Llamamphetine, dude, if you start spitting though - I'm gonna have to hogtie you.
I pretty much consider manic llama's as predators.
Just did my first code+asa CWE.
And slowly getting my shit together. Had an inner revolution of resistance to continue abusing stims. Like, I had opportunities - got very indecisive... then I did what I do when I get indecisive: I flipped a coin, then checked my spontaneous reaction to the outcome. I don't necessarily do what the coin demands, although if it had said: no drugs, then I would have to abide by it. But it said: yes for drugs, and then my heart said no - overruling it. Yes it is a quick fix but I am tired of all the shit around it, feeling like my world and future are crumbling. I just can't take that anymore so I have no choice but to protest and fight for myself again.
As for the code: I rarely ever nod on opies but I can appreciate moderate doses on tough days. I guess in a similar way I sometimes appreciate phenibut for helping tough stuff to just smoothen out.
On the other hand what would be better for me is to deal with tough things in general.
For years now I have been hypervigilant. My therapist and I really agree that it is one of the consequences of serious psychedelic use. Those difficult experiences, even if they were not a majority... they can have very real impact on your limbic system i.e. your primal emotive brain circuit that also enables fight or flight. I have tripped through so many fucked up things that I am basically permanently on alert and it wears me out. It also is a logical explanation for relying on GABAergic drugs to manage it.
I will be interested to hear if medication I will get can take care of this 'limbic' issue. It is a major pillar in my problems. Another one is just structured eating and sleeping. I have some ideas of my own and experimented a week with Neurontin but I guess we'll have to wait and see.