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Social The Dark Side Social Thread v. Darksiders Forever

Anyone else just get tired sometimes of being friendly. Like, when you put so much energy into being a sunny optimist, and all you get is dead eyed stares? It's like no one is willing to let down their guard and no one else reciprocates the energy you put into the world.

I guess it's selfish of me to think, but fuck it anyway. It's tiring. Sometimes I do want to just give up. But I can't. Maybe tomorrow.
 
deficiT said:
Anyone else just get tired sometimes of being friendly. Like, when you put so much energy into being a sunny optimist, and all you get is dead eyed stares? It's like no one is willing to let down their guard and no one else reciprocates the energy you put into the world.

I guess it's selfish of me to think, but fuck it anyway. It's tiring. Sometimes I do want to just give up. But I can't. Maybe tomorrow.
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You are NOT selfish. I smell selfishness, does not matter if there is an ocean or two between us. I do not talk to them. Selfish people. But i can talk with you.

Sunny optimist? not me. But uh... these... "friends" Okay two days ago i wanted to score weed with 40 euros. Said to "friends" that get them flowers, i will pay, then we will smoke the shit away together. I fell down, face first to the forest due to too much beer, 30 minutes before the deal. Went home at some point. The next day "Friends" told me how disappointed they were in me. But my beers, cigarettes and money was ok for them, they were not disappointed in those.
 
Ghost fart said:
You are NOT selfish. I smell selfishness, does not matter if there is an ocean or two between us. I do not talk to them. Selfish people. But i can talk with you.

Sunny optimist? not me. But uh... these... "friends" Okay two days ago i wanted to score weed with 40 euros. Said to "friends" that get them flowers, i will pay, then we will smoke the shit away together. I fell down, face first to the forest due to too much beer, 30 minutes before the deal. Went home at some point. The next day "Friends" told me how disappointed they were in me. But my beers, cigarettes and money was ok for them, they were not disappointed in those.
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Sucks man, but I'd be disappointed too. Not in you but in the deal not going through.

Personally I'm going to admit to the AA people that I relapsed, kinda sucks was hoping to make at the least 6 months clean.
 
bingey said:
Sucks man, but I'd be disappointed too. Not in you but in the deal not going through.

Personally I'm going to admit to the AA people that I relapsed, kinda sucks was hoping to make at the least 6 months clean.
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The chips are just plastic :) don't beat yourself up too much
 
bingey said:
Personally I'm going to admit to the AA people that I relapsed, kinda sucks was hoping to make at the least 6 months clean.
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If you're going to make it work, you have to approach it with rigorous honesty. Slip ups happen. Don't let it completely derail your progress.

Earlier this year I had a minor slip up with some wine. It ended up screwing my whole sobriety because I kept it to myself and didn't want to admit it. Which led to me having a serious relapse.

You're doing the right thing.
 
deficiT said:
If you're going to make it work, you have to approach it with rigorous honesty. Slip ups happen. Don't let it completely derail your progress.

Earlier this year I had a minor slip up with some wine. It ended up screwing my whole sobriety because I kept it to myself and didn't want to admit it. Which led to me having a serious relapse.

You're doing the right thing.
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Yes, honesty is key. I'm having a hard time with my sponsor though didn't even get a chance to fess up to him he just stopped answering my calls after I missed a meeting.

I'm struggling with the second step, I have been through a fase of being a Muslim, and I still don't eat pork but my sponsor who is also a Muslim thought I wanted to get back into the fold so to say and I was really uncomfortable about doing the second step.

So now I'm gonna look for a new sponsor probably and define my higher power as the group which might be weird cause I do believe in God in my own personal way but it is what I think is best.
 
bingey said:
Yes, honesty is key. I'm having a hard time with my sponsor though didn't even get a chance to fess up to him he just stopped answering my calls after I missed a meeting.

I'm struggling with the second step, I have been through a fase of being a Muslim, and I still don't eat pork but my sponsor who is also a Muslim thought I wanted to get back into the fold so to say and I was really uncomfortable about doing the second step.

So now I'm gonna look for a new sponsor probably and define my higher power as the group which might be weird cause I do believe in God in my own personal way but it is what I think is best.
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That is a bummer about your sponsor. Definitely sounds like you should find a new one.

Yeah I also try to avoid pork, not for religious reasons necessarily but I just find it gross.

I'm trying to work through the steps myself, have got 41 days sober myself. Longest I've ever had was just 2 and a half months It's difficult but I found a good sponsor this time and we get along pretty great and he's easy to talk to.

I'm always around if you need someone to talk to about it.
 
deficiT said:
That is a bummer about your sponsor. Definitely sounds like you should find a new one.

Yeah I also try to avoid pork, not for religious reasons necessarily but I just find it gross.

I'm trying to work through the steps myself, have got 41 days sober myself. Longest I've ever had was just 2 and a half months It's difficult but I found a good sponsor this time and we get along pretty great and he's easy to talk to.

I'm always around if you need someone to talk to about it.
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Cool man, 41 days is not to be scoffed at

I saw your thread on the program but something held me back from posting but perhaps in a while I will.

Or I'll shoot you a PM to let you know how it went.
 
I've been popping more pills than usual, the stress at work is just too much, I was cutting back, but now it seems I've doubled.
 
LordOfThisWorld said:
I've been popping more pills than usual, the stress at work is just too much, I was cutting back, but now it seems I've doubled.
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Hang in there dude. Sometimes stress takes over, it happens. Just try and take care of yourself. If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here.
 
Audiobook said:
Fuck that.

Once people are that way to me once I do not deal with them.
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I should be like you.

But dunno. Maybe i am a wimp. Someone who can easily be taken advantage of. No matter what i have, money, weed, beer, benzos, food, coffee, tobacco, they want it. And i get next to nothing in return. But i like to give. Because i know how it feels when you have nothing at all. Many here on Bluelight knows that desperate feeling. I need to think. Maybe i need to draw a line somewhere. Maybe i should begin operation: Grow some balls, Ghost fart!
 
Ghost fart said:
I should be like you.

But dunno. Maybe i am a wimp. Someone who can easily be taken advantage of. No matter what i have, money, weed, beer, benzos, food, coffee, tobacco, they want it. And i get next to nothing in return. But i like to give. Because i know how it feels when you have nothing at all. Many here on Bluelight knows that desperate feeling. I need to think. Maybe i need to draw a line somewhere. Maybe i should begin operation: Grow some balls, Ghost fart!
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It's good to give, but only to such a point. If giving is gonna deny you something in the long run, you've gotta ask yourself if it's worth doing.
 
bingey said:
Yes, honesty is key. I'm having a hard time with my sponsor though didn't even get a chance to fess up to him he just stopped answering my calls after I missed a meeting.

I'm struggling with the second step, I have been through a fase of being a Muslim, and I still don't eat pork but my sponsor who is also a Muslim thought I wanted to get back into the fold so to say and I was really uncomfortable about doing the second step.

So now I'm gonna look for a new sponsor probably and define my higher power as the group which might be weird cause I do believe in God in my own personal way but it is what I think is best.
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new sponsor time.

this is the problem with 12 steps.

you have to believe in something else having control of you.

yep the group is the only way I could face up to NA for the time I went.

its only the higher power that I find hard to get as a lot of the steps are actually very helpful.

but we are all different.

I think the basis on the 12 steps (not that the guy who invented it knew this as he was rather dumb, ye like addiction is a disease) is much like falling in love.

imagine you have your own place and you let someone live there.

they are always leaving there underwear on the floor in your bedroom and bathroom.

you would not put up with it.

but the second your in love the chemicals in your head kick and you find that there actions no longer upset you.

its the same with the higher power thing. they are asking you to fall in love with the higher power so the chemistry in your head changes

and the life changes that you make will then be a lot easier.
 
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I don't know what's wrong with me, that I constantly require validation. No matter how much love I get, I'll never feel like I belong. I've just never felt at home anywhere or with anyone in my life. It's seriously depressing. I hate that I'm this way, I just wish I could have a normal life. I wish I could love people the right way but I can't. I wish I could use drugs like a normal person, but I can't.

There's so much stuff that I wish I could do or feel, but I can't. I get enveloped in petty jealousy for everybody's happy relationships and happy lives. To the point that I hate seeing people happy. It's such a toxic trait and I hate myself for it...
 
deficiT said:
I don't know what's wrong with me, that I constantly require validation. No matter how much love I get, I'll never feel like I belong. I've just never felt at home anywhere or with anyone in my life. It's seriously depressing. I hate that I'm this way, I just wish I could have a normal life. I wish I could love people the right way but I can't. I wish I could use drugs like a normal person, but I can't.

There's so much stuff that I wish I could do or feel, but I can't. I get enveloped in petty jealousy for everybody's happy relationships and happy lives. To the point that I hate seeing people happy. It's such a toxic trait and I hate myself for it...
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You need to learn that you CAN. You are not defective. You aren’t broken - and if you are, you can heal. Tell yourself that you can! I’ll be your friend and help you if you want me to.
 
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