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MDMA comedown update

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India111

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 18, 2014
Messages
120
Hey everyone, as you know from April 12th I've been in the comedown pit of hell and i just thought i'd give an update on how i was doing.

It's now been two weeks since i took roughly 300-400mg of untested mdma (i have taken it before from the same source and so have all my friends but either way it was stupid not to test) with a line of coke (stupid mistake number two) with alcohol (stupid mistake number three) and i can safely say I'm noticeably better than i was in that first horrible week.

My symptoms the first week -

Severe depression
Suicidal thoughts
Severe anxiety (was basically having a panic attack for an entire week)
Very bad nausea (couldn't throw up but thought i was on the point of it 24/7)
Frontal head pressure
Pressure behind right eye
Sensitivity to light
Derealisation/depersonalisation
Tremors
Complete loss of appetite (mainly due to nausea)
Insomnia
Cognitive impairment, short term memory loss and inability to concentrate or understand complex ideas

My symptoms now -

Moderate anxiety (I am no longer having panic attack but i am still permanently anxious, then again i already had a mild anxiety problem before i even took drugs so this could take a while)
Slight depression (more because of my symptoms and worries i have ruined my life than anything else)
Occasionally some mild nausea (only when I'm at my most anxious in the morning, this is very quickly disappearing)
Frontal head pressure and pressure behind right eye
Derealisation/depersonalisation
Trouble sleeping, though this is continuing to improve
Mild cognitive impairment - memory and ability to understand/articulate has dramatically improved, still can't concentrate on uni work though

My tremors have completely disappeared and my appetite is back with a vengeance (I'm a petite girl and usually eat tons for someone of my size, pleased to say this is back to normal - just no junk food!) my sleep is improving and the anxiety and depression have eased considerably seeing as this time last week i wanted to throw myself off the nearest bridge. The only thing that has really remained is the head and eye pressure and dr/dp.

I can handle the head pressure but the derealisation and depersonalisation is the thing that really gets me down, once thats gone i will feel so much better about my recovery!

Because it leaves slowly it's also hard to tell whether it's getting better or not, the only way i can tell it has improved is if i think about how bad it was last week, and it has definitely improved since then, only slightly but enough to notice. I feel a bit more 'with it' now, though still 'out of it' if that makes sense

Sometimes i wonder if what i have is even dr/dp and not just a constant low level migraine, due to the head/eye pressure, photosensitivity and the fact that its worse in busy/loud settings. The reason for this is unlike a lot of the accounts i hear on here i do take comfort in and benefit from conversations with people close to me. I also really enjoy music, if anything i enjoy it more than usual recently as i find listening to a happy song and singing along lifts me. I can also watch a comedy and genuinely laugh at the jokes rather than feeling distant from it all. It's when i look around everything just seems a bit off and when i look in the mirror i can see every detail of my face but i can't see the 'whole' of my face, it's weird. But this is exactly what i used to get when i had migraines as a kid, it just was for an hour or so rather than 24/7. I dunno

Anyway, I just wanted to say that i am doing much better and i need to remember that, and most importantly i need to stop looking at fear-mongering posts on BL!

If I'm improving in such stressful circumstances (this whole fiasco started just three weeks before all ny final year major deadlines) then I'm confident things will get a lot better once i finish university :)
 
Also there is one symptom that has appeared in the past couple of days and that is these little 'eye floaters' like little worm things that appear in my perefiral vision every now and then. They're barely noticable though and if I'm honest i think they were there last week, I think I've just started noticing them more as I'm not so consumed with my other symptoms
 
I'm so glad to hear that you're recovrring so fast India. at this rate you'll be back to your normal yourself in just a few months!
are you exercising/eating healthy?
 
I am indeed, i was taking vitamins but I've cut down/tapered off those a bit now my appetite is back, as I'm able to get most of the nutrition i need from my diet now. Plus this whole experience has turned me into a massive hypochondriac...

I am going for a run almost every day, in fact i just got back from one when i saw your post! I would go every day if i could but this usually means i ache too much and risk injury, seeing as before now i lived a pretty lazy student life. Once my body adjusts though i will be going every day

I've decided not to go the ssri route, when i was bad last week i wanted nothing more than the citalopram i had in my cupboard from when i had anxiety a year ago, but i figured i should give it at least a few months before jumping back onto the meds. As you said I'm making very steady progress and i'd rather try to beat this the natural way first. The problem with me is I'm very impatient, to me my progress has been slow but steady, yet looking at that post it's clear I've actually made relatively quick progress given that it's only been two weeks.

So yeah, just need to try to give it good time, and let that sort it out
 
Hi India, I was experiencing this until... yesterday to be quite honest. I thought I had a complete 'long-term comedown' and wouldn't get better in months, however I rationalised with myself, found out I blew this way out of proportion and that I'm being a hypochondriac (not trying to be offensive) and that I was actually attributing myself to having anxiety. I know you may be at this state of "No it's definitely not in my head", but I honestly changed and became a happier person within hours after consulting with myself and my mother (who was telling me I was fine).

I literally lived 7 weeks of complete anxiety cause I had a slight panic attack while tripping. Yesterday I realised how well I actually am. I'm up, walking, talking, the only reason I felt light headed and dizzy, derealisation and depression is because I was looking for it. I spent everyday looking at people who were also dealing with it and I'd over analyse what I'm doing all the time, It was like hypochondria mixed with OCD.

I'd hate to tell you it's all in your head. But it's most likely all in your head. I even made my thread like 3 days ago on it... haha. I read a book made for 'mastering anxiety' and it said that a large number of people who think they're anxious, become anxious, meaning your head isn't thinking straight, meaning you're literally stressing yourself over stressing. This is where the derealisation and depersonalisation comes in with the numerous headaches. Trust me, I know about the headaches, and they've completely gone already.


PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE believe me, you're absolutely fine and you'll be completely 'normal' once you realise you're actually really OK.

Stop observing yourself, it honestly what makes you feel YOU again. Trust me as I thought I was going mental about 30 hours ago.


http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads/720401-1-5-months-of-anxiety-comedown
 
Also I'd like to add, and not to scare you, but for the eye floaters go to the opticians because I saw the optometrist on the friday and he told me I have a couple of holes in my retina which is the eye floaters, I've been recommended to an eye specialist which I'll see in a couple of months and whether I'll need eye surgery or not (laser). However I've seen posts on here that they go in a couple of months, so if I stick by the forums here, I'll let you know how I get on too.

Really man, don't stress about how you're feeling right now!
 
^^^
yeah, I think overthinking plays a big big part in there comedowns.

India111 said:
I am indeed, i was taking vitamins but I've cut down/tapered off those a bit now my appetite is back, as I'm able to get most of the nutrition i need from my diet now. Plus this whole experience has turned me into a massive hypochondriac...

I am going for a run almost every day, in fact i just got back from one when i saw your post! I would go every day if i could but this usually means i ache too much and risk injury, seeing as before now i lived a pretty lazy student life. Once my body adjusts though i will be going every day

I've decided not to go the ssri route, when i was bad last week i wanted nothing more than the citalopram i had in my cupboard from when i had anxiety a year ago, but i figured i should give it at least a few months before jumping back onto the meds. As you said I'm making very steady progress and i'd rather try to beat this the natural way first. The problem with me is I'm very impatient, to me my progress has been slow but steady, yet looking at that post it's clear I've actually made relatively quick progress given that it's only been two weeks.

So yeah, just need to try to give it good time, and let that sort it out
Click to expand...

very good that you're abstaining from meds, it's the right choice.
maybe if you can, carry some short acting benzo (xanax, lorazepam) just to feel more safe. IMHO that will decrease your anxiety without even actually taking them.

have you looked into meditation/yoga by any chance?
 
Thejibberman don't worry you didn't scare me, I was thinking of booking an appointment with the optician anyway just to eliminate the possibility that there is anything wrong with my sight, I'll do it tomorrow as there's no harm in checking.

ComfortablyNumb95 yes i definitely want to start meditation and yoga, the only problem is (and the reason i think I'll be a lot better around the month-2month mark) that as i finish university in literally less than a fortnight my entire life is in limbo at the moment, as i know I'll be moving back home soon. This means i can't do anything like get a referral for counseling (which i want to do as my anxiety is an ongoing issue) or find local yoga classes or anything. Not long now though and I'll be back, and able to establish some sort of routine in my life.

In the meantime, has anyone taught themselves to meditate? Are there any YouTube tutorials you guys would recommend?
 
Yeah I know the emotional numbness! Which Uni? Greetings from Plymouth! I assure you after a few weeks at home you'll be much better anyway. Good idea on the opticians. Good luck man, just remember to stop stressing and looking up symptoms as you're 100% fine!
 
I'm at Manchester uni, I'm originally from the south though, fairly near Plymouth!

Thanks jibberman, I'm trying not to stress about it, just keeping myself busy!

The thought that really annoys me and that i dwell on the most is that i didn't realise my anxiety after new years eve was most likely triggered by mdma. I took a high amount (around 300mg), mixed it with coke and alcohol and ten days later after having sickness for a few days i had my first panic attack since before i went on meds. I was pretty ignorant to the effects of mdma at this time and didn't have any idea it could be related to my anxiety suddenly returning. As a result I didn't really do anything to help my recovery as i figured it was purely uni stress and would pass after (that was a factor but in hindsight the drugs were definitely the trigger), and by the time my birthday rolled around i was only just getting better. Then i took the same high dose and mixed drugs again, and effectively took a slegdehammer to three months of progress, and made everything ten times worse.

One thing i will be thankful of though, is that had these symptoms not manifested themselves so soon after taking mdma this time, i probably would have remained ignorant as to the cause and continued to use until i did some real damage. Assuming i haven't this time, though I'm trying to reassure myself that two nights (spaced several months apart) is unlikely to do that
 
Chances are you will be fine according to my personal experience and the reports of many others. As often repeated: avoid drink, drugs and cigarettes. Try to eat healthy, keep up the exercise and find things that make you happy.

Deep down, you need to *feel* that this is just temporary and it will all go away soon. As other says, a lot of it is probably in your (and other sufferers') head. If you can reassure yourself that it's going to be ok soon, I think you will fix up a lot sooner and suffer a lot less :).
 
I learnt by myself reading tutorials on the internet. in the end all you have to do is to sit in a comfortable position, on a pillow with your legs crossed, whatever position you feel comfortable with.
then you focus on your breath, counting your breaths from 1 to 10 and repeat.
don't try to stop your mind, let it run observing it while focusing on your breath.
do this for atleast 20 minutes.
it'll be hard for the first times esp if you have anxiety, but after a while it will become natural and I assure it helps a LOT to clear and slow down your mind.
 
I should also mention that both the times i took mdma i had a panic attack lasting a minute or so on the way up. Nobody else had these effects and we all took the same stuff both times from the same source. This is a sign in itself i clearly have an adverse effect to this drug, and that i took too much

But again, hindsight is a wonderful thing
 
This is one of the reasons we're all here, to provide information for harm reduction, and to help people through tough situations.
 
Thanks comfortablynumb, i will try this evening :)

And yes happy dude, I'm very sure i will be right as rain in a few months, a year at most. Sorry for digressing, my negative thoughts and regrets came out for a bit just now, i need to stop regretting what's already been and start focusing on my recovery!
 
And regarding drugs - I'm abstaining from everything of course, though I'll see how i am in a couple of months or so with going back to having alcohol (though not getting wasted)

Unfortunately though i think I'm totally done with all other drugs, i used to smoke weed very occasionally until i had a massive panic attack one day. I think I'm just one of those people who should avoid them ): and coke haha, so done with coke. Made me paranoid as hell
 
I think that sounds like a perfectly lucid decision. Without drugs, you may find ways to achieve a kind of flow and high from other things, which can be very real, and not bad for you. Music, surfing, writing, running, communing with nature, philanthropy and volunteering can produce as profound an experience as any other. Of course, as Comfortably Numb said, meditation.

Keep us posted.

Cos
 
India111 said:
And regarding drugs - I'm abstaining from everything of course, though I'll see how i am in a couple of months or so with going back to having alcohol (though not getting wasted)

Unfortunately though i think I'm totally done with all other drugs, i used to smoke weed very occasionally until i had a massive panic attack one day. I think I'm just one of those people who should avoid them ): and coke haha, so done with coke. Made me paranoid as hell
Click to expand...

sound decision: it seems like drugs ain't for you.
but as cosmo said there are plenty of ways to feel good and they are generwlly safer and way more healthy than drugs.
 
Great to see that improvement. Not going to lie when I read '300-400mg, line of coke and alcohol' I was very concerned lol, but to see that improvement is very promising. Id still be wary if I were you but if you keep thinking positive it makes it a lot better (altho that can be hard on a comedown).

I cannot imagine being on a comedown for two weeks so I envy you lol x
 
Okay so, I made the mistake of looking at a post by firstbadroll... I'm scared now ):
 
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