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Recovery I can't go on, I'll go on

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^^
Thanks, TOC. Your Points 1 and 2 make a lot of sense to me. They sound very familiar. And, one breath at a time...I like it.

BTW, I'm certainly not trying to pressure you on meetings...if it ain't for you, that's totally understandable. Just thought I'd mention that participation in NA can mean a lot of things. Personally, I have no plans for complete abstinence from all drugs. Likewise, I've found the sponsorship relation to be counterproductive for me. But I do like going to a couple meetings most weeks. I do find that hearing about other people's very immediate struggles keeps me invested in my recovery. And although there are always some assholes at 12-step meetings, I've met some good (if not close) friends in NA over the years. Again, I would never argue that someone should get involved with 12-step groups, as it's a deeply personal choice. Just thought I'd mention that you can always sample what's there if you become interested.

<3 Sim
 
Back from an NA meeting. It was a good one, one I hadn't been to before. Met some nice guys and exchanged phone numbers. I really do find the ritual of going to a meeting to be tonic. Yes, sometimes meetings are a drag. But sometimes they are just the ticket for me.

Overall, today is going much better than yesterday. For some reason, mornings until about noon are my biggest danger zone in terms of cravings. If I can make it until lunch, I usually even out a bit.
 
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Made it through yesterday without any kratom. Today is shaping up to be more of a challenge, though. It's definitely on my mind.
 
simco said:
Made it through yesterday without any kratom. Today is shaping up to be more of a challenge, though. It's definitely on my mind.
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Hey simco- I was just reading through here, and thought I would just say hi. I hope you find yourself in a better place with the kratom challenge you are going through. Take good care of yourself, moving can bring up lots of our past discomfort with ourselves. Being fresh to town & not knowing a lot of people leaves you in your own head, and that is never a safe place to go alone! Find your place in your new space, remember that you there you are no matter where you go, and find someone to talk to when you are afraid you are convincing yourself that what you want doesn't matter.

Take good care, keep up the good work!
 
Oh, Dreamflyer...this subject is near and dear to my heart. I also tend to defer to other people at the expense of myself (though as I've gotten older, I've gotten a bit more assertive).

To answer (or at least give *my* answer) to your questions, no, taking abuse in the name of keeping the peace does not make you weak. When somebody is abusive, that's on them, not on the person they're abusing. In your case, it sounds like you have a bit of an overloaded feeling of empathy. That doesn't make you weak. Second, you would definitely not be a bad person if you pushed back in the situations you described. There are more and less graceful ways to protest in these situations...so long as you aren't gratuitous or cruel in standing up for yourself, there's no failing in doing so.

When it comes to the situation with your friend (you posted about that elsewhere, no? I feel like I remember reading about it), it sounds like putting some (maybe temporary) distance between you and him would be a good idea. Until things even out about his dad, it will be difficult to be assertive in the relationship. But that doesn't mean you should let him rake you over the coals. In situations like this, about the best you can do is simply to interact with him less until things reach a point where he either mellows out on his own, or he reaches a point where his emotional focus isn't trained so intensely on his recent loss. I'm not suggesting that you should walk away from your relationship with this friend. But you might try being less available for a while. And then, when you're ready and he's ready, you can prepare yourself to be assertive about needing him to chill out on the attacks.

Does that make any sense? I hope so because it sounds like a real bummer of a situation :|
 
That sounds like a good plan. The only addition I'd make (personally...but this is obviously your call 100%) is that if he continues to lash out at you, you're under no obligation to explain anything to him about why you're not going to be in contact with him any more. It sounds like he's not being rational. In that kind of situation, there's often nothing productive to do except to minimize damage. Hopefully it won't come to that, though. Maybe he'll get himself together. I hope so. <3
 
Dreamflyer...you didn't interrupt the conversation flow! You're always welcome to post here.

As for the too personal BL posts, I totally know what you mean. I started using BL when I was in full-on using mode, so a lot of my pre-SL posts are pretty gory. I've thought about pointing to my BL history in applications for grad school, but that early stuff would have to go before I did anything along those lines.
 
I feel like a possible solution is to create so much content with new posts the old posts are kinda lost in the mix, although I totally understand your concerns. It would have a lot to do with the nature of the program I was using it as a reference for.

I forget, what type of program were you think of getting into at some point simco?
 
toothpastedog said:
I feel like a possible solution is to create so much content with new posts the old posts are kinda lost in the mix, although I totally understand your concerns. It would have a lot to do with the nature of the program I was using it as a reference for.

I forget, what type of program were you think of getting into at some point simco?
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I'm considering applying for MSW programs, with an emphasis on adult mental health issues, hopefully for people with substance use problems.
 
Right! Haha like I said I totally forgot. That is awesome :) I imagine BL would be better as a ref for a public health program, but even then with some of the positive press we've gotten in top tier medical circles since the whole opioid "epidemic" blew up as a political thing, it might still be useful.

I'm sure you'll figure it out :) I am so please to have you on staff [/removes tongue from simco' assyole]
 
Omg-my first posts were when I was avtively using a bundle and a half A DAY!! Pissed off at my middle man Honestly, though I'm struggling now-I have come a long way. Back then, prior to being on (mental health) meds-I had no intention of ever stopping opiates I wasn't diagnosed w bipolar2 yet. And didnt realize I was self-medicating. I also had no interest in the Sober Living section. Back then, when I saw SL-I thought "why on earth would anyone want to be sober?"

Now, its my most frequented forum. ❤️ Thank you God. ? Its no doubt Divine Intervention.

I thank everyone that is posting raw and vulnerable. I do. All the time. And it makes me feel less alone reading others stories. Dreamflyer-no shame here. All of us are share our deepest stuff at times.

Remember - we dont know who you are IRL lol. Thats the beauty of it. Though I talk about Sim IRL as if I really do know him. I share to others his triumphs and struggles and what helped etc. Its a comforting feeling.

Sim- I had written a long response that got zapped into oblivion. I'm soo relieved that you didnt experience any w/d w Kratom!


I'm planning on making an appt to get subs next month. I need some time to catch my breath and stabilize my mind.

I went 21 or 22 days not using. Then used-but half the amount I usually do-and OD'd I took lyrica and it seems to have not mixed w h well. Honestly, I'm not as concerned about the od as I am the insanity of using again. That probably sounds horrible but I'm worn out.

I just wanted to stop in and say hello. Good job Sim. Well done my friend. ❤️
 
Man, reading over some of my earlier post history makes me cringe a little. How far we have come indeed :)

Iono about simco though, he's been pretty stellar afaic pretty much since I noticed he was posting ;) Then again the grass is always greener right? But still he was handling his struggles pretty gracefully if I do say so, at least compared to a lot of way we tend to deal with difficult stuff like recovery.

Keep your head up 10years! Going through my most recent overdose really helped put things into perspective, and the more time that has passed the more I've been able to appreciate the fact I'm still able to chat with good folks like you <3

Why buprenorphine and not methadone if you don't mind my asking. I'm sure simco won't mind derailing his thread with this a bit ;)
 
Hey TPD. Good to "see" you ?

I don't mind you asking at all re the subs. But I'd like to mention something about OD. My husband, whose life I have saved, over 10 times in the past year-has been an insensitive dick in regard to having to deal w me od'ing. Yeah-no kidding it is fucking stressful to deal with. Tell ME about it!!!!! Then, he complained that I held him up from getting to do his. Not one supportive word. Or caring one either. He's self-righteous and selfish. I guess I'm supposed to be the perfect one all the time.

The thing is - I wasn't being reckless. Like he almost always is I did 3/4 of a bag. I believe, as I said, the lyrica for me, didnt mix well w the h. Ok. Rant over.

My reason for choosing bupe is I've been on methadone-both in a clinical setting and a pain management setting. 120mgs
It doesnt help w cravings. Nor does it hold me. I have to split dose. I found out from a blood test I'm an abberent (sp?) metabolizer. So much so they questioned if I was swallowing my dose. It wax crazy.

Second reason is I feel like I will
be able to taper off bupe easier. And the blocking effect. TPD-you mentioned ORT to me a few months ago. Given my long history w opiates. Although I had 1.5 yrs clean-which I felt 100x better during-against 15yrs or more of opiates -well, yeah.

My goal is to be on subs for 6mos at the most. In the time I'm on them, I want to build a real support system. Instead of the one I *thought* I had. And to take your leaf TPD- and do things I really love, etc. I see the mistakes I made this time around. I'd really like to be part of life. Hope your well TPD. ?❤️ I welcome any suggestions or ideas etc. Thanks
 
Ps-one ghing Im worried about is that I wont have gabapentin as a comfort med when I jump off due to taking it everyday.
 
If you can get baclofen that is actually a superior medication in some ways. In terms of a comfort med I mean, as well as dealing with cravings to a lesser degree.
 
Thankyou for redponding. I will ask Dr. to prescribe baclofen. Is there a mg? And how do I take it as a comfort med i.e. - in higher doses? Thanjs! ???
 
10YearsGone said:
Thankyou for redponding. I will ask Dr. to prescribe baclofen. Is there a mg? And how do I take it as a comfort med i.e. - in higher doses? Thanjs! 
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A couple things to keep in mind about baclofen for WDs...It's important to take it as your doctor recommends. Baclofen--like other GABA drugs--can become problematic in its own right, so the aim is to take the smallest dose that meets your needs. My understanding is that typical dosage is 40-80mg per day, divided into multiple (e.g. 3-4) small doses throughout the day; this is similar to dosages for other uses of baclofen, so there's no intrinsic need to use more for opioid WD. Again, definitely follow your doctor's advice with regard to baclofen, and in general, shoot for a low dose.

On another note, I'm so glad you're making this move, 10years! I really hope the subs work for you.
 
Thanks Sim. I just can't seem to entirely stop. 10 days off, 3 days on, 22 days off, 4 days on. This is so hard and crazy. I feel like Im going crazy.

Then I go through w/d. Less intense of course, but it can get uncomfortable. Especially the restlessness. And being sweaty and that gross feeling being in your skin.

I'm hoping subs will give me real distance. I need to get actively involved in my recovery. Fingers crossed.
 
simco said:
A couple things to keep in mind about baclofen for WDs...It's important to take it as your doctor recommends. Baclofen--like other GABA drugs--can become problematic in its own right, so the aim is to take the smallest dose that meets your needs. My understanding is that typical dosage is 40-80mg per day, divided into multiple (e.g. 3-4) small doses throughout the day; this is similar to dosages for other uses of baclofen, so there's no intrinsic need to use more for opioid WD. Again, definitely follow your doctor's advice with regard to baclofen, and in general, shoot for a low dose.

On another note, I'm so glad you're making this move, 10years! I really hope the subs work for you.
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This is spot on. And you really want to avoid ANY alcohol or GHB with baclofen. Benzos at therapeutic doses are probably okay, but you should tread lightly with those in concert with baclofen too.

I found 30-40mg worked really well as a comfort med and to help with cravings. Higher doses IMO require either really nasty withdrawal symptoms or slowly tirtrating up for tolerance.
 
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