Hey guys! Can totally relate to what you are saying Jethro1000, I read too many scare stories and put myself into a setback. I have stopped doing this now and have moved on to a better place. If you suffer from anxiety disorder KEEP AWAY FROM BLUELIGHT, it will only feed your demons. Any sort of idea about brain damage are most likely your anxious vivid imagination at work. Instead, look up constructive information on how to tackle your anxiety and recover from it. Learn to live with it until it disappears. Learn to accept and not worry about it. Break the cycle! I recommend Dr Claire Weekes books 100%, and Paul Davids blog/website. Which i'll mention below.
Anyways, check out this site, it explains derealization/depersonilization really well, and how to deal with it.
www.anxietynomore.co.uk. A guy called Paul David who recovered from anxiety set it up, check out his blog too, it's a great read. There is a really good post he put up in not believing your own self destructive thoughts, it has really helped me. He also states he used alot of speed/MDMA in the past and believes that it contributed to his anxiety state, however he fully recovered. Basically if you choose to believe that you have 'permanent brain damage' then you think you will and as a result will feel worse. No one is permanently damaged, it's a load of nonsense. You have to seriously abuse this drug to cause any sort of permanent effect I believe. I've read a shit load of articles, seen doctors, psychiatrists/psychologists, I have friends who have studied this sort of shit at university and all of the above have confirmed it takes years of abuse for any sort of permanent damage to occur. Forget the scare stories, it will do you no good, and a vast majority of the time MDMA is being used as a scapegoat for anxiety. Sure it can throw someone into the anxiety state, as it temporarily fucks with your chemicals, but this balances out over time. Unfortunately the anxiety can still linger.
When I rolled two nights in a roll last year, I had a massive anxiety attack the second night, it was so brutal and I didn't sleep. I was messed up beyond belief all week with feelings of suicidal depression, but as soon as I got reassurance from the doctor a week later I was 100% fine. Anxiety can do some crazy things to you.
Also think of this. How many people in the world use MDMA? Probably millions. How much of this percentage of users end up on sites like BL and other various forums, fuck all really! My guess would be that a majority of people (if not all) end up on these forums suffer from anxiety disorders and are looking for some sort of reassurance (I am no exception), as futura2012 stated before, this itself is a symptom of anxiety. There are people who have never used MDMA who experience the exact same symptoms as people on this site do.
All of the above is just my opinion on the subject. I want to thank everyone who took the time to post here offering constructive feedback, alot of this really helped me out! Also wanna thank afterlyfestyle for helping me out with the PM's. I'm not recovered (anxiety wise, not that brain damage crap lol) but i'm enjoying life to a certain extent. And i'm confident I will recover!