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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | Eligiu | deficiT | paranoid android

Social The Dark Side Social Thread v. Darksiders Forever

deficiT said:
I don't know what's wrong with me, that I constantly require validation. No matter how much love I get, I'll never feel like I belong. I've just never felt at home anywhere or with anyone in my life. It's seriously depressing. I hate that I'm this way, I just wish I could have a normal life. I wish I could love people the right way but I can't. I wish I could use drugs like a normal person, but I can't.

There's so much stuff that I wish I could do or feel, but I can't. I get enveloped in petty jealousy for everybody's happy relationships and happy lives. To the point that I hate seeing people happy. It's such a toxic trait and I hate myself for it...
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yep I get the same here.

always saying I hate this and I want to go home in my head.

funny I always seem to say it to my self at home as well so how does that work.

its a trained response to anything that is challenging these days.

the best solution I found is training the mind to be disciplined and happy.

I think Buddhists have this down the best.

its funny after god knows how many years of psychology being studied in the west I keep being told by my psychs to use mindfulness to resolve my issues.

yep all that study and bashing of eastern ways and now every psych wants to be a monk.
 
I join the choir of the ones who offer friendship here.

I am in a crossroad. Or then it is just a path which is turning one way or another. My real-life friends do not understand me. My relatives do not understand me. This is not an open invitation to a pity party. I do not understand them either, so they have to be left behind. All of them. I need to be alone for some time, and i want to be alone for some time.

Therefore, the door is open for new people. And the door is closed, locked and sealed for the people that once where there, around.
 
Ghost fart said:
I join the choir of the ones who offer friendship here.

I am in a crossroad. Or then it is just a path which is turning one way or another. My real-life friends do not understand me. My relatives do not understand me. This is not an open invitation to a pity party. I do not understand them either, so they have to be left behind. All of them. I need to be alone for some time, and i want to be alone for some time.

Therefore, the door is open for new people. And the door is closed, locked and sealed for the people that once where there, around.
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Gotta always stay open to new experiences ❤️ it's good for your brain, heart, and soul
 
deficiT said:
Gotta always stay open to new experiences ❤️ it's good for your brain, heart, and soul
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True. But it makes me scared somehow. To try something different... Something new...

Safer to stick to old ways and old habits, even if it is unsafe and self-destructive. But i am trying.
 
Ghost fart said:
True. But it makes me scared somehow. To try something different... Something new...

Safer to stick to old ways and old habits, even if it is unsafe and self-destructive. But i am trying.
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I understand that for sure. New is rarely ever comfortable at first. I understand how difficult change can be. I've spent most of my life hiding from it.
 
Ghost fart said:
True. But it makes me scared somehow. To try something different... Something new...

Safer to stick to old ways and old habits, even if it is unsafe and self-destructive. But i am trying.
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If it scares you just a little bit, it's a good sign :)
Just a little bit though!! Nothing too scary haha
 
n3ophy7e said:
If it scares you just a little bit, it's a good sign :)
Just a little bit though!! Nothing too scary haha
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The scary part is over, regarding this day. Cleaning the toilet, everything there, sinks, opening semi-blocked drains and just... brrrrrgh! :poop:

-Crap... Had to edit this out. I broke the rules of TDS. Sorry about that.-
 
If I can't have happiness... May I at least play with the box it came in?? ;(

I just want to take a nap in there
 
Got back In touch with my old best friend/teacher shaman. 🖤😁🖤

Quit antipsychotics three weeks ago. Did two day amph binge And was walking back home from friends house. Saw People Who suddenly disappeared when I got closer To them... Hallucinations are back baby!
 
schizopath said:
Got back In touch with my old best friend/teacher shaman. 🖤😁🖤

Quit antipsychotics three weeks ago. Did two day amph binge And was walking back home from friends house. Saw People Who suddenly disappeared when I got closer To them... Hallucinations are back baby!
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You, uh, make hallucinations sound like a good thing?
 
prince_igor said:
never had anyone try that.
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Its a speedhead thing.

Talked with an good friend (paranoid schizophrenic) And he said its like an snow Ball falling from a mountain. It gets bigger And bigger. At first I defend myself (often though I might just take things in a wrong way) but after some time its like Mental Block And I literally am unable To. Shit is horrible.

Stayed up yesterday And had visual hallucinations. Luckily no audio ones.
Wont be touching Amphetamine any more.
 
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schizopath said:
Its a speedhead thing.

Talked with an good friend (paranoid schizophrenic) And he said its like an snow Ball falling from a mountain. It gets bigger And bigger. At first I defend myself (often though I might just take things in a wrong way) but after some time its like Mental Block And I literally am unable To. Shit is horrible.

Stayed up yesterday And had visual hallucinations. Luckily no audio ones.
Wont be touching Amphetamine any more.
Click to expand...

I tried a test on it at 20mg per day when I worked as I was having problems with a physical job as I am

starting to get older.

this went for four months :)

I found I could use and then stop on the weekend though it was a strict measured dose at exactly

the same time.

in that period I had an external body monitor my mood and personality.

now this is the dose that they give to ADHD kids when dex no longer works.

my personality changed for the worse though I was able to stop on the weekends and quit when I chose.

then stupidly (and I should know better because I have tried this before) I tried to smoke it.

I ended up flushing the whole lot after that it just totally turned me into someone I do not want to be.

this is the golden measure I use for a drug and if I should be allowed to continue using it.

does it change who I am.

you need someone else to tell you too as when your in the middle you can not see it your self.

good idea there are much nicer things out there and you will not end up with life long dopamine

depletion which has lead many to self harm and suicide.

I have heard from others who make things who have done this to them selves and they refuse

to put the stuff in the public arena just due to there wish not to do to others what they did to

them selves.
 
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