Hey guys.
About three months ago I went to a party. I did some lines of MDMA/whatever else was in it (about 1/3 of a cap), 1/4 tab of LSD, about half a bottle of whisky and some beers. Also smoked a bit of weed. Pretty much everyone at the party was on this shit and dropped alot more acid that I did. No one had any sort of negative side effects. At the time I was loving it and had a great night.
About four days later I was at work and BAM, I feel into a pit of crippling anxiety. It felt like all of my positive energy had been drained, and was replaced with fear and major depression. I had some pretty chronic mood swings over the next few days. I was completely bewildered and had no idea what the fuck was happening to me. I had crying spells, suicidal thoughts, heightened emotions, extreme stress, obsessive thinking, unreality etc. At times I would feel no emotion at all. I definitely thought that suicide was my only option. It really sucked balls.
This was ongoing for the next month. Over time I went back to work which took so much courage. I started to socialize and get involved with my creative side again. I played some pretty massive shows with my band, opening for international metal/hardcore acts which was unreal. Three months in, and I have really improved. I am not suicidal anymore, and my interest in other things are returning. But i'm still struggling with bouts of depression and anxiety. My thoughts seem to be messed up too. I'll think of something that would have usually made me happy, but instead i'll get a negative reaction.
I am aware that what I consumed probably wasn't alot. But man it's been totally been playing with my head 'what if i've caused permanent damage' 'what if I now have bipolar disorder' 'what if the lsd rewired my brain the wrong way' etc etc. So that's what brought me back here. I actually posted something a few months ago but then deleted the thread.
Any replies would be really appreciated. But please nothing along the lines of 'you should have tested it' 'MDMA is not for you' etc, these are lessons I have learned whilst travelling this dark road
About three months ago I went to a party. I did some lines of MDMA/whatever else was in it (about 1/3 of a cap), 1/4 tab of LSD, about half a bottle of whisky and some beers. Also smoked a bit of weed. Pretty much everyone at the party was on this shit and dropped alot more acid that I did. No one had any sort of negative side effects. At the time I was loving it and had a great night.
About four days later I was at work and BAM, I feel into a pit of crippling anxiety. It felt like all of my positive energy had been drained, and was replaced with fear and major depression. I had some pretty chronic mood swings over the next few days. I was completely bewildered and had no idea what the fuck was happening to me. I had crying spells, suicidal thoughts, heightened emotions, extreme stress, obsessive thinking, unreality etc. At times I would feel no emotion at all. I definitely thought that suicide was my only option. It really sucked balls.
This was ongoing for the next month. Over time I went back to work which took so much courage. I started to socialize and get involved with my creative side again. I played some pretty massive shows with my band, opening for international metal/hardcore acts which was unreal. Three months in, and I have really improved. I am not suicidal anymore, and my interest in other things are returning. But i'm still struggling with bouts of depression and anxiety. My thoughts seem to be messed up too. I'll think of something that would have usually made me happy, but instead i'll get a negative reaction.
I am aware that what I consumed probably wasn't alot. But man it's been totally been playing with my head 'what if i've caused permanent damage' 'what if I now have bipolar disorder' 'what if the lsd rewired my brain the wrong way' etc etc. So that's what brought me back here. I actually posted something a few months ago but then deleted the thread.
Any replies would be really appreciated. But please nothing along the lines of 'you should have tested it' 'MDMA is not for you' etc, these are lessons I have learned whilst travelling this dark road