I recently remembered that I had an account on this site, and I've been having some rough times in my life so I decided to post here.
Recently I was diagnosed with a chronic illness. I'm still pretty young so it's been very hard for me...I'm going to have to take medication every day for the rest of my life, and who knows what kind of complications there will be down the road. I'm not sure how everything in my life went so wrong sometimes; sometimes the stuff that happens to me doesn't even feel real. I've been sinking into harder and more persistent drug use than I'm normally used to lately, though, amphetamines, cocaine etc, and also alcohol which I've never been particularly a fan of until recently. I'm very depressed lately and have been contemplating my own mortality in unhealthy ways. I hate who I've become...I spent my last weekend just getting high and cleaning the dive of a place I live in. It even seems like I've been alienating my friends lately, and to top it all off I recently find out that I'm sick. And will continue down the road with this affliction for the foreseeable future. That really just kind of compounded the sense that I'm nothing but a drain on this world. The fact that I have the benefit of two parents who love me very much and have done everything they could to help me out just makes me more disgusted with myself, as I've done nothing but disappoint them throughout my life.
Just felt like writing that out and sharing it with someone, even if it's only random people on the internet.