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The Suicide Support Thread

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I just seem bent on self-destruction lately... Spent about $500 on drugs in two days... Still haven't done my taxes, and I have to pay a speeding ticket tomorrow, so I'm pretty fucked on that front, because now I have $5 to my name...

Ended up eating over 30mg of Xanax the other night, then decided to go out and score something more ... choice.
Snorted 30mg of oxy then quickly followed with two 30mg shots... Passed out not long after that second shot.
That's just what I remember, but the several other records of withdrawals from my bank account kinda suggest that's not all that happened... ($35 at Waffle House..?!)

Two months clean off buprenorphine. So much for that...

I'll save the long-ass sob story, but I'm about a step and a half from being homeless. If my grandmother had found me passed out with needles and alcohol swab wrappers laying everywhere, I sure as hell would be now... My mother's a lot more forgiving, fortunately, though she was pretty pissed about the IV thing...

I'm tired of living like this, and I can't for the life of me figure out how to turn things around or even find half a reason why I'd want to anyway... I'm just tired of it all. Tired, period... I don't think I could ever bring myself to intentionally pull the literal or proverbial trigger, but god damn this ain't no way to live... I may very well have been trying to the other night, or the initial Xanax intoxication may have just provoked my later actions, I don't really remember... I do remember that my initial plan was on Dilaudid 8's instead of roxi 30's, and if that had gone through, I probably wouldn't still be here to type this...... I'm afraid I'm going to succeed one day during one of these impulsive endeavors and wake up in a coffin with no clue what the fuck happened...

*Adds another scratch to the "brushes with death" wall*
 
i have bipolar 2 schizophrenia panic disorder and chronic back and neck pain and my doctor wants me to work
 
Sconnie, you've held on this long. What's changed so much that you can't hold on for another day? All of us have the option of suicide any time we choose. Why does it have to be now? Can't you put it off just till tomorrow and see what the new day brings? And if the new day brings more of the same old shit well you've proved you can get through the same old shit already getting through today so why not do it again? What's changed so dramatically that means that suicide has to be now. Hold on.

Same goes to everyone else struggling. When you find yourself walking through hell, look for the stubborn bastard in you and keep on bloody walking. It's the only way forward. Death is no solution. The admission of defeat solves nothing. It just puts an end to all possible solutions and all possible better futures. Don't go out to it. Get angry if you have to. Not anger at yourself, but at the death instinct that's doing this to you. No! <3
 
Pagey said:
I don't know what's happening to me right now but I'm having a massive emotional breakdown. It just fucking hit me a few hours ago and I've been feeling so insanely horrible. There's nothing I want more right now than to dose too much and shoot it all up and just make everything end once and for all. I don't even know why but I know I cannot fucking handle it right now. And it's even more terrifying because since I don't know what's causing it, there's nothing I can really do to help. All I know is that I feel like the world is crashing around me and that there's never gonna be a way out. I can't handle this.
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Feel free to PM me if you want to. There are also some amazing moderators for this sub-forum; PM one of them if you want. :)

It's going to be OK.

mrflowers00 said:
the only weird thing about druving the prius is that the breaks are super sensitive like i just barely press on it and the car comes to a halt and that was going 50mph literally stopped within 25 feet that was when i was hitting the breaks harder/normal after when i took it easy 30mph i stopped in probably 60 feet
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That's a good thing though! :)
 
I am severely depressed. I've been in a deep hole, joblessfor awhile, and my gf of 5 years started smoking cra ck and dumped me. To top it off, I have no friends, noone to ralk to.
 
severely etarded - Where in Texas are you, if you don't mind my asking? Just curious because I live in Texas, too. I might know some resources available to you if we are in the same general area.
 
im thinking about suicide daily, for about 7-8months now.thisis one of my first attempts to talk honestly about it. i just dont see how iĺl ever come out of the hole i buried myself in. what makes it sohard for me to talk about that irl is that i fear to be sent to the psych ward, without being able to influence my own situation.
 
stimutant said:
im thinking about suicide daily, for about 7-8months now.thisis one of my first attempts to talk honestly about it. i just dont see how iĺl ever come out of the hole i buried myself in. what makes it sohard for me to talk about that irl is that i fear to be sent to the psych ward, without being able to influence my own situation.
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I definitely feared going into a psych ward when I was suicidal too, except I lived with it for about 9 years before things changed for the better for me. I'm extremely thankful to have gotten past this part of my life, and it was totally worth getting through to the better side of things. There's light at the end of the tunnel for everyone.

You can always PM me if there's something you don't want to share publicly in this thread.
 
Captain.Heroin said:
Want to PM me?

I can't say I feel much different at the moment, but I hope you feel better soon man.
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I would just not really sure what to say :(

Pain meds refill coming soon at least

@ pancake - not really bound to a particular area but I get mail in south tx. Been thinking about going to Austin state hospital.
 
severely etarded said:
I am severely depressed. I've been in a deep hole, joblessfor awhile, and my gf of 5 years started smoking cra ck and dumped me. To top it off, I have no friends, noone to ralk to.
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that is a shame to hear but if she's getting into crack you might be better off not seeing her anymore. Not that I know her as a person but just from personal observations im saying that, it is a bad spiral.

and you gotta realize the shit we can do with computers is a unique skill man. You don't even realize how much you know until you try to talk to someone about it and they look at you like you have 3 heads.

just remember any size hole can be climbed out of it just takes someone to throw you a rope sometimes. and it may seem like nobody is throwing that rope right now but everything happens for a reason you just have to trust that shit will work out and keep yourself motivated to work on changing things that are in your control, not things that are outside of it.
 
shimazu said:
that is a shame to hear but if she's getting into crack you might be better off not seeing her anymore. Not that I know her as a person but just from personal observations im saying that, it is a bad spiral.

and you gotta realize the shit we can do with computers is a unique skill man. You don't even realize how much you know until you try to talk to someone about it and they look at you like you have 3 heads.

just remember any size hole can be climbed out of it just takes someone to throw you a rope sometimes. and it may seem like nobody is throwing that rope right now but everything happens for a reason you just have to trust that shit will work out and keep yourself motivated to work on changing things that are in your control, not things that are outside of it.
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Thanks for the advice. I know the spiral my gf is going down, and that's what's so saddening. How much her personality has changed, so quickly.

I sold a couple bitcoin mining rigs on ebay, but no more since. I'm hanging on right now but I recently started smoking cigs again... for the first time in 5 years (my ex made me quit). It's almost like I want to die, ASAP. I've been thinking about it a lot lately and the opiates are about the only thing that makes me not give a fuck.
 
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