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You know meditation isn't always the lotus position and chanting your "mantra". It can be as simple as chopping wood, knitting or many points between. Just say'n ...
Ego Death: Can You Be Who You Want To Be?
- Thread starter Killbook
- Start date
Actually, no. I was under the impression yoga was what you described in the first sentence. Is meditation reading too?
This plan has failure written all over it. The only thing you can realistic be certain of here is disappointment. You appear to be going into 'depth' with you plan having your documents and putting them on video or whatever yet you lack knowledge of the change process, drug use, ego death and a few other concepts.
You plan to go into a trip telling yourself about all the things you don't like about yourself on an audio and video and think that is the basis for a positive shift in your life? Jesus have you heard of drug, set and setting? You want to know all you can about yourself yet I doubt if you explored the Johari window concept.
Yes psychedelics can change your perception of things which will eventually lead to a change in behaviour and thought and indeed sometimes that change can be sudden but the changes are along the par of - 'I never realised that we were all one" which may lead to you treating people better but it wont necessarily stop you unconsciously causing havoc or make you feel any happier within yourself.
I am sorry but I am a blunt speaker and this reeks of immaturity - 'I want a full change of personality and I want it NOW'. There is no way this can provide you with what you seek yet you are hell bent on doing it anyway - ask yourself why when all are tell you it wont work, when you believe it has a good chance of failure you still think this is a proper avenue of self-improvement.
If you want to be someone else do it! Start acting like the person you want to be. Your actions will help reprogram your thoughts. Develop a discipline, read some of the ancient religious texts, modern self-help stuff, meditate, live and learn. Change takes effort sorry there are no short-cuts - any quick change will revert back without sustained effort.
How do you become who you want to be without knowing what changes you definitely want to make? The contradictions throughout your posts again point to a poorly thought out and immature plan. This has the feel of a late high school/1st year at uni reaction to the bigger world and as said destined to disappoint.
All that said I wish you well, I hope you have a pleasant mind expanding and wondrous time.
Love and safe travels.
You plan to go into a trip telling yourself about all the things you don't like about yourself on an audio and video and think that is the basis for a positive shift in your life? Jesus have you heard of drug, set and setting? You want to know all you can about yourself yet I doubt if you explored the Johari window concept.
Yes psychedelics can change your perception of things which will eventually lead to a change in behaviour and thought and indeed sometimes that change can be sudden but the changes are along the par of - 'I never realised that we were all one" which may lead to you treating people better but it wont necessarily stop you unconsciously causing havoc or make you feel any happier within yourself.
I am sorry but I am a blunt speaker and this reeks of immaturity - 'I want a full change of personality and I want it NOW'. There is no way this can provide you with what you seek yet you are hell bent on doing it anyway - ask yourself why when all are tell you it wont work, when you believe it has a good chance of failure you still think this is a proper avenue of self-improvement.
If you want to be someone else do it! Start acting like the person you want to be. Your actions will help reprogram your thoughts. Develop a discipline, read some of the ancient religious texts, modern self-help stuff, meditate, live and learn. Change takes effort sorry there are no short-cuts - any quick change will revert back without sustained effort.
How do you become who you want to be without knowing what changes you definitely want to make? The contradictions throughout your posts again point to a poorly thought out and immature plan. This has the feel of a late high school/1st year at uni reaction to the bigger world and as said destined to disappoint.
All that said I wish you well, I hope you have a pleasant mind expanding and wondrous time.
Love and safe travels.
Toltec
Bluelighter
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If the universe has given you the passion to want to do something, then be 100% assured it will give you the ability as well.
If you want to reach a state of bliss, then go beyond your ego and the internal dialogue. Make a decision to relinquish the need to control, the need to be approved, and the need to judge. Those are the three things the ego is doing all the time. It's very important to be aware of them every time they come up.
If you want to reach a state of bliss, then go beyond your ego and the internal dialogue. Make a decision to relinquish the need to control, the need to be approved, and the need to judge. Those are the three things the ego is doing all the time. It's very important to be aware of them every time they come up.
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Rather than trying to rewrite your personality, which will not work, I would advise that you use psychedelics to come to terms with your own self. Its not unusual to dislike aspects of yourself, and recognising these things is the first step towards overcoming them. No psychedelic is really going to chang your personality or your inner self, but it will give you a perspective wherein you may realise that you are already who you need to be. I'm not referring to fate or any nonsense like that, I simply mean that ackonwledging that personality and self-hood is a mixture of biology and environment and is utterly unique to YOU may help you find happiness in who you actually are and not who you want to be.
Psychedelics can have incredible effects in changing ones perspective on many things, but they do not help a person abandon or modify their inherent nature. I think trying to use them in such a way is actually foolish and risky. Its the sort of desire that can lead to trauama and a sense of not fitting into society. Rather than that, why not find a way to accept how you are without judgment, and then try and improve the things you wish to. If you are relying on a magic bullet, I'm afraid you will fail and eventually realise that this obsession with changing yourself is actually a part of the ego game you thought you were escaping.
Psychedelics can have incredible effects in changing ones perspective on many things, but they do not help a person abandon or modify their inherent nature. I think trying to use them in such a way is actually foolish and risky. Its the sort of desire that can lead to trauama and a sense of not fitting into society. Rather than that, why not find a way to accept how you are without judgment, and then try and improve the things you wish to. If you are relying on a magic bullet, I'm afraid you will fail and eventually realise that this obsession with changing yourself is actually a part of the ego game you thought you were escaping.
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O yeah! I could never deal with the standard 'meditation' stuff. It wasn't till i found kung fu and the motion/practicing fighting w/bare hands that I could really chill out. I also find solace in intense metal mosh pits or some very specific forms of electronic music dance... Ya, doesn't have to be hindu crap. Just anything where you can really lose yourself and work on motion/breath exploration in a free way that let's you get in touch with those things. There are a million roads to this same point. I literally can only get to a truly meditative state while my body is in vigorous motion
pupnik
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@ cdin, at some level there is always vigorous motion. I would not discount your experience of integration through motion, but please be aware of the fact that for your body to be in such motion you are flooding your brain with sensations, this is a great ride, but this is not in the direction of subtlety or quiet meditation.
Where meditation and subtlety are especially of value is when you do not have a beneficial external feed of sensation to ride - i.e. no handy mosh pit here at the moment. Also yearning for sensations to resume when they are gone is a different problem related to craving which underlies a lot of confusing motivations that can creep into what you are otherwise interested in.
Quiet meditation not only frees the meditator from the need of any particular stimulation, but also enables things to be just as they are without interference. Over a period of time in which things are as they are with nothing added to distort, the mind becomes unburdened and clear. That is the nature of meditation, and even in it's most subtle moments, there is an aspect of vigor and integration that needs no additional layers, activities, or products.
Where meditation and subtlety are especially of value is when you do not have a beneficial external feed of sensation to ride - i.e. no handy mosh pit here at the moment. Also yearning for sensations to resume when they are gone is a different problem related to craving which underlies a lot of confusing motivations that can creep into what you are otherwise interested in.
Quiet meditation not only frees the meditator from the need of any particular stimulation, but also enables things to be just as they are without interference. Over a period of time in which things are as they are with nothing added to distort, the mind becomes unburdened and clear. That is the nature of meditation, and even in it's most subtle moments, there is an aspect of vigor and integration that needs no additional layers, activities, or products.
pupnik
Bluelighter
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did any one adequately define ego death yet, the very idea of breakthrough experiences is subjective, no way yet to compare what person A experienced precisely with what person B experienced.
that said,
I think you can definitely go all the way with 2 grams of shrooms, or you could get stuck at the edge of the river and never cross even with 8 grams - the breakthrough or ego death or godhead or whatever you call it, is personal, closer to emerging from a chrysalis or shedding your skin than getting high.
when you are ready for the transformation it happens,
other things can happen too, and some of those things - especially when pushed ahead of natural pacing - are not easy to recover from.
I don't think we have great definitions for all of these experiential phenomena.
that said,
I think you can definitely go all the way with 2 grams of shrooms, or you could get stuck at the edge of the river and never cross even with 8 grams - the breakthrough or ego death or godhead or whatever you call it, is personal, closer to emerging from a chrysalis or shedding your skin than getting high.
when you are ready for the transformation it happens,
other things can happen too, and some of those things - especially when pushed ahead of natural pacing - are not easy to recover from.
I don't think we have great definitions for all of these experiential phenomena.
I just got my hand on 8 grams. I will be taking 3.5 grams tonight. I'm a bit nervous but tonight is the night I go through with it. I will be live-streaming the whole thing, so prepare for that, and a trip report. Fingers crossed this works. Wish me luck.
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To be honest with you I'm not into the live-streaming trips thing, and I don't think it's conducive to a good setting. A trip is a personal thing, if you know you're out there and "everyone" could be watching you it might lead to some awkward and possibly quite fearful places. I'd never do that personally. I don't even like watching live-streamed trips. Seems too voyeuristic to me. Good luck though, hope it went well, or is going well.
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I have finally written my trip-report. Sorry it took so long, it was really intense and it's hard to sit down and write about it--let alone think about it. You can find it here:
http://bluelight.org/vb/threads/834...nce-Did-I-Become-Who-I-Wanted-To-Be-All-Along
http://bluelight.org/vb/threads/834...nce-Did-I-Become-Who-I-Wanted-To-Be-All-Along
Solipsis
Bluelight Crew
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Interesting, will read... hopefully things are okay with you cause this all seemed really iffy... although I can relate to matters of the soul-searching department.
I recall taking 3-MeO-PCP semi-recently and seeing this thread, however while reading and composing a reply coming up with what I thought was a very solid response (but hey many seem like they are gonna save the world on 3-MeO-PCP don't they) I gradually lost the ability to read and think. So: sorry
Might have fixed my irony deficiency though
I recall taking 3-MeO-PCP semi-recently and seeing this thread, however while reading and composing a reply coming up with what I thought was a very solid response (but hey many seem like they are gonna save the world on 3-MeO-PCP don't they) I gradually lost the ability to read and think. So: sorry
Might have fixed my irony deficiency though
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good write up. some questions: after hundreds of ego-rocking tryptamine/NMDA experiences I came to the conclusion that any memory indicates the presence of the internal observer. to my mind, the only truly pure ego death experiences are near death, NMDA, alcohol - things where you are truly reduced to subconscious impulse, something I have never been able to recall - thoughts? 2: I am extremely glad you didn't damage yourself, that things went well - do you feel you succeeded in creating a new structure, or merely uncovering a potential that was there? I would like to know your opinion on it in several months time as well, and if any changes end up as lasting. My own experiments led me po conclude that installing new structures is unfathomably hard and usually precipitated by trauma so great the person would be called "broken", and that most of the positives of psychs really come from paring away the unneccessary/accentuating the root of a person, which can seem brand new... like a car that hasnt been washed in 10 years getting a full wax/buff. just thoughts, glad you're ok!