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Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

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Been smoking out so much it's stoner heaven here. The great outdoors. I am getting stable on those benzos so that I don't have so many mood swings. Watching myself eat incredulous amounts of food. It really is quite ridiculous but I guess that's what my body needs it's repairing so many things. And yeah that china white is what did it and got me good and hooked. Before that I could take 3 percs a day but after that percs weren't enough anymore. It was so potent I am lucky to be alive as I was using it with a low tolerance. It would be hard for me to resist stuff like that if I had more money but I think I could. Those were magical times of my life and I would have to not associate it with that but I know it would do the same thing all over again starting out so good like that. So I am finding it hard to stay away from that particular drug.
 
I am eating too! Lol! I'm so hungry! Everything tastes amazing right now.
I'm loving the mushrooms and olives and fruit right now. Also avocados. Meat! Haha!
I'm really enjoying the music over here too.
I'm about to have my own pink Floyd in concert with light show over here.

Gotta make the best of things! It is raining and is clearing out the smoke and putting out the fires.
That is good news! All that smoke was horrible for me and I am sure many others.
It is a beautiful day in the mountains today!
I am super blessed to live in my location.

Let's toke up and just eat and recovery then ShroomySatori.!

Peace
 
Hope you made it through the day and are feeling better.

I need sleep so bad but am having so much trouble with that.
But I'm trying not to worry about it too much. At least I can just lay there and meditate and prop up my poor beat body on pillows until my damn leg pain goes numb.

This can't last forever. It is getting a lot better in other ways.

I wish I had a garden. That is awesome that you do. I always have had one but I am not able to keep one up right now. I had to put in decorative rocks. Every time you mention it, I miss having a garden so much. But, I am in luck because there are some old timers (so thankful for them) around here who grow the best fresh stuff. I have been down picking up all kinds of stuff. So hungry.

I think that is a good sign. My eyes don't look all weird now. Well, they are improving. This sucks.
Don't ever take loperamide people! EVER!
 
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When I'm out of groceries I like to forage the garden. Or when I'm in benzo withdrawal and can't eat, pick little cherry tomatoes out in the sun. I grow a lot of different types of hot peppers but find it hard to wait for them to turn red.

I have been sleeping so much that I practically slept the last 3 days away. Since in benzo wd I got no sleep at all and now I'm taking my regular dose. I've been eating so much food and getting super stoned and passing out. Ironically, it's probably one of the best things I could be doing right now. Was turning into a skeleton again.

Gonna smoke some more weed and enjoy my night, my dinner is ready. I am tripping a little bit it's nice.
 
3:00 a.m and I am wide awake. Crap!
I did sleep like a rock from about 7:00 until 3:00 a.m so I am grateful for the sleep I did get.
That sleep was definitely thanks to the weed. Even though it is not good weed at all. Something someone probably picked on the side of the road or something. I sure do wish I had used my awesome weed supply more wisely. I sure could use some of those wonderful dispensary strains right now. Glad I have any at all though. It does help. I wouldn't be able to eat without it right now and the eating is helping lots. It just hurts my stomach.

Yeah, I was turning into a skeleton too. I noticed my collar bones and shoulder bones are sticking out like crazy.
I'm at least holding steady now and my body is not eating itself and burning alive.

I wonder why 3:00 a.m and 6:00 a.m are the waking times??

Good to hear that you got some good sleep and are putting weight back on as well! Nice job on your garden!
I don't usually like tomatoes but have been eating them like crazy too. There must be something in those that our bodies need badly because they taste delicious!

I have gotten myself strung out huh? That is what has happened. That loperamide is some strong stuff and I jacked my tolerance up instead of thinking I was tapering down. Even though I was going through morphine withdrawal while taking those, they did not taper me down but actually upped my tolerance.
 
You are 3 hours behind I think. I went to bed really early too, and woke up at 5am.

It is surprising how accurately my body can wake up to dose the drugs. I take a dose at 6am, usually a little later cause I'll sleep in. Today it was earlier and I can't remember falling asleep just really stoned I think that I missed a dose, since I woke up feeling bad.

Tomatoes are some of my favourite food right now. I think it is because they are hydrating, and easy to digest.

I never knew that stuff could have negative effects other than on the heart. That sucks, you wouldn't expect that!

Overdose death in the family, even though it is pretty distant everyone seems to be affected. Just got me thinking more about if it happened to me, really since I never knew them. Their family is very nice though and it is always shocking when someone young dies suddenly like that. One reason why opiates are so notorious I think; instead of something like cigs that will slowly kill you the overdoses are always so dramatic. And there are often so many questions to ask and nobody to answer them.
 
I'm really, truly so very sorry about the death in your family. It is just a tragic way to go too. People think they will just comfortably fall asleep or something but that is not how it works. It is truly shocking to see what happens during Liver failure and stuff. You would not think a human body could even go through that. It looks so bad. And yeah, then there are the questions? Like what exactly happened here and family members have differing opinions and some of them should just shut up because they muddy the waters more.

Like, when I had overdosed and died, I had just been taking a lot of extra strength excederin. I had hit my head hard in that car accident and I was so concussioned out that I could not keep track of time and I was in so much pain that one minute seemed like hours. I kept waking up in the night and taking more extra strength excederin (Tylenol poisoned myself accidentally)...

You just don't know what happened and it could have been an accident. Look at what has happened to me. I really thought I had researched things well and that I was using the loperamide as a withdrawl aid to lower my morphine dosage and to bridge a gap in my prescription. I didn't feel any effects from the loperamide. None. I was actually in moderate withdrawal from the morphine the entire time so thought that I was making progress on tapering back down. But no..I am strung out. So tired too after all this that I don't know if I can physically withstand this. I mean it has to end at some point but when? I can't make it 5-8 weeks like this but I will die trying before taking any of that loperamide again. That did fuck up my heart. This has been scary and I don't get scared ever much.
I don't live in fear.

Sorry that you are awake too. It is amazing how exactly on time for dosage that our bodies do wake up. I was out cold and then bam! You know what I'm saying.
 
Sounds like a bad reaction. Damn.

Pretty baked today. Went through some shitty emotions earlier. Smoked all my weed last night and had to wait until now to smoke. Except for the one traditional bong toke I keep for before the reup. I can't quit weed for the life of me lol I never well I'm just a doper. That's okay with me at this point. I should switch to dabbing though they just took my rig when I overdosed for fucks sake. It was for hash (and dmt... lol), anyways that's expensive shit to replace and I'd otherwise have clean lungs right now. I get it though. It wasn't even really an overdose either just sort of on the brink of death for 12 hours in a hardcore motionless nod. I was still breathing real shallow just bad timing that someone would stop by.

I'm pissed cause I'm ripping like 3.to .5 grams at a time in my bong and it's not easy on the throat haha. I'm not really complaining, glad someone was there I guess. I mean, it seemed like a peaceful way to go. I don't remember anything except about 5 time distorted seconds out of the whole 12 hours. I think there were a lot of people here I don't remember and then I was raided days later. I had done all my drugs though by then.

Anyways, how do you feel about family stuff do you ever go? Like if there are weddings or thanksgiving or whatever. Cause I sort of just stopped going when my family cut me out. But there is something coming up that I don't want to miss. I've missed so much it's like would they even bother attending my own wedding or funeral, whichever it is going to be. I really can't say I could get an impulsive and overdose tomorrow but I feel more stable now that I am taking benzos on a schedule that is for sure!
 
Yeah, a BAD reaction is for sure. I am really sensitive to drugs and stuff so I usually don't mess around with anything that I don't know what it may cause for me. The list of medications I actually can take is very short. Otherwise they just make things MUCH worse for me. I learned quickly by living with migraine headaches that I cannot be "tried out" on anti depressants etc. etc. I won't touch them.
It sucks that I ended up in this situation. I have come to the point where okay I am willing to say I am now addicted or physically dependent on morphine. Who wouldn't be after having to take it for ten years?

The thing is that without it I am in so much pain that I am literally moaning all the time, can't eat, can't sleep etc. because of pain.
My quality of life is better as long as I stick to just my prescriptions. I have weighed the benefits and negatives for my situation and it is what it is.

The family situation is a hard situation. I know. I was going to family things when I was well enough to attend but now I am not only not invited, I am not "allowed" at my sisters house. I have no idea why. All the kids in the family love me and keep asking if I will ever come again? I had to miss my favorite little nieces birthday party which she specifically made sure to invite me to and was disappointed when I didn't come. I would have gone but it was at my sisters house. She has become very strange since our dad died and I recognize she is in trauma over it still but she has somehow thinks our dad loved me more than her and things have just become a mess.

But when I say "family" issues, it is only problems with my sister and brothers. Extended family is all cool.

I would attend the family things that you don't want to miss! Absolutely!

We need to keep on living despite it all to the best of our ability. We are trying as hard as we can to clean up and keep stable at the same time as living with horrible conditions that really suck. I feel like, if we are doing the best that we can then why be ashamed or whatever. I am doing the best I can and you have been kicking ass cold coming off H! I am proud of us. Even if no one else is.
 
The depression is unbearable. I feel that I am worsening over time. Can't help but feel that I ruined my life. I have always been depressed but this is the worst I have ever had it in my life. It is a deep, dark, consuming, lonely depression. I feel hopeless and have been watching myself fall for a long time.
 
Yeah. I understand that totally.
I'm right there with you.

I did manage to get a little nap in and that did help me to feel a little better. I'm not that hungry today and even music doesn't sound good to me. That has never happened to me before. I love music. It is the one thing that I have that I thought I can get through anything as long as I have music. That does alarm me. It should alarm me a lot more than it is though and that in itself is alarming.

What are we going to do?
 
I've stopped finding enjoyment in music as well, in fact. I don't really listen to tunes all that often anymore, or play any instruments.

I am going to get my life back on track. You know that girl I like I pm'd you about she is practically waiting for me if I want her. I have to find the confidence to get back into the workplace. And start working out more again that will help a lot with my energy.

Just have to take care of ourselves all that healthy stuff and there is nothing worse than stress. I find, being depressed, that coffee / espresso helps quite a bit. I developed a massive caffeine habit this year. I am having a lot of trouble finding the energy to do anything at all, even watch a movie or read a book. Was skipping meals. I can get back there I just have to put in a serious effort to find a good job. I don't know what's holding me back. Nothing other than myself.
 
Good thinking.

This can't last forever and you are right.
I'm trying to get back on track. I went off the rails but we can fix that! I am confident!
These freaking mood swings suck so bad!
Like I said to you before- laughter is the best medicine.
Our endorphins are shot right now but the amazing human body can regenerate itself, given the right care.
We are administrating that care and just need to keep it up.

I can't recommend this sleepy time extra tea enough. It is really easing the leg and feet pain.
I may be falling asleep soon and I am hoping for a full night sleep.
I'm so tired.

Let's see how we feel tomorrow and try and sleep.
Things are improving. Keep your mind off the misery. Think about the girl you like etc.

We shall overcome! I'm confident in both of us!
 
Oh and one great thing too is that we don't look like "faces of meth".
LMAO! I'm still cracking up about your message!
Too true my friend. We still look good so we will heal.

We would look worse if we had no hope.
 
Hey so after benzo withdrawal my back has been fucking killing me. It's cause I've been skipping yoga though and I suppose all the stress.

I'm going to be trying CBD oil pretty soon not only to try and cut back on the grass as it is controlling me if I have to go to a dispensary daily and smoke all of my weed no matter how much I spent that day except for one bong rip for the morning so I don't freak out. It would be real nice if I could find a dose of cannabis oil to take in the morning, that would hold me over for the day, and then only smoke at night. If I can get myself on a benzo taper after taking a plethora of messed up and different benzos and stabilize a little I am pretty sure I can do this too.

I am going to try pure CBD, and pure THC, and combine them in different ratios. I notice a 70% indica and a 30% sativa plant is miserable to me. They just put me to sleep it's so damn annoying, I need pure indica. Weed is such a finicky drug but that allows it to be used for so many purposes. That 70/30 would be great for someone else but it makes me feel retarded and depressed instead of focussed and happy like the pure indica hindu kush. I've noticed this consistently among different strains it's worth exploring. The effects can make it like multiple different drugs.

I'm just assuming at least some of you have tried medical cannabis for this. It helps me with every single symptom in some way except I get depressed if I use it too much. Anxious if I don't use it enough. So yeah if one strain of weed doesn't work they actually have drastically different effects. I have sworn off 70/30's lol it's trial and error. I like pure indica because it helps with my adult ADHD unless it's recreational. Then tropical sativa all the way.

I personally believe I developed that ADHD-like symptoms (not diagnosed but I have friends with it I know I have symptoms of it) - I feel that they came out because I couldn't concentrate for so long due to the pain. So I forgot how to concentrate, same with the panic attacks, and above all, the depression. All of that absolutely damaged my IQ. I waited 2 years before even starting treatment (I had to, for a specialist) and I was left alone with those issues during that time period. I had what I would refer to as a psychotic break and I've never been the same. My friend was saying it almost sounds like PTSD. I have to wait 2 years to get into a psychiatrist as well (actually, they won't even put me on a waiting list unless I threaten suicide or something) so I am thinking of paying for a psychologist but I'd probably end up wasting weed money and getting into a very serious confrontation. Borderline folk are notoriously difficult in therapy.

Yeah I'd love sleepy time tea I have chamomile should start drinking it if I get 4 hour sleeps most nights, around that much. It became the standard so I don't really notice anymore but I think that might be contributing to how depressed I am.
 
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just came here to say as someone who tapered themselfes off klonopin the light at the end of the tunnel is bright you can do it
 
Well alright! I managed to get a full nights sleep!
I'm feeling better right now. ALOT better!
Except my back pain is bad also.

Yeah the sleep is so important. You have got to get yourself on a sleep schedule. Get a nightly ritual going so that your body gets into the habit of knowing that it is time to sleep now. I have always needed more sleep than other people. Way more sleep than other people. Even as a little girl, teenager, whatever. When 9:00 comes around I am off to bed no matter what is happening.
That probably has something to do with my sleep disorder. I fall apart at the freaking seams if I don't get my sleep. I can even become violent if someone tries to wake me up when I need to sleep.

I know it is hard with the ADHD type symptoms. I think you explained that well and I have that also.

I hope you got some good sleep and are feeling better right now.
 
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