I want sex everyday from girlfriend, too much to ask?

[IzGood]

On a related note, I found this link... A female's opinion on withholding sex from men for gain

http://hubpages.com/hub/Why-Sex-is-Important-to-Men

 

[abracadabra girl]

You're right, I don't understand and I would like to out of curiosity in addition to the fact that people would be able to concoct better responses if there was more information provided. So yeah, there is a point in my questioning him =)

Clearly his sex drive is causing some turmoil in his relationships and if a person lets their sex drive reach that point then there's a problem.

Imagine someone who wasn't hungry every day, maybe only every other day, looking at you oddly and saying "You insist on eating 3 times a day? You are SICK, my friend!"

We all have different drives, and our drives fluctuate over time. Doesn't make them wrong.

 

[abracadabra girl]

I don't think women would ever understand this type of outlook because they have different brains to guys but to me, sex is like eating. If I'm hungry and I don't eat now, I just can't let it go and eat later. It's an ongoing need that is at the forefront of my mind until it gets satisfied.

I'm a woman and I feel the same way. However, if I'm hungry and my partner isn't, I don't insist that they eat with me. Sometimes I just go make a sandwich.

 

[abracadabra girl]

If a man "had" to have some unwanted sex to save a marriage, it probably wouldn't negatively affect him in many, if not most, cases if he really was doing it to save the marriage. It would be no different than if he conceded to do the dishes more often. Annoying yes, dangerous no. However, if a woman "had" to have some unwanted sex, it could seriously damage her in many cases. I never said always for all people all the time; just in general.

Where the hell are you getting these ideas? First of all, it's been a lot more common throughout history for women to have to have unwanted sex to keep a marriage. It's actually a lot easier physically for a woman than it is for a man, because she just has to lie there. (And if she doesn't lubricate enough, there's KY jelly.) A man has to get an erection which may not always be possible. Psychologically, I think it's probably equal for both sexes. You could even make the argument that it's more difficult for men since they're used to calling the shots, so giving in feels more like a failure. But that's probably a stretch.

 

[KamMoye]

real love doesn't require these sort of games.

i hate it when people say absolutes like this. what makes you an expert on real love? is your expertise on real love transcendent and perpetual?

"How do you expect to have mindblowing orgasmic transcendent sex with your goddess if she is fucking you because she is scared to lose you to another woman?"

it's easy to say things like that when ur strawmanning the other person's argument

Whether you agree or not, it's still a pretty pathetic "tactic" to use on your girlfriend. Just be yourself!

and if that is yourself?

 

[ch00n]

As a woman I have to agree... Guys who are heavily pursued by women tend to bring it upon themselves.
If there are tons of girls after a guy I have to assume that he is after them as well. Otherwise the girls would stop being flirty with him because they aren't getting him. He must be doing something, however small, to encourage this behavior.

Whether you agree or not, it's still a pretty pathetic "tactic" to use on your girlfriend. Just be yourself!

You are confusing genuine self-improvement with some kind of cheap trick / act. Befriending lots of women and meeting new people is nothing fake.

My advice sounds bad (especially to a woman), but it works, so it's useful.

 

[Silenced]

You are confusing genuine self-improvement with some kind of cheap trick / act. Befriending lots of women and meeting new people is nothing fake.

My advice sounds bad (especially to a woman), but it works, so it's useful.

Useful to find women who have low self confidence.... if I were a guy, that's certainly not what I would want.

 

[MynameisnotDeja]

i hate it when people say absolutes like this. what makes you an expert on real love? is your expertise on real love transcendent and perpetual?

Because the word "real" generally implies a lack of bullshit. You know, a "REAL" connection? Maybe you don't know what the word real means. And actually, I do consider myself an expert on love and relationships. I've been through a hell of a lot in my life to gather the wisdom I attempt to share here in this forum.

And there are a lot of other wise bluelighters who post in this forum as well. Maybe you should try listening to what we have to say sometimes instead of attacking everything with your negativity.

 

[konshuss]

Back on topic:

My experience ... I dated several women when I was younger. One girl in particular was memorable -- she was a great girlfriend who loved sex as much as I did. My experiences with her were incredible. She was wild.

On the flip side, the rest of our relationship wasn't so great. She was quite insecure and had life issues. The baggage was just too much. I mean, we all have baggage, but there's a limit to what we can all help out with. So I unfortunately had to cut my losses and break up with her.

A while later, I met another young woman, who would eventually become my wife. During our dating period, she had lots of sex with me. We did crazy stuff, like having sex in public, sex in the car, whatever. Bonus -- the rest of our relationship was great! She was smart, funny, etc. I thought "Wow! I've met the girl of my dreams!"

We dated for 2 years. We got engaged. The sex was still great. But now we're living together. Either due to familiarity or boredom, the sex drops off. Not as often as before. That little voice in my head starts giving me warning signals. But I don't know what's going on. I continue to be the supportive boyfriend, etc. etc.

We get married. The sex is good, but now less often. When I approach her, she is resistant. Many times, she makes herself unavailable ... like going to bed early, saying she's tired, etc. I start to get resentful. I relieve the sexual frustration by masturbating a lot.

We're still having some sex, and surprise! We have a baby. It's great becoming a father, but the relationship with my wife changes in major ways. The sex drops off completely. Granted -- having a kid is a big deal. I know that. But months pass, and now I feel like we have no sex life at all. When we do have sex (only occasionally), she is distracted, not enjoying it.

A couple years go by, and things aren't any better. I am bitter and I feel unattractive to my wife. She is resistant and feels pressured by me to have sex. We go to a couples counselor, and talk about various problems, including the sex.

During the counseling, my wife admits to the counselor that she has intimacy issues. She doesn't really like sex that much, and never really has. She only had sex with me earlier in our relationship because she knew I liked it, and she didn't want to lose me. In fact, if she had her way, she could never have sex again in her life and she would be fine with it.

So needless to say, I'm floored.

That was about 4 years ago. We are still working through it. I am staying married because I really love my wife, and I love our son. In general, our relationship is great -- just not in the bedroom.

I think it is really difficult for a man to be in a relationship and not be sexually satisfied. It really sucks, actually. Fortunately, my wife has been working with me so that we can find some kind of middle ground. We're not having sex nearly as often as I would like, but at least now she's making an effort.

I am posting this as a warning to everyone who is dating or in a committed relationship -- make sure you lay all your cards out on the table before you get really serious or get married.

For me, I should have told my wife at the beginning that a good sexual relationship was a very important for me. For my wife, she should have been honest with me and told me exactly what was going on in her head.

My 2 cents.

 

[konshuss]

BTW ... an afterthought. The original title of this thread "sex everyday with my girlfriend -- too much to ask?"

I don't think it's too much to ask, if that's what a person's sex drive is asking for. But you need a partner who is ready to satisfy those demands.

Like someone posted earlier, it helps to be understanding and forgiving ... we are not always going to feel like eating pizza every night. So each partner has to compromise a bit. Nobody is going to feel like doing exactly the same thing every single day, whether that's sex, or whatever.

I also think there are major biological difference between men and women and that men generally have a much higher sex drive than MOST women ... it's the testosterone, baby. Men have more of it. It's that simple.

Women can have sex for lots of reasons -- convenience, emotional intimacy, cementing the relationship, curiosity, empathy, boredom, whatever. Women can have sex and not even be aroused. Women can use sex as a tool, or a bargaining chip. In general, the idea of women+sex is very complicated.

With men, it's not complicated.

Men want sex because it's an innate, primal drive. Sure, all the other reasons that I mentioned above can apply to men as well. But for men, it's a strong urge. Far more powerful than with women, I think. And that's why men usually want sex more than their partners do.

 

[Altered Perception]

Just masturbate right next to her everytime you get the urge, sooner or later she will start feeling incompetant, neglected and jelous of your hand, so wait till she comes begging you for it.

 

[MynameisnotDeja]

During the counseling, my wife admits to the counselor that she has intimacy issues. She doesn't really like sex that much, and never really has. She only had sex with me earlier in our relationship because she knew I liked it, and she didn't want to lose me. In fact, if she had her way, she could never have sex again in her life and she would be fine with it.

Do you think she really feels this way or just is depressed? I know I have said that same thing myself during times of depression but it wasn't really true the rest of the time.

 

[abracadabra girl]

Do you think she really feels this way or just is depressed? I know I have said that same thing myself during times of depression but it wasn't really true the rest of the time.

That was my first thought too. When you lose your libido, it's almost impossible to remember what it was like when you had one. That happened to me just once, and it was the result of being on birth control pills. Which brings me to my next question, has her birth control method changed since the pregnancy? Those hormonal methods can wreak havoc.

 

[rant*N*rave]

Where the hell are you getting these ideas?

From my honors biochemistry university studies and accompanying background in psychology...

First of all, it's been a lot more common throughout history for women to have to have unwanted sex to keep a marriage.

It's been a lot more common for black people to be slaves too, but that doesn't mean it's good for them or that they like it. Women have had lots of unwanted sex because they are either a) subjugated, b) desperate, or c) willing to make that sacrifice. I think it's been, unfortunately, a lot of a and b.

It's actually a lot easier physically for a woman than it is for a man, because she just has to lie there.

Because there's no other position but missionary... And sex never hurts...

(And if she doesn't lubricate enough, there's KY jelly.)

Well that's sure convenient.

A man has to get an erection which may not always be possible.

And if a man can't get an erection, that kind of precludes this issue entirely.

Psychologically, I think it's probably equal for both sexes.

It CAN be. Men aren't just machines, but it is scientific fact that most men are much more easily sexually stimulated. There's a reason men pay lots of money for strippers and women don't (IN GENERAL). There are plenty of men that just consider it a cocktease and a waste of cash, but there are plenty more that love it.

You could even make the argument that it's more difficult for men since they're used to calling the shots, so giving in feels more like a failure. But that's probably a stretch.

That's usually a stretch, yeah. Not in all cases, though. Many men do have a lot of their self-esteem tied up in their sexual prowess, so being denied repeatedly can have a hugely negative impact on a man's psyche. Women feel stressed by all the come-ons, but men feel stressed by all the turn-downs. It's a bad situation for all involved no matter how you look at it. This is why my ultimate recommendation is that people give up on sexually incompatible relationships. It's severely emotionally taxing.

 

[Chazra]

dont pressure her man, whoo her.

build up the desire in her.

1. do nice things for her without expectation of sex
2. kiss her and touch her without wanting sex get her all loved up then say, nah, i just want to touch you
3.make her want you, not the other way around
the testosterone in your saliva is an aphrodisiac, use it, use it well
4. start eating more foods that increase you testosterone production
5. pick up a pheromone additive for your body or cologne
6. dont ask, seek out a quite moment and be spontaneous. dont ask for sex, just ask to hold and cuddle. make her feel safe, make her feel wanted, get her horny through touch. make her beg you to have sex with her.
7. find out what really turns her on. a erroneous spot on her body, the right words, the right touch, the right mood, gifts, complements. do these more often without expecting to get sex. when she says "your just doing this for sex" say no, cuz i cant get enough of seeing you happy"

you've got to continue seducing and wooing her, she may be your gf, but the seduction part is something even married men have to do.

 

[MynameisnotDeja]

Because there's no other position but missionary... And sex never hurts...

LOL right? Some dudes don't seem to understand that a woman isn't just an open hole. She can't just lay there. If she isn't turned on, she isn't open to the man and any attempt to put himself inside of her will hurt.

Many men do have a lot of their self-esteem tied up in their sexual prowess, so being denied repeatedly can have a hugely negative impact on a man's psyche. Women feel stressed by all the come-ons, but men feel stressed by all the turn-downs. It's a bad situation for all involved no matter how you look at it. This is why my ultimate recommendation is that people give up on sexually incompatible relationships. It's severely emotionally taxing.

Severely incompatible, yeah... but almost everyone is going to be somewhat incompatible at times. I'd say if it has been a problem that leaves both partners unhappy and stressed for any period of time longer than 6 months, it probably is not going to change. But compromise and acceptance with your partner can go a long way.

As far as the seduction thing, it may work at times, but don't expect it to always work and somehow change your girl's ability to have sex every day. Sometimes when a girl doesn't want sex, it isn't because she isn't horny or aroused byher partner. It also isn't because she doesn't feel appreciated. Sometimes she really is just tired. And nothing will change that other than getting rest.

 

[Jblazingphoenix100]

Just masturbate right next to her everytime you get the urge, sooner or later she will start feeling incompetant, neglected and jelous of your hand, so wait till she comes begging you for it.

I lul'd...but also hope that isn't for real.

 

[Matsuo Munefusa.]

"How do you expect to have mindblowing orgasmic transcendent sex with your goddess if she is fucking you because she is scared to lose you to another woman?"

it's easy to say things like that when ur strawmanning the other person's argument

lol K12. You took a philosophy course or two. I taught those philosophy courses you took

I use a method you might have been exposed to a time or two...the socratic method?

 

[Chazra]

On a related note, I found this link... A female's opinion on withholding sex from men for gain

http://hubpages.com/hub/Why-Sex-is-Important-to-Men

i dont believe in withholding sex for anything.

i probably have a higher sex drive than most girls, and maybe even most guys. I want it 3 to 4 times per day. its not that i'm not satisfied with the first session. and i can handle only getting it once per week (albeit not without BOB in between)

my point s, i want it, i'm not going to turn it down because i want something monetary or material from the guy. I'd rather he give me things because he wants to or remembers to.


if there is something i want and nobody else has offered to get it for me, i can certainly buy it for myself. withholding sex for gifts or favors just seems wrong, passive aggressive, and controlling! I'd hate to date a guy like that, i'd prolly dump him right away!

 

[Trubl]

I'm a guy and was wondering is it too much to expect sex everyday from your S.O.?

For me, it's fun, I enjoy it, I don't see anything negative with it? It's not like a drug or something that causes some negativity. It's enjoyable, it's exercise and it brings you and your partner closer together.

In all my past relationships and my current one, whenever my partner says No to sex, I build resentment towards her.

I feel as though I'm supposed to be a good faithful boyfriend but yet you're denying sex? What am I supposed to do? Cheat, masturbate, do nothing and be sad? Well for those 3 options, I can be single!

There has been the very odd occasion in my life where my partner has wanted sex and I have not (from memory because I was exhausted from work), but she really wanted it so I just rolled over and she went on top and got what she wanted. I think I was actually asleep half the time but I didn't have any problems with this.

Now I understand there may be certain times when sex would just not be on the cards....such as your pet dog dying, a relative dying, you just lost your job or some other type of disaster. I understand this!

But, tired, headache, don't feel like it, in my opinion I don't think are valid reasons in an exclusive relationship. I think the expectation of your partner to be faithful has to be reciprocated with a willingness to put out when your partner wants. What do you guys think?

This post is old, but I'd love to know how it turned out! I've been going through the same thing for a long time now. I don't understand why I jerk off once or twice a day when I have a gf. I hope you didn't listen to these girls on here with their attitudes saying "you cant expect her to want sex or have sex every day". It's about what you want, and what makes you happy.

What i don't get is if she don't want, why would she get mad if I got sex elsewhere? With her it's always quick, throw a towel down, shower right after sex. Isn't that weird?

This is the only girl who has ever denied me sex......I think it is depression or something way bigger than me.....

I need to talk about this.....seriously, she makes me want to turn bi. And reading this makes me want To please you, like I want to be pleased.....

I want to know more about you, so we can get to the bottom of this....gay stuff aside, I think we deserve better.