Coping with being alone

[LucieQuinn]

I have BPD and one thing that really helped me was something called Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, I did it in rehab and I was like, damn, this shit works, so during quarantine I paid for an online DBT class too. The shit works man that's all I gotta say. Another thing that has really helped me a lot is meetings, I was at a rehab in Raleigh NC called Healing Transitions and I started going to meetings EVERY mfin DAY sometimes twice a day, my favorite was Crystal Meth Anonymous, they have a group in Raleigh NC called "put the pipe down" haha and other groups. I am a tweaker so I identified with that a lot, I met my old sponsor there, meetings are a great place to meet people -I try to stick to meeting people of the same sex though some meetings can really be sausage fests and the men can be kinda aggressive and just not what you need right now while you're grieving. (I don't know your gender maybe you're a guy though, in that case you know what I mean)
The women I went to rehab with are like my sisters now, if you ever want to make some REAL friends, go to rehab. If I call up one of my homegirls from healing transitions right now and said "hey, I'm craving alcohol" they would stop what they're doing and either come get me or talk to me until I'm not having a craving anymore. I've also met some good friends at an oxford house.

Another thing that helped me when my dad died was that I would do random acts of kindness for people when I really missed him to kind of like, honor him. I usually can buy a stranger lunch, buy someone's groceries, go to the Christian store and find something meaningful and give to someone, do community service at the cat shelter, or get on my knees on my bed and just talk to God and tell him what's going on and cry and ask him for strength and to heal my pain. When I got sober this time, this last time, (the time that worked) I got on my knees a few nights and cried so hard and poured my heart out to God and asked him to make me stop craving meth and alcohol and He did it!! I felt relief. I haven't prayed on my knees in a long time but this morning, I am going to pray for you and I don't just say that I really pray for people!!! It will get better hun!!!

I am a woman, and i think your advice is just what i need. Ive considered meetings before, and i shouldnt have a hard time finding them in my area because i live in big city Jax, Florida.
I think im going to start taking myself to some of these meetings, albeit my shy awkwardness. I havent really socialized much in ages except for with my best friend, who is now dead & gone.

Though i am spiritual and not religious, i do believe in prayer...
your stories are beautiful.
thank you for replying to me; you made me feel a whole lot better.

 

[n3ophy7e]

Sorry for your loss...........

I, too, feel destroyed....

he & I were codependent on one another. He was also my neighbor and we could literally hear each other through the walls. We used to stay home together all day and party, make love, shoot shit, conversate for hours.

How long did it take for you to feel like you could finally breathe again?

Oh honey Yep, me and Dan were the same, pretty codependent, we were partying buddies, sex buddies, spent as much time together as we could. We were each other's rock.
After he died, I stayed in bed for 4 months straight.....it took a good 6-9 months before I could think/talk about him without losing it.
I did not do myself ANY favours though, I drank 24/7 (which does not help!!!!!), and didn't get any counselling or help. In retrospect I could've gotten through it much easier if I had gotten some help.

 

[darvocet21]

I have an option to do outpatient therapy. I have a problem with talking to people i barely know. The last therapist i have judged me. I left because i felt severely uncomfortable every time i went to talk to her.

You don't have to talk at a meeting, sometimes it's better to just listen which is all I did for the first few months. I was always a terrible listener and it was long past time to acquire the skill

What is GA?

Gamblers Anonymous

 

[LucieQuinn]

Gamers probably. Video game addiction is a huge thing now.

I wish i could become addicted to playing video games. i own a nintendo switch and barely touch it. i never played video games while growing up and have a hard time getting into them as an adult. maybe it can help me cope with depression.

 

[LucieQuinn]

Maybe it's my fault I'm lonely.

What i was thinking.

 

[LucieQuinn]

Oh honey Yep, me and Dan were the same, pretty codependent, we were partying buddies, sex buddies, spent as much time together as we could. We were each other's rock.
After he died, I stayed in bed for 4 months straight.....it took a good 6-9 months before I could think/talk about him without losing it.
I did not do myself ANY favours though, I drank 24/7 (which does not help!!!!!), and didn't get any counselling or help. In retrospect I could've gotten through it much easier if I had gotten some help.

So you think i should definitely get counseling? I have a hard time talking to people i don't know. Talking to "friends" would be easier... if i had some. I used to. && i found it was easier to talk to ppl i hung out with than strangers with licensed degrees behind a desk. paid to sympatize with your problems.

 

[LucieQuinn]

I am always up for a good chat

Is there a PM thing on this forum?

 

[LucieQuinn]

Even without therapy, it does get a bit better. It can still be hard, im a fewyears into isolation myself. I am sure its more difficult with the PD. Feel free to reach out if you need to chat

 

[Agentahna]

I am a woman, and i think your advice is just what i need. Ive considered meetings before, and i shouldnt have a hard time finding them in my area because i live in big city Jax, Florida.
I think im going to start taking myself to some of these meetings, albeit my shy awkwardness. I havent really socialized much in ages except for with my best friend, who is now dead & gone.

Though i am spiritual and not religious, i do believe in prayer...
your stories are beautiful.
thank you for replying to me; you made me feel a whole lot better.

I'm so sorry for your loss hun, I am really glad you found this place there are a lot of really nice people here. Even just talking about something and expressing the desire for it to change is a step in the right direction I am happy for you girl get out there. I've never regretted going to a meeting, I've *always* gotten something good out of the ones I go to.

I think prayer works too and I'm glad you are feeling better. I have never lost a partner but when I lost my father it was the worst day of my life. God has plans for you sweetheart I promise you He does!! I am proud of you for being strong enough to reach out. Even talking on here is helpful. My stories are so crazy man, I am a tweaker in recovery
This makes me think of one of my favorite bible verses :

Jeremiah 29:11-13
New International Version
​

11 For I know the plans(A) I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper(B) you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.(C) 12 Then you will call(D) on me and come and pray(E) to me, and I will listen(F) to you. 13 You will seek(G) me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.(H)



Things will keep getting better and better sweet girl!! For real check out dialectical behavioral therapy
Look, I didn't like my first therapist either she was a bitch and judgemental but the SECOND time I tried therapy I got a dope ass therapist. Utilize the mental health resources in your area!! See if a DBT GROUP meets in your area, I bet there is one. Keep us updated!

 

[n3ophy7e]

So you think i should definitely get counseling? I have a hard time talking to people i don't know. Talking to "friends" would be easier... if i had some. I used to. && i found it was easier to talk to ppl i hung out with than strangers with licensed degrees behind a desk. paid to sympatize with your problems.

Honestly babe I really think it's worth a try, it might really help you with your grief. A GOOD therapist will not make you feel like they're just sitting there getting paid to sympathise with you. A good therapist will listen to you and then offer you good strategies for working through whatever you're going through.

Is there a PM thing on this forum?

Yep, if you click on someone's username, then click on "Start conversation" that will take you to the private message page.

 

[darvocet21]

So you think i should definitely get counseling? I have a hard time talking to people i don't know. Talking to "friends" would be easier... if i had some. I used to. && i found it was easier to talk to ppl i hung out with than strangers with licensed degrees behind a desk. paid to sympatize with your problems.

Some people like therapy. Personally I've always viewed people that choose to make a career path out of helping others with a healthy dose of skepticism ("Just what are they trying to hide?")

 

[n3ophy7e]

Some people like therapy. Personally I've always viewed people that choose to make a career path out of helping others with a healthy dose of skepticism ("Just what are they trying to hide?")

lol what do you mean? :D

 

[RxBuzzzzzzzzzz]

You don't have to talk at a meeting, sometimes it's better to just listen which is all I did for the first few months. I was always a terrible listener and it was long past time to acquire the skill


Gamblers Anonymous

Damn, I should have known that. Oh well. Win some lose some.

 

[LucieQuinn]

Some people like therapy. Personally I've always viewed people that choose to make a career path out of helping others with a healthy dose of skepticism ("Just what are they trying to hide?")

skepticism, me too.

 

[LucieQuinn]

The newcomer is the most important person at every meeting

But for how long are you considered a "newcomer"?

 

[telepathetic]

paying someone to care always seemed weird to me too.

 

[n3ophy7e]

But for how long are you considered a "newcomer"?

Only the first few meetings, really.
It's good to keep in mind that each meeting can be quite different, too. So it's worth trying a few different ones to find the group of people who you mesh well with.

paying someone to care always seemed weird to me too.

Try not to look at it like that though. You're not paying someone to care, as such, you're paying someone to help offer/teach you ways to cope with whatever you're struggling with. It just so happens that most therapists are caring people by nature

 

[telepathetic]

"wharf rats" are the only meetings that were tolerable to me, i should probably check that out a bit more before i move away from that city

 

[wudbutcher]

I have severe borderline personality disorder due to past trauma and abuse. I was very isolated and sheltered in a foster home growing up, which makes my relationships with ppl not so healthy. i am also an opiate addict.
I have a hard time making friends and the only friends i have righgt now arent even, in fact. An older man and my gay next door neightbor. They barely text me back sometimes and when i invite them over they sometimes say that i ignore them after a while. I try to be the best friend that i can be, not desperate for company, but ever since my best friend died a month ago, ive been desperate for human interaction, and sortof reaching out to anyone who's there because im so alone and afraid and in grief.
My question is...
does it ever get easier? Being alone all the time? I believe in all my despair that i will be a loner for the rest as i live, try as i might to make friends and seek love.
I'm 31... I should be used to this by now. If it werent for dope, id die of loneliness & grief!

No, it doesn’t on its own. But dope is a jealous partner. Won’t share you with anyone. Feeds on laughter and memories. Once depleted, just files you away. Fuck feelings, if didn’t have em wouldn’t be an addict.

 

[LucieQuinn]

I'm so sorry for your loss hun, I am really glad you found this place there are a lot of really nice people here. Even just talking about something and expressing the desire for it to change is a step in the right direction I am happy for you girl get out there. I've never regretted going to a meeting, I've *always* gotten something good out of the ones I go to.

I think prayer works too and I'm glad you are feeling better. I have never lost a partner but when I lost my father it was the worst day of my life. God has plans for you sweetheart I promise you He does!! I am proud of you for being strong enough to reach out. Even talking on here is helpful. My stories are so crazy man, I am a tweaker in recovery
This makes me think of one of my favorite bible verses :

Jeremiah 29:11-13​

New International Version​

​

11 For I know the plans(A) I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper(B) you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.(C) 12 Then you will call(D) on me and come and pray(E) to me, and I will listen(F) to you. 13 You will seek(G) me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.(H)



Things will keep getting better and better sweet girl!! For real check out dialectical behavioral therapy
Look, I didn't like my first therapist either she was a bitch and judgemental but the SECOND time I tried therapy I got a dope ass therapist. Utilize the mental health resources in your area!! See if a DBT GROUP meets in your area, I bet there is one. Keep us updated!

lol to the bible scripture verse.

Im not religious, but im spiritual. i disagree with the "plan for your life" theory, but youre free to believe whatever you want.