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What Was YOUR Nightly Fix? v. Can't Sleep Sober

Big dose of some strong Edible cannabis atm. Itself is a good buzz, nothing is by itself these days though. 4 grams Kratom 2 hours ago and kava up now, taking Kratom two days in a row again, I realise I do like Kava more than I thought.

The Kratom today, has not sliced through my anxiety like butter.

Still very jittery and highly irritable towards my mum who just can't help but do my head in lol.

I need a holiday. I'm not going to get one.

Trying to forget benzos exist for now. 3 x 5 mg doses all day and night, one today as such.

If I hold off for the evening, one 5 mg dose may suffice, I need to hit 10 a day ideally.
 
Smoked more meth from the bag I scooped up yesterday. Have enough to last me the night and through tomorrow. Its nowhere near as high quality stuff as what I got last time, but still getting me nice and spun.
 
3mg Xanax earlier but prob wore off now a few hours later.

100mg Tramadol crushed upas it’s the SR one. Also 150mg (2x75mg) during the day earlier.

WKD Tropical (haven’t had WKD in bloody years and noticed in the offy yesterday).
 
Delta 8, 9 (some legit speakeasy style hood dispensary packaged Cali stuff went with Thrax), & 10, kratom, a few beer strength type beverages, and a little DXM.

Munchies kicking in bad lol need to go get some this herb gonna knock me out tonight all done with kratom for tonight deep in the lull of multiple doses still last one not even a hour ago here we go baby off to a lazy couch adventure with some ice cream and tv with my best friend and live-in adoptee orphan Annie
 
4-pack of Csrlsberg special and a handful of useless codies as that's all I got lying around atm. Had a nice hit of something better earlier today but that was my last. Need to go cop some more
 
200mg Quetiapine
500mg L-Tryptophan
300mg Gabapentin

Stayed up way too late last night, ended up sleeping all morning till about 1pm. Went and did work, got through that, practiced my speech a bit.

Tomorrow I've got class, gonna try and be the first one to go to get it over with. And then Tues I've got court... YAY for that... just a check in to tell them I'm still in treatment and doing well.
 
Lottsa trips now.

Well only 17. With about 140 grams Kava, plenty weed.

I've been seeing eyeballs EVERYWHERE lol for 24 hrs plus.

Kalaideskopic is the applicable word.
 
Injected 0.5mg more bupre. And ran out of tobacco so went on to pick cigarette thumbs from the street... and it has been raining snow today so lol. But found enough for a small cigarette so they are drying atm. Its past midnight here so maybe a few Overwatch dps games and then some.
 
dus_aster said:
fuck my stupid goddamn adaptable brain-

experiencing minor cannabinoid withdrawal after only a week of twice daily use. I am a walking advert for the dangers of kindling. Three days of opes, a few days of benzos, a week of cannabis- it doesn't matter, I'll end up in (manageable but still unpleasant and life-destabilizing) withdrawal. stupid, stupid, stupid. In my early 20s I could do weeks/months of opes, cannabis, or benzos, with no ill-effect upon cessation. These days? I get a rebound at the very least, if not minor-moderate withdrawal. I hate this shit, I won't be able to use for more than a day by the time I'm 30, is2g.


OH WELL, ON A TOTALLY UNRELATED NOTE:
home from work (training new guy... stress)
20mg brorphine
Vape
2% milk (yeah, the hard stuff. Not as hard as homo but I only drink homo milk socially..)
1L H2O
Two shots of tequila
A nitrous cart if I can dig one up

T minus 45 minutes until my damn back stops hurting and I have the courage to cook something edible

movie recommendation: 1972's "Superfly", avail. in the criterion streaming collection. Great film; 1970s NYC and cocaine dealers, what's not to love. Blaxsploitation, to be sure, but it aspires to something greater (intentionally or unintentionally) and ends up painting a really intriguing picture of new york during some of it's darker days. Trigger warning cocaine use, sex, police violence
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Didnt the movie Superfly have a song too?
 
dus_aster said:
DID IT EVER, it's been stuck in my head going on 24 hours now.

Fuck. Sending you all the love, compassion, and empathy I can muster, re: your brother's passing. Nobody should ever have to lose a brother before their time.

I don't want to preach or be presumptious, so please feel free to tell me to fuck off, but I lost someone recently, and have found it hard but really beneficial to write down random positive memories of them? Like, write them down when I'm in an okay place, psychologically, and then read them when I go through the hardest of the daily rough-patches. After a while you end up with enough of the memories that when things get bad you can flip through the writing like you're reading a book, and be reminded of them in a good way instead of a bad way. Doesn't really matter if you're good at writing or enjoy writing, the act of doing it is in and of itself therapeutic and feels like a way to honour a loved one. And, you can share that writing with the other people who were in your bro's life... sharing that feels like a small way to 'give back' to someone we've lost.

Take care, friend. From one brother to another.
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Thank you so much for that! And no I would not tell you to fuck off.Everyone here on Bluelight is wonderful for helping each other out. Everyones empathy here has touched my heart, and I will remember that. 😃
 
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