-alone-

^^^ melissa i cant tell you how happy i am you chose that line for your sig. it's my favorite line too from this particular piece, and to me, is kind of the defining line of josh himself.
 
i would give give just about anything to tell you in person how things are going in my life...you would be so happy for me, so happy for us...and yet i know you are smiling down saying "i told you so".
miss you so much josh.
Angel and Dave
 
somedays i think of you two often then others, today was that day for whatever reason.
 
^^^ oopsy, thank you so much for reminding me of that thread.
Josh, i miss you so.
 
Dear friend,
I beg of you, tell me please... you, who are my most cherished confidant and empyreal friend,
Do you hear me?
When I expose my tired and wounded heart to the starry darkness and whisper silent prayers to the sky for someone to heal me;
or when I search the diamond and ebony heavens, pursuing the impossible dream of finding that precious star, around which your soul flies so freely,
Do you hear me?
When I release the painful secrets that I can trust to you alone;
when I struggle to wash clean the stains on my soul, desprately needing the help of the truest friend I have ever known,
Do you hear me?
When I summon the strength to release my jealously guarded pain, sorrow and fears;
when the cold drops of my frozen emotions finally melt and give me the freedom to shed my carefully hoarded tears,
Do you hear me?
Is it you that gives me the strength to fill the weak and empty caverns in my wounded heart?
Is it you that reached down a hand and used your love to help piece together a soul torn apart?
Do you hear me?
Is it your strength that helps me holds on to an unshakeable conscience and guides me into doing what I know is right?
Do you hear my silent weeping from your distant star; and do you feel the pain of my pathetic plight?
Do you hear me?
Were you with me when I sought to burn away my senseless anger by thrusting my soul once again into that perilous flame?
Did you cry for me as I took that dark journey alone; searching for truth, finding only shame?
Do you hear me?
Are you the reason my spirit feels cleansed and my mind has become clear?
Are you the reason I fight to strengthen those noble aspects of my soul I long ago held dear?
Do you hear me?
I know that you do, and I thank you. Though they feel paltry and unworthy to express the gratitude I feel in my heart for what you have given me, these three words are the only way I can tell you what you mean to me. If I pour all of my gratitude and grateful love into them, I know you will understand.
Is it you that heals my pain? For this, I thank you.
Is it you that hears my prayers? For this, I thank you.
Is it you that sooths my frantic fears? For this, I thank you.
Is it you who gently mends my fragile heart? For this, I thank you.
Is it you who gentled the sorrow I once wore with selfish pride? For this I thank you.
Is it you who has given me this chance to make a new and honest start? For this, I thank you.
Is it you?
Do you hear me?
Do you see me?
Do you care for me?
These questions I ask of you, with a smile in my heart, and the strength that I have received from knowing with every scrap of my being, that you do. Without a shred of doubt, I know that you do.
For your gift of strength, I thank you.
For your gifts of love and courage shared freely in the dark and lonely times when I most needed you, I thank you.
Above all that you have done for me, I thank you most for guiding those lost souls whose need to feel your strength and know of your endless love far outways any petty need of mine.
For them too, I thank you.
You have become the compass that shows us the true way along the intricate paths of our lives. You are the shepherd gently guiding us closer to our true selves.
For your guidance, I thank you.
I thank you lastly for the gift of courage we receive from you; that blissful courage that allows those of us who know you to walk fearlessly through this uncertain existence once more, brave and strong in our knowledge that as long as we keep your soul strong in our hearts, we will never be alone.
For this, I thank you.
Hundreds more gifts have been selflessly given, for each of these, I owe you my thanks as well. And for as long as you are willing to listen, I will share them all with you; though it may take a lifetime, I am strong in my faith that you will be there to listen.
For this also, I thank you.
You were Josh to some, a son, a brother, a friend, a Husband and Father to still more. Though you were always Spedlie to me. What we knew you as as does not matter. Simply that we knew and loved you is enough. For once you love someone, you will always carry them with you in your heart. I love you. I love you with the fierce love of a brother, competive and loyal to the end. You alone are the brother of my spirit. There exists a strong and solid knot that joines the two threads of our souls together in the tapestry of life. We may have come from different families, but you have always been my brother.
For this, I thank you.
And finally, I thank you for listening. That alone has helped me more than you may ever know.
Thank you.
Your eternally grateful friend,
Craig to some, Griff to you.
P.S.
I would also like to thank those of you who are reading this from a slightly more physical plane of existence, and those of you who have posted previous replies to this thread. The strength that I gatherd from your honest and love-filled replies has given me the courage to say what should have been said long ago.
For this I thank you Bluelight.
Sincerly,
Griff and Craig. Two personalities sharing one body and mind. Which is the real me? You decide, 'cause I sure as hell can't tell the difference.
[ 20 January 2003: Message edited by: Griff ]
 
"...i cry for all those out there that havent felt such beautiful love
i cry even harder for those who have felt this, and lost
i could not explain these things in words
my heart goes out to you
even more so,
my tears"
icon24.gif
 
Reading this filled my empty lonely night. It made me cry; but at the same time; it felt perfect. Perfect tears. I read it over & over, I wish I could express more, but I keep coming back to the word, Perfect. Perfectly expressed, absolutly beautiful.
 
I think I asked you once, and we couldn't come up with an answer.
How is it possible for your heart to be broken and put back together all in an instant?
I do remember you laughing though. Because it didn't matter, all that did matter was that one moment, right then, with us laughing. It all mattered and it will for as long as I am capable of love.
 
i bet they made you an angel, wherever you are,
because sometimes i still feel you watching over me... and when i want to give up hope, you are that hand that grabs me and wont let me jump. for that... i thank you.
 
<3
I needed this today...
this whole week.
i think about it all the time..
and when i need it.. is when i miss u the most
[ 24 January 2003: Message edited by: Bi KaNd*E* RaVeR ]
 
i did not know you, nor do i know how you were taken from this world. i actually just found this out. i spent hours today searching and crying over you and all those you have touched. your spirit obviously lives on. thank you for sharing it with us.....
 
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