Same way a woman could stay sober 24 years (because my kids are everything), then fall straight into a large vat of opium as soon as they turn 18 and just feel like staying there. My kids are fine, all got their lives fairly well sorted, eldest two are doing very well, always knew they were ambitious but I didn't get to see how that translates in guys in their 20s until now! My youngest son and his girl live with my husband and myself, I'm not lonely or alone, there is a lot of love in our home and not that much work to do, no rent to pay, yay, paid off that mortgage then retired to smoke weed the rest of my life while living on a meagre disability allowance and the generousity of others.
Sounds like a nice life, eh?
It is.
Except for the fricking opium thing.
Don't get me wrong, I love the stuff, I just hate how after many months of non stop oral use my stomach gives up on me.
Now I'm sick. Every sodding morning is the same.
I wake in the early hours to the movement of my bowels and run for the toilet.
Why is my body clearing it out so quickly that I get sick so quickly?
My intake of food has dwindled to next to nothing, it hurts to eat.
I feel I'm just not managing this at all.
So I quit the last two new years in a row, can't do that this year, can't be sick in January, too much to do this year and I'm simply exhausted when I quit.
Only two people here know I use this stuff, my internet friends know but not so much IRL, I'm a respectable person with a good haircut (seriously, the hairdresser made me beautiful again, lol) I wash and keep the place ok. People don't realise I've these junkie tendancies.
It's the time of year I guess, I want to stop this and give myself better health, I feel ill all the time now but I'm really really scared of how it feels when I quit.
Maybe I could do it quickly in the space of five days before it all gets busy around here?
My method is to stop and wait for it all to go wrong, endure what I can for as long as I can, a few days maybe, then I start slapping on buprenorphine patches until I feel relief.
Sounds simple but it's exhausting and soul destroying and the seconds drag by so all those months on the good stuff seems like the identical length of time as those few days in withdrawal.
This is the tapering thread, but I cannot possibly face tapering it, I'm on five times the amount this year compared to last year, if I could manage on less then I would
groundhog day again
It's either I take more or I take less, as I am is making me sick.
For now it'll have to be more, the pain is killing me, rats are gnawing inside my stomach.
Later when I've more time, I'll get back on bupe (then sweat day and night while unable to see fuck all, I don't like the side effects).
How to pick a date?
