Stuck in a LTR rut which is getting boring, cant motivate partner to rise her quality

[laVoix]

LOL. High heels DO hurt and damage your feet in the long-term. Why don't you go walk around in high heels, asshole?

Why nobody tries answering the main question instead of criticizing?
"This is what puzzles me. Is she a masochist just waiting to be left and hurt or there is some underlying game here at play which I fail to understand? "

Or any other questions, there are quite a bit of "?" in my post, for a reason

 

[OnlyEyes4Blues]

Okay so you want a physically "perfect" girl....
Leave your current girlfriend because the only way she will change is for herself not you. Been there and done that. Got healthy and exercised FOR ME not my bf at the time. And when you break things off be honest, direct, and sincere.... Well not too direct in your case. Just explain that you feel y'all would be dragging on a relationship that would become unhealthy.
Your standards can be met I just hope you keep yourself in check and at the same level or else you better get a degree and a high paying job.

 

[OnlyEyes4Blues]

Another thing. You're not making her feel sexy I would think that is why she is not having sex with you.
If you actually want to be with her and love her, treat right and make her feel like she is the sexiest person alive and I bet she would go down on you more.... just saying.
ALSO FUCK WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK YOU DON'T HAVE TO COMPETE WITH OTHER COUPLES/FEMALES.... That's what sports are for.

 

[Bearlove]

I also REFUSE to accept that it's impossible to upgrade a same girl. I refuse to admit that any person lacks the capacity to improve and should be dumped immediately and replaced by another who fits initially better.

I agree when in a new relationship we should expect a certain amount of change in both ourselves and our partner - the change for most is mutually beneficial. If she fit your initial ideal and has by what your saying done a full 180 - stopped listening to you, then I go back to my first statement. Maybe this is a passive aggressive response to what she may feel as control over her. Maybe she simply does not want to fit into this mold that your making / expecting from her. I'm not saying you can't change her, make her into something that she does not want to be but that is not something for either party to be proud of.

It's the same scenario of physical abuse - do it my way or I will beat you up, they refuse, they get beat up, they refuse, they get beat up. For some people they simply lose the will to fight anymore and comply for an easy life. The person doing the beating thinks 'that showed them/I knew I could do it' - they have done nothing but break a soul.

If your girl 'wanted' to please you - if she wanted to fit your mold and thought it was part of what she wanted to do then tbh you would not have the problem.

So your either expecting too much from this person or your going to manipulate this person to be who you want them to be (not who they want to be).

 

[theredone]

...

 

[laVoix]

So your either expecting too much from this person or your going to manipulate this person to be who you want them to be (not who they want to be).

Most persons actually don't know who they want to be, so that's why I am so astonished that she seems to refuse to fit the model.
I would be delighted if someone told me exactly what to be and how to behave, especially if that would bring actually more value to me, measured both by the standards of the society and the fact I would be more then happy to try to provide what she really wants in the relationship. So we might have a typical deadlock problem where neither party wants to give in what another wants until it receives it.
This is especially tricky if I wanted to give her appraisal and make her feel loved and sexy as someone here suggests, since then basically I'd be giving a false appraisal for something that fails to fully meet actual quality standards. What I do if she does not start giving bjs, does not start exercising or dressing as I find attractive etc., recall my appraisal??

I said...listen...if you don't do sex, don't cook my favorite food, etc...What's the reason for having you around at the first place? And she says that she's not a dog so there need not be a reason for having her. This is misleading, since the prehistorical time there has been a role and duties for everyone.

Love is in my book defined as a feeling where each party perceives it has an (for the lack of better word) object of a higher value, otherwise difficult to attain if lost, which matches or exceeds personal perceived value measured by some standards. Now if the gf is making trouble and whining about providing sex, than it's by no mean an object that's "irreplaceable", since if she is not providing anything, then there is nothing to lose for replacing her. To the same tune, once when the perception of "superior value" is lost, the love is in danger since it's no more object of exceptional worth, thus the need for the other party to immediately act and increase perceived value, explaining most of jealousy plotlines we witness around.

 

[coors light]

Most persons actually don't know who they want to be, so that's why I am so astonished that she seems to refuse to fit the model.
I would be delighted if someone told me exactly what to be and how to behave, especially if that would bring actually more value to me, measured both by the standards of the society and the fact I would be more then happy to try to provide what she really wants in the relationship. So we might have a typical deadlock problem where neither party wants to give in what another wants until it receives it.
This is especially tricky if I wanted to give her appraisal and make her feel loved and sexy as someone here suggests, since then basically I'd be giving a false appraisal for something that fails to fully meet actual quality standards. What I do if she does not start giving bjs, does not start exercising or dressing as I find attractive etc., recall my appraisal??

I said...listen...if you don't do sex, don't cook my favorite food, etc...What's the reason for having you around at the first place? And she says that she's not a dog so there need not be a reason for having her. This is misleading, since the prehistorical time there has been a role and duties for everyone.

Love is in my book defined as a feeling where each party perceives it has an (for the lack of better word) object of a higher value, otherwise difficult to attain if lost, which matches or exceeds personal perceived value measured by some standards. Now if the gf is making trouble and whining about providing sex, than it's by no mean an object that's "irreplaceable", since if she is not providing anything, then there is nothing to lose for replacing her. To the same tune, once when the perception of "superior value" is lost, the love is in danger since it's no more object of exceptional worth, thus the need for the other party to immediately act and increase perceived value, explaining most of jealousy plotlines we witness around.

interesting post, what I garnered from it is that you have a tiny penis and your useless in bed. That is what you were trying to say right. Poor girl never had a reason to try with you.

 

[Bearlove]

Most persons actually don't know who they want to be, so that's why I am so astonished that she seems to refuse to fit the model.
I would be delighted if someone told me exactly what to be and how to behave, especially if that would bring actually more value to me, measured both by the standards of the society and the fact I would be more then happy to try to provide what she really wants in the relationship. So we might have a typical deadlock problem where neither party wants to give in what another wants until it receives it.
This is especially tricky if I wanted to give her appraisal and make her feel loved and sexy as someone here suggests, since then basically I'd be giving a false appraisal for something that fails to fully meet actual quality standards. What I do if she does not start giving bjs, does not start exercising or dressing as I find attractive etc., recall my appraisal??

I said...listen...if you don't do sex, don't cook my favorite food, etc...What's the reason for having you around at the first place? And she says that she's not a dog so there need not be a reason for having her. This is misleading, since the prehistorical time there has been a role and duties for everyone.

Love is in my book defined as a feeling where each party perceives it has an (for the lack of better word) object of a higher value, otherwise difficult to attain if lost, which matches or exceeds personal perceived value measured by some standards. Now if the gf is making trouble and whining about providing sex, than it's by no mean an object that's "irreplaceable", since if she is not providing anything, then there is nothing to lose for replacing her. To the same tune, once when the perception of "superior value" is lost, the love is in danger since it's no more object of exceptional worth, thus the need for the other party to immediately act and increase perceived value, explaining most of jealousy plotlines we witness around.

The problem with this is - it doesn't sound you made the 'model' clear to her / she didn't understand the model before the relationship started. Regardless of what your 'model' is, if she doesn't want to conform (she is making it pretty obvious) then your not going to be able to 'fix' her.

Maybe your not fulfilling your role to her, maybe she was expecting you to understand that she has was already happy with who she had become. Maybe she is thinking, any changes I make are not for the benefit of myself and are purely 'cosmetic' to keep you happy which she simply does not want to do.

Maybe she is trying to teach you something here, maybe she is just as strong willed as yourself and has the stance of - this is me my friend, love me for who I am, don't try to fix what is not broken.

You want her to change - she want's you to accept her as she is / change your way of thinking about the 'model' expecting.

Your post are about how your bored with your gf as she is neither willing to accept their is something wrong with the way that she is acting AND she is unwilling to change to make you happy. If you have explained to her correctly what you expect from the relationship and she is not doing it then, take that as a hint that either your expectations are too high or she simply doesn't want to do it.

 

[badandwicked]

here OP I've found the solution to your problems.

https://www.realdoll.com/

Admittedly eating out could be a little awkward, but I'm sure propped up in the passenger seat of your car will ellicit fleeting glances of admiration from a whole bunch of people who you don't know and who don't really matter. This is clearly all that's important to you - why waste your time on a living human who has emotional needs and exists as a rounded 3 dimensional being? Why incorporate a brain and a heart when these are truly surplus to requirements? You want an accessory, not a girlfriend.

You'll have to go a long way to find another being of the opposite sex who is willing and able to cope with your utter detatchment from and disinterest in any of the aspects that make them human, flaws and all. I'm not saying she doesn't exist, just that thankfully people like you are very few and far between. I wonder what happened to you previously to have you end up with such a freakish attitude towards life.

If you base your happiness on the shallow materialistic values you've express here then you will never ever know the meaning of true happiness. I'd go seek help if I were you.

ps

NSFW:

I hope she bites your cock off next time you 'practically force' her to go down on you.

 

[Bearlove]

here OP I've found the solution to your problems.

NSFW:

hahah / QFTMFT!

 

[badandwicked]

^ lol

at what point did you change your mind?

 

[Corazon]

Maybe you didn't read his post or any of his others. Here's a reminder:

*Along with that, provocative styling, high heels and mini skirts as well as aesthetic surgeries are highly encouraged if necessary to meet those goals. There should be no serious illnesses or imperfections (birth marks, scars, deformities etc) or the latter should be corrected immediately.*

I don't see anything wrong with that. Date a high-class stripper or escort or porn star or bikini model, or etc.... who already strives for those 'ideals' and you've got a mutually beneficial relationship.
You advance her career, she meets his fantasy and yadda yadda yadda they live happily ever after. Or whatever the equivalent.

The problem is that his partner is not compatible. Find a compatible partner.

The more that the OP posts he does seem to be either trolling or disturbed. That doesn't change the point that I made. It's 1Million times worse to harbor resentment about some weird fantasy with an incompatible partner, than to go meet your match and make it happen.

I hope you were near comatose from heroin or something when you enabled such nonsense. If not, I append my latter recommendation to Bluelighters: click on laVoix's screen name and add him to your ignore list and while your at it seriously consider adding Corazon.

I don't appreciate this psood0nym.
How about some intelligent discussion, before you ask people to ignore other posters you disagree with?
Your criticism of my comment was not logical, yet I did not try to bash you. Not cool.

 

[RobotRipping]

there's not much intelligent discussion to be had here, this thread serves purely as entertainment value.

OP would love for someone to tell him what to be, especially if it benefited him personally and socially... Well i can help you there, stop being such a fucking asshole and treating relationships like legal contracts. People do not like that. People will not like you for that reason unless you can hide this horrible character flaw of yours. No one will ever really know you on a deep level, and if they do, they will be staring into a dark abyss. You sir are a black hole.

clearly you need to find about the dumbest and hottest girl possible. As well, you need a social circle that consists of complete morons to satisfy your desire for acceptance. Your best bet is hanging out with a bunch of losers so they can all look up to you and will always want your girlfriend because they are too pathetic to even get one themselves. If you need this kind of support from people, what are you lacking so badly? that screams insecurity.

If you really want to be a socialite you have to step up your game big time because in just a few paragraphs, it's obvious that you lack intelligence/charisma and will generally piss most people off with your personality alone. Unless you hide yourself really well, like most black holes do.

You do know that attractiveness can be judged objectively right? it's not just based on what other people think???? What other people think does not matter, what is attractive is the proportions and symmetry of a person's body and face. You can dress some ugly bitch up however you want, give her surgery and make her fit your mold but if she doesn't match that ideal symmetry and proportions, you have gone no where and in reality, society will still largely see her and you as being unattractive for trying so damn hard if nothing else. People do not gravitate towards little dick weasels who act like this.

There are plenty of black hole males just as yourself out there, you are a stereotype, an obvious one and if you want to better yourself, you need to break out of your own mold because i can guarantee you any girl who is worthwhile will see right through your bullshit in a matter of minutes. You may end up with some borderline retarded trophy wife but you will by no means end up with the best of the best.

 

[Bearlove]

^ lol

at what point did you change your mind?

I haven't ?

 

[alasdairm]

My gf is out and me a bit bored

what does this mean? your gf is out?

alasdair

 

[Tude]

there's not much intelligent discussion to be had here, this thread serves purely as entertainment value.

OP would love for someone to tell him what to be, especially if it benefited him personally and socially... Well i can help you there, stop being such a fucking asshole and treating relationships like legal contracts. People do not like that. People will not like you for that reason unless you can hide this horrible character flaw of yours. No one will ever really know you on a deep level, and if they do, they will be staring into a dark abyss. You sir are a black hole.

clearly you need to find about the dumbest and hottest girl possible. As well, you need a social circle that consists of complete morons to satisfy your desire for acceptance. Your best bet is hanging out with a bunch of losers so they can all look up to you and will always want your girlfriend because they are too pathetic to even get one themselves. If you need this kind of support from people, what are you lacking so badly? that screams insecurity.

If you really want to be a socialite you have to step up your game big time because in just a few paragraphs, it's obvious that you lack intelligence/charisma and will generally piss most people off with your personality alone. Unless you hide yourself really well, like most black holes do.

You do know that attractiveness can be judged objectively right? it's not just based on what other people think???? What other people think does not matter, what is attractive is the proportions and symmetry of a person's body and face. You can dress some ugly bitch up however you want, give her surgery and make her fit your mold but if she doesn't match that ideal symmetry and proportions, you have gone no where and in reality, society will still largely see her and you as being unattractive for trying so damn hard if nothing else. People do not gravitate towards little dick weasels who act like this.

There are plenty of black hole males just as yourself out there, you are a stereotype, an obvious one and if you want to better yourself, you need to break out of your own mold because i can guarantee you any girl who is worthwhile will see right through your bullshit in a matter of minutes. You may end up with some borderline retarded trophy wife but you will by no means end up with the best of the best.

THIS!!!!

Mods, PLEASE move this to the lounge! We must troll the troll :D

 

[pofacedhoe]

op- either you are a troll or just a rubbish boyfriend.

either way i'd steer clear.

nuff said

 

[kytnism]

you dont feel that while some factors concerned are reasonable and unwritten rules to abide by when in a two way respectful relationship; perhaps others are overglorified and unrealistic to expect of another person?

there is a large difference between expecting a balanced and happy life together and demanding plastic surgery among other aesthetic measures to maintain appeal and meet the others "standards".

people cannot mould themselves into a model of what their partners want them to be. we are not objects, we are individuals. yes, the op is entitled to his standards (whatever they may be, as he is yet to clearly spell them out) but has to also respect that the people he interacts with also have their own set of morals and standards, some which they too may not be willing to bend nor compromise on.

surmising; i cant help but wonder if the op's significant other presented him with a laundry list of what she wishes for in him as a man and partner, if he would choose to work on those things and meet her standards; or if he would simply agree (as she has done) that it is impossible/immoral for him to achieve and move on?

...kytnism...

 

[kytnism]

Well, I certainly do believe relationships are a two way street. I also believe that if you truly love someone, not only will you accept their flaws, but you will learn to actually love them. However, just from Lavoix's posts, it seems his girlfriend is perfectly happy with him. So if she is perfectly happy, and he isn't, then I think she needs to at least address some of his reasonable concerns. As long as he is willing to take as much as he gives, and change some of the traits she might find annoying in him, then its perfectly fine.

What's the reason for having you around at the first place? And she says that she's not a dog so there need not be a reason for having her. This is misleading, since the prehistorical time there has been a role and duties for everyone.

based solely on the quote above as stated by the op, it doesnt appear that this is the case.

from an outsiders perspective neither party seems happy nor content in the expectations posed on this relationship.

...kytnism...

 

[kytnism]

Even with that statement taken into account, it still seems shes relatively happy. Unless her major concern with him is that he start cooking his own meals, in which case, I'd say again, shes pretty happy.

sadly, while the op has been unwilling to paint an unbiased two sided image of what is really going on in his personal relationship, neither you, i or anyone involved in the community can establish nor give solid advice on how to correct the situation.

...kytnism...