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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 5)

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So I've made a lot of progress on my SSRI...and I started drinking coffee again. I drink about a cup in the morning. Do you think that it will keep me from recovering? I feel a little weird after it but nothing like the first few months. What do you guys think?
 
So I've made a lot of progress on my SSRI...and I started drinking coffee again. I drink about a cup in the morning. Do you think that it will keep me from recovering? I feel a little weird after it but nothing like the first few months. What do you guys think?

Dont think anyone can really answer that man. If youre fine with it then I dont see why it would affect you negetively but that doesnt rule out the possibility. I guess I would just stick to just one cup a day and if at any point it has a bad effect then discontinue use
 
Id still try to limit the coffee since you just got to the point of somewhat tolerating it. Like less than once a day.

How else are you feeling on the SSRI like libido and motivation wise?
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Anyways seperate question-- would the tinnitus we have be a seperate tinnitus symptom or under the "symptom cluster" of Visual Snow/HPPD? Like is this kind of tinnitus different to the tinnitus people without VS/HPPD have and thus may respond to treatments for VS/HPPD?

Im wondering mainly due to Lamictal. Like if Lamictal were to help VS/HPPD would it also target tinnitus positively too?
 
Depends on where you're located? If youre in the UK then forget about it unless you have the money to go private. Not sure about how it works in other places but I guess its easier in certain areas of the world than others.

It pisses me off that the 2 times Ive been to a doctor about my DP (since that is the main thing I struggle with) they just offer me SSRIs even though they work for about 3% of DP sufferers but when I mention lamictal as a legit treatment option they moan that theres no enough studies lol. The control that drug companies have over doctors is stupid.
I'm in the US. Yeah mine just kept throwing SSRIs at me....every time I went in it they'd name a different one to try. I'm surprised they actually gave me clonidine without asking.

Well I guess I'll ask about lamotrigine....I have a neurologist maybe she'll be willing. The thing is my HPPD isn't really that bad....which is why docs are hesitant. Since I'm working and sleeping and not depressed, they don't see a need to medicate.....guess I can't blame them.

Just go easy with the coffee FNono....I had a decaf last week and didn't feel so hot....it went away after like half a day. Maybe it's all mental for me, I dunno.
 
would the tinnitus we have be a seperate tinnitus symptom or under the "symptom cluster" of Visual Snow/HPPD? Like is this kind of tinnitus different to the tinnitus people without VS/HPPD have and thus may respond to treatments for VS/HPPD?

Im wondering mainly due to Lamictal. Like if Lamictal were to help VS/HPPD would it also target tinnitus positively too?
The evidence of lamotrigine for tinnitus is not all in, one study I recall basically said it only helped a few people, but I doubt that the studies have been incredibly thorough. As I recall the study aforementioned they didn't separate the groups up into different causes of tinnitus.

But seeing as cranial nerves can contribute to both visual snow and tinnitus, and that lamotrigine has seen use in treating cranial nerve disorders, I wouldn't be surprised if it may help some people with both.

See the chapter "Role of non-auditory structures/Somatosensory pathways" https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4895692/

Supposedly lamotrigine sees some use in treating visual snow, see for example this group's med management strategy for visual snow, lamotrigine is their go-to it looks like https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/28349350
 
Id still try to limit the coffee since you just got to the point of somewhat tolerating it. Like less than once a day.

How else are you feeling on the SSRI like libido and motivation wise?
My libido and motivation are what I would consider normal.
 
Just go easy with the coffee FNono....I had a decaf last week and didn't feel so hot....it went away after like half a day. Maybe it's all mental for me, I dunno.

Decaf has something weird in it in addition to caffeine I think. I had a worse reaction from decaf than from a regular coffee.
 
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Opsoclonus

Found a name for the lack of control over eyes. I must be the only one of us who has this. Definitely not my only or worst symptom at all but a clear sign that this is indeed a neurological issue. I feel the emotional or psychological is the same - it's all from the same source of damage.
If there's something positive to be said the radius that my vision deviates from the point I'm looking at has gotten smaller but the frequency of the movement hasn't. It happens about twice per second. I am a wreck.
 
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Opsoclonus

Found a name for the lack of control over eyes. I must be the only one of us who has this. Definitely not my only or worst symptom at all but a clear sign that this is indeed a neurological issue. I feel the emotional or psychological is the same - it's all from the same source of damage.
If there's something positive to be said the radius that my vision deviates from the point I'm looking at has gotten smaller but the frequency of the movement hasn't. It happens about twice per second. I am a wreck.

Have you seen a doctor about it at all? What did they say?

Isn't this something that can also be visible to an opthalmologist upon examining your eyes?
 
No, I haven't seen one yet but I plan on seeing a neurologist that I've been recommended. It should be visible yeah. It was visible to anyone observing before at least. When I got agitated my eyes went completely crazy. Now the motion is pretty small I'm not sure if it can be seen without closer inspection.

I should get on with that appointment but I'm kind of procrastinating it. I'm such a mess it's hard to get anything done.
 
About the topic: I also have derealization. And yes anxiety and depression, too.

What I find interesting is that I've had derealization before but it's almost like this is a different type of derealization. Last time it happened in ssri withdrawal/adverse reaction. Now I feel like I'm in a dream or things are unreal but it's different than from back then. Maybe because I'm the only one dumb and unlucky enough to get myself into something like this twice in a lifetime I have this perspective. Even the anxiety/agitation doesn't feel the same to what I felt in that hell.
I think these are all symptoms and like Cotcha said they can have many causes. Like the depression one would feel after having a loved one die is different from depression during a hangover or drug comedown.

We people tend to generalize and lump things together under a common name. Feel weird? It's DP/DR. Just reading here gives me the impression we aren't dealing with a one singular condition called LTC, but many varying post drug use issues. One has no emotions, another has HPPD and another only mood issues...

My guess and it's only that is that we reached our personal threshold for a neurotoxic reaction. I've had mdma before but this time I re-dosed and mixed other substances. Ihatenotfeeling binged for 4 days in a row etc. This combined with a probable genetic predisposition.. this is my hunch and I might be completely wrong, it's just an uneducated guess. And of course for some especially those with milder symptoms there might be psychological causes.
SSRI WD (the severe, protracted kind) also tends to have a delayed onset. My current "LTC" started immediately the next morning but this is just for those of you who had symptoms appear weeks after... it's not _necessarily_ psychological.
 
This LTC is almost like chronic fatigue syndrome CFS where people end up with unexplainable symptoms after either a drug/viral infection/etc.

Also kind of like post finasteride syndrome (PFS) but probably not as bad since most people don't seem to have as bad sexual symptoms in this LTC. But ive read accounts of people having suicidal depression/numb penis symptoms WEEKS after finasteride cessatation as well even though they recovered initially.

Hence why when ADubbs mentioned Finasteride for HPPD I was like whooooaa be careful especially since our bodies are so sensitive we got here in the first places

Hormones and NTs are very very weird things.

Theres gotta be some kind of central commonality in all these biologically triggered illnesses though and doctors just lump everybody into the same symptom cluster as 'depression' when depression or anxiety has different causes for everybody with it

Stupid how the mental health system works.
 
About the topic: I also have derealization. And yes anxiety and depression, too.

What I find interesting is that I've had derealization before but it's almost like this is a different type of derealization. Last time it happened in ssri withdrawal/adverse reaction. Now I feel like I'm in a dream or things are unreal but it's different than from back then. Maybe because I'm the only one dumb and unlucky enough to get myself into something like this twice in a lifetime I have this perspective. Even the anxiety/agitation doesn't feel the same to what I felt in that hell.
I think these are all symptoms and like Cotcha said they can have many causes. Like the depression one would feel after having a loved one die is different from depression during a hangover or drug comedown.

We people tend to generalize and lump things together under a common name. Feel weird? It's DP/DR. Just reading here gives me the impression we aren't dealing with a one singular condition called LTC, but many varying post drug use issues. One has no emotions, another has HPPD and another only mood issues...


My guess and it's only that is that we reached our personal threshold for a neurotoxic reaction. I've had mdma before but this time I re-dosed and mixed other substances. Ihatenotfeeling binged for 4 days in a row etc. This combined with a probable genetic predisposition.. this is my hunch and I might be completely wrong, it's just an uneducated guess. And of course for some especially those with milder symptoms there might be psychological causes.
SSRI WD (the severe, protracted kind) also tends to have a delayed onset. My current "LTC" started immediately the next morning but this is just for those of you who had symptoms appear weeks after... it's not _necessarily_ psychological.

Yes you are correct in saying there is a range of things going on here rather than the LTC because there is no LTC. People on this forum are suffering from different illnesses but most of which share similar or exact symptoms which is why its been lumped into this 'LTC' category. At this point stop worrying about whats going on with you biologically ( whether theres brain damage etc) and start putting all your focus into doing the right things for getting better (exercise, whole foods diet, proper sleep, no use of any drugs etc etc). I spent a long time in the early days thinking about what had happened to my brain but it doesnt help and youre unlikely to get any worthwhile answers. I imagine that your extreme symptoms will subside with time or at least lessen to the point where they become managable. My vision used to skip like a camera shutter for months and I thought it was never going to get better and I used to obsess about it constantly but now its gone for the most part.

Also, Ive experienced dp/dr before and I can relate. Last time it gave me anxiety but I just got on with it and it went away but this time its a completely different beast and it gives me severe anxiety. In case you didnt know this is my second relapse since I got ill a year and a half ago and both times Ive had extreme DP/DR and they both got much better before and im sure they will again and im sure they will for you. It just takes months and months and is an extremely slow process
 
In case you didnt know this is my second relapse since I got ill a year and a half ago and both times Ive had extreme DP/DR and they both got much better before and im sure they will again and im sure they will for you. It just takes months and months and is an extremely slow process

Marta, what caused this most recent relapse? emotional stuff? or did you relapse on a substance?
 
Hey all been wanting some advice on what I'm currently going threw and wanted to know if any others might have went threw something similiar as I'm going threw now. Before I begin just wanted to say I have had small bouts with anxiety but was never diagnosed, my fear was being in public around crowds of people and I have a issue with my leg bouncing without my sometimes noticing but I guess it helped me sooth in a way I can say, also have had depression threwout my life with things like family problems etc. In short I guess you can I say picked up a habit when I moved away to another state and found a better job and had to leave my wife and daughter back in the state I was originally from for some time but recently and now bringing them out permantly. I'm an occasional weed smoker and drink (all done now since undergoing what I feel now) and was using ecstacy without my knowledge that wasn't safe to use day after day after day for 2 week periods at times. I noticed thing differently after my last use and felt symptoms occur about 2 weeks after and began from there. It started with suicidal tendencies like if I had no will to live and the thought of jumping from a building became a form of thought although I wouldn't do it, it just felt like a reality, depressions, fatigue, loss of appetite, nasuea, left arm and chest tightness (which I felt on the drug), and I played video games which I can no longer do because it's as if my eyes suddenly became sensetive to too much light from it or rapid movement causes me to get dizzy and feels like my head spins almost like a instant zap in my brain (which I felt on the drug from playing excessively). About a week into it my depressions, suicidal tendencies, left arm and chest tightness, nausea, fatigue, have faded away. But still feel as if I might have caused permanent damage as my pulse isn't steady and different things like sitting etc cause my pulse to change, as if it's 1..2..3..4......5 and it goes that way and other ways since then. I notice then when I stress I wake up sweating (which never happens before) I have brain zaps (when more stresssed) and at work sometimes at work if I do to much (I'm a painter) it causes me to feel like I'm going to pass out but doesn't bother me until I'm about to leave and in the last 30 min. Small things I've also noticed trigger irritability and my shortness of breath which is why now I tend to be more careful on what I do and how I do it. For instance my dad sprays houses which the smell is strong as can be then the fumes sometimes mix with gas. My first episode of feeling really faint and the feeling of passing out came when I was working outside in the heat and the constant smell I think doubled up along with my physical exhaustion and triggered my irritability and feeling faint feeling. The smell of gas for a certain amount of period triggers my shortness of breath feeling and the smell of cigarettes make me annoyed more when I didn't matter. The worst feeling yet was when I was working outside and was fine drank water and kept myself cool as much as possible despite the heat, but when it came to the end of the day I lifted a few 5 Gallon buckets and when it came time to rest I felt so bad, it felt like if around my vision got black and I almost passed out, the floor beneath me felt so spaced and people seemed so distant and fuzzy. I never felt these ways before and scares me into feeling what if I did something I can't take back? Anyways guys I really thank you for your help and input if you could give me some advice or if anyone has had their bouts with ecstacy problems after using.
 
I've also been to the ER and had a EKG done around the first week and everything was fine, they then told me to follow up with a PCP which I did and all I was told at the hospital was I had palpitations and the PCP told me the effects where normal. Currently been 2 weeks since my last visit and decided to go back for some blood work to make sure nothing is wrong with me internally as I have never had regular doctor check ups since I was young. I've seen several threads that indicate I could be spazzing out thank God I have a wife who tends to talk me threw it and I notice I get more calm to the fact. Just mentally taxing when you can't do what you did before all this took ahold of me as I'm sure it did for others.
 
Hey guys, just got a pm from another guy who is 90 percent recovered, keep hope alive!
 
I've also been to the ER and had a EKG done around the first week and everything was fine, they then told me to follow up with a PCP which I did and all I was told at the hospital was I had palpitations and the PCP told me the effects where normal. Currently been 2 weeks since my last visit and decided to go back for some blood work to make sure nothing is wrong with me internally as I have never had regular doctor check ups since I was young. I've seen several threads that indicate I could be spazzing out thank God I have a wife who tends to talk me threw it and I notice I get more calm to the fact. Just mentally taxing when you can't do what you did before all this took ahold of me as I'm sure it did for others.

Try to become aware of your breathing - often times people can end up breathing way too fast and this will cause a lot of symptoms. Try to breathe slowly through your stomach. Too much oxygen is actually not the best thing ;)
 
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