Sr. Mod: PD, TR, TDS, P&S
- Feb 8, 2006
- Shadowmeister v0
definitely interested in this article, have a few friends who are getting seriously into ketamine. Glad i can't stand the stuff.Ketamine is just about the most vile and toxic substance you can put into your body next to inhalants and GBL. I have posted an article on here somewhere. Information is just emerging since chronic use is a relatively new phenomenom. I will try to dig up the article. Bottom line is: There is no organ that doesn't get wrecked by chronic exposure to ketamine.
A sterile shot of ketamine gave me a pretty nasty ulcer within a couple of hours since the concentration was too high. It can cause necrosis due to it's local vasoconstrictive effects. I also get nosebleeds a day after shooting it (or using other roa's for that matter).
It would be best to assume the same goes for all other dissociative arylcyclohexylamines.
Maybe it's just a combination of tense eye muscles and not blinking?one thing I have noticed, anecdotal evidence at best- ephenidine has some strange tax on the eyes. I think it either mild eye damage or some strange form of HPPD. I noticed that after taking it my eyes can kind of hurt. After using it fairly often for a few months, I've noticed that light burns into my eye easier, and looking away creates a more noticeable impression of light that wouldn't normally burn in. For example, If I'm in my bathroom and i weigh myself, the light from the scale will stay in my vision for longer than expected
Pleasant, Then Unpleasant... A Likely Underdose
First Ephenidine Trial
12:50pm (T+0:00) - Ingested 60mg orally of a fine white powder. It tastes rather pleasant actually, I can't quite put my finger on what it's like, but it's not bitter. I have heard it is caustic, which I believe, because I held it in there for about 15 seconds on my tongue, while I went downstairs to get some water to drink it down with, and now my tongue is tingly, and feels like it would have progressed to a burn. I ate breakfast about an hour and a half ago and definitely still feel it in my stomach, but I'm hoping my digestion moving will help it absorb. I've read that it takes a good 2 hours or so to come up.
My hope for this trial is to get a sense of what it's like at a pretty light dose, and have a nice day. I am home alone until about 10pm, and I am working, but I have a very light work day, with possibly nothing to do, or perhaps a few random tasks. Activities in mind are listening to and playing music, posting on Bluelight, and spending time outside in my beautiful yard.
1:10pm (T+0:20) - I could swear I feel an alert. I feel a smooth feeling in my head and hands, that's the best way to describe it. Slightly off baseline, I think.
1:40pm (T+0:50) - A little bit more of a warm glow. I don't feel dissociated, it feels a little like a psychedelic alert but calmer. It's definitely a nice feeling but lacks any real character or content so far.
2:20pm (T+1:30) - Feeling it more, this one certainly does come up slowly. But there is a nice feeling through my body, not quite a buzzing, more like a warm glow. I have more floaters in my vision than normal, and everything appears bright and rather shiny, but no true alteration. Some work colleagues just called me with a request, and thinking back to the conversation, it feels slightly unreal, but it was easy for me to converse with them. While on the phone I got up and went outside for a minute because I prefer to walk around when I'm on the phone. I noticed my spring drainage pipe had stuff blocking part of it so I climbed into the area and unclogged it. I am noticing no impairment of my coordination or balance that even light doses of arylcyclohexylamines would cause.
2:50pm (T+2:00) - Shortly after the last entry I found that I was feeling pretty horny, so I decided to explore that. Surprisingly, unlike every other dissociative I have tried (except for 3-MeO-PCP to an extent), there was no reduction in ability or performance. Orgasm was powerful and satisfying. Afterwards I took a shower, which was very nice. I am higher than I was before. My awareness feels more centered in my head than it usually does. I am considering a 25mg rectal redose because this is nice and I do not feel impaired from going about my tasks at all. I have a couple of things to do at work, so I think I'll do those first and then see where I'm at. So far there isn't really any content, I just feel good, quite calm and content, with a very nice warm body glow.
3:20pm (T+2:30) - I have been told this is when I should have reached the peak from an oral dose. It is mild but quite nice, the most pronounced effect is a very calm, anxiety-free, content headspace, along with a pleasant physical glow. There is no buzzing energy to this and it feels very different from the arylcyclohexylamines. Very enjoyable. I just finished my work tasks extremely efficiently. Also, I'm quite hungry all of a sudden, I am considering eating some chips and hummus. I think I will do a 25mg rectal redose soon. I want to get to it soon since I hear this can linger on a long time and prevent sleep. This reminds me so far of 3-MeO-PCE somewhat, but even calmer, and less dissociating. It feels more like a psychedelic at this dosage than it does a dissociative. No wonkiness at all yet. I have a work meeting in a half hour, though I probably won't even need to talk. I am thinking I'll do the redose within the next 15 minutes but I want to snack first.
3:30pm (T+2:40) - The snack was nice. I spent the last 10 minutes eating, which was lovely, and playing a competitive Solitaire game on my phone, with the intention of gauging the effect of this drug on my ability to solve puzzles. I did well, I lost one and won another but did a good job on both. I really feel quite sharp right now. This is not dissimilar from the state that 2C-C puts me in, except it's a lot smoother and a lot less psychedelic. It's not precisely stimulating, but I do feel energized. My mood is improved. The biggest difference right now is that on a 2C-X, even 2C-C, I can tend to feel a bit of anxiety about things, if there is something to feel anxious about. I almost didn't take this today because I was anxious before I took it (likely mostly due to having a mild hangover, but also because of recent/current stresses), but any anxiety has been totally abolished with ephenidine. It has a bit of the physical signature of the phenethylamines, though, which makes sense since it's a rather closely related structural family.
3:50pm (T+3:00) - Just plugged another 30mg. I dissolved it in 3mL of hot water, and it took a couple of minutes of stirring before it would dissolve completely. There is no burn. I expect that the intensity could roughly double, but it's hard to say because some reports say they enjoy multiple rectal redoses, while others say redosing with this isn't very effective and the full dose should be taken at once. I guess we'll see.
4:05pm (T+3:15) - This is already ramping up. There is a shimmering in my vision and the feeling in my body is growing, it's becoming somewhat of a faint hum rather than a glow. It does feel dissociative, but in a very unique way.
4:20pm (T+3:30) - Some tinnitus has presented itself. I'm on my work meeting call and had some things to report to my boss, which went fine, but now he's talking about something that doesn't really involve me much and it's very difficult to actually follow what he's saying because of the buzzing in my head. And then it was my time to talk about something again, and I was able to do so, although I felt somewhat awkward. There is a strange sort of thing going on right now where I feel quite intoxicated yet find myself able to function surprisingly well. It reminds me of 2C-D in that way. But certainly there is a dissociative element to it now. Walking around experimentally, I feel a bit like a floating head, though it isn't because of a disconnection from my body necessarily, I just feel like my awareness is more intensely focused in my head/eyes than normal. Everything is sparkling and bright. Still no anxiety but he feeling is slightly less easygoing than before. This is not a negative, I think it's just that things feel a little hectic. Not sure if I actually want to try smoking weed later or not, I think I'll wait to see where it goes first. Going to put on some music now.
9:50pm (T+9:00) - Well this has been a real mixed bag. The last 5 and a half hours have been interesting. After my last note, I turned some music on, a live recording of a recent performance of my band, that I have been really proud of. But it felt a little off. It was hard to connect to the music, it sounded a bit hollow. In addition to that, I was very aware of every little mistake and it was making me feel kind of awkward and embarrassed, even though I was by myself. By T+5:00, I jotted a note down that this seemed rather bland in my mind at the moment. It seemed like there was no real content to speak of. I was not high enough for a real dissociative effect, but I was off my game, I felt a bit out of sorts. I couldn't figure out what to do. Where before I was serene and content, I was starting to feel bored and strange. The rectal redose really kicked it in stronger, but the (light) euphoria seemed to fall away and in its place was a sort of growing feeling of malaise/minor depression. It reminded me of the feeling I usually had when I was just bumming around my house, doing opiates and watching TV with my ex, trying to convince myself everything was alright, for years on end. Not anxious exactly, and not strongly depressed, but a dull apathetic/discontented feeling.
Around T+5:30 (about 6:20pm), I smoked 2 hits of weed, hoping it would help to develop this state into something more. I laid down and closed my eyes, first with, and then without music. Nothing seemed right. The weed didn't make it as much sronger as I expected it to, but it did definitely increase the body high and added a bit of anxiety around the edges. I felt more out of sorts, but nothing further developed mentally to make up for the added anxiety. I didn't really feel introspective, it was more like my mind was bouncing around words and random thoughts that didn't matter or have any relevance. I turned on some Simpsons (after remembering that I realized a few days ago that I was still paying for Hulu and then figuring out how to reset my account since I had no idea what my email I used or my password were - I was still able to navigate the world quite proficiently), but the episode felt so forced and canned, it reminded me a lot of one time many years ago when I watched some Family Guy episodes on MXE, and it was so abrasive and unpleasant to watch.
So I turned that off and started watching That 70s Show instead, and it felt so much better to be watching (that show is particularly nostalgic for me). I laid there and snacked a bit, and watched five episodes, and snuggled my cats, first one and then the other. I increasingly felt better, but I seemed to have found myself in a fugue state of sorts. I felt like I was quite boring and was just trying to distract myself. It didn't really feel particularly dissociative, and it wasn't really a difficult experience either, per se, it was just not desirable or pleasant. Mild tinnitus continued, but it was not bothersome. Watching TV was a normal amount of engaging... I did not feel that the ephenidine added anything to the experience.
At around 9:00pm (T+8:10), I decided to get up and clean the floors in the house because my girlfriend was going to get back from work soon and I thought it would be nice for her. Once I got moving, I felt energetic and motivated to clean, and it felt good to be up and doing something, although part of me kept wanting to watch TV. I vacuumed and mopped the floors in the house in about 45 minutes, and that brings me up to now, my girlfriend is just getting home.
12:30am (T+11:40) - Going to bed, tired.
The Next Day
After my girl got home, the rest of the night was fairly frustrating. I reheated some leftovers for us and we ate. Eating was good, I was pretty hungry. She was talking to me about stuff but my mind felt pretty blank and I felt a bit like a boring shell. After dinner we started watching this Korean show with subtitles, which was amusing, but I found my mood growing worse and worse. I was feeling kind of horny but she wasn't, which has been a frustration lately for me, so I was sort of dwelling on that and it was increasing my negative mood. I just found myself really missing the way things were years ago, where we couldn't keep our hands off each other. It's fairly painful for me to deal with in general because it's starting to feel a little like that's gone and it makes me terribly sad, although I have hope that if/when she addresses the issues she has with trauma, it will come back to a satisfying extent. But in the fugue state I found myself, there wasn't really anything else going through my mind, so the result was a feedback loop of negative emotions, where normally I am able to get past it and not dwell. Fortunately we're still very physically intimate in a snuggly/contact sort of way and that was making me feel somewhat better. I felt like I needed comforting but I didn't really want to say so, so I felt rather alone inside my head.
Finally, at about half past midnight, I went to bed and slept quite easily, until I randomly woke up at the crack of dawn and couldn't really get back to sleep, I just tossed and turned (this is somewhat normal for me, however; it happens with regularity. I get worse and worse at sleeping the older I get). At 8:00am, my cats got me up to feed them, and then I managed to doze off at 8:30 or so until about 9, when someone from work called and I had to get up. I'm finishing up this report a couple of hours later. I feel pretty much fine this morning, a little groggy but I'm behind on sleep and last night's sleep wasn't the best. I may feel a slight residual ephenidine feeling but it's hard to say. I had some caffeine and I feel fine at work and pretty much my normal self, with a little extra fuzzy-headedness.
This was a weird trip, and since it's my first attempt at ephenidine, I don't think I can say I understand the nature of this drug at all. It seems pretty clear it was an underdose. I mean I knew it wasn't going to be a full dose, and I didn't want it to be, but I did hope there would be a little more content. The experience started out quite nicely. The body feeling was great and I had a light euphoria, but mostly it was marked with a feeling of strong contentment. It reminded me of the body feeling of the psychedelic phenethylamines to some extent, particularly the 2C-Xs, though it was distinctly different and I seriously doubt I would be able to confuse the two in a blind test. Before my redose, the feeling and head change was light but uniformly positive. My vision wasn't specifically altered, but everything looked sparkly and shiny, which was a pleasant effect.
Once I redosed rectally, things picked up quickly, but that was also when the experience changed gears. I started to feel off, unsettled, bored, and the mental effects in terms of something psychedelic or dissociative did not develop further at all. The term that comes to mind is the term Shulgin coined in PIHKAL, the "Beth state". I spent the rest of the day and night trying to bring something out via music and closed eye exploration, and then, when that failed, I gave up and just tried distracting myself by watching TV. The experience was not really difficult, I was not afraid, I was not overwhelmed, and I was not anxious beyond a level that I sometimes feel sober just because of life, I was just flat-lined and bored and wished I felt normal. I felt like I couldn't really think right, it was impossible to delve into my thoughts, they were just scattered bits floating randomly. The best I felt the rest of the night was when I was cleaning the floors, I think because it made me feel useful.
Throughout all stages of the experience, there was no reduction in sex drive or ability, which is markedly different from other dissociatives. I could see this being a great drug for sex, in fact, provided I didn't find myself back in a Beth state on it.
So, I'm not sure what to make of this drug, and I'm a little hesitant to try it again. I am quite sure that I underdosed, and that a substantially higher oral dose all at once would bring on the full scope of the effects. Being my first trial, I wanted to start low to test the waters. It may very well be that if I hadn't redosed, it would have remained pleasant, because it really did change gears directly after my rectal redose, and I have read that oral dosing is the most comfortable. I have also read that ephenidine is the "big brother" of ketamine and MXE. I will say that, at this dosage, I saw no sign of that whatsoever. In fact the state, even when it was pleasant, was marked by a total lack of mental content.
I will certainly try it again in an attempt at a low end full dose, maybe 150mg orally all at once. Maybe in the next few months. But there are a good number of things I am more excited to try first, after this trial, which I am glad to be on the other side of.
What I found with diph and mxp was the dosage curves were really fucking steep, too little was fuck all and just above the sweet spot could cause half day blackouts.Seems like the reactions to the phenidines varies greatly. Quite a number of people have written that ephenidine is amazing, and most people say it's the best of the lot, though I have heard a few people say they prefer diphenidine. I bought 2 grams and ended up with 5 so I have a ton of it. I'll certainly try it again. Dissos aren't my main thing, though I like occasional ketamine and I LOVED MXE (and I like 3-MeO-PCE too). I hope to get something more from this at higher dosages but it may be I never do.
When it starts feeling off is when I redose with this. That way the stimulation keeps being renewed while the dissociation accumulates, I suppose. It's also easier to seek a flow state of sorts than to straight up introspect, since both stimulation and dissociation need to be accommodated. It lacks some physical "oomph" for unbridled artistic release, a bit of alcohol can take care of that.tl;dr: Likely due to underdosing, I found it quite bland and overall rather undesirable in effects profile, but it started out nice until I redosed once. Felt like absolutely nothing was happening mentally to the point that I was very bored. It didn't feel much like a dissociative for most of the time. It's my first trial of any of the -phenidines. I will try it again at quite a bit higher of a single oral dose at once, and hope that it develops substantially. At the moment it's hard to imagine how someone could consider this the "big brother" of ketamine and MXE, and have as much magic as either of them.