Bupe Suboxone/Buprenorphine FAQ and Megathread v.1; 2007 - 2010

[Captain.Heroin]

Some people have very negative effects as a result of Suboxone, so please don't continue using it if this happens to you regularly.

If you do want to keep trying it, try a lower dose first and then titrate upwards as needed.

Buprenorphine is a very, very potent opiate.

-> Suboxone Mega Thread

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Well I've found myself a private prescriber and I'm going on long term (as short as possible) subutex, looking at 4mg and dropping to 2mg asap, and then stabilising and slowly dropping.

Nice man! I'm really glad for you. I don't know how it all works out $ wise, or where you live, but where I live and under my policy, I pay a certain $, I get as many Suboxone as I'm prescribed. So, if it works better for you to only get as much bupe as necessary, you can do that. Or, if you're still paying a flat rate, see if you can get a higher daily dose, and then keep yourself at where you are now (so as to build a stockpile for later to get your $'s worth).

But I'm really glad you're going to go on buprenorphine long term man. I've been on Suboxone for a year and it's changed my life 100%. I couldn't imagine ever using again.

Got a 7 day chemist near by that will dose me daily for $25 a week and I can turn up between 9-5pm no piss tests or anything. After the first week I can get 3-4 take aways a week as well.

That's the best way to go - no piss tests. Most places that DO piss test will CHARGE YOU a LOT for them. I don't see why people would pay someone else to make sure they're not taking drugs - doesn't make sense to me at all.

This is going to work really well for me and I think it will get me finally clean.

Thank you so much to then woman who spent the 3 hours calling favours on all her friends (doctors and colleagues) to find a doctor who will take me on and a pharmacy 5 minutes walk from my house.

I had a lot of gratitude for the staff who helped me get on Suboxone too - I told them how much it meant to me for sure.

I'm glad you're going to get clean with the help of buprenorphine man.

Let us know how it goes and update us with your process.

Cheers!

C.H.

I plan on maintaining the 2mg/x3 dose for at least a few days if it hopefully keeps me from feeling any w/d symptoms.

Captain, you split 1mg 3 or 4 times a day right? If you don't mind me asking, how long have you been doing this and how do you administer your doses?
Cheers

Sounds good man, 2mg 3x a day is the most I would take when I was first quitting heroin. I'm glad to hear it holds you.

I'll PM you, but I use 0.25mg, typically 3 to 5 times a day. I'll go ahead and PM you after I post this.

Apparently they are meant to watch me dose there but most the time they don't have time to. I am going to ask if I can take the 2mg there initially and the other 2mg later in the afternoon as I believe this will hold me better than one big dose.

Thanks capt h for the PM, I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to reply properly but I did really appreciate it. You do a lot of good work for this site.

No problem man.

If you ask them, I don't know if they'd say yes or no. However if they don't have time to watch you, you might as well just take one and save the other for later (in a pocket, etc). Then again I don't know policies of such places and I wouldn't want you to get in to trouble, perhaps asking them is the better thing.

It's really up to you, I'd ask first at least because they might say yes. Or, they might let you come in for the first 2mg at 9 am and the 2nd at 5 pm or something like that.

I don't know to be honest.

Thanks for the compliment, I try to help this site out as well as I can.

I have a quick question, and I really apologize if this has been answered before, seeing as how I didn't really read each and every single page of this thread. It's kind of a stupid question, however there's plenty people a lot more knowledgeable than me on here so what the hell...

I've been on suboxone maitenance for the past month or so attempting to quit my dope habit. I started out at 8 mg of suboxone a day, and after a couple weeks I tapered to 6 mg. A few days after getting to 6 mg I found myself with an urge to get the good ol' opiate high that we all know and love, that I haven't had in a little while. I decided that I would try snorting my subs nasally to see if they would bring any sort of high seeing as how nasal bioavailability is higher than sublingual. So I snorted two 2 mg suboxone, 4 mg total and I actually found myself feeling a little bit of a high, nothing compared to dope ofcourse, but I still felt "kind of" good. My question is, after already being fairly used to a sublingual dose of 6-8mg on subs, is it possible that I actually did get high by snorting that dose?, or was it simply all in my head? Because at the time I did it simply to come down from an upper that I had taken that day. I know everyones body is different than others, but if anyone has any further experience than me. Let me know, thanks!

You probably did get high from it, but the idea is that you should really not snort your Suboxone each time, but if you are going to, to snort tiny amounts throughout the day so as to keep you from WDing as efficiently as possible without getting "too high". Snorting a large dose of Suboxone is only going to help increase your tolerance, so that you may even feel like snorting more Suboxone in a day, which eventually would be a larger BA equivalent than sublingually using 6 to 8 mg. This is why you should probably have started with 1mg or 2mg insuffulated, and then boosted it with 0.5mg or 1mg increments afterwards.

If you're craving a high, seek out other drugs that don't have such a physical dependency like opiates (weed, some psychedelics, or other drugs that you don't have a problem with). After all, the point of Suboxone is to help satiate the need to "get high". It's better to just use enough buprenorphine than using a lot to "get high", in my opinion.

 

[rickylee]

^Sunday seems good... That'll be what, like 40-something hours? Since you took off the previous few days, you'll have gotten a good bit out of your system by Sunday.

thanx BW...it DID work

 

[PNW]

I am on day two without shooting heroin. I didnt wait quite long enough to start the suboxone at 12 hours after my last shot and feeling super sweaty and prickly I dissolved 8mg under my tongue.

This seemed to hold things off ok until about 6pm last night when I started more super heavy sweating and the restless legs. So far no throwing up or Diahann which has been a blessing. I took 3mg more last night at about 10pm, and then feeling somewhat ok this morning I took about 4mg under the tongue which has seemed to hold my w/d at bay other than the prickly sweaty feeling which I guess I just am going to have to deal with until day 10 or so.

I plan to go the rest of the day on the 4mg I took this morning and then take another 4 before going to bed "mostly of which I won't sleep" and then sticking to 4mg for the next day, which I will then half to 2mg for 1 day, and then 1mg for the last day which will use up the last of my suboxone.

Any advice or words of encouragement are greatly appreciated. If you think I am going to go back to full W/D on this schedule after running out please let me know. I may be able to get more and it would be a hassle if I did but if it is going to avoid full on w/d then it would be worth it.

I have a 19mo son who's mom and I are not together and she has recently had a mental break down and can't do much to take care of him. I have started taking custody 5-7 days a week now, and CAN NOT be a good father on dope.

Plain and simple, I just need need to end it this time for good, or at least until my son is a grown man. I have always sneered at those who had kids and shot dope as cowards, and it wasn't until I took my son on a run to the city to cop that I truly felt what it is like to be a piece of shit in every sense of the word.

My ego cannot protect me from it this time. Taking your kid with is by far the lowest point on the junky totem pole, and as far as I can see it, I owe him a lifetime of sobriety and just being a good example as a father just for putting him through that, weather he knows what was going on or not.

I am a piece of shit, the lowest of the low right now, and all I want to do is climb out of this hole for good. My son is such a wonderful kid, always beautiful and smiling, in awe of the world, and he deserves better than a junky ass father who lets black tar run his life.

I would rather it kill me than to stick one more needle into my vein.

I should also add that all of the sub doctors in my city are full and have a waiting list that I just cannot wait for. I am on all the lists but couldn't wait any longer to quit because of my situation with my son. I have quit dope several times in the past the hard way so w/d are nothing new to me. This isn't to say I am super man and can withstand them when they are bad, but I can deal with my fair share of sweating and resltless legs before going crazy.

I have had to obtain my sub on the street paying 5$ for each 8mg orange pill. "at least they were real" I can probably get more if I need to but I am hoping to just taper down at the end of the week from the suboxone and then just let the rest of the dope symptoms sun their course. What I am hoping is that the suboxone is going to at least get me through the worst of the withdrawls and make it possible just to tough out the last part. I was shooting about a gram of tar a day for about a month before quitting. Before that I only did a gram every few days, but with a long history of using I get addicted fast.

Anyways, this thread seems like the best one to ask in, and Capt H, you are such a kind and caring person, and I really hope you can help me get through this with some enouraging words. Thanks to everyone who makes this place such a wonderful haven for those of us who need a shoulder to cry on now and then. It really does make a difference.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

I am on day two without shooting heroin. I didnt wait quite long enough to start the suboxone at 12 hours after my last shot and feeling super sweaty and prickly I dissolved 8mg under my tongue.

This seemed to hold things off ok until about 6pm last night when I started more super heavy sweating and the restless legs. So far no throwing up or Diahann which has been a blessing. I took 3mg more last night at about 10pm, and then feeling somewhat ok this morning I took about 4mg under the tongue which has seemed to hold my w/d at bay other than the prickly sweaty feeling which I guess I just am going to have to deal with until day 10 or so.

I plan to go the rest of the day on the 4mg I took this morning and then take another 4 before going to bed "mostly of which I won't sleep" and then sticking to 4mg for the next day, which I will then half to 2mg for 1 day, and then 1mg for the last day which will use up the last of my suboxone.

Any advice or words of encouragement are greatly appreciated. If you think I am going to go back to full W/D on this schedule after running out please let me know. I may be able to get more and it would be a hassle if I did but if it is going to avoid full on w/d then it would be worth it.

I have a 19mo son who's mom and I are not together and she has recently had a mental break down and can't do much to take care of him. I have started taking custody 5-7 days a week now, and CAN NOT be a good father on dope.

Plain and simple, I just need need to end it this time for good, or at least until my son is a grown man. I have always sneered at those who had kids and shot dope as cowards, and it wasn't until I took my son on a run to the city to cop that I truly felt what it is like to be a piece of shit in every sense of the word.

My ego cannot protect me from it this time. Taking your kid with is by far the lowest point on the junky totem pole, and as far as I can see it, I owe him a lifetime of sobriety and just being a good example as a father just for putting him through that, weather he knows what was going on or not.

I am a piece of shit, the lowest of the low right now, and all I want to do is climb out of this hole for good. My son is such a wonderful kid, always beautiful and smiling, in awe of the world, and he deserves better than a junky ass father who lets black tar run his life.

I would rather it kill me than to stick one more needle into my vein.

I should also add that all of the sub doctors in my city are full and have a waiting list that I just cannot wait for. I am on all the lists but couldn't wait any longer to quit because of my situation with my son. I have quit dope several times in the past the hard way so w/d are nothing new to me. This isn't to say I am super man and can withstand them when they are bad, but I can deal with my fair share of sweating and resltless legs before going crazy.

I have had to obtain my sub on the street paying 5$ for each 8mg orange pill. "at least they were real" I can probably get more if I need to but I am hoping to just taper down at the end of the week from the suboxone and then just let the rest of the dope symptoms sun their course. What I am hoping is that the suboxone is going to at least get me through the worst of the withdrawls and make it possible just to tough out the last part. I was shooting about a gram of tar a day for about a month before quitting. Before that I only did a gram every few days, but with a long history of using I get addicted fast.

Anyways, this thread seems like the best one to ask in, and Capt H, you are such a kind and caring person, and I really hope you can help me get through this with some enouraging words. Thanks to everyone who makes this place such a wonderful haven for those of us who need a shoulder to cry on now and then. It really does make a difference.

I'm sure you can get through it man. We don't do prices here so I edited them out, but Suboxone is a pretty expensive commodity and it has gone for 2 or 4x that amount, or more.

If you can get a few more Suboxone, either via a friend or a doctor, then I would encourage you to do that. Some of us need a longer stint on Suboxone than others, so whatever feels right for you I would go with it. If you think this Suboxone will help buffer the taper to being bearable and then you'll be back to your old self, then you can certainly try that. If you need to go on Suboxone a little bit longer, then by all means please do that too.

I'm certain you can do it man and I wish you the best.

Feel free to PM me or ask any questions you may have.

It's good you're getting clean to take care of your son, that means a lot to him and he will certainly be grateful for your decision when he's older. I can tell you really care for him and you're doing this for the best of both his and your life, and I am glad you're taking responsibility.

You'll have a never ending source of support to get you through this - communicating with your son, reading with him, playing with him, teaching him the basics of life, etc will give you much to focus on so that you are "busy" so you are less likely to crave. I have found the more social interaction the better when withdrawing, it seemed talking to others inherently made me feel better.

Let us know how it goes man, be safe and take it easy,
C.H.

 

[PNW]

Thanks

Thanks so much for your kind words. It really does help to ease the symptoms a little. I can see from reading this thread that I don't think I need quite as much sub at this point as I thought I would to keep my w/d at bay at least enough to function. I am going to go as far as I can on this 4mg I took this morning, and then do another 4 this evening and start of with 2mg tomorrow morning and see how i feel. If I can through tomorrow only only 4mg total then it will leave me a bit extra to work with for the coming days without having to get more.

As of wed evening I will be out of sub and it will be day 6 of no H at all in the system, so I am hoping by then that my w/d will be minor enough to handle until they are going. I feel that if I just get through the worst of this week I will be in a much better mindset to continue fighting the W/D on my own knowing that they are on the downside at least.

I have gotten rid of all my rigs, cookers, cottons, everything, and made sure to remove anything at all from my house that reminds me of H, and even got new air freshener for the bathroom to make it smell different. "Smells can be a huge craving trigger btw"

One nice thing for me is that I have never found H in my town and have always had to make a drive to get it. As long as I can steer clear of that drive for a long long time, I don't see a lot of danger in relapsing as I wasn't getting very high from the tar anymore anyways, and was basiclly only doing the amount I was doing to feel normal and not even to get high.

I just want my life back before this H mess gained control. I keep visualizing what life is going to be like clean, and with my son being raised as I know he should be. I just keep his picture in my pocket at all times and pull it out every time the w/d get really bad.

Today seems much better than last night though, and I think my smaller dosage of suboxone is working better than the full 8mg i was trying to take at first.

I wish I had found this thread before taking that first dosage, but at least I am doing ok now.

If this is as bad as my w/d symptoms get for the next week it should be pretty smooth sailing. Once I know that I am only coming off of the suboxone I think I will feel like a real father again, and that I just need to hang in there until it is finished.

I haven't craved dope once, and even threw out my huge cotton supply in the midst of my worse w/ds last night. The worse I feel, the less I ever want this shit in my life again. Ever.

I hope this continues once I am totally clean however as this seems like the worse time for a H addict is when they have kicked it, and gotten over the sickness.

That is when the real test begins of staying clean.

No more lying to myself about how I'm going to "stay in control this time"


I am writing this for you and myself all to witness..

I AM NOT IN CONTROL OF MY DOPE HABIT. I NEVER WAS. I NEVER WILL BE. DRUGS HAVE CAUSED MY LIFE TO BECOME OUT OF CONTROL AND I DON'T EVER WANT IT TO HAPPEN TO ME AGAIN. I AM DONE THIS TIME FOR GOOD. NO AMOUNT OF RATIONALIZATION IS EVER GOING TO MAKE IT OK TO DO DOPE AGAIN NOT EVEN ONCE.

Thanks again for being here to listen. Your words about my son and I, and encouraging me to go for it and to kick this nasty habit are going to be with me all week, and will no doubt make a huge difference in the chances of my success.

EDIT: I will also add that on day two of 0 heroin usage that the 4mg I took this morning at about 7am is still holding me just fine at 12pm still. I am wondering if I should just wait until I start to feel more W/D or just keep taking my 4mg later this efternoon and this evening in 2mg portions. Today should be the worst of my heroin W/D and I have to say I feel more normal than I have in months.

Thanks sub, and to Capt H for helping me along this dark road. I will keep you updated so you can see how this quick taper worked for me in the end. So far I haven't a single complaint other than I should have waited longer to take the initial dose so I would have skipped the horrible W/D symptoms I had last night before "bed"

At last for now the sub is holding just find, and though I don't feel high in any way, it is just a great feeling to not be sick and not be jamming a needle into an almost non-existent vein every six hours to prevent that sickness. Unless things take a serious turn for the worse in the next week or so I don't see myself failing at this attempt to quit. I know it is a long hard road once I am clean, but just the hope of continuing to feel normal without using any heroin every day is more than enough to keep me going strong.

Just know that all you blue lighters really do make a difference. I have spent hours reading people's stories on here, and how getting clean has changed their life and I want you all to know that just posting your experiences has helped me get to where I am right now which is a hell of a lot better of a place than I was last week. Thanks guys.

 

[Johnny blue]

Sounds like you're on the right path PNW. Keep it up and remember the right dose is one that keeps the wd at bay and keeps the cravings at bay. Even with suboxone relapse is a very real possibility. Stay up

 

[PNW]

I just want this cycle to end. No feeling is worth all of this. I think I am done for good this time if I can just make it through these w/d's without relapsing I think I will be just fine on the other side. I know myself enough now that I can't lie to myself anymore about controlling my usage.

I know that I am never in control as long as I have a rig and a bag of H to my name.


This time I am done for sure.

 

[Johnny blue]

Well good luck bro. You may want to look into a NA or even AA group for some support too. Justa suggestion. Hope you make it through just fine man.

 

[PNW]

And a good suggestion at that. We have a local NA group that I think I am going to start making it to as soon as I feel better.

I am still hanging in strong on the Sub though. I did do another 2mg at 1pm today as the sweating was starting up again, and all seems to be holding find now.

I will just continue to do this in 2mg as soon as my w/d return and continue until I am out of subs in a couple days.

A H friend just called me freaking out because they are sick and want to score more black. I simply told her that I was quitting and that I would buy her some suboxone if she could find us some, but that I would not buy her more H to get high with. This is just more reinforcement that I am doing the right thing. She barely even made sense and sounded like she was on her death bed. I even offered 2mg of suboxone but the blocker scared her so she said no.


I am so over this shit. Yes NA will be a good addition to my life when this is over.

 

[PNW]

simply amazing

48 hours into semi severe heroin withdrawl and 2mg suboxone has kept me totally symptom free for two hours. I am just going to continue on this regiment of 2mg at a time at the first sign w/d and see how it goes when I finish the sub.

Do you think if I did this for 5 days straight with 0 heroin usage I am still going to go into w/d when my suboxone runs out?

 

[Johnny blue]

Its hard to say. I usually go for a 2 week plan that ends in a few days at .25mg a day. I would try and get more if you can and try and go another week at least. If you can try and reduce you dose and see how that treats ya. Maybe 1mg at a time tomorrow and the next day. Maybe see if you can go any lower after that until you're on the .25 a day and then jumping off should be pretty comfortable. Don't forget about post acute withdrawal syndrome which can last for quite a while and can cause some depression and just a general malaise. Just stick with what you're doing and never go back to a "this one time won't hurt" mentality.

PM me if for whatever or if you're just having a bad day.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

A H friend just called me freaking out because they are sick and want to score more black. I simply told her that I was quitting and that I would buy her some suboxone if she could find us some, but that I would not buy her more H to get high with. This is just more reinforcement that I am doing the right thing. She barely even made sense and sounded like she was on her death bed. I even offered 2mg of suboxone but the blocker scared her so she said no.


I am so over this shit. Yes NA will be a good addition to my life when this is over.

I had to remove any junkies out of my life and it really helped me with getting off of heroin.

Offering your friend Suboxone was a great move, maybe one day she'll call you back asking about it if she's ready to get clean too.

A lot of people get really desperate when they're coming down, it's normal.

You're doing really good and have the right mentality to quit once and for all. The horrible WD symptoms are what made me overall uninterested in heroin finally too. It takes time and the right environment and it sounds like you're taking the right steps to getting clean.

If you want to PM me some time don't hesitate to.

simply amazing

48 hours into semi severe heroin withdrawl and 2mg suboxone has kept me totally symptom free for two hours. I am just going to continue on this regiment of 2mg at a time at the first sign w/d and see how it goes when I finish the sub.

Do you think if I did this for 5 days straight with 0 heroin usage I am still going to go into w/d when my suboxone runs out?

I thought it was pretty amazing, I was around 2 days (maybe a little less or more, but I definitely was at hour 36 as a minimum) into heroin WD and I finally got Suboxone. A single 2mg tablet eliminated around 70 maybe 75% of the WD symptoms.

I would suggest taking 2mg whenever you "really need it", because it's natural to feel "one or two" WD symptoms as you're detoxing from heroin that even Suboxone may not help. If you're not feeling well and are feeling several WD symptoms, then sure it's OK to take another 2mg. If you're only feeling one WD symptom, try to tough it out as long as you can though.

I really do personally find using Suboxone only once in a while more effective than any more frequently than that.

 

[PNW]

Thanks for the great advice guys. My plan is now to try to reduce my amount taken by 1mg for the next day after this one to see how I adjust. If I can get it down a little faster than I planned to, and still stand the w/ds then it will give me more sub in the long run to work with before running out.

This is all great advice though, and I can't say enough how much you guys are helping me out. I will return to update daily and let you know how things are going.

I have such a blessed life, and am really hoping that just staying active with NA, and spending time with my son is going to help this depression part that comes afterwards.

Thanks again for the update, I still feel fine and have only taken 2mg, so I think 1mg tomorrow might just work.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Thanks for the great advice guys. My plan is now to try to reduce my amount taken by 1mg for the next day after this one to see how I adjust. If I can get it down a little faster than I planned to, and still stand the w/ds then it will give me more sub in the long run to work with before running out.

This is all great advice though, and I can't say enough how much you guys are helping me out. I will return to update daily and let you know how things are going.

I have such a blessed life, and am really hoping that just staying active with NA, and spending time with my son is going to help this depression part that comes afterwards.

Thanks again for the update, I still feel fine and have only taken 2mg, so I think 1mg tomorrow might just work.

Sounds like a good plan, man. I don't know if you'll be depressed afterwards, some people are. However, I didn't find much depression after I got on Suboxone. Granted, I haven't gotten off of Suboxone yet, so I can't really say. However, even when I have gone long without my dose, I feel pretty normal.

People's experiences vary a lot when quitting Suboxone, though.

 

[cire113]

do you guys think being on sub a long time really is that bad?

i mean like years

 

[Captain.Heroin]

do you guys think being on sub a long time really is that bad?

i mean like years

I've been on it for 1 year and 3 months so far, I'm not complaining.

I think it depends at what dose you're on, and your personal situation.

Some people might actually need to be on it that long, so I wouldn't say it's "bad".

 

[StaffWriter]

Yeah, looks like me and Capt. H got on suboxone around the same time. I've gone from 16mg down to 4-6mg a day in the past 15 months. I couldn't be more pleased. I have energy, gotten and kept two jobs and look forward to a bright future. I'm hoping to get one more script for #60 8mg and taper all the way down and maybe get off by March. I certainly wouldn't mind being on it for life if it was economically viable for me to do so.

 

[Captain.Heroin]

Yeah, looks like me and Capt. H got on suboxone around the same time. I've gone from 16mg down to 4-6mg a day in the past 15 months. I couldn't be more pleased. I have energy, gotten and kept two jobs and look forward to a bright future. I'm hoping to get one more script for #60 8mg and taper all the way down and maybe get off by March. I certainly wouldn't mind being on it for life if it was economically viable for me to do so.

I really wouldn't mind being on it for life either, but I could easily see myself off of buprenorphine in another year and a half to two years. Depends on some factors, etc.

If there's a doctor willing to prescribe me the pills each month though, I will be showing up. It's better to see a doctor once a month vs a street dealer 15-20 times in a month.

 

[PNW]

I tried to go down to 2mg last night, but needed another 2 to get me feeling comfy before bed. Surprisingly I did manage to sleep a little bit last night, maybe an hour or so, but got up feeling pretty good today which is good considering where I am at on H withdrawl schedule.

I am just going to ride out the 4mg until starting to feel symptoms again, and then try again to switch to 2mg just to see if I can yet. If 2mg will do me the rest of the night, I will try 1mg two doses tomorrow, then .5 the following day, and the next, and then just jump off and hope for the best.

I have the support of my girlfriend now who doesn't use anything, and although I wanted to hide this from her at first, now that she knows she has been a big help, and inspiration for me to stay the path.

Not one time so far have I wanted to do dope, and didn't answer the phone when I dude called looking for me this morning.

It is really going to happen this time, I can feel it. No part of me ever wants to do this again and although I know that will change in time I think I can put enough barriers in place first to keep me from going back when that comfortably clean craving comes along like "man you quit, you deserve just 1 bag to celebrate" FUCK that.

I can never been in control of my H habit, or any opiate for that matter, ever again. I am just going to admit this openly now that I have no control over that part of my life.

The suboxone has done wonders and I could not have made it this far without it. I don't think I will develope an addiction to the sub, as this is only going to be 5 days on sub total before taking a day off, then doing .5mg every other day for two days, then none.

That should be a good enough taper to at least only give me bearable w/d's. Let's hope anyways. If they don't get any worse than they have been so far after 3 days of 0 heroin then I can tough out the rest. Sweating and cold prickly is just going to have to do for the next couple weeks until I am finally free, but I am willing to do it for myself, my son, and my girl.

For me, in my situation, I know that 100% clean is the way for me to be. The opiate haze makes it feel like years are just peeling off my calander with no memory of them.

What a sad life.

Things are going to be better from now on.