I just want to chime in and say I have anxiously been watching this thread, and I am SO relieved to see you've finally posted, Bomb. It's kinda strange maybe, but I became really emotionally invested in your well being. So I'm glad to see you're okay! And I want to say that I completely agree with what you said here:
I hate when people judge those who are on maintenance but maybe still getting high sometimes. I mean even AA says this whole recovery thing is about "PROGRESS not perfection"--if you're on methadone, your life is probably a lot more manageable than if you weren't. Just because you may still indulge or fall back into your addiction sometimes doesn't mean you don't deserve #1) your spot at the clinic and #2) respect for the effort that you are making. The whole idea behind harm reduction is that we don't always eliminate the harms or stop certain behaviors completely, but the more stability we can achieve, the better. Doesn't mean we have to be perfect.
Thank you! I really do appreciate it. Maybe I was a bit too hard on that guy...it just really bothers me when people assume they know everything about your life, why you're on methadone in the first place, etc. I really don't do it often now, but I certainly did when I had 4 take-homes per week! That was brutal...I was in withdrawal every other day, started retreating into bed all day like I did when on H and pills, and my overall quality of life was going down the toilet again in the exact same way as it did with everything else. The best thing for me to do is to simply go the the pharmacy every morning. I live a block away and it takes me about 3 minutes to walk there. I take my daily dose, don't even think about using since it isn't necessary and wouldn't do a thing anyway, and I feel great for the first couple hours after taking it. I'm fine for the rest of the day after that, but will still be surprisingly high in the evening or even nighttime when I boost the dose with some tricks I've learned and perfected over the past couple years. Making your stomach as alkaline as possible and taking your dose on a stomach that's empty as possible are by far the most effective. I took my dose at 8:30 am today, and it's now almost 5:30. 9 hours later, I feel strongly opiated and warm. I've always read that people on MMT lose the high very quickly and only "feel normal" when they take their dose. I mean, it's not like I feel as though I just shot H and am feeling that rush, but it certainly feels exactly the same as it would once that rush fades a bit but you're still feeling the dope. It's actually very similar to Percs.
Does anyone know if this is normal or not for being on maintenance for so long? This has always been really hard for me to figure out since being high or feeling the effect of opiates is subjective. I certainly feel like I've taken an opiate, and not just "normal" or baseline. I also know it's not psychological because I can easily tell when those effects wear off, and I DO feel normal. Then that slowly but surely leads to withdrawal. It doesn't really seem consistent with most people's accounts of what taking methadone daily for long periods is like. I really want to find out. Yes, I know I'm on a high dose (220 mg) but I still would have thought tolerance would still develop over time no matter how high the dose...if anyone on MMT or who knows what I'm talking about can enlighten me, I'd be very appreciative
SKR: Thanks a lot for your post as well! I don't want to keep posting over and over when replying to people because it looks like I'm spamming the topic - so I'm replying to you here! Again, thanks a lot for your concern. As for how high I got, it doesn't really work like that for me when I'm just taking more of the methadone I'm already so familiar with. I DO certainly feel it more, and for longer - into the next day, whereas my usual dose (with the few enhancements I described above) tends to fade towards nightfall, and disappears entirely overnight.
This actually reminds me: does anyone have any idea as to exactly how Diphenydramine works so well as a potentiator?? I always just assumed that it had an additive effect in terms of the nod already present since it increases drowsiness. It doesn't seem to work that way, though. If I take my methadone and wait until bedtime and take some, the distinctive opiate feeling comes back to quite noticeable levels! I know I'm not misinterpreting it or feeling some sort of psychological effect - for the simple reason that this doesn't happen if I take other pills which cause drowsiness (My clonidine for example, or another OTC sedative).