Positive The Tapering Support Thread v 2.0

[Squeaky]

I’m finally far away enough from my dependance on opiates to say this:

I wouldn’t change anything, except that I would go back and change EVERYTHING if I could. It was a miserable experience, but I lived and it probably made me stronger. The hold that those tiny pills had on me was unbelievable.

I never understood how someone could be so weak as to become an “addict”. I was too strong. But I was addicted, and I’ll be an “addict” for the rest of my life.

The biggest problem is that we have a healthcare system that either treats us as a junkie or a potential customer for life. I was so happy when I finally got to a Dr who would write that first huge prescription for oxy. Looking back though, he was only trying to set the hook, and he did it very well. I was in pain and my pain was managed by the pills that ultimately caused me the most suffering.

I’m still struggling. On Lyrica for nerve damage. On alcohol for other reasons. On Taco Bell because I’m too damn lazy to pack lunch. Nobody’s perfect. But those little blue pills are behind me and my life is better. I’m writing this to remind myself that I need to remember.

 

[Squeaky]

I agree, but I am getting old, I remember when Taco Bell was a cheap place to eat lunch

I remember when a combo at McDonald’s was $4. Tacos at Taco Bell were $0.67. Gas was $0.95. My healthcare at work was free. And I had $$ in the bank.

Now I pay $500/month for less healthcare at work. Gas is $6/gallon. Tacos are $2 each. And a combo at McD’s is $10-$15.

And I walked to school, 10 mikes, n the snow, uphill both ways.

 

[Squeaky]

This thread has become a place to vent, rant, and ask for advice from an old bastard who has been through enough that maybe he has something worth listening to.

The sunscreen song. Baz Lurhman. 1990’s. It’s good advice.

 

[Painful One]

Life has really knocked me down.
I don’t want to be this way anymore.
I am going to work on clearing out all the pain that is inside me.
I have been through hell…husband became schizophrenic when I had just given birth to our daughter, found out he had been sleeping with my friend all this time on the side, my dad had a horrific and rare disease called Multiple System Atrophy, I cared for him while he died from that. Now my mom is dying….
My Ex ruined my relationship with my daughter for a long time.
I never got to be the wife and mother I wanted to be.
SO MUCH was robbed from me.

I don’t want to give that the rest of my life!
I am trying to figure out how to deal with all the hurt and darkness caused upon me.
I was so naive.
I want to face it and come to some form of recovery.
The best I can be.

Anyone have any advise for facing this monster?
I’m going to try.
My sister, brothers, mom, daughter, extended family, friends, dog, need me.

I’m working hard on being a better sister, daughter, mom, friend.
I don’t want to be this way anymore,
I want to heal.

edit- I found a counseling group and I am going to try that.
All in all I am doing very well.
I have got the drug use under control.
I am just working on fixing my inside.
I want to let go.
Put all that behind me.
I’m trying to do that.
I think it has to come out in some way.
Best to talk, cry, laugh, scream, get it out.
ya know?

 

[Squeaky]

Life has really knocked me down.
I don’t want to be this way anymore.
I am going to work on clearing out all the pain that is inside me.
I have been through hell…husband became schizophrenic when I had just given birth to our daughter, found out he had been sleeping with my friend all this time on the side, my dad had a horrific and rare disease called Multiple System Atrophy, I cared for him while he died from that. Now my mom is dying….
My Ex ruined my relationship with my daughter for a long time.
I never got to be the wife and mother I wanted to be.
SO MUCH was robbed from me.

I don’t want to give that the rest of my life!
I am trying to figure out how to deal with all the hurt and darkness caused upon me.
I was so naive.
I want to face it and come to some form of recovery.
The best I can be.

Anyone have any advise for facing this monster?
I’m going to try.
My sister, brothers, mom, daughter, extended family, friends, dog, need me.

I’m working hard on being a better sister, daughter, mom, friend.
I don’t want to be this way anymore,
I want to heal.

edit- I found a counseling group and I am going to try that.
All in all I am doing very well.
I have got the drug use under control.
I am just working on fixing my inside.
I want to let go.
Put all that behind me.
I’m trying to do that.
I think it has to come out in some way.
Best to talk, cry, laugh, scream, get it out.
ya know?

Wow……Damn….. This sounds like a lot to carry P.O.

My only advice is to think about what they tell you on an airplane. Put your mask on first. Even when it comes to your children. You can’t help anyone else when you’re suffocating yourself.

I started leaving for work 15 minutes earlier than usual, just so that I can have that time to decompress in my car alone before starting my day at work. It’s not much but it seems to be working. I hate my job, love my wife, so I always tried to spend the last minute at home before leaving in the morning. But I’m drowning in stress. A little time to myself is hopefully making me more relaxed and a better husband. I always give too much and end up with nothing to give anyone, especially my wife and son. It’s the kind of thing a therapist might tell me to try. I think that some type of therapy might be beneficial for both of us.

 

[gabafucked]

Hi guys,

I am alive!
Doing Well.
I saw your post @Squeaky about Shroomy satori and yeah , I miss him. I think he must be dead.
So, I wanted you to know I am still here, still fighting, gaining some ground!

Been off morphine for almost a year now.
I am still taking Suboxone, trying to lower that gradually.
I found a doctor who suffers with debilitating migraines herself and she really helped me.
She gave me a medication that comes in pill form, nasal mist, and injections that helps so much!
Sumatriptan is the name of it, I just take it when I feel one coming on or can use the other forms if things get bad fast.
I am actually not living in fear of them anymore.

I am using Gabapentin and cannabis gummies for the chronic pain and the suboxone helps some.

I have made a lot of progress,
I am driving again, doing things, being interested in things again….kinda coming back to life.
It is an amazing feeling.
Not being sick all the time is so great!

I am proud of you all.
Keep trying, don’t give up.
Things can get better.

Much love to you all.
P.O.

Hi I know this post is old but I work in healthcare and just want to let you know about a medication called Nurtec for migraines. It is the best migraine med I've seen patients respond to in a long time. If you ever have problems with sumatriptan ask your provider about Nurtec. Way less side effects than imitrex and people seem ton respond super well to it. Insurance hates paying for it so your doc will likely have to do a prior authorization, but its a great med.

Edit: I just reread this post and realized it reads like an advertisement. I promise it's not big pharma is not paying me(I wish they were lmao). Just wanted to share something that might help someone i see suffering.

 

[Painful One]

Hi I know this post is old but I work in healthcare and just want to let you know about a medication called Nurtec for migraines. It is the best migraine med I've seen patients respond to in a long time. If you ever have problems with sumatriptan ask your provider about Nurtec. Way less side effects than imitrex and people seem ton respond super well to it. Insurance hates paying for it so your doc will likely have to do a prior authorization, but its a great med.

Thank you so much.
Migraine headaches have crippled my entire life.
I cannot even tell you all the places that I have had my vision go out and had to pull over and just sit in my car, throwing up, entirely crippled, open to anyone or anything that comes by and I am a beautiful woman, in crushing skull pain, waiting for my vision to come back so I can make it home.
I have brain damage from these severe skull crushing Headaches.

I will research the Nurtec.

Lately, with some control of the migraines I have been thinking I might even be able to have a relationship and get married again.
I have had some hope.

I appreciate you taking the time to give me this information.
It could be live saving for me.

 

[gabafucked]

Thank you so much.
Migraine headaches have crippled my entire life.
I cannot even tell you all the places that I have had my vision go out and had to pull over and just sit in my car, throwing up, entirely crippled, open to anyone or anything that comes by and I am a beautiful woman, in crushing skull pain, waiting for my vision to come back so I can make it home.
I have brain damage from these severe skull crushing Headaches.

I will research the Nurtec.

Lately, with some control of the migraines I have been thinking I might even be able to have a relationship and get married again.
I have had some hope.

I appreciate you taking the time to give me this information.
It could be live saving for me.

I'm glad to be able to share... I'm also going through it at the moment, but aren't all of us here to some degree haha. I would definitely recommend Nurtec as an option for sure. Almost no side effect profile, and as you know imitrex has so many. Your provider could also easily get some samples for you to try if they contact a drug rep... we used to have SO many that we would always have patients try If they came in with migraine (urgent care). If your provider will do the prior authorization saying you've failed other treatment options insurance should cover. They also have a discount card you can apply for on their website, but I'm not sure what the requirements are to be approved. I'm SURE this has already been done but I have to ask. You've had a scan done of your brain right? Are you by seeing a neurologist or just primary?

 

[Painful One]

Wow……Damn….. This sounds like a lot to carry P.O.

My only advice is to think about what they tell you on an airplane. Put your mask on first. Even when it comes to your children. You can’t help anyone else when you’re suffocating yourself.

I started leaving for work 15 minutes earlier than usual, just so that I can have that time to decompress in my car alone before starting my day at work. It’s not much but it seems to be working. I hate my job, love my wife, so I always tried to spend the last minute at home before leaving in the morning. But I’m drowning in stress. A little time to myself is hopefully making me more relaxed and a better husband. I always give too much and end up with nothing to give anyone, especially my wife and son. It’s the kind of thing a therapist might tell me to try. I think that some type of therapy might be beneficial for both of us.

Love you @Squeaky
Thank you for being such a good friend to me over all these years.
You always know what to say.
Not too much, not too little, but just right.
You are a great man.

 

[Painful One]

I'm glad to be able to share... I'm also going through it at the moment, but aren't all of us here to some degree haha. I would definitely recommend Nurtec as an option for sure. Almost no side effect profile, and as you know imitrex has so many. Your provider could also easily get some samples for you to try if they contact a drug rep... we used to have SO many that we would always have patients try If they came in with migraine (urgent care). If your provider will do the prior authorization saying you've failed other treatment options insurance should cover. They also have a discount card you can apply for on their website, but I'm not sure what the requirements are to be approved. I'm SURE this has already been done but I have to ask. You've had a scan done of your brain right? Are you by seeing a neurologist or just primary?

Sorry to hear you are going through it also.
My heart goes out to you.
I send my love.

Yeah, I have had MRI’s.
I need to get an updated one.
I have been to so many neurologists.
They have been no help.
All of them have a different opinion and want to do all kinds of stuff like Botox (which I tried and almost killed me), one wanted to put me on GHB, all kinds of stuff that I Don’t want to do and or have already tried. Some things I can’t afford.
One of them told me I had a brain tumor, one of them said I have narcolepsy.
The Only help they have been is one of them gave me gabapentin, which helps the chronic body pain I am in.

I had a general medical doctor treat me with morphine for 15 years and that worked but…you know, it was morphine.
Gave me some quality of life though. I could eat, sleep, do some things.
Then he retired and I couldn’t find another doctor who would take me.
Ended up at a Suboxone clinic and see a doctor there who suffers with migraines herself and was able to help me with the Imitrex.
I can’t even tell what the side effects are. No idea.
I am also a year coming off morphine too.…so…..
Just feel fucked in general.

 

[gabafucked]

Sorry to hear you are going through it also.
My heart goes out to you.
I send my love.

Yeah, I have had MRI’s.
I need to get an updated one.
I have been to so many neurologists.
They have been no help.
All of them have a different opinion and want to do all kinds of stuff like Botox (which I tried and almost killed me), one wanted to put me on GHB, all kinds of stuff that I Don’t want to do and or have already tried. Some things I can’t afford.
One of them told me I had a brain tumor, one of them said I have narcolepsy.
The Only help they have been is one of them gave me gabapentin, which helps the chronic body pain I am in.

I had a general medical doctor treat me with morphine for 15 years and that worked but…you know, it was morphine.
Gave me some quality of life though. I could eat, sleep, do some things.
Then he retired and I couldn’t find another doctor who would take me.
Ended up at a Suboxone clinic and see a doctor there who suffers with migraines herself and was able to help me with the Imitrex.
I can’t even tell what the side effects are. No idea.
I am also a year coming off morphine too.…so…..
Just feel fucked in general.

Ugh I am so sorry.... It sounds like a "functional" disorder which basically means we don't fucking know what the cause is lol. I wish you nothing but the best and I hope the Nurtec might be able to give you some help!! Emgality is another one that is a maintenance med rather than rescue that you could ask about. May need to see a neurologist for these depends on your doc. Let me know how things go!

 

[Painful One]

Ugh I am so sorry.... It sounds like a "functional" disorder which basically means we don't fucking know what the cause is lol. I wish you nothing but the best and I hope the Nurtec might be able to give you some help!! Emgality is another one that is a maintenance med rather than rescue that you could ask about. May need to see a neurologist for these depends on your doc. Let me know how things go!

Thank you.
I will ask her about these.
She is just a nurse practitioner I think.
But she has helped.

I want my low dose Morphine back. Sometimes.
I don’t know if I am doing better or worse.
Kinda feel in ”free fall”.

You okay?
Anything that I may be able to help you with?
I’m pretty wise.
I understand if you don’t want to talk about it.
This is a great thread for talking about it, if you ever need to vent.
With Love.
P.O.

 

[Squeaky]

Thank you.
I will ask her about these.
She is just a nurse practitioner I think.
But she has helped.

I want my low dose Morphine back. Sometimes.
I don’t know if I am doing better or worse.
Kinda feel in ”free fall”.

You okay?
Anything that I may be able to help you with?
I’m pretty wise.
I understand if you don’t want to talk about it.
This is a great thread for talking about it, if you ever need to vent.
With Love.
P.O.

I can’t remember….. have you tried THC. I used the gummies for about a year and it helped a lot. 10 mg per day and I didn’t even miss my oxy or want alcohol. Anxiety was gone. Pain was 90% better. I had to quit using it because my doctor is a prude (won’t treat anyone who uses marijuana). I didn’t want to change doctors.

 

[Painful One]

I can’t remember….. have you tried THC. I used the gummies for about a year and it helped a lot. 10 mg per day and I didn’t even miss my oxy or want alcohol. Anxiety was gone. Pain was 90% better. I had to quit using it because my doctor is a prude (won’t treat anyone who uses marijuana). I didn’t want to change doctors.

Oh yeah.

The doctor I am at now told me to use THC.
Even though they drug test me every time I go, they never say anything.
She is working on getting her license so she can prescribe it to me.

My brother lives in Las Vegas and he brings me gummies and buds from the dispensary.
I would be suicided without it.
It is expensive though.
I am hoping I can get insurance to cover it somehow.
I am poor.

I am glad that my family now helps me with this problem and they have seen how bad it is.
My Mormon Mom doesn’t even judge me about it and tells me to get it.
They have noticed that I am way better with it.
So I am not getting “The Judgment “from them anymore.
They have come to understand that this is not just drug addiction problem.

 

[gabafucked]

Thank you.
I will ask her about these.
She is just a nurse practitioner I think.
But she has helped.

I want my low dose Morphine back. Sometimes.
I don’t know if I am doing better or worse.
Kinda feel in ”free fall”.

You okay?
Anything that I may be able to help you with?
I’m pretty wise.
I understand if you don’t want to talk about it.
This is a great thread for talking about it, if you ever need to vent.
With Love.
P.O.

I totally understand your feelings about the morphine. It's really sad that the drugs that bring us the most relief (even used therapeutically and not recreationally) also bring us the most pain at times I recently posted a thread this morning about my issues at the moment if you'd like to take a look I appreciate all wisdom to learn from! I posted it this morning during a time of panic and catastrophizing. Mostly feeling okay at the moment... until tomorrow morning likely

 

[Squeaky]

Oh yeah.

The doctor I am at now told me to use THC.
Even though they drug test me every time I go, they never say anything.
She is working on getting her license so she can prescribe it to me.

My brother lives in Las Vegas and he brings me gummies and buds from the dispensary.
I would be suicided without it.
It is expensive though.
I am hoping I can get insurance to cover it somehow.
I am poor.

I am glad that my family now helps me with this problem and they have seen how bad it is.
My Mormon Mom doesn’t even judge me about it and tells me to get it.
They have noticed that I am way better with it.
So I am not getting “The Judgment “from them anymore.
They have come to understand that this is not just drug addiction problem.

I’m lucky to be in California. Dispensaries are everywhere .

 

[Iceman1216]

Hi guys,

I am alive!
Doing Well.
I saw your post @Squeaky about Shroomy satori and yeah , I miss him. I think he must be dead.
So, I wanted you to know I am still here, still fighting, gaining some ground!

Been off morphine for almost a year now.
I am still taking Suboxone, trying to lower that gradually.
I found a doctor who suffers with debilitating migraines herself and she really helped me.
She gave me a medication that comes in pill form, nasal mist, and injections that helps so much!
Sumatriptan is the name of it, I just take it when I feel one coming on or can use the other forms if things get bad fast.
I am actually not living in fear of them anymore.

I am using Gabapentin and cannabis gummies for the chronic pain and the suboxone helps some.

I have made a lot of progress,
I am driving again, doing things, being interested in things again….kinda coming back to life.
It is an amazing feeling.
Not being sick all the time is so great!

I am proud of you all.
Keep trying, don’t give up.
Things can get better.

Much love to you all.
P.O.

So wonderful to hear from you I have not been on in while , and really have missed all of you.
I am back here through Squ

Hi guys,

I am alive!
Doing Well.
I saw your post @Squeaky about Shroomy satori and yeah , I miss him. I think he must be dead.
So, I wanted you to know I am still here, still fighting, gaining some ground!

Been off morphine for almost a year now.
I am still taking Suboxone, trying to lower that gradually.
I found a doctor who suffers with debilitating migraines herself and she really helped me.
She gave me a medication that comes in pill form, nasal mist, and injections that helps so much!
Sumatriptan is the name of it, I just take it when I feel one coming on or can use the other forms if things get bad fast.
I am actually not living in fear of them anymore.

I am using Gabapentin and cannabis gummies for the chronic pain and the suboxone helps some.

I have made a lot of progress,
I am driving again, doing things, being interested in things again….kinda coming back to life.
It is an amazing feeling.
Not being sick all the time is so great!

I am proud of you all.
Keep trying, don’t give up.
Things can get better.

Much love to you all.
P.O.

So nice to see you here It's been awhile since I have been here , and I have missed all of you. I came back here to reread squeaky again , on how to get off of Norco???

 

[Iceman1216]

slooooow titration. i took about 6 mos to go from 120mg OC -> 10mg hydro. gonna jump off at 5mg

Thanks, this is what I need to do!?
Merry
Happy and healthy New year

 

[Iceman1216]

I’m finally far away enough from my dependance on opiates to say this:

I wouldn’t change anything, except that I would go back and change EVERYTHING if I could. It was a miserable experience, but I lived and it probably made me stronger. The hold that those tiny pills had on me was unbelievable.

I never understood how someone could be so weak as to become an “addict”. I was too strong. But I was addicted, and I’ll be an “addict” for the rest of my life.

The biggest problem is that we have a healthcare system that either treats us as a junkie or a potential customer for life. I was so happy when I finally got to a Dr who would write that first huge prescription for oxy. Looking back though, he was only trying to set the hook, and he did it very well. I was in pain and my pain was managed by the pills that ultimately caused me the most suffering.

I’m still struggling. On Lyrica for nerve damage. On alcohol for other reasons. On Taco Bell because I’m too damn lazy to pack lunch. Nobody’s perfect. But those little blue pills are behind me and my life is better. I’m writing this to remind myself that I need to remember.

Thanks brother !!
I am still on the opiate train , and really tired of it !!!
It's been over 10 years now WTF???
How does a sober man 15 years without a drop of alcohol and go to A.A. meetings get in this mess

 

[papercuts]

Thanks brother !!
I am still on the opiate train , and really tired of it !!!
It's been over 10 years now WTF???
How does a sober man 15 years without a drop of alcohol and go to A.A. meetings get in this mess

Same way a woman could stay sober 24 years (because my kids are everything), then fall straight into a large vat of opium as soon as they turn 18 and just feel like staying there. My kids are fine, all got their lives fairly well sorted, eldest two are doing very well, always knew they were ambitious but I didn't get to see how that translates in guys in their 20s until now! My youngest son and his girl live with my husband and myself, I'm not lonely or alone, there is a lot of love in our home and not that much work to do, no rent to pay, yay, paid off that mortgage then retired to smoke weed the rest of my life while living on a meagre disability allowance and the generousity of others.
Sounds like a nice life, eh?
It is.
Except for the fricking opium thing.
Don't get me wrong, I love the stuff, I just hate how after many months of non stop oral use my stomach gives up on me.
Now I'm sick. Every sodding morning is the same.
I wake in the early hours to the movement of my bowels and run for the toilet.
Why is my body clearing it out so quickly that I get sick so quickly?
My intake of food has dwindled to next to nothing, it hurts to eat.
I feel I'm just not managing this at all.
So I quit the last two new years in a row, can't do that this year, can't be sick in January, too much to do this year and I'm simply exhausted when I quit.
Only two people here know I use this stuff, my internet friends know but not so much IRL, I'm a respectable person with a good haircut (seriously, the hairdresser made me beautiful again, lol) I wash and keep the place ok. People don't realise I've these junkie tendancies.

It's the time of year I guess, I want to stop this and give myself better health, I feel ill all the time now but I'm really really scared of how it feels when I quit.

Maybe I could do it quickly in the space of five days before it all gets busy around here?

My method is to stop and wait for it all to go wrong, endure what I can for as long as I can, a few days maybe, then I start slapping on buprenorphine patches until I feel relief.

Sounds simple but it's exhausting and soul destroying and the seconds drag by so all those months on the good stuff seems like the identical length of time as those few days in withdrawal.

This is the tapering thread, but I cannot possibly face tapering it, I'm on five times the amount this year compared to last year, if I could manage on less then I would
groundhog day again
It's either I take more or I take less, as I am is making me sick.
For now it'll have to be more, the pain is killing me, rats are gnawing inside my stomach.
Later when I've more time, I'll get back on bupe (then sweat day and night while unable to see fuck all, I don't like the side effects).
How to pick a date?