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Positive The Tapering Supportive/Social Thread

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I am broke and can't afford to taper slow and the drug is ruining my life.

I'm not suffering too bad yet man. I have accepted that this must be done. I've already seen improvements in my personality it's weird. I'm risking those things you mentioned at least until I get down to a dose that is affordable because otherwise I am looking at running out entirely. Now that would be making it a lot harder on myself. I'm already well into it too, I should stick with this.

I feel good today! Hit a rough patch with interdose withdrawals but this can't go on for too long. The drug is way too short acting and I have a little bit of valium that should be accumulating. That will go a long way in keeping this a safe harsh taper to freedom.

I have always needed to suffer to get off drugs. I don't have the luxury of 10% drops when I'm in this deep. I don't have any money at all for this apart from the etiz I have left to taper with. And I am lucky to have that and I'm not an unfortunate soul that got cut off by a doctor cold turkey. I really shouldn't be complaining at all considering that these symptoms are absolutely nothing compared to what I experienced from heroin.
 
Sorry to hear the benzo withdrawal is hitting you so hard. But it sounds like you are taking it in stride! Well done!
I think that is great that you are making friends down at the dispensary and educating them!
Way to go on explaining to a female without even mentioning you were nervous and doing a professional job of it while in benzo withdrawal. That is impressive!

I don't know what the right answers are but it is clear we got to be careful with some of these "comfort Meds".
We have both jacked ourselves up. I don't know about you but the thought of even swallowing one loperamide pill makes me start to gag. There is no way I am taking anymore of those. The withdrawal for me is rolling so hard now that there is no recall on it now anyway.

Surprisingly I am in good spirits too despite the super bad body pain. I'm finding it gets real bad and then I feel pretty good and it gets bad again then good. I am hoping the same as you Shroomy, maybe we will get lucky and it won't last very long at least.
Hoping the intensity stays low for you! Praying for that! You deserve to be stable on just your prescription's with no worries about this other shit. You have been through so much now this past year. You are tough!

Don't forget to eat. I have found soaking in Epsom salt baths to really help the muscle - well- more like- full body beating with hammers pain.
 
It got a lot worse. Pretty much a horror show now. My friend is on his way over and staying over so that is good to have someone around. I shouldn't be alone like this and we'll blaze and smoke out. He'll probably help make chamomile tea and stuff. Better to be around a friend right now than not. The sickness with this stuff is vicious. It's tearing me apart but I'm thinking of a day in the near future when I won't be so dependent.

If I can't handle the 50% drops then I should keep in mind I deserve them. I can't go on like this though... best thing is to get down to a reasonable dose ASAP and stabilize, go from there and then do it really slowly. Might need medical assistance to get fully off it well I would. But for now I must be resilient and hope for good fortune. I am For now I've gotta take a shit kicking from this fucking demon devil monster and hope I don't have a seizure as I don't really know what that means, and I don't want to know. I just hear about people feeling how I am feeling at this very moment and all of a sudden waking up on the floor.

So in case that happens to me, definitely good to have a buddy around and fuck it it's the summertime we're having a bbq and smoking out! These next three hours are a seizure risk what in the hell have I done to myself? Definitely not going to be driving anywhere, it would be way too dangerous.
 
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Good luck man. Yeah 50% drops are dangerous, but you know that. I'll be thinking about you as I go to my "alcohol treatment" course tonight.
 
Good luck with the alcohol course Xorkoth. So sorry you are enduring bullshit also.

ShroomySatori, you alright? So sorry you are suffering through that. I'm pulling for you!
Praying for you! Don't be completely terrified man, I have had a seizure before and while not comfortable it was no worse than what I'm going through now. Lots of psychological confusion can happen sometimes though for a few but you are going to be alright.
No seizures! Don't worry about it too much, so as to cause yourself to have one. Just say I'm not going to and take it as it comes.

It is sheer crazy that such strange "comfort medication" has made us sicker than we have ever been trying to even cold turkey morphine/h cold turkey. Be aware my fellow human beings. This stuff is no good!

Glad you have a friend over Shroomy to watch out for you. My heartfelt thank you goes out to that friend.
I hope you manage to get out in nature around your house and just chill with some good conversation and good weed!

Let me know how you are when you can. I am worried about you.
 
Man, thanks dude. I got myself into a dangerous situation. I'm really nervous it has been a long time coming too.

This is an atrocity. I don't know if I'm okay. I dosed a little higher. I can't take care of myself. I have my friend here but I'm laying down for now. I am deathly ill it's real bad.

I don't want to do a drop like this ever again I just have to initially I'm taking way too much and it will cut off a sizeable chunk. Ive put myself in plenty of dangerous situations before I'm doing the best I can to stay hydrated, eat, take care of myself.

I am on anothe planet though I don't feel right and I've been having a panic attack for a few hours. Thanks again you two. I really would prefer not to taper this way, or using etizolam whatsoever, but I fucked up. It will really help my situation if I can drop my dose like this and it can't go on forever. It really can't go on forever my body will adjust and sine Im not fully quitting it shuldn't be too long. Peak withdrawals are starting. I don't know 50% drops seem very dangerous but running out seems infinitely more dangerous. And yeah I used to be a lot more scared of seizures than I am now. I'm really nervous though Im not okay. I don't feel right at all.

I have some valium for the next week. It might be worth it to take some for now while I adjust to the lower dose of etizolam. Then I won't need it so much later. Maybe I should be using more of these valium to my advantage. Even 1 or 2 right now would help me for the next day.
 
Oh Shroomy, that is horrible. I do know what you are speaking of and it is horrible. I was surprised by how quickly it actually started clearing up though. I was only three days like that and then I started feeling strong and feeling my personality come back and I was pissed off at how "drugged" I had actually been. By day 5 I almost did not pick my prescription up again. I wouldn't have if not for the reason I take the clonazepam being a sleep disorder that actually brain damages me when it happens and the clonazepam being the only option to treat it. According to "the professionals" at a major well known university hospital.

I did have to keep walking during those three days to keep my body from locking up and going into seizure. Walking helped tremendously. I paced the house and yard for three days and nights and then- things were SO much better. I was more confident, more my fiery self feeling.

Take the Valium my friend. Use the information above from actual experience to decide what you want to do.
But if you need to take it slower then do it! Take care. Keep drinking water. Check in when you can.

I'm starting to feel a lot better. It might whip up on me again but I'm hoping for the best.

Peace and Love
❤️
 
Yeah I can relate to being upset at how "drugged" I've actually been. It's really irritating and now that I have recognized what they do, they have to go.

I am experiencing excruciating pain in my spine now. I think because I was laying down for so long the past few days, and my friend and I have been active. We made the silliest and tastiest stoner baked dish ever. Baked boiled potatoes topped with green onion and butter, a layer of that and then cheddar, goat, and feta cheeses. Baked for like hallf an hour and with a lot of black pepper, and fried up a few pieces of bacon for bacon bits. It was a amazing. It toppled out into this delicious sort of casserole. There was a garden habanero on top that was the finishing touch.

My back is so fucked up I hear that is a symptom.
 
The pain is extreme. It is nerve pain all along my spine. Feels like my spinal cord is burning it hurts so damn bad and isn't my normal chronic pain...

Thanks for your message Xorkoth. Sorry you are going through some shit too. I have realized already that this is way too dangerous for me. The extreme spine pain was the last straw. No more suffering. I'm going to start by dropping significantly less. All that really matters right now is that I stick to my etiz schedule as that means I am being responsible compared to binging and that eventually I won't be a total fucking junkie. I must adjust the dose up. There is no reason to suffer from this apart from financial reasons, I owe a LOT of money right now.

So I am hoping to sell one of my possessions soon, so that once this happens it will significantly reduce financial stress off me for the next month, and also allow me to do something like 10% reductions every 5 days until I'm down to something reasonable. My health and stability are more important than a material item I don't need right now.

I'm dodging a bullet if I can do this, in multiple ways, and at the last minute when I'm committing to a taper. Luckily my friend is still here. I've had a few panic attacks and he can help me today. I have figured out what dose I need to be relatively stable and it's 1.5 times this amount so I need to raise the dose. It only makes sense.

I agree with both of you. I can't wait to be off this stuff but I realize now from experience that it just is not at all like opiates. It is harder in ways and easier in others but the most important thing for me doing this right now is that I stay safe. As I do not want to become a benzo fatality when I have this much going for me and I went through hell getting off Heroin. If Xorkoth is mentioning that something is dangerous to me it is definitely dangerous and had me thinking twice. This is something that is beyond my control and that I don't think I can succeed in doing unless I make the taper drops significantly lower. I'm already on a schedule it's a matter of adjusting the dose (and getting into a routine of taking meds was really hard, I found, as there were so many other times when I wanted to use them).

I'm in a bad situation right now. Hopefully things work out this week for me. I'm nervous but like every other moment of my life it is right where I should be.

By the way if this doesn't work out (it will, I have no choice but to taper) I will have to consider some sort of medical detox. I realize that too but I can almost definitely do this on my own. I kicked dope on my own over a year ago and oxy Jan 3rd and weed and everything before I can do this too but it's different. Having valium really helps, I will save them for the peak etiz withdrawals. I can't be foolish and risk my life plus I really need to be functional right now. I'm starting up work again soon, way more hours. And I even work today. So I better get my shit together.
 
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I think that is a good idea Shroomy. I was having to keep walking day and night or my body started to lock up and it traveled quickly and it was scary stuff. That was only coming off 1 mg clonazepam a night also. Since your dose is a lot higher, you really do need to be careful! We don't want to loose you.

I'm so happy to hear the way you are talking. You really did not care and were even wishing for death for quite awhile. Your body has been through just too much lately. Be kind to yourself. But..yeah, keep tapering that stuff down but don't let yourself get that bad off.
I would send you the money if I had any to give. I am in bad financial circumstances also. I'm sure we could set up a paypal and ask our fellow brothers and sisters here for some help for you. I know they would pull through. I can tell you are wanting this so badly.

If you need a medical detox then by God we will find you some help! There are some doctors out there who have not sold out and are still in the business of saving lives! We will find them if that is needed my friend!

You take care of yourself!

I have been writing the times and dosage down on my calendar every time I take my medications so I don't somehow fuck it up again and it is helping. I already caught myself taking an extra dosage in the middle of the night a few nights ago. I let that go for now because I was suffering just too much but I will keep in mind that I now have to go a day with less medication and make that work with what I have! I thought I had it right in my mind too but the notes clearly showed I didn't so watch that. I know I'm preaching to the choir here. You are probably way ahead of me on that!

I am feeling better. I was able to sleep through the entire night with only one awakening for an hour and went back to sleep. My body pain is way down and most of the bad symptoms are gone or almost gone. I am all tightened up and sore but I will take it over what I was going through. I am so glad that I and my doctor have kept me on the lowest dosage possible. I haven't ever experienced opiate withdrawal like that before. I don't ever want to again!

Many thanks to Xorkoth! I hope your alcohol class was not too bad and that things are working out. They will. Hang in there.

Much love ALL!

❤️
 
Ps: That potato casserole sounds delicious! I'm going to make myself some of that today! I'm starving! :)
 
HI. I have understood you are in WD of benzos after a continuous use. At first, you must go to a doctor and tell him you are with benzos WD to he recipes you a lowest benzo dose with a pregabalin treatment. For example, you need to take diazepam 10mg each 8 hours and too pregabalin 100mg each 12 hours. It would be the best. Too you can use to relax yourself doxilamine 25mg tabs taking a dose of 50mg morning, evening and night, too can take a herbal product of Opium lettuce and while it comes to you can use a combo of California's poppy, valerian, passion flower and hops.
The best way to kick out benzos is to take a minimal dose of benzo like diazepam 5-10mg three times daily with pregabalin 75-300mg morning and night. Pregabalin is the best drug for benzos WD and tapper off, it reduces highly the benzos WD symptoms and makes a worth anxiolytic, relaxant effect.

Quoting Rafayte from post in O.D subforum regarding "Help getting off benzo's"

Shroomy, I saw this thread and in the other drugs forum and this person has a lot of good recommendations.
I had not heard of some of the natural things mentioned here before so I wanted to make sure you knew about all these things.
I agree fully about the doxylamine (sold over the counter sleep aid). If I had not had the doxylamine when I was going through the benzo withdrawal I would have been far worse off. It does really sedate you. Keeps you calm.
 
I'm all good. My friend overstayed his welcome. I have to work tonight and I'm getting ready now plus he didn't pitch and was smoking all my weed. Eating all my food. And really annoying me in general I had an outburst and it was legitimate because someone else wanted him to leave as well. He does not live here. So I blew up at him but whatever I needed to and I am proud of myself in fact. I get home at 11pm and have shit to do tomorrow.

It was a dangerous situation. But did I ever get lucky I have money now and I'll be good for a while. A niche item that someone picked right up that I don't really need. I paid all my bills too! So much less stress. I can keep tapering more slowly, which is an exciting prospect. I was prepared to do something like that but I had some time.

I guess your prayers were answered because I got a good deal on a luxury I don't need when I'm fighting for my life! Those taper drops were hopeless from the start. Time to start over with a supply that will actually work for it if I'm not a dumbass. And I'm running out of chances.

I'm excited for tonight. Working my shift with a lovely lady who I am way totally into and I am also doing a meditation type yoga tonight to try and calm my body down as I'm in recovery. I lost a ton of weight he needed to leave. Was just letting you know I'm okay... I'm in a rush. Don't worry I'm good for now! I am taking Xorkoth's taper advice 10% a week but maybe 5 days because of etizolam's short half life. That seems very reasonable to me. I know that he would not provide me with any unsafe advice and I know how to taper.
 
Okay. Thank you for letting me know you are alright.
I appreciate that. I was super worried about you.

Great to hear you got what you need. Yup, my prayers were answered.

I'm doing alright too. No worries.

Have a good time at your job. Enjoy some good, soothing female company.

Don't worry about kicking out a person who needed to go. They needed to go! You should feel proud for sticking up for yourself. Don't allow people to drive you to that point. I am super kind and loving but I can get hardcore when necessary. Too bad there are people that mistake kindness for weakness.

Stay well my friend. Let me know how you are doing. You know you can e-mail me too if you need to talk privately.
 
I'm sorry you were worried about me. It was a chaotic day. Would be curious around what time you prayed haha because within the hour of offering a niche sort of thing that not many people would want I had 1k. It took a lot of work though I had to wrack my brains all night to figure out how to get the best offer but also save my skinny ass. I'm going to yin yoga to chill the fuck out.

Thank you and I'm sure that I will. Always do there. I have a new shift partner I'm pretty sure.

Yeah I can't be a pushover. He wasn't acknowledging that I was in withdrawal at all either and asking for a lot of favours like driving around places and stuff just so annoying.

Tonight should chill me out. Thanks I need some people to keep an eye on me these days. They already are, naturally. Had such a rough week my back is absolutely killing me. The spinal twists and forward folds and compressions and stuff will help with that. I need to be resilient and just up my taper dose a bit ad stick to my schedule but I got a little wrecked the first time couldn't help it. Sort of benzo'd out right now but whatever, good time to be around girls I guess so long as I can remain lucid. Drinking coffees lol.
 
That is great that you wound up with 1k! Thank you Lord!
Use it wisely.
I prayed for you as soon as I saw your message but i was dealing with being sick myself this morning some so about an hour after I posted, "go to the hospital" is when I really got down on my knees and prayed for you. I tried to let peace flow through me to you. I concentrated on that after I prayed for you. I know it worked! My prayers are heard! I also asked for Angels to come to your aid.

I'm the only person that I have ever heard of whom had an 11 day near death experience. I learned many things. I have actually been on a few radio programs and talked about it. Did I send you a link to that through e-mail? I can't remember. If not, let me know. It may answer many questions for you. If you are interested in that sort of thing and I know you are.

I have and had no doubt in my mind or heart that help would come to you.

No problem on worrying me. I wasn't worried for long. I'm sure I have alarmed and worried you before with some of my posts over the course of our time here. Thanks for worrying about me too.

I hope the back pain gets feeling better soon. Take it easy on the benzo tapering. This is very dangerous and there is no rush! Money is not the concern here. Your life and well being are the concern and I think it could fuck you up for life if you do this too fast or wrong. You know you gotta get this under control. Don't stress over it too bad but don't not worry about it either. This is not a sustainable thing. I know you know that. Be safe and keep it comfortable. Don't put yourself into that territory again! Please!

Alright then. Have a nice time at work. Don't forget to eat and take it easy on the caffeine. Switch over to the valerian root tea or something now and then. Take it easy friend.
 
I can't use it wisely, it was already planned for so many bills and paybacks. I have a little to budget though.

Hey I think it worked. I've had a similar experience with a beam of light firing out of the top of my head and it was telepathic. I concentrated my mind like a laser beam and it happened. Also, today I walked out of yoga into a downpour. I started to sprint like the apocalypse. I had shallow pockets and my phone fell out. I was like fuck. I ran so far it was a torrential downpour for 15 minutes and I was almost at my car. A voice in my head communicated to turn around, not to give up. The screen was lit up in the middle of the sidewalk near where I thought it was before.

The strangest thing to me is that a girl approached me distraught after her class because she couldn't find her yoga strap for her mat. It had been displaced and I was thinking like get a shoe string? But I saw how upset she was and I tried my best to help her and she came back and thanked me and said she found it where I thought it might be. That made me happy because she was really upset. People get attached to their yoga mats almost lost mine more than a few times in benzo hazes.

Near death experiences? I don't know, it's sweet you had one. I'll wait to die. I think I am far out enough that I don't need to go any further I will lose myself. No you didnt email that.

Oddly enough I've been fiending caffeine and been fine. It helps with the zombie brain. The one part about my shift that upset me was I hit my inner forearm on the palm side and bruised myself. Just got sad, angry.

All that being said, I feel suicidal. Not any time soon. I've been slowly working my way towards it for the past decade with full awareness that I was going to die young. That's all I knew. That I'd rather have 5 years of happiness than a lifetime of hell, and it seems, that this is what I have gotten out of life. That would bean my time is up and it sort of is when 8 months just go by like hell on earth.
 
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