Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

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Maybe the only thing that can take away the worry of not having any in the future, is not to have any now.

 

[Squeaky]

Thanks, I'm still not saying never, just not right now. My bupe and kratom use are reducing too without any particular effort on my part except it's being driven by mild nausea, consumption of anything isn't appealing. Even the weed I'm vaping to alleviate the nausea is making me feel sick
Too much irony in it all.

I have experienced this several times in my life:

I just found something that helps. A while later I’m convinced it’s keeping me alive. A while after that I can see that I’m using it just to feel normal. A bit later it starts to feel like my life might be better without it. Eventually it starts to ruin my life with problems like nausea. Ultimately I have to walk away from it (usually because I just discovered the next thing that will save me).

The distance between each of those steps is usually months to years, and thousands of dollars. Luckily I have never lost a marriage or a job because of whatever it is. But I have done it with foods, alcohol, pills, etc.

20 years ago I never would have believed that any of this could happen to me. At least now the pattern is more obvious. I figure that I might at least use this knowledge to help the next generation.

 

[Squeaky]

For the record.... I’m never going to say never either. But maybe if I can put together enough ’not right now’ days then eventually I’ll be able to look back and say I won.

 

[papercuts]

For the record.... I’m never going to say never either. But maybe if I can put together enough ’not right now’ days then eventually I’ll be able to look back and say I won.

Winning control, the fantasy.

Enough 'not right now' days is realistic.

I felt ill all day yesterday, it was horrible.

I don't want to have to take anything at all, I didn't for years, nothing pharma or illegal either. I think, I did it so long, why can't I now?

I know why. My kids are in their twenties and doing fine. My childhood was filled with trauma and social workers and I wanted different for my kids.

That was abstenance reason #1. A complicated one, now redundant.

Then I've an illness that causes a lot of pain and I'm losing use in my right hand currently and that is scary.

I never know what will be affected next, I don't know if any of me works as it should.

That is reason for using what I can.

It's slow. Nine months ago I went for my vaccine and couldn't sign the forms with anything like my signature.

Wednesday past I was worrying about another appt where I'd to be unaccompanied, I look normal, you wanna see the reaction when I say I can't write properly and ask them to do it. It's not their job to write for me. They look at me like 'lazy bitch making a fuss' when I ask. Sometimes I can write, sometimes I can't. I'll practice asking more nicely, using charm. It's hard to remember to make others feel good when I'm in so much pain, but it is necessary and expected of course.

My nice smile turns to a grimace and I've been told I'm a little scary sometimes.

Not full of opiates I'm not, but buprenorphine only kills the pain. Full agonists make my smile real again.

So times change, priorities need to change too. I'm just tired and confused and wish I could hand it all to someone else to sort out for a while.

 

[Squeaky]

Winning control, the fantasy.

Enough 'not right now' days is realistic.

I felt ill all day yesterday, it was horrible.

I don't want to have to take anything at all, I didn't for years, nothing pharma or illegal either. I think, I did it so long, why can't I now?

I know why. My kids are in their twenties and doing fine. My childhood was filled with trauma and social workers and I wanted different for my kids.

That was abstenance reason #1. A complicated one, now redundant.

Then I've an illness that causes a lot of pain and I'm losing use in my right hand currently and that is scary.

I never know what will be affected next, I don't know if any of me works as it should.

That is reason for using what I can.

It's slow. Nine months ago I went for my vaccine and couldn't sign the forms with anything like my signature.

Wednesday past I was worrying about another appt where I'd to be unaccompanied, I look normal, you wanna see the reaction when I say I can't write properly and ask them to do it. It's not their job to write for me. They look at me like 'lazy bitch making a fuss' when I ask. Sometimes I can write, sometimes I can't. I'll practice asking more nicely, using charm. It's hard to remember to make others feel good when I'm in so much pain, but it is necessary and expected of course.

My nice smile turns to a grimace and I've been told I'm a little scary sometimes.

Not full of opiates I'm not, but buprenorphine only kills the pain. Full agonists make my smile real again.

So times change, priorities need to change too. I'm just tired and confused and wish I could hand it all to someone else to sort out for a while.

I went through all of that confusion, anger, stress, and random aches and pains (pain that feels like my medical condition is worsening). It gets better but it takes time. Lots of time.

And then, one day, I woke up and most of it was gone. My mind got clear. My problems seemed less hopeless. That light at the end of the tunnel looked a lot less like an oncoming train. I actually felt normal-ish for the first time in forever. And I only really had pain where I was supposed to.

Then I got my script refilled and the ride started all over. And then I did it all over again, and again, and again.......

Just don’t give up. It takes weeks to months for me to get to that point where I have hope again. But it really only takes one day to get right back to the starting line. Opioid Induced Hyperalgesia is real. The opiates cause such extensive changes. They make new pains, depression, stress. It took a really long time in the beginning to go from normal life to being hopeless, but after years of use it takes only one time to get back on the bus to hating life.

I have never felt as stupid as when I realize that last week I was getting better, and today I’m starting it all over again.

 

[Squeaky]

I have no way of knowing what the opiates are doing inside.

If I can’t sleep- Was it because of what I ate? Stress? Work?

If my body hurts- Was it because I did too much yesterday? Maybe I need to see my Dr?

The one thing I can see is my bowel movements. I can’t see inside my body, but I can see what is on the outside. There is a direct connection between ‘regular’ bowel movements and how far away from the pills I am. One thing I have noticed is that it takes close to a month for that to return to normal. My guess is that all of the other problems the opiates bring me, move at about the same pace.

Maybe one day I’ll have a better grasp on the whole timeline, but I have seen a couple of documentaries where people have quit for good. They all say 2 years until the mind is healed. It totally makes sense if it takes a month just to shit normally.

 

[Squeaky]

I felt ill all day yesterday, it was horrible.

The illness goes away after about 2-4 weeks. Don’t give up or you’ll have to do it all over again next time.

 

[Nas47]

I went through all of that confusion, anger, stress, and random aches and pains (pain that feels like my medical condition is worsening). It gets better but it takes time. Lots of time.

And then, one day, I woke up and most of it was gone. My mind got clear. My problems seemed less hopeless. That light at the end of the tunnel looked a lot less like an oncoming train. I actually felt normal-ish for the first time in forever. And I only really had pain where I was supposed to.

Then I got my script refilled and the ride started all over. And then I did it all over again, and again, and again.......

Just don’t give up. It takes weeks to months for me to get to that point where I have hope again. But it really only takes one day to get right back to the starting line. Opioid Induced Hyperalgesia is real. The opiates cause such extensive changes. They make new pains, depression, stress. It took a really long time in the beginning to go from normal life to being hopeless, but after years of use it takes only one time to get back on the bus to hating life.

I have never felt as stupid as when I realize that last week I was getting better, and today I’m starting it all over again.

Don know.may be oxys,percs,vics not good for longterm pain.Its a brief solution.Next are longer acting-bupr,methadone.Others are ok on Tramadol or Kratom.Freedome is relative,but even dependence,not addiction is a serious issue.And there is not short term solution

 

[Jerry Atrick]

Okay folks, just some routine housekeeping. Due to the page count of this thread, we are going to need to close it and start a new one. Thank you for understanding and please check in at the new place.

The thread is being continued here:

Positive - The Tapering Support Thread v 2.0

This is a social/support thread for those who may be tapering. It is meant to be a thread where we can share our experiences in a safe place. Whether you are getting ready to begin the tapering process or if you've been there before and wish to offer your valuable perspective.... Welcome! As...

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