The Suicide Support Thread

[AlphaMethylPhenyl]

that's a good reason to keep on going, man

I think about that most days

good luck, its good to have you around

 

[Captain.Heroin]

the only reason i'm glad they saved my life is the fact that they didn't have to lose me i know they would have been devastated

Mr. Flowers, you have the potential to help a lot of other people. No matter what, your life will always have meaning and purpose. I really encourage you to PM me if you need help thinking about what you can do with your life.

 

[Eric B]

I hope everyone is hanging in there. I've been feeling pretty low lately. I've never done it before but my mind keeps turning to self harming. I just want to hurt myself/don't care about my well being. I think I'd be too scared to do it though because if people found out I was like this it would be too much to deal with

 

[Captain.Heroin]

I hope everyone is hanging in there. I've been feeling pretty low lately. I've never done it before but my mind keeps turning to self harming. I just want to hurt myself/don't care about my well being. I think I'd be too scared to do it though because if people found out I was like this it would be too much to deal with

Why don't you reach out to some friends/family? You can always PM me if you would like.

 

[Sepher]

the only reason i'm glad they saved my life is the fact that they didn't have to lose me i know they would have been devastated

The only thing that's kept me going at times is the thought that my mum has already lost her husband, parents, her closest brothers and sisters. I can't let her lose her son also. She doesn't deserve that. Sometimes reasons like that are enough. They get us through the darkest patches and keep us going, hopefully long enough to get past them.

I hope everyone is hanging in there. I've been feeling pretty low lately. I've never done it before but my mind keeps turning to self harming. I just want to hurt myself/don't care about my well being. I think I'd be too scared to do it though because if people found out I was like this it would be too much to deal with

You know where this is coming from Eric? Is it a kind of lesser of two evils thing compared to a suicidal instinct, or something different you think?

Anyways, be strong guys. Lots of us suffering of late, we can get through this. There are better days out there, if we can only hold on long enough to find them. Keep on reaching out.

 

[mrflowers00]

i just applied at the local junior college in the culinary arts i'm pretty excited maybe this will give me some lust for life and not be so suicidal

 

[vibrancy3]

Good luck flower00, Higher education is great way to learn, discover and a achieve a profession that is worthwhile in the real world and build realtionships with other like minded people. i wish you the best of luck.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

i just applied at the local junior college in the culinary arts i'm pretty excited maybe this will give me some lust for life and not be so suicidal

That's really awesome man! I'm glad to hear you have something especially great to look forward to.

 

[Eric B]

Why don't you reach out to some friends/family? You can always PM me if you would like.

To be honest CH I'm not comfortable talking about these things with anyone I know in real life. It's all about keeping a good face, I couldn't imagine talking about this stuff in real life. Thanks a lot for your offer & concern, I will PM you later today. I need to get out of the house.

The only thing that's kept me going at times is the thought that my mum has already lost her husband, parents, her closest brothers and sisters. I can't let her lose her son also. She doesn't deserve that. Sometimes reasons like that are enough. They get us through the darkest patches and keep us going, hopefully long enough to get past them.

This is similar to me. I just couldn't do that to my siblings.

You know where this is coming from Eric? Is it a kind of lesser of two evils thing compared to a suicidal instinct, or something different you think?
Anyways, be strong guys. Lots of us suffering of late, we can get through this. There are better days out there, if we can only hold on long enough to find them. Keep on reaching out.

Hey Sepher, thanks a lot for your reply. How are you going? I'm just going through a rough patch at the moment. I've never talked openly about my depression (a part from on BL, thanks so much guys!). When shit gets bad I just get flashes in my head of self harming. Before I would block this out and just stop thinking about it. Nowadays these thoughts are getting more common and it's getting harder to block them out. It's like if you're a married man and at work there's a pretty girl. You might think of doing the dirty deed but you quickly block it out. After time it just gets harder & harder to block out.

In terms of self-harm vs suicide thoughts I think it might just be a way of punishing myself and just feeling numb. I'd love to just drink for days by myself but I can't because I need to drive to get to work and I'm not going to drink drive. Lately I've wanted to get my hands on opiates but I'm not well connected in that scene. I've thinking of extracting some codeine as we can get them OTC here. Every time something stressful happens it's like I just zone out and start thinking of ways to hurt myself and how easy it would be not to have to deal with this shit if I wasn't here. Before if I got angry I would retaliate against whatever it was. Now it's like I just give up and keep thinking that there is an easy way out of this (ceasing to exist).

My sister has been trying to reach out to me lately. I think she might know that I'm getting a bit depressed or whatever but not the extent of it. I just can't imagine talking to someone in real life that knows me about it. Ever since I was young the aim of the game has been to come off as a normal person. Show no signs of weakness, just keep smiling and pretend that everything is alright. It's like you want to reach out for help but when the help reaches out to you, you quickly brush it away. I don't know, I just don't want to lean on anyone with my personal shit.

Thanks heaps for reading guys. mrflowers00 I'm really glad your looking into higher education. I wish you the best man.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

To be honest CH I'm not comfortable talking about these things with anyone I know in real life. It's all about keeping a good face, I couldn't imagine talking about this stuff in real life. Thanks a lot for your offer & concern, I will PM you later today. I need to get out of the house.

You can always PM me.

I think that the best way to think about this, is in terms of a video game.

You wouldn't want to play a boring video game without many challenges, and the same goes for real life. The most rewarding and interesting real lives are the ones with the most challenges and hardships in them. Sometimes we don't realize this and lose sight of what we are struggling through all of this for.

 

[ad lib]

The most rewarding and interesting real lives are the ones with the most challenges and hardships in them. Sometimes we don't realize this and lose sight of what we are struggling through all of this for.

This.

There can be beauty in the struggle. You'll become a better person as a result & able to pass on your wisdom/experiences to others. Hope things get better for you, Eric B.

 

[severely etarded]

I'm sick and tired of my miserable existence. I long for human affection but I just don't feel like I belong.. anywhere. I hope the ones here who care about me won't miss me too much because today I just want to cease to exist completely. I give up.

 

[Cloudy]

I'm so sick and tired of bullshit. I just lost my job for no good reason (gonna fight it at HR tomorrow though). I have no job no money, about to be homeless again. I'm getting my methadone script in the mail in the next 2 days, and at that point I'm just going <snip> put an end to all this shit. I'm a piece of shit. A waste of mother fucking space, and I've had enough. I'm done. Im done being a broke ass mother fucker. I'm done being a doormat. If i could off myself tonight I would.

Hopefully saturday night I'll be dead. Thanks for all the help in the past.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

I'm sick and tired of my miserable existence. I long for human affection but I just don't feel like I belong.. anywhere. I hope the ones here who care about me won't miss me too much because today I just want to cease to exist completely. I give up.

I'd try moving somewhere new man, it would really help you feel better IMO.

PM me before you even think about harming yourself at all, ok?

 

[mrflowers00]

i wish i could off myself without anyone caring

 

[the black sun]

i guess i'm here because this sort of thing is accepted and because of that i am feeling very free to talk about my own thoughts at the moment. i am feeling very suicidal at the moment and there is a huge conflict within myself. the fact that i have a deep feeling that is scarily pushing me to do it. the feeling actually proposes the fact that i should do it and it has escalated more and more the past month. today is a bad day. i am however going to go out in the back garden and do some writing just to give myself some time more on this planet. i was just on the phone to my brother. i can't bare to talk to my family when i am feeling like this because i automatically burst into tears. i don't want to hurt them but my action (if it ever happens) won't be to hurt them but it will be a very personal decision because i actually don't want to be on this planet anymore. strangely it feels like a mutual agreement with myself but it is not myself that would want to kill itself. it feels like a total different entity is giving me the go ahead. i just feel like i am a walking contradictory towards life. i think the only thing that will ever truly save me after years of torment is close intimacy with someone else. i have a lot to offer and can actually be happy, i just can't remember the last time i was truly happy. i don't know anymore but for some reason suicide is becoming more and more realistic everyday.

 

[mrflowers00]

life isn't so bad you have to suffer to enjoy the good times

 

[severely etarded]

i guess i'm here because this sort of thing is accepted and because of that i am feeling very free to talk about my own thoughts at the moment. i am feeling very suicidal at the moment and there is a huge conflict within myself. the fact that i have a deep feeling that is scarily pushing me to do it. the feeling actually proposes the fact that i should do it and it has escalated more and more the past month. today is a bad day. i am however going to go out in the back garden and do some writing just to give myself some time more on this planet. i was just on the phone to my brother. i can't bare to talk to my family when i am feeling like this because i automatically burst into tears. i don't want to hurt them but my action (if it ever happens) won't be to hurt them but it will be a very personal decision because i actually don't want to be on this planet anymore. strangely it feels like a mutual agreement with myself but it is not myself that would want to kill itself. it feels like a total different entity is giving me the go ahead. i just feel like i am a walking contradictory towards life. i think the only thing that will ever truly save me after years of torment is close intimacy with someone else. i have a lot to offer and can actually be happy, i just can't remember the last time i was truly happy. i don't know anymore but for some reason suicide is becoming more and more realistic everyday.

I feel you man fail after fail.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

i wish i could off myself without anyone caring

You can't stop people from caring.

 

[mrflowers00]

i know no matter how much of a dick i am to people the will still care about me