you my idea was to lie.Im sorry to let you down Ashley I was so heartbroken plus I had the dread of picking his parents up from the airport.I know I did wrong heartbreak should not have me turn to gear.He was one in a million during my detox he would bring me powder to put in water to hydrate.Then when I not sleep got me lyrica and benzos.The hurt is more be cause he died in a crack house and people robbed him instead of giving him naloxone they rather he died so no come back.Im sorry ash but I will try to forget me using and carry on with recovery

 

[yubacity]

I personally believe in Karma and a lot of other shit, "people" actually monsters like that will get what's coming to them for being so evil, whether it's in this life or the next, don't you worry about that.

I pray your friend rests easy Yuba. He sounded like a lovely guy!

How you doing ash hope all is good.I fucked up big time.Its 7 in the morning I've woken up at my pals house.We got together to talk about my friend that died because of a od and what do we do we got smashed on drugs.Well I now have to go home a few hundred quid down and proberly to a pissed of wife.She rang me a few times I pretended I was drunk it would break her heart.This a started with a few hits of crack and some smoke brown when the wife and kids were out.Well time to get on the recovery train after I take a few hits of crack to wake me up then home a couple of valium and bed.Im sorry ash but even through last night I not really enjoy it this is not my thing anymore.Stay well my friend

 

[yubacity]

Got woken up with wife screaming at me she found foil with a couple of hits on it in my jeans.Made up a lie that I stopped a mate doing it and took his foil.Cant believe she swallowed it but us addicts are good at lies.Feel bad but can't let her think I'm using again.Did smoke a shitload of crack yesterday and I loved it I not liked stimulants for years but last night was good.But I know it's just a temporary good feeling then the come down which I not get I smoked loads of brown before home.Its not worth the temporary release I feel like shit now regretting making a big deal with the wife and tearing the foil up I feel like shit now could do with a hit but can't go on a mission.Fuck the gear just got to man up and stay clean

 

[yubacity]

Problem is I got to confidant about my recovery.Ithought I was out the wooods but i got bitten on the arse now lets back on the recovery route.

 

[EPL1]

Didn't you read this Yuba!!?? Don't get so down on yourself, read this, I sent it to you yesterday, I guess you missed this.

xo

I'm here.

You've had a momentary lapse of judgement, you were sad about your friend, which is so understandable and you're human.

Now get back on track, Yuba. You don't want to shorten your own life doing drugs. you, your wife and your lovely children deserve better than that.

And to lessen temptation stay away from the dealers/friends place.

I'm here for you and I am very proud of you, like I've said before i would rather hear when you're not doing well so I can help you, okay?

Here for you always Yuba,you can do this!!!
your friend,
love and strength,
Ash.

 

[yubacity]

Didn't you read this Yuba!!?? Don't get so down on yourself, read this, I sent it to you yesterday, I guess you missed this.

xo

Thanks mate your so right I got to leave friends that use.Only problem is

 

[yubacity]

Thanks mate your so right I got to leave friends that use.Only problem is

All my friends apart from two use never brown but coke.Only my dealer and a few others know o was on brown.Going to my dealer my downfall but he a great friend.This morning I asked him what the damage was he said it's on him for pat.Hard to give up pals

 

[EPL1]

I know you won't want to hear this, but you and I are friends now so I'll tell you the truth anyway.

Real friends Yuba, don't front you drugs or give you drugs or sell you drugs. PERIOD. Not if they REALLY had your best interest at heart. Think about that.

Who else around you is there for you and wants the best for you? Your lovely family. Sorry, I don't want to upset you but I want you to really think about things.

You need to make new friends, that don't do or sell drugs, you workout right? Maybe you will meet guys through a gym. What else do you like to do?

Are you still moving to the states? If so join a gym there and you will make new friends I'm sure, you're a really great guy!

Get back on track now Yuba, it's never too late, you can do it and I'm always here to support you!!

Big hugs my dear friend,
Ash.

All my friends apart from two use never brown but coke.Only my dealer and a few others know o was on brown.Going to my dealer my downfall but he a great friend.This morning I asked him what the damage was he said it's on him for pat.Hard to give up pals

 

[yubacity]

I am moving back to Yuba city I grew up there and 80 per cent of me pals are addicts.My problem ash is since 14 when I smoked weed I been on some drug.Because I'm moving I don't want to rock the boat.It sounds weird but me and my dealer are good friends.He must have spent shit loads yesterday he not take money from any of us.This will be hard ash I can't relate to people who don't use I get bored.

 

[yubacity]

That last post was not right.When I said I cant relate I can its just that normal shit bores me.

 

[yubacity]

Dont read to much into my writings today I am high on lyrica just to chill me out and let me sleep.I will wake up tomorrow and get back on recovery.But tell you the truth my confidence of staying clean is shattered how many relapses have I had.I

 

[EPL1]

I do know it's hard for you, especially if that's all you know. But there are better things in store for you. Stay on track, don't go back to using. You can do this.

Here for you,
Ash.

I am moving back to Yuba city I grew up there and 80 per cent of me pals are addicts.My problem ash is since 14 when I smoked weed I been on some drug.Because I'm moving I don't want to rock the boat.It sounds weird but me and my dealer are good friends.He must have spent shit loads yesterday he not take money from any of us.This will be hard ash I can't relate to people who don't use I get bored.

 

[yubacity]

Dont know why my answers are going up before I finish them.You a very special friend I will do this.Saying all this when im high on l;yrica sounds stupid but im tired now im to old and I cant be bothered to keep using smoked shitloads of brown last night hoping it won't cause minor wd dont think it will.Take care ash be strong any weak thinking and your in my place I was so fucking proud of my progress now start again.Tell you the truth when my pal rang me yesterday I was high and once I knew they having a goodbye to pat the five minute drive seemed so long.ign ore these messages ash im fucked. A lyrica high after not using for a while is so good but does give minor wd after using for a month.Im lucky I get two days of leg ache then back to normal.The lyrica making me chat shit im sorry.

 

[SoCal424]

yuba- You slipped up eh? Don't beat yourself up over it - you're not the first and won't be the last. You could start over tomorrow morning right? Think about it! Do it for yourself. Life is so short and the world is full of possibilities with your name on them, so please don't let all your tomorrows be filled up with yesterdays. I know that you realize this, but at one point or another, you will have to go through withdrawals. Why not try again now, and give it your best shot. If you just started using today, it won't be nearly as bad this time to stop.

I know I can speak for Ash, myself and others when I say we are rooting for you

Take it easy tonight and get some rest. You know, I've gotten so good at sleeping, that I can do it with my eyes closed

Your friend,
Dale

 

[yubacity]

yuba- You slipped up eh? Don't beat yourself up over it - you're not the first and won't be the last. You could start over tomorrow morning right? Think about it! Do it for yourself. Life is so short and the world is full of possibilities with your name on them, so please don't let all your tomorrows be filled up with yesterdays. I know that you realize this, but at one point or another, you will have to go through withdrawals. Why not try again now, and give it your best shot. If you just started using today, it won't be nearly as bad this time to stop.

I know I can speak for Ash, myself and others when I say we are rooting for you

Take it easy tonight and get some rest. You know, I've gotten so good at sleeping, that I can do it with my eyes closed

Your friend,
Dale

Thanks Dale you guys are to good I keep relapsing but you still give support.I been doing a lot of thinking and talking to my self the lyrica does that to me.I have to accept I'm a selfish prick drug use was my own selfishness the cheating was me being selfish.At this moment in flirting by what's app with a girl from where I used to work.I know my wife and kids are leaving in a few weeks so empty house for some angry sex.Im known for my loyalty to my friend's but show non to my wife I know if I cheat that be it for my wife the women I love more then anything but I'll still do it I'm a selfish prick.

 

[yubacity]

At this moment in planning my affair some poopy pod tea take her out back home then cheat on my wife.I moaned at my wife yesterday for buying a refrigerator.She leaving to the states in a few weeks and spend 800 pounds on a fridge.That proves I'm a selfish prick I spent over a few hundred thousand on my addictions and I moan at her I'm a selfish prick.I force my son to go boxing three times a week because I don't want him to take shit a man should be able to stand his ground my fathers fucking gift to me and im passing it on to my son a selfish prick i am.Life is fucking shit and boring

 

[yubacity]

Anyone reading this who in recovery and think8ng off using.Dont do it once the buzz is gone your left with shame and guilt and proberly s minor wd.Well I got to get up busy day no use staying on bed tried to cuddle wife got elbow.she will have a strop all day.I love her to bits have since tenth grade.Dont know why I'm let my inner feeling out here.Ok time to get out of bed put the shower on turn the fan on and cry my eyes out.

 

[yubacity]

I went of course there this a recovery thread not a thread for 42 year old pussy crying about beatings years agk back to recovery I won't use today today the future I not think off day by day.What I will do is take a long motorway drive and stick some rock on and cry my heart out .

 

[EPL1]

Jesus man you are so NOT a pussy, a lot of us haven't had a happy childhood and we can relate to you.

Never apologize for sharing how you feel. You slipped up, so what, we all have, everyone makes mistakes.Today is a new day for you my friend!!! You can do this Yuba!!!!

We are all here for you and always will be,
your friend, here for you anytime,
Ash.

I went of course there this a recovery thread not a thread for 42 year old pussy crying about beatings years agk back to recovery I won't use today today the future I not think off day by day.What I will do is take a long motorway drive and stick some rock on and cry my heart out .