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Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread
- Thread starter P0kemama
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MrRoot
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^ Then you can compile them into excel and make out a nice (or bad depending on your situation) pie chart of your life 
I have sometimes kept a mood diary as I suffer from bipolar disorder and after your tip I'll definately will start keeping track of what drugs I consume if need arises in the future (hopefully not).
I have sometimes kept a mood diary as I suffer from bipolar disorder and after your tip I'll definately will start keeping track of what drugs I consume if need arises in the future (hopefully not).
Becca07315
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I like the idea of a log i think thats a good idea. So tell me why i have been open and honest with my family about my habit and i feel like instead of supporting me and being there for me they become caniving and tell me how if im in a bad mood no matter what its either because im out of pills or because im on pills and how if i do something to upset them how all of the sudden nothing matters to me but pills and if i make them to mad or dont do what they ask they will stop helping me get them. God my family can be so selfish. I am not no matter what putting theyre grown asses in front of my kids and i do not put pills in front of my kids. Anyhow i go to the dr tomorrow they'll be testing my blood levels to see if i need to do iron infusions again and to make sure all my numbers are staying up. This is my first time going without my husband. he can not travel this soon aftrr surgery though. He doesnt let drs bully me though so i am nervous to go without him. My oldest son is going with me though. Found out the other night that my husband has a mass growing on his thyroid. This shit happens everytime i try to stop the pills. I need to decide by tomorrow how im going to handle shit this month i know 3 pills a day is not going to cut it but i feel guilty for spending money on them and half the time i cant find any anyways. I hate this.
Pokemama how are you? How is life going without the meds? How is your pain?
he can not travel this soon aftrr surgery though. He doesnt let drs bully me though so i am nervous to go without him. My oldest son is going with me though. Found out the other night that my husband has a mass growing on his thyroid. This shit happens everytime i try to stop the pills. I need to decide by tomorrow how im going to handle shit this month i know 3 pills a day is not going to cut it but i feel guilty for spending money on them and half the time i cant find any anyways. I hate this.Pokemama how are you? How is life going without the meds? How is your pain?
kaya_9
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Dude, just no. Your feelings are temporary, and it will pass. Things always have a chance to get better. I've been through major shit in my life too, and I'm definitely glad I stuck it out. Reach out to the ER...please!
kaya_9
Bluelighter
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Jesus Fuck...don't post shit like that then, damn
Have you considered that you might be putting the focus on the wrong thing? I mean, what if you were just to focus on developing your self and loving the people in your life more fully? I mean the thing is about finding someone is that often when you take the 'looking' out of the equation, then BAM somebody new will come into your life.
I am much older than you and have had several successful relationships. They have ended up not being the right time kind of thing, but now after 4 years from my last one, I still do not actively look for a relationship. I trust that when I'm really ready, then someone will enter my life. So although it'd be great to have some great fucking sex, I'm not bothering with the seeking out. That part gets annoying as hell, for sure, but 'letting go' has really led to a satisfied af period in my life. I get to do what I want when I fuckin' want to do it....freedom!
And listen, you're not even 30? Or just turned? Got your whole life ahead of you, Jesus. Fill that hole in yer heart with your own Self...Not gonna say get straight, but you know what is best for you. Sounds like you can communicate just fine...shouldn't be a problem with a woman having all the qualities you listed. Drop the 'looking' and focus on your own shit...Indeed, that IS harder to do than to look for a distraction from it
............then you'll be a whole person that can actually give to a real relationship.
MrRoot
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This is a thread meant for supporting each other. Not your venting thread in which you can delete messages when you feel like you have got help to yourself. You are a self entitled pain in the ass who doesn't care about rest of us in this thread.
Squeaky
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Becca07315- If anyone treats you badly then they don't have a place in your life, even family members. Your husband comes first, then your kids, then try to take care of yourself in the middle of that. Everyone else comes last.
Tapering wofks, but life is hard when your body hurts.
My advice is you should get to where you are not taking anything without a Dr telling you to. Then you can start to be brutally honest with the Dr and your husband about your pain and your withdrawl symptoms. You can't really get help from the medical community if they don't know everythibg, and you'll probably always lie about some part of your situation if you're buying your pills illegally. Keep a journal of every pill you take and note the times when you have bad effects like insomnia or muscle spasms. Talk it over regularly with your husband. There's a chance you two together may figure out something ghe Drs have missed.
Tapering wofks, but life is hard when your body hurts.
My advice is you should get to where you are not taking anything without a Dr telling you to. Then you can start to be brutally honest with the Dr and your husband about your pain and your withdrawl symptoms. You can't really get help from the medical community if they don't know everythibg, and you'll probably always lie about some part of your situation if you're buying your pills illegally. Keep a journal of every pill you take and note the times when you have bad effects like insomnia or muscle spasms. Talk it over regularly with your husband. There's a chance you two together may figure out something ghe Drs have missed.
ShroomySatori
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That is spot on. I find that my body adjusts to whatever dose I am put on by the doctor. Even if it is say 30mg oxy/day - pretty low - eventually my body adjusts to that so I live in minimal pain. I'm just focussing on my journal for now... dosing 6 hours apart. Dose timing is very important for me and I would say anyone who lacks self control. I can't personally give myself a handful of pills and say this is what you have for today, although some people can. I will finish the pills and convince myself easily to take more, so it has to be waiting for noon. Wait for 6pm. That's all that has ever worked for me so far. It gives me discipline, so I usually dose either every 6 hours, or every 12 hours (but I prefer ever 6 these days). Normally 20 to 25 milligrams on one dose and working very slowly down to half of that amount this year is my goal ,and then staying there. You might feel like you are in more pain at first, but eventually after a few weeks you will be in less pain than originally, with your new lower dose (so long as it it too low). I've never reached a point when I could take anything less than 80mg oxy a day and remain fit: being able to cycle for an hour or two in the summer; being able to practicie yoga on a daily basis; without that much oxy life has its limit but of course everyone is different so you also need to figure out natural pain levels which you'll realize in some months.
I know my natural pain level pretty well since before I got on opiates I lived with chronic pain for 2 years without any of them at all. I wish I hadn't as that is when my mental health worsen to extreme - and in the early stages that is also the critical time to deal with your back problems or other pain problems from what I hear - but there was a waiting list. A fucking two year waiting list and I was told to be patient when I was having trouble getting out of bed to urinate, or cooking myself a delicious lunch (I've always been a foodie and a health nut in that way... just had my kefir with sprouted buckwheat, fresh strawberries, gelatinized maca root powder, and a lot of hemp protein powder haha... yummy).
When I was getting off them last year, the pain was not discernible after a while. At first, it felt like I had much less pain and I was hopeful this would last. Turns out I was just distracted by acute withdrawal and all the pain that came with that, and since I was not taking care of myself during that time, when the pain came back it was ferocious. Well it didn't last the pain came back with a vengeance and then subsided to its regular miserable level. It's hard enough for me to remain with an 80mg daily habit at the moment so I'm personally just chilling out getting used to being on a schedule again and taking a planned daily dose.
So if you go through an acute withdrawal taper makes sure to keep healthy as much as you can so that you will get less rebound pain in your pain place. Keeping hydrated is very important. Magnesium helps the muscle and joint pain. Potassium is good to take and vitamin B complex as well. It doesn't have to be from supplements like I just get my potassium from bananas. Although, there are a few herbal supplements I love: valerian is amazing for anxiety and sleep (and synergizes with benzos so you can take less of those if needed), chamomile is actually really good, I love green tea for the energy boost as I get depressed (no more speed haha), coffee too I've grown fond of, maca root powder I've said it before and I'll say i again... for helpings men's testosterone levels stabilizing. You'll probably want a protein powder of some sort because it might be hard to eat and protein is really important at this stage... I normally have protein supplement (like whey protein, or hemp protein... I have both), melatonin to really knock you out hard for sleep (just over the counter), Like really that's just the beginning, there is so much you can look into if you are having trouble with physical symptoms - but hydration is honestly like #1. Gotta stay really hydrated and always pay attention to that. So I like to utilize nutrition sources as a weapon in withdrawal. Oats are really good too, for the constipation (along with green tea, prune juice (I know it sounds odd but trust me... huge find with that one), and Inulin - a prebiotic and soluble fiber) you'll be set to get those regular again in no time.
Squeaky, I also needed to hear that first sentence you wrote. I don't have my own family yet, but they are words of wisdom.
Thing with tapering is it can take a really long time especially once our habits like ours have dragged on forever and like for me being 70% functional isn't good enough... I need to recover fast and the best (but most painful and horrendous) way of doing that I think might be cold turkey. It's not for me though due to the post-acute withdrawal syndrome. I'm trying a very slow taper now... much slower than before. It will prepare me for my benzo one. Just making sure to keep up with my log book! I find it super helpful to keep recordings so that I know how much I've been dosing and for how long, and at what times.
I know my natural pain level pretty well since before I got on opiates I lived with chronic pain for 2 years without any of them at all. I wish I hadn't as that is when my mental health worsen to extreme - and in the early stages that is also the critical time to deal with your back problems or other pain problems from what I hear - but there was a waiting list. A fucking two year waiting list and I was told to be patient when I was having trouble getting out of bed to urinate, or cooking myself a delicious lunch (I've always been a foodie and a health nut in that way... just had my kefir with sprouted buckwheat, fresh strawberries, gelatinized maca root powder, and a lot of hemp protein powder haha... yummy).
When I was getting off them last year, the pain was not discernible after a while. At first, it felt like I had much less pain and I was hopeful this would last. Turns out I was just distracted by acute withdrawal and all the pain that came with that, and since I was not taking care of myself during that time, when the pain came back it was ferocious. Well it didn't last the pain came back with a vengeance and then subsided to its regular miserable level. It's hard enough for me to remain with an 80mg daily habit at the moment so I'm personally just chilling out getting used to being on a schedule again and taking a planned daily dose.
So if you go through an acute withdrawal taper makes sure to keep healthy as much as you can so that you will get less rebound pain in your pain place. Keeping hydrated is very important. Magnesium helps the muscle and joint pain. Potassium is good to take and vitamin B complex as well. It doesn't have to be from supplements like I just get my potassium from bananas. Although, there are a few herbal supplements I love: valerian is amazing for anxiety and sleep (and synergizes with benzos so you can take less of those if needed), chamomile is actually really good, I love green tea for the energy boost as I get depressed (no more speed haha), coffee too I've grown fond of, maca root powder I've said it before and I'll say i again... for helpings men's testosterone levels stabilizing. You'll probably want a protein powder of some sort because it might be hard to eat and protein is really important at this stage... I normally have protein supplement (like whey protein, or hemp protein... I have both), melatonin to really knock you out hard for sleep (just over the counter), Like really that's just the beginning, there is so much you can look into if you are having trouble with physical symptoms - but hydration is honestly like #1. Gotta stay really hydrated and always pay attention to that. So I like to utilize nutrition sources as a weapon in withdrawal. Oats are really good too, for the constipation (along with green tea, prune juice (I know it sounds odd but trust me... huge find with that one), and Inulin - a prebiotic and soluble fiber) you'll be set to get those regular again in no time.
Squeaky, I also needed to hear that first sentence you wrote. I don't have my own family yet, but they are words of wisdom.
Thing with tapering is it can take a really long time especially once our habits like ours have dragged on forever and like for me being 70% functional isn't good enough... I need to recover fast and the best (but most painful and horrendous) way of doing that I think might be cold turkey. It's not for me though due to the post-acute withdrawal syndrome. I'm trying a very slow taper now... much slower than before. It will prepare me for my benzo one. Just making sure to keep up with my log book! I find it super helpful to keep recordings so that I know how much I've been dosing and for how long, and at what times.
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Squeaky
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Great advice Shroomi. Thanks.
I have seen in my own body that the effects of poor nutrition snd dehydration feel the same as withdrawls, so eating right and drinking water(NOT coffee and soda) can help tremendously during a tapering plan. I am currently trying your idea of scheduling my doses and I think it will help. I have 19 days until my next appt with pain mgmt dr. I NEED to get down from 150 mg/ day to 90 so I can be ready to taper further if he pushes me to( currently I am scripted 90mg/day but I have a stash that is almost gone now). Today's plan is 120mg.
I have seen in my own body that the effects of poor nutrition snd dehydration feel the same as withdrawls, so eating right and drinking water(NOT coffee and soda) can help tremendously during a tapering plan. I am currently trying your idea of scheduling my doses and I think it will help. I have 19 days until my next appt with pain mgmt dr. I NEED to get down from 150 mg/ day to 90 so I can be ready to taper further if he pushes me to( currently I am scripted 90mg/day but I have a stash that is almost gone now). Today's plan is 120mg.
Squeaky
Bluelighter
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I just screwing up all over the place. Still on 150 mg oxy/day. I keep setting goals and just saying f it for one more day. I've been doing that for about 60 days now. When I try to stick to a schedule where I would be at 90/day I blow past it and give up since my back hurts so much, then I'm struggling to not go past 150. I feel like I need to reset my brain and start again at 90, but I keep trying and failing.
I'll try again today. So far it's 11am and i've taken 1/2 my oxy for the day. I'll have to last another 8 hours with no oxy to hit my goal.
I hope a weekend will be enough to retrain my brain for the new schedule.
I'll try again today. So far it's 11am and i've taken 1/2 my oxy for the day. I'll have to last another 8 hours with no oxy to hit my goal.
I hope a weekend will be enough to retrain my brain for the new schedule.
Squeaky
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Failed again. It's now 2pm Sunday and I'm at 120 mg oxy so far today. Sucks to be in pain.
I think I could quit cold turkey if the Dr cut me off. I feel like I'm taking so much mainly because I can. I had 20 years of back pain with no pills. The hard part is knowing I have more pills, so why suffer?
I think I could quit cold turkey if the Dr cut me off. I feel like I'm taking so much mainly because I can. I had 20 years of back pain with no pills. The hard part is knowing I have more pills, so why suffer?
ShroomySatori
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Hey dude since nobody is responding I feel for ya bud. This thread seems abandoned these days yet if I respond I will be attacked although I've contributed to every page and the mod guy said great work on this thread to pokemama a few pages back. Yet I'm ruining the thread because I forgot to delete one post.
I am taking similar doses like we started off together on, and it seems that we are taking more not less. Hard part for me is I am fully functional on the opiates. I am even gaining weight and my diet is just getting better and better. Physically, since I'm doing a lot of yoga I don't have testosterone issues from the drugs the same, just a little. Everyone is telling me I look great, which is a common theme while I am using. It is when I stop or taper that people begin to question and my health goes to shit. It stress my body out to the extreme when I run out, and it would be a great shame to bring upon loved ones, that's for sure, so I want to keep it to myself. The only way for me would be a very, very slow and controlled taper with percs using that journal method I mentioned, with no doctor involvement whatsoever since I no longer trust them. It's tough to quit when my body is getting stronger, healthier, my musical ability is drastically improving, my motivation for careers is at its highest, and everyone in my life thinks I'm fine. Why choose to be a bedridden piece of shit that can barely get up to grab a glass of whatever, freezing cold in the nice warm summer weather. Lose all the muscle mass and physical strength I've been gaining... so for me it will be ultra slow. I am still getting over the stimulants but haven't touched them as stuff like coke just isn't addictive the same, but I've been sleeping and napping way too much.
I've also been rebuilding self confidence as I haven't been in so much back pain for it to be debilitating and life ruining. I've even been sending out job applications which I haven't done in SO long because of the pain. I've been meeting women which is also really important to me at my age and being lonely (I don't mean to repeat myself it's just really the root cause why everything went wrong).
It's tough man it seems that you need to make the commitment or choose to keep using them. In any case, just make sure you are not beating yourself up about it constantly dude. You can still accomplish a lot while on pills right? It's not like you are a nodding zombie man, if you are using for energy and pain relief of course it's hard to stop. Maybe you should choose a dose that you know for sure you can manage for the day. Even if it's high as fuck, like just to get going and stick to it. Then very slowly move down.
You're not failing or screwing up dude. You are setting goals for yourself that are super tough to meet. I'd accept where you are now and what makes you comfortable and try not to force it, but keep records and very slowly reduce. That way you'll still be satisfied but so long as you are keeping track, you'll eventually be at much lower doses. So if 90mg is giving you way too much pain right now, then try going from like 150mg one day to 145 the next even? Then 140 the day after that? The main thing is having commitment for it and very slowly move down keeping that thought in mind. I am struggling with it too but I hate to see you beat yourself up over it when the withdrawal symptoms at this point are horrific for us and I think we both have mental health stuff as well.
I think that cold turkey for you would be extremely stressful, as for me. It normally doesn't work out and people have to taper. If it really starts getting out of control you could try like subs maybe but there is plenty of hope for you at those doses man. Good luck dude the main thing I see here is a lot of stress. Just remember the opiates themselves are not very unhealthy but it's the stress of withdrawal that hurts us, so try to take it easy man. I'd accept the higher doses and go slower if you can and if things are not working out. What if you went cold turkey, couldn't get your meds back, and found out your pain was way too challenging to manage without the oxy. That's a big commitment man and also a huge one to make when you are really stressed. I get it though of course I do, I've been there you know I have. I'm just keeping myself stable while I get my shit together because my life is such a damn mess I can't handle any sort of reduction right now mental-health wise. In the future with a career, etc. I'll be able to handle it much better. So keep relaxed dude and try to move a little slower if things are not working out with those massive dose reductions. Remember that's basically what I did last year dude and I freaked. Spooked me away from ever trying anything like that ever again, and I didn't even leave my basement for several months! I have never been in so much pain, at the end of the day I ended up freaking out and my panic disorder was just becoming fucking unbearable, I could take 20mg xanax and not even feel it touch the anxiety so be careful with how fast you drop the dose man. I went from 150 or so to 60 over like a solid month and still freaked the fuck out. When it's high dose long term use like this, it needs to be slow taper long term getting off it for most people.
Just take it easy man if you take enough to be chill for the day don't beat yourself up for that! Try and be realistic man we are addicted to the most addictive thing and clearly have problems on top of it. Now, I personally don't just have one problem. I have several problems, and like you mentioned to me a few times I try to work on them one by one. When I hurt my spine, it led to a lot of other problems. Opiate addiction being one of them. Also, major relationship issues because the relationship was so stressed by my pain. Anxiety, because I didn't know if the doctors were going to be able to help, if the pain was going to get better or worse. Depression, since I lost the ability to play a lot of sports, and do a lot of activities that I used to be able to do. You have someone like that person above who says I know what's wrong with you, seek counselling but that is a complete joke. I am an individual with a lot of problems that are connected together and which mostly started off with a random, but extreme back injury.
You are the same man perhaps you lived with pain for 20 years but that's a long time. Maybe you can't take it anymore. I lived with mine for 2 years and that was MORE than enough. So try and take it easy on yourself because these are serious health problems and like I just mentioned to you, that is a small little picture into the world of what's wrong with me. There is so much wrong with me it is ridiculous and you can't just slap a label on it and see a councillor. The same applies to you man like there's more going on here than opiate addiction and I am not going to say stay on the meds of course but I mean at some point you gotta be realistic. This existence is temporary and if you are functional on the meds but spend all your time suffering off them, I mean, you gotta come to some sort of conclusion man instead of going back and forth in a perpetual cycle. And I do the exact same shit myself bro that's why I have some idea of what's going on. But I don't know you personally so all I can say is you definitely have a lot going on right now and the pain is stressing you out like crazy. So just try and take it easy man, if it takes you a few years to quit then so be it. And you may not want to quit but get down to a more reasonable dose if you have pain like that. Mine is extreme and there is no way I could live without opiates for now but I am trying to control them better and at least take note of my use. So it's good you are keeping track of it.
Anyways man I just hate to see you bashing yourself over what amounts to setting really difficult goals that are fucking tough to meet and even if you meet them, you are stressing yourself out too much and setting yourself up for a horrible post-acute syndrome which will break you, as well as stress so bad that you'll end up relapsing so I would say knowing you a little bit, and knowing me a lot, and knowing we use the same drugs at around the same doses... to just try and relax and chill out a bit man. Not saying don't give up or ANYTHING like that or that it's good to be using high doses of opiates. I'm just saying take a step back, relax, look at the big picture, re-evaluate. If something isn't working, then try something different. Don't make rash decisions if you are extremely stressed or if you are like me and get hysteric at times... save those for when you're more stabilized.
That's the best I could do and that's just me so I can really only try to help, and wish you well.
I am taking similar doses like we started off together on, and it seems that we are taking more not less. Hard part for me is I am fully functional on the opiates. I am even gaining weight and my diet is just getting better and better. Physically, since I'm doing a lot of yoga I don't have testosterone issues from the drugs the same, just a little. Everyone is telling me I look great, which is a common theme while I am using. It is when I stop or taper that people begin to question and my health goes to shit. It stress my body out to the extreme when I run out, and it would be a great shame to bring upon loved ones, that's for sure, so I want to keep it to myself. The only way for me would be a very, very slow and controlled taper with percs using that journal method I mentioned, with no doctor involvement whatsoever since I no longer trust them. It's tough to quit when my body is getting stronger, healthier, my musical ability is drastically improving, my motivation for careers is at its highest, and everyone in my life thinks I'm fine. Why choose to be a bedridden piece of shit that can barely get up to grab a glass of whatever, freezing cold in the nice warm summer weather. Lose all the muscle mass and physical strength I've been gaining... so for me it will be ultra slow. I am still getting over the stimulants but haven't touched them as stuff like coke just isn't addictive the same, but I've been sleeping and napping way too much.
I've also been rebuilding self confidence as I haven't been in so much back pain for it to be debilitating and life ruining. I've even been sending out job applications which I haven't done in SO long because of the pain. I've been meeting women which is also really important to me at my age and being lonely (I don't mean to repeat myself it's just really the root cause why everything went wrong).
It's tough man it seems that you need to make the commitment or choose to keep using them. In any case, just make sure you are not beating yourself up about it constantly dude. You can still accomplish a lot while on pills right? It's not like you are a nodding zombie man, if you are using for energy and pain relief of course it's hard to stop. Maybe you should choose a dose that you know for sure you can manage for the day. Even if it's high as fuck, like just to get going and stick to it. Then very slowly move down.
You're not failing or screwing up dude. You are setting goals for yourself that are super tough to meet. I'd accept where you are now and what makes you comfortable and try not to force it, but keep records and very slowly reduce. That way you'll still be satisfied but so long as you are keeping track, you'll eventually be at much lower doses. So if 90mg is giving you way too much pain right now, then try going from like 150mg one day to 145 the next even? Then 140 the day after that? The main thing is having commitment for it and very slowly move down keeping that thought in mind. I am struggling with it too but I hate to see you beat yourself up over it when the withdrawal symptoms at this point are horrific for us and I think we both have mental health stuff as well.
I think that cold turkey for you would be extremely stressful, as for me. It normally doesn't work out and people have to taper. If it really starts getting out of control you could try like subs maybe but there is plenty of hope for you at those doses man. Good luck dude the main thing I see here is a lot of stress. Just remember the opiates themselves are not very unhealthy but it's the stress of withdrawal that hurts us, so try to take it easy man. I'd accept the higher doses and go slower if you can and if things are not working out. What if you went cold turkey, couldn't get your meds back, and found out your pain was way too challenging to manage without the oxy. That's a big commitment man and also a huge one to make when you are really stressed. I get it though of course I do, I've been there you know I have. I'm just keeping myself stable while I get my shit together because my life is such a damn mess I can't handle any sort of reduction right now mental-health wise. In the future with a career, etc. I'll be able to handle it much better. So keep relaxed dude and try to move a little slower if things are not working out with those massive dose reductions. Remember that's basically what I did last year dude and I freaked. Spooked me away from ever trying anything like that ever again, and I didn't even leave my basement for several months! I have never been in so much pain, at the end of the day I ended up freaking out and my panic disorder was just becoming fucking unbearable, I could take 20mg xanax and not even feel it touch the anxiety so be careful with how fast you drop the dose man. I went from 150 or so to 60 over like a solid month and still freaked the fuck out. When it's high dose long term use like this, it needs to be slow taper long term getting off it for most people.
Just take it easy man if you take enough to be chill for the day don't beat yourself up for that! Try and be realistic man we are addicted to the most addictive thing and clearly have problems on top of it. Now, I personally don't just have one problem. I have several problems, and like you mentioned to me a few times I try to work on them one by one. When I hurt my spine, it led to a lot of other problems. Opiate addiction being one of them. Also, major relationship issues because the relationship was so stressed by my pain. Anxiety, because I didn't know if the doctors were going to be able to help, if the pain was going to get better or worse. Depression, since I lost the ability to play a lot of sports, and do a lot of activities that I used to be able to do. You have someone like that person above who says I know what's wrong with you, seek counselling but that is a complete joke. I am an individual with a lot of problems that are connected together and which mostly started off with a random, but extreme back injury.
You are the same man perhaps you lived with pain for 20 years but that's a long time. Maybe you can't take it anymore. I lived with mine for 2 years and that was MORE than enough. So try and take it easy on yourself because these are serious health problems and like I just mentioned to you, that is a small little picture into the world of what's wrong with me. There is so much wrong with me it is ridiculous and you can't just slap a label on it and see a councillor. The same applies to you man like there's more going on here than opiate addiction and I am not going to say stay on the meds of course but I mean at some point you gotta be realistic. This existence is temporary and if you are functional on the meds but spend all your time suffering off them, I mean, you gotta come to some sort of conclusion man instead of going back and forth in a perpetual cycle. And I do the exact same shit myself bro that's why I have some idea of what's going on. But I don't know you personally so all I can say is you definitely have a lot going on right now and the pain is stressing you out like crazy. So just try and take it easy man, if it takes you a few years to quit then so be it. And you may not want to quit but get down to a more reasonable dose if you have pain like that. Mine is extreme and there is no way I could live without opiates for now but I am trying to control them better and at least take note of my use. So it's good you are keeping track of it.
Anyways man I just hate to see you bashing yourself over what amounts to setting really difficult goals that are fucking tough to meet and even if you meet them, you are stressing yourself out too much and setting yourself up for a horrible post-acute syndrome which will break you, as well as stress so bad that you'll end up relapsing so I would say knowing you a little bit, and knowing me a lot, and knowing we use the same drugs at around the same doses... to just try and relax and chill out a bit man. Not saying don't give up or ANYTHING like that or that it's good to be using high doses of opiates. I'm just saying take a step back, relax, look at the big picture, re-evaluate. If something isn't working, then try something different. Don't make rash decisions if you are extremely stressed or if you are like me and get hysteric at times... save those for when you're more stabilized.
That's the best I could do and that's just me so I can really only try to help, and wish you well.
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ShroomySatori
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- Aug 24, 2015
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While I'm here I suppose I'll add an update for myself. I cut out the coke and meth over a week ago now without much difficulty. I used either one of them most every day of the winter but I seem to have snapped out of my bottomless pit of despair. I had to cancel a trip to see friends and a concert, though. I keep falling asleep at random times of the day, and I'm generally pretty slow. Also, I've been eating a ton of food but man I've been doing yoga too to make some gains in my strength and I actually look really good, and with my vegetarian diet I honestly don't think I'd ever go back. I think these are "withdrawal" symptoms from the stims which are more like just being physically really tired. I have no cravings at all for them and never will so long as I don't hit a hardcore opiate wd. So I'm feeling great but still using opiates. The back pain is extreme when I try to cut back, as it usually is, and my tolerance is high. I plan on cutting back once I have reached one of my unrelated goals, and also once I've distanced myself from the stims. The stimulant use was unnecessary and had to go. There is no real benefit to using those although they did help me focus and speed took away the back pain a lot and also lower the amount of opiates I was using. It was getting to be dangerous drug combos at times even though my stimulant doses were very very low (I used a gram of very good coke over the whole winter, and a handful of speed pills cut into quarters... but my tolerance to that is low, as they were new to me and obviously none of it is good for you) so I just stopped and I'm back to the usual benzo + opiate. I've been working on improving my self esteem, as well as getting a part-time job to ease my way back into the work force and so that I can have enough money for pills to either keep my dose stable with or very very slowly taper.
Squeaky
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You hit it right on Shroomi. I am hyper-functional on oxy. Not sleepy or beligerant.
When I used to drink, everyone who knew me would make sure that there was always enough booze for me in the house because I was absolutely SuperMan when I was drunk - great father and husband too. My wife and kids would make sure there was a coctail waiting for me when I got hone from work and I drank about a liter every night.
I'm in the same boat now with the pills. I guess my real problem right now is I'm Rx'd 90 mg/day and I'm using 150+. My stash is almost gone and then I'll be screwed. I don't want to upset the Dr or try to go cold turkey for fear he'll cut me off. That happened a year ago when I went cold turkey from 60mg/day.
Thanks for posting here too. I have just been updating my situation occasionally for those who read and might be helped by following our story if we ever get out of this mess.
When I used to drink, everyone who knew me would make sure that there was always enough booze for me in the house because I was absolutely SuperMan when I was drunk - great father and husband too. My wife and kids would make sure there was a coctail waiting for me when I got hone from work and I drank about a liter every night.
I'm in the same boat now with the pills. I guess my real problem right now is I'm Rx'd 90 mg/day and I'm using 150+. My stash is almost gone and then I'll be screwed. I don't want to upset the Dr or try to go cold turkey for fear he'll cut me off. That happened a year ago when I went cold turkey from 60mg/day.
Thanks for posting here too. I have just been updating my situation occasionally for those who read and might be helped by following our story if we ever get out of this mess.
ShroomySatori
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If we had a constant supply, there would be essentially no problem.
But, that's pretty much impossible. Running out really sucks. My stash is almost gone, and then I'll be screwed as well. I am very much functional right now my friend, because I have my opiates. I am not held back by chronic pain, and I pretty much feel exactly like I felt before I fucked up my back. I do not feel high. I do not nod and this differentiates us from a lot of opiate abusers bro. My buddy with chronic pain who shoots dilaudid never stops talking about this unreal rush he gets for like 2 minutes and I'm like what the fuck even is that. I don't rush. I don't nod. If I use morphine in high doses, my regular daydreams can seem a little more vivid but never once have I been drooling in my seat, never once in 5 years have I come close to an OD. Recently, I've been getting really tired and it was seeming that way to me at times, since I was passing out in my office chair a lot, but really it has to do with quitting the stimulants and being fucking exhausted at times. I am doing great with that though and essentially have recovered. A lot of people are shooting up to become zombies man and that doesn't look appealing to me. I'm looking to be a functional human being who doesn't appear high or in pain to anyone and who feels normal inside, like a normal human being and I do when I'm "high" - I personally get more "fucked up" or "wasted" smoking a joint than I do using heroin or oxy, or dilaudid. It's awesome not being in pain but soon enough I'll run out of the extras, and that is why I write here.
So, I'm thinking of beginning to be proactive man and cut back while I still have my stash because otherwise I'll feel like a dumbass later on. Really there is no problem when we are on these drugs and also opiates are way, way better for your body than booze for you man so there's that. We are not hurting our bodies, in fact I seem vibrant and healthy to those in my life. I'm even building muscle again man and my general weight is a lot lighter but I look shredded like before and it's a nice feeling. Because I use. When I don't have opiates I become a poly drug abuser too and it's really stupid. I'll use anything under the sun just to try and feel better plus I'm not even interested in drugs or getting high. I'm not really interested in shrooms or acid trips anymore in fact I hate drugs to be honest. I'm just at the point where I require some medications to function. You can live your whole life on them with little to no organ damage. The question I ask myself is whether or not it is worth the suffering to be "noble" and "clean" when this physical manifestation of the cosmos is illusionary and transitory anyway. It's not like I have a body to take care of that is never going to die. I don't know man you just gotta make a choice and figure out how to get there.
So, for me anyways, it's time to cut back a little bit. I'm doing great, and I don't want to ruin it by blowing through my stash. My goal is to get back in the work force because again, on a certain dose of opiates I'm able to function and be a hard worker. This dose is higher than the dose that I'm prescribed. It is tripe the dose I am prescribed. I wish my doctor would understand and maybe they do but their hands are tied due to the so-caleld "crisis" on our hands.
In my opinion, a lot of people here do not understand the extent of the excruciating physical agony we are in 24/7 and what led us to this. Because there are so many people who end up addicted for the high who don't have extreme pain. I'm not justifying it, I'm just saying I have my reasons. It's just, that is why I had to leave the sober living section. A lot of people there think that everyone in the world is better off "clean" and it's simply not true. I also despise the word "clean" because it implies that I am somehow dirty while I am a spiritual man, a vegetarian with a very clean diet, and far healthier good looks than most men my age, and a yogi / someone who practices meditation. I am someone who gives off a really pleasant vibe to a to of people and I'm told this, that I have a nice aura about me. The problems all come, when I experience excruciating pain in my spine chronically. I can't handle it. These meds are here for a reason man and don't forget that. Just remember they can cause more pain than you were originally in if you over-use them. Also, remember that just because you take more than prescribed doesn't necessarily mean you are taking more than you need for your pain. How would your doctor know. Half the time they don't even take the time to get to know the patient as a person. It's a subjective experience of pain that only the patient can know and considering how sought after these drugs are, I mean society cares more about keeping them away from addicts than treating people like us and I'd like to stand up for this cause but it wouldn't be like standing up for cannabis, a mainly recreational drug that is, you know, people just get high with it most of the time and don't really need it. I need this shit to fuckin walk man and it's always been that way since I had my injury. I have to self medicate for the most part and it just sucks. I am pretty lost and I don't know what I'm going to do myself but once I'm back in the workforce, I'll be able to afford my habit... but why the absolute fuck should a dollar of my money go to treating back pain anyone dude? It's total bullshit. I know for a fact that I simply can't hold a job of any kind unless I'm on high doses of opiates and it's not because I'm physically dependent although of course I am. It's because before I became physically dependent, I was so fucked up that getting up to urinate was a struggle. I was skin and bones, I couldn't take care of myself, I couldn't even leave my place. It was hell.
So I'm personally focussing on improving my life in over ways man. This is all just my opinion as well. I think it's great to keep a low tolerance if you need the meds. But, lowering your tolerance comfortably can take a really long time, as in years! All I know is I'm not doing this to get high man like a lot of people do. And it makes us look like pieces of shit. I don't even really like drugs to be honest... I don't even smoke hash anymore because I hate that stupid feeling of being high. I'm just done with them, I want to be sober but I can't be sober without meds. It doesn't work. I need certain meds to function and have a normal, happy life. This whole "getting clean" nonsense pisses me off bro it's like it implies that I'm dirty when with all things considered, I mean my hygiene is perfect (was just at the dentist, A+), my diet superb, all raw and natural foods and vegetarian, I radiate youth and vitality and I know it... but because I need to boost my natural pain system with opiates I'm considered scummy and dirty. I don't even use needles it's just stupid in my opinion. I mean it's great if you can get by without the drugs, but I personally can't and I'm fine with it. Tolerance blows though. Gotta keep it low.
So however you choose to deal with it, I wish you well man. Now I have to get back to these job applications! I cannot wait until I'm back in the workforce man, I'm going to ease my way in slowly but surely and I'll be a lot happier and more stable then. I really can't wait, it's exciting, and then I can meet cute women too : ) see what I mean? Like I'm just a normal guy with the drugs. I don't even drink alcohol or smoke pot anymore, and I seriously wish I didn't have to take this shit. If I didn't have a panic disorder that was out of control and pain that was destroying my life, would I be using this shit? Fuck no. No way in hell!
But, that's pretty much impossible. Running out really sucks. My stash is almost gone, and then I'll be screwed as well. I am very much functional right now my friend, because I have my opiates. I am not held back by chronic pain, and I pretty much feel exactly like I felt before I fucked up my back. I do not feel high. I do not nod and this differentiates us from a lot of opiate abusers bro. My buddy with chronic pain who shoots dilaudid never stops talking about this unreal rush he gets for like 2 minutes and I'm like what the fuck even is that. I don't rush. I don't nod. If I use morphine in high doses, my regular daydreams can seem a little more vivid but never once have I been drooling in my seat, never once in 5 years have I come close to an OD. Recently, I've been getting really tired and it was seeming that way to me at times, since I was passing out in my office chair a lot, but really it has to do with quitting the stimulants and being fucking exhausted at times. I am doing great with that though and essentially have recovered. A lot of people are shooting up to become zombies man and that doesn't look appealing to me. I'm looking to be a functional human being who doesn't appear high or in pain to anyone and who feels normal inside, like a normal human being and I do when I'm "high" - I personally get more "fucked up" or "wasted" smoking a joint than I do using heroin or oxy, or dilaudid. It's awesome not being in pain but soon enough I'll run out of the extras, and that is why I write here.
So, I'm thinking of beginning to be proactive man and cut back while I still have my stash because otherwise I'll feel like a dumbass later on. Really there is no problem when we are on these drugs and also opiates are way, way better for your body than booze for you man so there's that. We are not hurting our bodies, in fact I seem vibrant and healthy to those in my life. I'm even building muscle again man and my general weight is a lot lighter but I look shredded like before and it's a nice feeling. Because I use. When I don't have opiates I become a poly drug abuser too and it's really stupid. I'll use anything under the sun just to try and feel better plus I'm not even interested in drugs or getting high. I'm not really interested in shrooms or acid trips anymore in fact I hate drugs to be honest. I'm just at the point where I require some medications to function. You can live your whole life on them with little to no organ damage. The question I ask myself is whether or not it is worth the suffering to be "noble" and "clean" when this physical manifestation of the cosmos is illusionary and transitory anyway. It's not like I have a body to take care of that is never going to die. I don't know man you just gotta make a choice and figure out how to get there.
So, for me anyways, it's time to cut back a little bit. I'm doing great, and I don't want to ruin it by blowing through my stash. My goal is to get back in the work force because again, on a certain dose of opiates I'm able to function and be a hard worker. This dose is higher than the dose that I'm prescribed. It is tripe the dose I am prescribed. I wish my doctor would understand and maybe they do but their hands are tied due to the so-caleld "crisis" on our hands.
In my opinion, a lot of people here do not understand the extent of the excruciating physical agony we are in 24/7 and what led us to this. Because there are so many people who end up addicted for the high who don't have extreme pain. I'm not justifying it, I'm just saying I have my reasons. It's just, that is why I had to leave the sober living section. A lot of people there think that everyone in the world is better off "clean" and it's simply not true. I also despise the word "clean" because it implies that I am somehow dirty while I am a spiritual man, a vegetarian with a very clean diet, and far healthier good looks than most men my age, and a yogi / someone who practices meditation. I am someone who gives off a really pleasant vibe to a to of people and I'm told this, that I have a nice aura about me. The problems all come, when I experience excruciating pain in my spine chronically. I can't handle it. These meds are here for a reason man and don't forget that. Just remember they can cause more pain than you were originally in if you over-use them. Also, remember that just because you take more than prescribed doesn't necessarily mean you are taking more than you need for your pain. How would your doctor know. Half the time they don't even take the time to get to know the patient as a person. It's a subjective experience of pain that only the patient can know and considering how sought after these drugs are, I mean society cares more about keeping them away from addicts than treating people like us and I'd like to stand up for this cause but it wouldn't be like standing up for cannabis, a mainly recreational drug that is, you know, people just get high with it most of the time and don't really need it. I need this shit to fuckin walk man and it's always been that way since I had my injury. I have to self medicate for the most part and it just sucks. I am pretty lost and I don't know what I'm going to do myself but once I'm back in the workforce, I'll be able to afford my habit... but why the absolute fuck should a dollar of my money go to treating back pain anyone dude? It's total bullshit. I know for a fact that I simply can't hold a job of any kind unless I'm on high doses of opiates and it's not because I'm physically dependent although of course I am. It's because before I became physically dependent, I was so fucked up that getting up to urinate was a struggle. I was skin and bones, I couldn't take care of myself, I couldn't even leave my place. It was hell.
So I'm personally focussing on improving my life in over ways man. This is all just my opinion as well. I think it's great to keep a low tolerance if you need the meds. But, lowering your tolerance comfortably can take a really long time, as in years! All I know is I'm not doing this to get high man like a lot of people do. And it makes us look like pieces of shit. I don't even really like drugs to be honest... I don't even smoke hash anymore because I hate that stupid feeling of being high. I'm just done with them, I want to be sober but I can't be sober without meds. It doesn't work. I need certain meds to function and have a normal, happy life. This whole "getting clean" nonsense pisses me off bro it's like it implies that I'm dirty when with all things considered, I mean my hygiene is perfect (was just at the dentist, A+), my diet superb, all raw and natural foods and vegetarian, I radiate youth and vitality and I know it... but because I need to boost my natural pain system with opiates I'm considered scummy and dirty. I don't even use needles it's just stupid in my opinion. I mean it's great if you can get by without the drugs, but I personally can't and I'm fine with it. Tolerance blows though. Gotta keep it low.
So however you choose to deal with it, I wish you well man. Now I have to get back to these job applications! I cannot wait until I'm back in the workforce man, I'm going to ease my way in slowly but surely and I'll be a lot happier and more stable then. I really can't wait, it's exciting, and then I can meet cute women too : ) see what I mean? Like I'm just a normal guy with the drugs. I don't even drink alcohol or smoke pot anymore, and I seriously wish I didn't have to take this shit. If I didn't have a panic disorder that was out of control and pain that was destroying my life, would I be using this shit? Fuck no. No way in hell!
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Diandra
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Feb 12, 2017
- Messages
- 14
To
Squeaky and everyone else who has contributed. As you said, you posted for those who may be helped. I have been helped immensely from your story. I have been beating myself
up too because I keep sliding back on my pain meds to try and accommodate just trying to live. I am retired for medical reasons and just try my best to slog through every day of just doing the absolute basics of living...showering, cooking, food shopping, laundry. Had to hire someone to clean because I just cant keep up with it.
I was scripted pain meds for over 10 years and had just stopped(Norco, Oxycodone), was off for like 3 weeks and got by using Soma, am still on Lyrica, Mobic, Lorazepam, Medical MJ and Ambien. I was still having withdrawal(anxiety, shaking, NO energy, spacey and high pain). I was taking SO much of the other drugs I thought, well, this cant be good for me either. So, I took only half a Norco and it eased the WD a bit. Have gone back to just half a Norco twice a day. I dont know, maybe just prolonging the WD misery but when I need to do necessary things and cant due to pain, I have to take pain meds. Kinda feel like I may never get off. My pain doc gave me suboxone but vomitted. May restart that at lower dose after some minor surgery next week.
Anyway, you are trying and doing your best and that is all anyone can ask. Thanks for the input, everyone. This is a good thread.
D.
Squeaky and everyone else who has contributed. As you said, you posted for those who may be helped. I have been helped immensely from your story. I have been beating myself
up too because I keep sliding back on my pain meds to try and accommodate just trying to live. I am retired for medical reasons and just try my best to slog through every day of just doing the absolute basics of living...showering, cooking, food shopping, laundry. Had to hire someone to clean because I just cant keep up with it.
I was scripted pain meds for over 10 years and had just stopped(Norco, Oxycodone), was off for like 3 weeks and got by using Soma, am still on Lyrica, Mobic, Lorazepam, Medical MJ and Ambien. I was still having withdrawal(anxiety, shaking, NO energy, spacey and high pain). I was taking SO much of the other drugs I thought, well, this cant be good for me either. So, I took only half a Norco and it eased the WD a bit. Have gone back to just half a Norco twice a day. I dont know, maybe just prolonging the WD misery but when I need to do necessary things and cant due to pain, I have to take pain meds. Kinda feel like I may never get off. My pain doc gave me suboxone but vomitted. May restart that at lower dose after some minor surgery next week.
Anyway, you are trying and doing your best and that is all anyone can ask. Thanks for the input, everyone. This is a good thread.
D.
ShroomySatori
Bluelighter
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- Aug 24, 2015
- Messages
- 2,935
^Sorry you are struggling with basic physical tasks, I can definitely relate to that. Me and squeaky used to be bodybuilders to so it just SUCKS for us. We were both over 200 lbs I think... I was 215.. My ex-girlfriend thought I needed a full time nurse. I thought that was very rude to tell me when something like that is just NOT TRUE AT ALL.
Squeaky, I've been making great gains lately. All I do is yoga (at home, since I've been to so many classes in the past). I'll hold like 10 minute downward dogs and stuff like that, I do a ton of different asanas. So it's tough for me to stop the opiates because then I can't work out anymore and I get skinny and stiff instead of built and flexible. I'm working on core strength to see if it can help my back down the road. So I've gained 20 lbs in the past little while and it's just great. Makes it hard to quit though.
I've always really wanted to try Soma but we don't have it up here. On my top 3 list of drugs to try for sure (along with oxymorphone and... some sorta benzo, not sure which one).
I personally will never touch suboxone or methadone, but that's a personal choice. I no longer trust doctors, but I totally understand why people benefit from those. I just wouldn't risk trying any more drugs than I've already tried, with my personality.
Yeah yeah yeah^^^ The best you can is good enough, like the Radiohead song says! (optimistic) ... optimism is so important when you have something like this, it really is.
Squeaky, I've been making great gains lately. All I do is yoga (at home, since I've been to so many classes in the past). I'll hold like 10 minute downward dogs and stuff like that, I do a ton of different asanas. So it's tough for me to stop the opiates because then I can't work out anymore and I get skinny and stiff instead of built and flexible. I'm working on core strength to see if it can help my back down the road. So I've gained 20 lbs in the past little while and it's just great. Makes it hard to quit though.
I've always really wanted to try Soma but we don't have it up here. On my top 3 list of drugs to try for sure (along with oxymorphone and... some sorta benzo, not sure which one).
I personally will never touch suboxone or methadone, but that's a personal choice. I no longer trust doctors, but I totally understand why people benefit from those. I just wouldn't risk trying any more drugs than I've already tried, with my personality.
Yeah yeah yeah^^^ The best you can is good enough, like the Radiohead song says! (optimistic) ... optimism is so important when you have something like this, it really is.
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P0kemama
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Apr 4, 2015
- Messages
- 874
Hi Shroomy and Squeaky... I have had a chance to just skim your recent posts, and I am not giving advice, but sharing my insights and experience. I now realize I could not taper successfully because I am an addict. Which is why I was like a dog chasing its tail... and why I have been much more successful going cold turkey. I have 7 weeks clean now, and today woke up rested and happy! Last week, my back hurt badly... I started weeding my back yard, and instead of easing into it, spent hours each day on weeding and other yard work. I was so achy and sore! I used Tylenol, heating pad and ice, and the best thing i found: Eucalyptus scented Epsom salts, dissolved in a hot bath, and soaked for a long time. I was able to sleep and woke up with minimal pain. I also walk everyday, and continue to work with my physical therapist.
There are other solutions to pain... however, they require more work than taking a pill, and are not as instant as a pill is... but for me, my life out of the imprisonment of my addiction is so worth the work of alternative solutions to pain. I do not have cravings, either, as I am so done with those pills. I send you both positive thoughts!
There are other solutions to pain... however, they require more work than taking a pill, and are not as instant as a pill is... but for me, my life out of the imprisonment of my addiction is so worth the work of alternative solutions to pain. I do not have cravings, either, as I am so done with those pills. I send you both positive thoughts!
ShroomySatori
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- Aug 24, 2015
- Messages
- 2,935
For the moment, all of my energy is going into things other than tapering. Tapering is the only method that would work for me, but it would have to be a slower taper. Cold turkey would result in a PAWS syndrome that would be unbearable to me. Even last year, with my pretty quick dose cuts, the post-acute syndrome months in was way too much for my mental health. If it was a very slow taper, then I probably wouldn't get such extreme paws (my anxiety was so bad I could take 20mg xanax and not even feel it... that much would knock me out or OD me these days).
My life is non-stop effort in these areas: my career, finding part-time work (which I'm doing well at), yoga (I practice several hours a day, and I focus on core strength these days. I've gained 20 pounds since I started yoga and it's most all muscle), learning a second language, working on creative outlets mainly guitar and writing music, pay off stuff so my finances are much improved, and working on improving my relationships with friends, family, and more intimate ones. A friend visited the other day and we both agreed without question that women are more complicated and harder to understand than the quantum mechanics and general relativity we had been studying in school (lol). I'm working so hard at many other areas of life right now. Once my life has improved in all these other ways, lowering my stress levels immensely then I can try again to slowly lower my dose since there will be so much less natural stress in my life, and I will have less reason to use if my core strength from all this intensive yoga helps release the tension and agony from my spine. Plus, my vegetarian diet is cutting weight from areas I don't want it and adding weight to areas where I do and I'm physically very well rounded. I think it's going to help with my pain and I eat a lot of foods with anti-inflammatory properties (mainly, a hell of a lot of turmeric and also pineapple).
I think this is a good plan for me, and my summer should be really enjoyable. I'm just making sure not to increase my dose so it doesn't get any worse than it already is. I used to be really really depressed drugs or no drugs but I have been working on confidence building and it has helped so much. Now, I don't waste time so much. I mean, everyone needs a break but I'm working my ass off and I wasn't really doing anything last year, with or without the drugs. I have goals in mind which I stick to on a regular, frequent basis because otherwise nothing is going to happen. So far, I am seeing some great results, my mood is really optimistic too and it's not the drugs (well, without pain relief, I am nothing but suffering and hell, and I have enough pain relief these days to not be too too bothered by it). It's my confidence and optimism and distancing myself from that negative past romantic relationship which went sour has really helped my self esteem.
Hope you are doing well too Squeaky.
My life is non-stop effort in these areas: my career, finding part-time work (which I'm doing well at), yoga (I practice several hours a day, and I focus on core strength these days. I've gained 20 pounds since I started yoga and it's most all muscle), learning a second language, working on creative outlets mainly guitar and writing music, pay off stuff so my finances are much improved, and working on improving my relationships with friends, family, and more intimate ones. A friend visited the other day and we both agreed without question that women are more complicated and harder to understand than the quantum mechanics and general relativity we had been studying in school (lol). I'm working so hard at many other areas of life right now. Once my life has improved in all these other ways, lowering my stress levels immensely then I can try again to slowly lower my dose since there will be so much less natural stress in my life, and I will have less reason to use if my core strength from all this intensive yoga helps release the tension and agony from my spine. Plus, my vegetarian diet is cutting weight from areas I don't want it and adding weight to areas where I do and I'm physically very well rounded. I think it's going to help with my pain and I eat a lot of foods with anti-inflammatory properties (mainly, a hell of a lot of turmeric and also pineapple).
I think this is a good plan for me, and my summer should be really enjoyable. I'm just making sure not to increase my dose so it doesn't get any worse than it already is. I used to be really really depressed drugs or no drugs but I have been working on confidence building and it has helped so much. Now, I don't waste time so much. I mean, everyone needs a break but I'm working my ass off and I wasn't really doing anything last year, with or without the drugs. I have goals in mind which I stick to on a regular, frequent basis because otherwise nothing is going to happen. So far, I am seeing some great results, my mood is really optimistic too and it's not the drugs (well, without pain relief, I am nothing but suffering and hell, and I have enough pain relief these days to not be too too bothered by it). It's my confidence and optimism and distancing myself from that negative past romantic relationship which went sour has really helped my self esteem.
Hope you are doing well too Squeaky.
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