• MDMA &
    Empathogenic
    Drugs

    Welcome Guest!
  • MDMA Moderators:

MDMA comedown update

thejibberman said:
Phobia of being alone
Questioning my own thoughts ("did i really just hear that?", "is that bag real?" etc.)
Horrible awareness of everything, if a fly would get into my vision I would slightly jump
Click to expand...

I had the fear of being alone as well, which is strange as although i'm a social person i am also usually perfectly happy with solitude. But i have been really needy and basically panic if i'm home alone by myself. I also had almost the opposite of agoraphobia, if that exists. It's like i would have cabin fever or something and feel like i had to get out of the house, but then i'd go out and everything would be so weird that i'd want to go back in! Both have improved thankfully.
 
Lazyoaf said:
I find this happens to me as well, contributing to the roller coaster effect of symptoms. It makes for extremely unpredictable days, as you never know how you're going to feel when you start the day. I'm also receiving counselling atm but am considering switching to CBT as i keep reading that it is effective for dp/dr which is what i'm really struggling with atm. Good luck with the interview btw!

I'm actually feeling a lot happier nowadays, that sheer numbness seems to have faded, only resurfacing now and again. I'm really glad i never lost my love of music like some others have stated. In fact since this tlc, certain music has had the power to reduce me to tears, the complete opposite. In terms of my dp/dr, it seems to have calmed down a bit, not disappeared, but become a bit more manageable. I have been able to go into supermarkets and not feel spaced out, which is a big improvement from a month ago when it was an overwhelming experience. i can also read fine, whereas a month ago it was like words were just markings on a page and i really had to focus hard. If i read fast the lack of focus meant that i would read a few words from a sentence, and then take in a couple from the next sentence and make my own meaning up in my head from that combination. That has improved.

I also have been having long periods of time without feeling dp/dr. Whereas it used to be incessant over the course of a day, i now seem to dip in and out of it. What i experience now during the dips is occasional weirdness for a few seconds, like i'm zoning out and i have to blink hard to bring myself back. I still struggle with wide open spaces. I live in london and work near tower bridge, where the wide open space next to city hall with views over the river, the colour of the paving stones, the river, the buildings and the sky is overwhelming. My sleep is still fucked, but i've found that really focusing on relaxing in the evenings, gets me a much more comfortable sleep.

I'm beginning to recognise the triggers that set me off. If i am feeling overworked and stressed/anxious, then my dp/dr is worse. My sleep is usually worse on those nights. Whereas if i take it easy and drop any work i have, take a bath and get to bed early then i sleep for much longer.

Personality wise, although I still feel a bit lethargic and withdrawn, I feel a lot more vibrant, spontaneous and engaged then I did a month ago. I've rediscovered my charisma and can joke around a lot easier.

I really believe most of my symptoms are anxiety related, however the floaters on sunny days and hppd i'm not so sure about. Thankfully they don't bother me too much.

I'm 3.5 months into my tlc and i think things are improving s-l-o-w-l-y, but i've accepted my symptoms and i try to get on with life. in fact i'm probably living life to the full more than i used to, just minus the drugs and alcohol. I'm exercising more, spending more time with friends and pushing my career. It's hard as i do get overwhelmed and tired a lot easier than i used to, but it's about finding that balance between doing the things that are good for your life and recovery, and taking it easy.
Click to expand...
3.5 months in and you're still feeling pretty bad? How much did you take? I'm feeling probably about 95% these days and reckon within a couple-to-few weeks I'll be completely fine. It's all anxiety in my opinion, if you read up visual problems and anxiety, general anxiety sufferers notice them just as much we do. I think HPPD is being thrown around in these MDMA comedown threads, HPPD is usually severe obvious static that is seen all day everyday accompanied with little white things. We just got mild visual snow, which like I said is common with anxiety, mine is diminishing finally (along with my annoying right eyelid twitch)!

Unfortunately I lost my taste in music and was sure at one point I spent a whole 2 weeks without listening to one song on my spotify or youtube. Now I just came off my DJ controller to post this! Yeah, fortunately I had done all my work at uni and came back a 2 weeks into my LTC, I basically followed and went with my mum everywhere and now I'm stuck in my room 24/7 or out drinking with friends, ready to head back to Plymouth now! I think the worst symptom I had with all this, which was natural, was my depression. I went back to Uni for a lesson within the first 2 weeks and had to run back to my accommodation keeping my tears in, then needed to head back on the train home as I was a state.

I didn't start getting better until I told myself it's anxiety and I don't need to fret.
 
Lazyoaf i can totally relate with the taste in music thing. I actually experienced the opposite, since this comedown I've had a heightened appreciation for music as it's the only thing that doesn't remind me my vision is still weird. I don't enjoy watching films or reading books anymore as a result of this, but songs especially when I'm exercising really make me feel good, almost normal

Also ditto with the fear of being alone, it's so stupid though because i also don't really like busy social situations either! I think the fear of being alone stems from the fear of being alone with our thoughts and dwelling on our symptoms.

Thanks lazyoaf for the good luck, I'm trying to get into a television career, which atm is actually perfect for me as I'm going into a relatively easy entry job with low responsibility, but I'll be SUPER BUSY. When I've done jobs before it's been twelve hours a day, sometimes six days a week, but the job itself is a piece of cake, yet different every day. That's exactly what i need right now so i really hope i get it, i don't want a moment to myself to think about things and get myself down.

Hm, thats interesting that you mention periods of time where you don't feel any Dr/dp. Most people on here seem to mention they started getting 'windows' after a while. Mine has improved but i don't get windows, it fluctuates and sometimes i can ignore it but it never disappears entirely ): then again maybe i will get them at a later date, i hope so
 
Nice india111, I worked in tv briefly and want to get back into it. Feel free to pm if you want.
 
Okay this is spooky...then again, it kinda makes sense. We're all obviously smart individuals with a creative side, perhaps making us more susceptible to this kind of negative reaction...or creatives are just more likely to take drugs. Haha
 
Lazyoaf and the Thejibberman, just thought i'd let you both know i got the job :)

They said I came across really well in the interview, which is so nice to hear because if i can do that with Dr/dp, I can do anything!
 
India111 said:
Lazyoaf and the Thejibberman, just thought i'd let you both know i got the job :)

They said I came across really well in the interview, which is so nice to hear because if i can do that with Dr/dp, I can do anything!
Click to expand...
Excellent news, that should obliterate any stress! Again congrats!
 
Hi gang, I've just been roaming the internet (as I always do) and I think I've found a cure for myself, I think I have a Candida Overgrowth (Yeast Infection). I mentioned before that I had a panic attack during my comedown over my tongue that was extremely white from a side effect of an antibiotic called Metronidazole (Flagyl). Metronidazole has a common side effect that is a yeast infection. Candida has actually been proven to mess with you (making your depressed and anxious) if there is too much because it is a neurotoxin. My tongue turned extremely white, and the doctor agreed I had a yeast infection on my tongue (BUT checked ONLY my tongue) so he gave me an anti-fungal called Nystatin, this was a swish and spit mouthwash. In fact there's quite a bit of controversy over HPPD from Candida (unsure if I agree). So I took a 7 day course of Nystatin and things went down a little bit (this was 3 weeks in!) and things got better from then?! The correlation for all of this is actually kind of surreal. I still don't have the exact same tongue I had before, and it's actually a thing I've never mentioned on Bluelight.

I'm definitely making an appointment at the doctors tomorrow and I'm going to put forward all this information and see what they think, hopefully I can get a anti-fungal tablet that clears out my tongue and gut from excessive candida. I only noticed this tongue after that night out!

Could be a word of advice for some people to check if they have any form of Candida overgrowth! I'll keep you guys updated, I hope the doctors take me seriously as I have been to the doctors about 8 times in 2 and a half months hahaha.

EDIT: As some of you may already know, a massive percentage of Serotonin is produced in the gut, if candida has overgrowth they can cause lower levels of serotonin to reach to the brain. Here's a few links!

http://curezone.com/forums/am.asp?i=1015108 (A guy came off SSRI's because he found out it was Candida!)
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/a...2/The-mystery-illness-triggered-by-yeast.html
http://www.candidahouse.com/page/1397143
http://thosewithvisualsnow.yuku.com/topic/3321#.U36gsV6ppuY (symptoms came with DP/DR, Brain fog and general anxiety, AND HPPD, sound familiar?)

EDIT 2: Perhaps the depletion of serotonin in the brain from MDMA and serotonin in the gut from Metronidazole caused all the terrible symptoms? This is just a little theory and I will find out whether this is a whole picture or not. I've thought up till now that my tongue and my mood (which came together FUNNILY) were two separate issues, when could potentially be connected in a way I never thought possible.

LAST EDIT: I managed to find some probiotic yoghurt in the house that my sister uses (for god knows what reason) and nabbed a drink of it, probiotic drinks manage and control any excess candida and balance flora in your system. I took it about 50 minutes ago after finding some of this out... tongue has been pretty pink so far instead of the annoying white it's been. (which is pretty crazy because the drink was white...) I pray that I'm onto something. If not waiting more months will have to be the resolution, but for now I've really convinced myself this is the ROOT cause.
 
Last edited:
thejibberman said:
Hi gang, I've just been roaming the internet (as I always do) and I think I've found a cure for myself, I think I have a Candida Overgrowth (Yeast Infection). I mentioned before that I had a panic attack during my comedown over my tongue that was extremely white from a side effect of an antibiotic called Metronidazole (Flagyl). Metronidazole has a common side effect that is a yeast infection. Candida has actually been proven to mess with you (making your depressed and anxious) if there is too much because it is a neurotoxin. My tongue turned extremely white, and the doctor agreed I had a yeast infection on my tongue (BUT checked ONLY my tongue) so he gave me an anti-fungal called Nystatin, this was a swish and spit mouthwash. In fact there's quite a bit of controversy over HPPD from Candida (unsure if I agree). So I took a 7 day course of Nystatin and things went down a little bit (this was 3 weeks in!) and things got better from then?! The correlation for all of this is actually kind of surreal. I still don't have the exact same tongue I had before, and it's actually a thing I've never mentioned on Bluelight.

I'm definitely making an appointment at the doctors tomorrow and I'm going to put forward all this information and see what they think, hopefully I can get a anti-fungal tablet that clears out my tongue and gut from excessive candida. I only noticed this tongue after that night out!

Could be a word of advice for some people to check if they have any form of Candida overgrowth! I'll keep you guys updated, I hope the doctors take me seriously as I have been to the doctors about 8 times in 2 and a half months hahaha.

EDIT: As some of you may already know, a massive percentage of Serotonin is produced in the gut, if candida has overgrowth they can cause lower levels of serotonin to reach to the brain. Here's a few links!

http://curezone.com/forums/am.asp?i=1015108 (A guy came off SSRI's because he found out it was Candida!)
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/a...2/The-mystery-illness-triggered-by-yeast.html
http://www.candidahouse.com/page/1397143
http://thosewithvisualsnow.yuku.com/topic/3321#.U36gsV6ppuY (symptoms came with DP/DR, Brain fog and general anxiety, AND HPPD, sound familiar?)

EDIT 2: Perhaps the depletion of serotonin in the brain from MDMA and serotonin in the gut from Metronidazole caused all the terrible symptoms? This is just a little theory and I will find out whether this is a whole picture or not. I've thought up till now that my tongue and my mood (which came together FUNNILY) were two separate issues, when could potentially be connected in a way I never thought possible.

LAST EDIT: I managed to find some probiotic yoghurt in the house that my sister uses (for god knows what reason) and nabbed a drink of it, probiotic drinks manage and control any excess candida and balance flora in your system. I took it about 50 minutes ago after finding some of this out... tongue has been pretty pink so far instead of the annoying white it's been. (which is pretty crazy because the drink was white...) I pray that I'm onto something. If not waiting more months will have to be the resolution, but for now I've really convinced myself this is the ROOT cause.
Click to expand...

Damn man... This is hard to read. Hard, because I remember all too well the frantic anxious state you are in now. You will do yourself a favor by accepting the unacceptable as FBC would have put it. You have brain damage from MDMA. You will probably recover from that damage, you just need to cool yourself down and wait it out.
 
ScaredFirstTimer said:
Damn man... This is hard to read. Hard, because I remember all too well the frantic anxious state you are in now. You will do yourself a favor by accepting the unacceptable as FBC would have put it. You have brain damage from MDMA. You will probably recover from that damage, you just need to cool yourself down and wait it out.
Click to expand...
No really, I can accept any state I'm in right now, I just found the correlation a little strange. I barely took any MDMA, I took one small bomb, and the metronidazole I took for 7 days and messed up my tongue real bad, it was basically a complete carpet there was so much fungi. I cannot be diagnosed by somebody on the internet, like I said I'm going to put forward all this information and see what the doctor thinks! There's not much harm trying an anti-fungal either, if not then a couple more months may be the case! I've been doing improvement nonetheless but not only do I want to sort out this "brain damage" but I want to sort out my tongue as well because it's been in a white state for the whole duration so it's a win-win!

Last night I was genuinely looking up ways to get rid of the white tongue, and stumbled across all this, for once I wasn't looking up any keywords or "MDMA" "Long term comedown" "anxiety from MDMA" just simply "white tongue thrush" "yeast infection on tongue" and results that had the every single symptom of my mind state came up, surely you can't just waive it by in my position especially if you had a yeast infection diagnosed my the doctor a month and a half ago.
 
Last edited:
thejibberman said:
I barely took any MDMA, I took one small bomb
Click to expand...

I know, that is what is hard to accept. If I were to explain the level of abuse of some of my friends, you wouldn't even believe it. They are fine. Literally, many of them are completing their thesis atm.

I've taken it once... Coderbrah was straight edge for 6 years, then he took half a pill. IIRC he is suffering more severely than most of us right now. Justsomeone took half a pill, and he woke up with as severe symptoms as any LTC sufferer.
 
ScaredFirstTimer said:
I know, that is what is hard to accept. If I were to explain the level of abuse of some of my friends, you wouldn't even believe it. They are fine. Literally, many of them are completing their thesis atm.

I've taken it once... Coderbrah was straight edge for 6 years, then he took half a pill. IIRC he is suffering more severely than most of us right now. Justsomeone took half a pill, and he woke up with as severe symptoms as any LTC sufferer.
Click to expand...

I'm still going to take the anti-fungal for the tongue, because it is really annoying. But if any changes in mood happens at the same time, I'll let you guys know
 
Congrats india111! Also I went from 19:00 last night to around 16:00 today without feeling dp/dr once, which I'm really happy about!
 
After following "the candida diet" for the last 4 days I've noticed such crazy improvement, symptoms are already diminishing. I have candida overgrowth and it had nothing to do with the MDMA, only the Metronidazole. Doesn't look like I need to be in this forum anymore!
 
Hey everyone, just thought i'd check in and say hello, feeling pretty low at the moment and thought it would be nice to speak to some bluelight folk

In a few days it'll be two months since this all happened, i can say i am infinitely better than i was those first few weeks but i still have long way to go

My progress seems to have considerably slowed down, but my ability to sleep is still improving (i can now actually have lie ins and a nap in the day which before was impossible, though i do still wake up early by default, and occasionally in the night too) as is my anxiety. One thing that is getting worse though unfortunately is the depression.

I think this is mostly due to the fact that I'm still Dr/dp'd and i must admit I'm having a hard time with the acceptance part. I think another reason is I'm really struggling with this new job and I'm worried i may have pushed myself too early. The shifts are twelve hours with a long commute and although everyone who i work with is lovely I've regressed to spending all day wanting to break down in tears again, something i thought i'd left behind in week 3. I actually called in sick today because i couldn't face doing a long shift and battling my symptoms at the same time

I found a house nearby i can lodge in to save me the long commute and I'll see if getting more sleep means things improve, but if not i'm seriously considering walking on the contract to focus on my recovery. At the same time though that could cause depression, as in tv walking on a contract is the equivalent to putting a gun to your head, and there's a chance i'd have a hard time getting another job in the industry when I'm better ):

When I'm on my days off i'm depressed and want to be busy, when I'm working I'm depressed and want to be at home. When I'm with people i want to be alone, when I'm alone i crave company. I'm very restless in everything i do and nothing seems to be pulling me out of this funk!

I also think i need to start accounting for some external factors that may have caused this all, rather than solely blaming the md. This is because i thought of all these things when i was high, and possibly deciding to deal with it all in one go (that and the panic attack like Thejibberman had) just opened the floodgates and my mind couldn't handle it. The three main things are:

My dad - my dad recently passed away suddenly and unexpectedly in my final year of uni (October of last year) and i never properly grieved. I didn't even really take time off uni, i left for two weeks to be with my family but i only actually took the day of the funeral off from writing my dissertation, then went straight back to it

Uni - again, i found my final year of uni very stressful, i took my grades way too seriously and essentially burnt myself out in the second term. I thought my degree was the be all and end all of my life and as a result i was already sacrificing my mental health to a certain extent

My relationship - I've come to realise that the relationship i'm currently in is unhealthy. For a start, it was my boyfriend who encouraged me to keep redosing md and mix with coke on 'that night', despite me (vaguely) remembering one of his friends seeing how fucked i was and telling him i probably shouldn't have anymore. He was a big part of the 90's rave scene (he's older than i am, in case this makes things confusing haha) and has been taking shit tons of drugs for over a decade with nowhere near the damage i received (his memory isn't great and he gets depressed every now and then, though he refuses to attribute this to all the weed and md, even though it so fucking obviously is). As a result he vehemently denies this has anything to do with drugs, even though he saw how bad i was two days after my birthday. His attitude is 'well i used to take x amount of whatever untested substance and I'm fine, so man up it's all in your head'. I get him telling me it's in my head because my symptoms are those of anxiety, but i find his attitude towards drugs pretty ignorant and in a very selfish way I'm upset this has happened to me and not him, as someone who just overdid it one night and got burned rather than has abused drugs for years.

The only problem is I'm also clinging to my boyfriend like a child for emotional support through this time, i'm living at his in London as i have nowhere else to go, i also don't know anyone in the area and i definitely can't discuss this with anyone at work so he's the only person i can discuss things with besides over the phone to my mum (who thankfully is amazingly supportive and knows everything, but i don't want to move back home). Also I'm terrified of being single as it is, especially with a LTC. I do still have feelings for him and i'd be really upset and lost if we broke up, but at the same time i worry this is slowing down my recovery

Sorry for the essay guys, just needed to unload
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top