The EADD I'm Fucked Thread V. Post Lost in the 5th Dimension

[ordinary mind]

But you don't even have to print them! Just lick the screen until you start to feel the effects kicking in...

Sometimes if I'm feeling extra adventurous, I'll get out my tablet for the full candyflip experience

 

[Itsgoneundertheboa]

Running around my brain. Followed by a fat one great way to wake up now is it the 1plsd Md or 3fpm for lunch

 

[steewith2ees]

So, I started the w/e off with nothing more than just about enough weed to see me through the films I had lined up for yesterday and today.

As I live about 12 miles from the city and my mothers behaviour has been so disgusting today that it is too unsafe for either my father or I to get in a car with her........

(she refuses to lave the house whenever my dad and I have to go anywhere, which would not be a problem if she would remain in the house but she refuses to be left in the house alone - so the basic, daily conflict is generally her arising at approx 7amevery day, at which pint she insists that my father also gets up so that he can buy her cigarettes and the morning paper - which she never reads but due to her selfish, toddler - esque behaviour she refuses she does not allow anyone else to even look at the headline. 'Buy your own' is the standard response, which is ironic considering that she demands the money for her own copy from my dad or I (she has no access to money as every time she gets hold of her pension she just starts buying fags continuously until she has at least 100 or so or runs out of money - thankfully the local village minimarket staff have agreed to not sell her alcohol, as like me she is a notorious 'addict 'within our 'perfect rural community', due to her violent behaviour towards my father and I if she gets intoxicated . She then spends the day on the sofa sleeping or watching ITV, insisting that my father sit in the room with her, becoming violent if I attempt to speak to him as it 'disturbs' her television, or if she is inconvenienced by my need to get lifts fro 'trivial' matters such as appointment with my key worker or consultant at my DSP, or of I have to pick up a prescription, go to college, all the kind of useless crap that her 'disgusting junky of a son' (she is an alcoholic and 40 a day smoker but due to cerebral atrophy from her drinking she has no insight onto her mental health, alcohol dependency and I'm just a disgusting drug addict whi's only role is to ensure that she has a cooked meal every day and the requiste fags and newspaper. I share these responsibilities with my pa - with whom I have a great relationship when it cmoes to shared interests. Of course, one of these common interests is watching films, but she naturally goes bananas if he attempts to come and watch one with me, 99% of the time by throwing violet temper tantrums until I agree to turn it off and allow her to have her husband back, "as he is her spouse" and should not be spending time doing anything he wants to do himself, especially when it involves "that disgusting junky and disgrace of a son who's only interaction with 'the family' should be in order to provide her with hot meals and a clean house. When I asked her if she would rather I killed myself and free them from the burden of having to support a addict who is still yet to commit to recovery, she stated that despite my unforgivable lifestyle chices, it would be unfair to leave all the cooking, cleaning and general management of what is a moderately large house to my father alone, and that I had no right to take my own life until my support was no longer required. Nice.

The only compromise I can make is to invite her, politely of course, to come and watch the film with us. But regardless of whatever I put on to watch, she will protest about how 'we' ( my father and I) do nothing but 'watch the same rubbish all the time (meaning films, regardless of whether or not they are fictional or a documentary) and by doing so we are of course, causing her to miss whatever vitally important content ITV (or BBC 1 if it is 'soap time') and as a result she will continue to disrupt or disturb whatever my father and I are doing (either playing in the PS4 ir watching a film or quality television serial drama or documentary) until we have no choice but to turn it off. One notable exception was on Friday, as my father wanted to watch the new version of 'Gladiatr ' I had bought. This s the first tine that my father and I have managed to watch a film in over 4 months, but only through luck as 'Loose Women' - which my fathers and my own life including any helath care or social needs we may require, is considered secondary too , along with the other cultural bastions that Independent Television provides, including 'The Jeremy Kyle Show', 'Emmerdale' or 'Coronation Street', which is understandably frustarting when all your husband and son is interested in is the same old rubbish all the time, a 'film' of some description or another, or factual rubbish in documentaries, stuff like history, anthropology, cosmology, irrelevant rubbish that does not address real life like groundbreaking shows such as Mr Kyle's, or the current zeitgeist covered my loose women, or the soaps, which involve of course genuine real life moral predicaments played out by the characters. We got, unbelievably through to the end f the film, but only as she dozed off Friday lunchtime before 'Loose Women' finished.

So, weedless and with a lift in to the city obviously well out of the question due to the factors I have described above (although my mother would not miss out on any essential television, Sunday is or course a day of rest, and as she has only spent the entire last 3 years lying on the sofa any suggestion that we go anywhere apart from a licensed premises would inevitably result in her either trying to poke my eyes out or her using the fire poker to whack me around the head with), I caved in and rang a heroin dealer, who, with a large enough order, is prepared to drive out to me, asknig him to bring me over a 20 pound bag of skunk along with the gear I (with little reluctancey of course) I had to also order to make it worth his while making the 25 odd mile round trip).

So it goes without saying, that once I had my goods delivered,I used the weed to maximise the enjoyment of this afternoons matinee flick - *

* Being the Sabbath, and as, with my new copy of 'Gladiator' serving as a continuation of my current revisitation of my Ridley Scott BD collection (which has so far included 'Alien', 'Blade Runner', 'Prometheus', 'The Martian' and of course the new BD transfer of 'Gladiator') meant, that, being a lapsed catholic and too lazy to go to church any more, I took this mornings reading from the old testament in the from of the 3D version of 'Exodus: Gods and Kings'*

and of course, fired the first bag of gear (which, considering I haven't been anywhere near any in nearly 3 weeks, hit me up in all the right ways leading me to draw up a 3rd bag while I smoked the second, which I cranled within 20 minutes of the first). The sum total of my intake has left me in a bit of a nice state, and considering since I logged on at just after 17.30 the wonderfully soporific qualities of the effect has left me nodding in and out to the degree that since then, I have just about managed to 'compose' my lst 3 posts in the 3 or so hours since I first shot up.

With all the veggies peeled and other prep completed for Sunday dinner, my dad has, kindly and to the chagrin of my permanently horizontal mother who of course cannot get over how lasty I have been today by not continuing in the kitchen, cooked the food I prepared, and is currently in the process of eating it with her (despite the amount of cooking I do for them I rarely prepare any for myself as since I started methadone treatment my appetite has all but disappeared to the degree that I eat on average 2 or 3 full meals a week and more or less nothing else, mainly filling up the rest of the time with Jamaican 'Nourishment' milkshakes ( the cornerstone of many a problematic drug user or drug addicts diet).

So, to cut a log story short, I am nicely dope toasted and with only my mothers daily evening mg of hot chocolate to prepare (she has to have it at 21.00 hours at the earliest which means that I cannot even go to bed until she is provided with a hot drink by her lazy junky son), I am very pleasantly fucked, and with a fair few bags of gear left, I make no apologies for the fact that I intend to smoke one more bag before the remainder goes into the stash tin for next weekend to keep the vibe alive, as I listen to the rumble coming from the final few acts performing at the Staffordshire site for the 2016 V Festival at Weston Park, approx 2,5 miles from my home.

Thank you for reading.

Steewith2muchloveforhowmuchloveforhowmuchheroinisableattimestomakemylifebearable

 

[Limpet_Chicken]

Currently on DHC and alpha-chloromorphide. The latter was listed on wikipedia as some 10x the potency of morphine. Its definitely a MOR agonist as it relieves withdrawal, but its weird shit, never had anything like this. It feels more of a psychostimulant, in a strange way. Weird feeling. Similar to the effects of some kratom batches, if the noradrenergic effects are blocked with clonidine. I suspect its a delta opioid receptor agonist, but thus far have not managed to confirm or deny it, because it seems that alpha-chloromorphide is only really ever used as an intermediate, as catalytic hydrogenation results in the various desomorphines depending on catalyst used, but it doesn't seem much at all ever to go in-vivo.

And getting pissed on tia maria. Hopefully will have some chlormethiazole later, but that depends on how things work out.

Oh and I forgot, some DXM.

 

[steewith2ees]

Currently on DHC and alpha-chloromorphide. The latter was listed on wikipedia as some 10x the potency of morphine. Its definitely a MOR agonist as it relieves withdrawal, but its weird shit, never had anything like this. It feels more of a psychostimulant, in a strange way. Weird feeling. Similar to the effects of some kratom batches, if the noradrenergic effects are blocked with clonidine. I suspect its a delta opioid receptor agonist, but thus far have not managed to confirm or deny it, because it seems that alpha-chloromorphide is only really ever used as an intermediate, as catalytic hydrogenation results in the various desomorphines depending on catalyst used, but it doesn't seem much at all ever to go in-vivo.

And getting pissed on tia maria. Hopefully will have some chlormethiazole later, but that depends on how things work out.

Oh and I forgot, some DXM.

I could be totally wrong, but based on your description of the effects it sounds very similar to the head space while on AH - 7921, although that particular brew didn't have so much of a stimulant effect, it was more like a relaxing, weird type of wired.

 

[superhed]

So, I started the w/e off with nothing more than just about enough weed to see me through the films I had lined up for yesterday and today.

As I live about 12 miles from the city and my mothers behaviour has been so disgusting today that it is too unsafe for either my father or I to get in a car with her........

(she refuses to lave the house whenever my dad and I have to go anywhere, which would not be a problem if she would remain in the house but she refuses to be left in the house alone - so the basic, daily conflict is generally her arising at approx 7amevery day, at which pint she insists that my father also gets up so that he can buy her cigarettes and the morning paper - which she never reads but due to her selfish, toddler - esque behaviour she refuses she does not allow anyone else to even look at the headline. 'Buy your own' is the standard response, which is ironic considering that she demands the money for her own copy from my dad or I (she has no access to money as every time she gets hold of her pension she just starts buying fags continuously until she has at least 100 or so or runs out of money - thankfully the local village minimarket staff have agreed to not sell her alcohol, as like me she is a notorious 'addict 'within our 'perfect rural community', due to her violent behaviour towards my father and I if she gets intoxicated . She then spends the day on the sofa sleeping or watching ITV, insisting that my father sit in the room with her, becoming violent if I attempt to speak to him as it 'disturbs' her television, or if she is inconvenienced by my need to get lifts fro 'trivial' matters such as appointment with my key worker or consultant at my DSP, or of I have to pick up a prescription, go to college, all the kind of useless crap that her 'disgusting junky of a son' (she is an alcoholic and 40 a day smoker but due to cerebral atrophy from her drinking she has no insight onto her mental health, alcohol dependency and I'm just a disgusting drug addict whi's only role is to ensure that she has a cooked meal every day and the requiste fags and newspaper. I share these responsibilities with my pa - with whom I have a great relationship when it cmoes to shared interests. Of course, one of these common interests is watching films, but she naturally goes bananas if he attempts to come and watch one with me, 99% of the time by throwing violet temper tantrums until I agree to turn it off and allow her to have her husband back, "as he is her spouse" and should not be spending time doing anything he wants to do himself, especially when it involves "that disgusting junky and disgrace of a son who's only interaction with 'the family' should be in order to provide her with hot meals and a clean house. When I asked her if she would rather I killed myself and free them from the burden of having to support a addict who is still yet to commit to recovery, she stated that despite my unforgivable lifestyle chices, it would be unfair to leave all the cooking, cleaning and general management of what is a moderately large house to my father alone, and that I had no right to take my own life until my support was no longer required. Nice.

The only compromise I can make is to invite her, politely of course, to come and watch the film with us. But regardless of whatever I put on to watch, she will protest about how 'we' ( my father and I) do nothing but 'watch the same rubbish all the time (meaning films, regardless of whether or not they are fictional or a documentary) and by doing so we are of course, causing her to miss whatever vitally important content ITV (or BBC 1 if it is 'soap time') and as a result she will continue to disrupt or disturb whatever my father and I are doing (either playing in the PS4 ir watching a film or quality television serial drama or documentary) until we have no choice but to turn it off. One notable exception was on Friday, as my father wanted to watch the new version of 'Gladiatr ' I had bought. This s the first tine that my father and I have managed to watch a film in over 4 months, but only through luck as 'Loose Women' - which my fathers and my own life including any helath care or social needs we may require, is considered secondary too , along with the other cultural bastions that Independent Television provides, including 'The Jeremy Kyle Show', 'Emmerdale' or 'Coronation Street', which is understandably frustarting when all your husband and son is interested in is the same old rubbish all the time, a 'film' of some description or another, or factual rubbish in documentaries, stuff like history, anthropology, cosmology, irrelevant rubbish that does not address real life like groundbreaking shows such as Mr Kyle's, or the current zeitgeist covered my loose women, or the soaps, which involve of course genuine real life moral predicaments played out by the characters. We got, unbelievably through to the end f the film, but only as she dozed off Friday lunchtime before 'Loose Women' finished.

So, weedless and with a lift in to the city obviously well out of the question due to the factors I have described above (although my mother would not miss out on any essential television, Sunday is or course a day of rest, and as she has only spent the entire last 3 years lying on the sofa any suggestion that we go anywhere apart from a licensed premises would inevitably result in her either trying to poke my eyes out or her using the fire poker to whack me around the head with), I caved in and rang a heroin dealer, who, with a large enough order, is prepared to drive out to me, asknig him to bring me over a 20 pound bag of skunk along with the gear I (with little reluctancey of course) I had to also order to make it worth his while making the 25 odd mile round trip).

So it goes without saying, that once I had my goods delivered,I used the weed to maximise the enjoyment of this afternoons matinee flick - *

* Being the Sabbath, and as, with my new copy of 'Gladiator' serving as a continuation of my current revisitation of my Ridley Scott BD collection (which has so far included 'Alien', 'Blade Runner', 'Prometheus', 'The Martian' and of course the new BD transfer of 'Gladiator') meant, that, being a lapsed catholic and too lazy to go to church any more, I took this mornings reading from the old testament in the from of the 3D version of 'Exodus: Gods and Kings'*

and of course, fired the first bag of gear (which, considering I haven't been anywhere near any in nearly 3 weeks, hit me up in all the right ways leading me to draw up a 3rd bag while I smoked the second, which I cranled within 20 minutes of the first). The sum total of my intake has left me in a bit of a nice state, and considering since I logged on at just after 17.30 the wonderfully soporific qualities of the effect has left me nodding in and out to the degree that since then, I have just about managed to 'compose' my lst 3 posts in the 3 or so hours since I first shot up.

With all the veggies peeled and other prep completed for Sunday dinner, my dad has, kindly and to the chagrin of my permanently horizontal mother who of course cannot get over how lasty I have been today by not continuing in the kitchen, cooked the food I prepared, and is currently in the process of eating it with her (despite the amount of cooking I do for them I rarely prepare any for myself as since I started methadone treatment my appetite has all but disappeared to the degree that I eat on average 2 or 3 full meals a week and more or less nothing else, mainly filling up the rest of the time with Jamaican 'Nourishment' milkshakes ( the cornerstone of many a problematic drug user or drug addicts diet).

So, to cut a log story short, I am nicely dope toasted and with only my mothers daily evening mg of hot chocolate to prepare (she has to have it at 21.00 hours at the earliest which means that I cannot even go to bed until she is provided with a hot drink by her lazy junky son), I am very pleasantly fucked, and with a fair few bags of gear left, I make no apologies for the fact that I intend to smoke one more bag before the remainder goes into the stash tin for next weekend to keep the vibe alive, as I listen to the rumble coming from the final few acts performing at the Staffordshire site for the 2016 V Festival at Weston Park, approx 2,5 miles from my home.

Thank you for reading.

Steewith2muchloveforhowmuchloveforhowmuchheroinisableattimestomakemylifebearable

Wow...that was not what I expected when I clicked on this thread! Fair play to you man...despite what your mum says you should be proud of your actions & the forced routine you're adhering to, given the situation you and your dad are in. I can't imagine how hard this must be to deal with day in day out and whilst I'm compelled to say drugs probably aren't 'the answer' I don't think I, or anyone else could possibly begrudge you the respite and comfort that indulgence gives you. On the contrary I'd say you deserve it

Your dad deserves credit too obviously and is probably even more grateful than you know for those rare moments of 'sanity' that you describe and that you are able to share. Hang in there man (for all your sakes) and try to focus on the positives with your dad rather than the irrational outbursts & behaviours of your mum. Also please be absolutely clear that not everyone could, or would be as supportive and resilient as you are being. I'm not honestly sure I would be that strong..

 

[steewith2ees]

I appreciate your comments superhed and you taking the time to read that wall of text - ironically at the end of the day all was very good when (and why) I wrote it as I was feeling like butter, I just needed to re - iterate the context of why I still practise this inadvisable behaviour. But, while your most certainly correct about my dad, I am not strong in any sense of the word, I get through this simply as I have no choice, no outside life to deal with as well and an often comprehensive selection of drugs that have a primarily depressant action (with the exception of alcohol) to take when, like the other day, shit just gets to fucking much.

 

[Tinker55]

Stee, I second Superhed. It's a trite phrase but " the only way out is though" . And just to be able to withstand the situation requires a shit ton of intestinal fortitude. I was the caregiver for my parents, both deceased now and have some idea about what chaos can happen daily.

Do what you need to and focus on the rare bits of happiness.

 

[ordinary mind]

Reading your post there Stee had my blood boiling, makes me appreciate my living situation with my parents a lot more. I'd say you should stop chasing around after her so much etc etc but no doubt you've explored all the obvious options and have your reasons, so I'll just say make sure don't pay any attention to her put downs. Her calling you lazy is just a fucking cheek really.

 

[keeping]

goddamn stee, i couldn't imagine being treated like that by a parent (or any family member) :/
all the more credit to you for growing up to be a relatively normal and for what i know of you a funny and genuine person.

on the brightside that 'Ridley Scott BD collection' sounds siqqqq. i really need to see The MArtian
oh and somehow i managed to find two of my old tooters that i'd stashed away and promptly forgotten about, which are absolutely caked in brown goodness. its gonna be a fun wednesday

 

[breakcorefiend]

nice find! :D
I am fairly fucked now lol, blasted a few sheets of foil in the sun and am now semi conscious, has taken me a good 25 mins to write this lol

 

[steewith2ees]

The Martian kicks ass. Drew Goddard wrote the screenplay and it's both the best example of and the most spine tingling 3D photography in a Ridley Scott film yet (unlike many 3d films which are shot in conventional 2d and post converted into a stereoscopic image, Ridley's cameraman, Dariusz Wolski, has always shot using native 3D cameras since 'Prometheus' - the first film he shot using the format) - a great human drama and a fantastic piece of science communication into the bargain.

It makes a great double bill with 'Interstellar' as the second film.

 

[Limpet_Chicken]

Stee-yes, sort of, but it was perhaps TOO 'in your face'

If it had not been for the fact that it did indeed ameliorate withdrawal from a MOR agonist (morphine, oxy) I honestly would not have taken it for an opioid AT ALL. Some beginnings of twitching and clonus occuring at higher doses, but limited to the fingers, hands, is what makes me think it (alpha-chloromorphide) is a delta opioid receptor agonist, or, may be, rather. Some, but not all DOR agonists are convulsants at higher doses for the compounds in question. (and interestingly, H potentially switches from MOR to DOR1 agonism in the morphine-tolerant subject http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/10806416 ) whilst 6-Monoacetylmorphine is selective under the same conditions for the DOR2 delta subtype https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/8138935 )

That second paper is interesting (sci-hub.cc with the DOI if you can't access it otherwise, saves paying those greedy publising house pricks for one)

 

[kingme]

interesting place to be. it seems im fucked on stims, but not so little as to function 100% and not too much as to actually be high. Still, this should get me through till the evening. Somehow.

 

[consumer]

A bit pissed and been chatting to a friend from Byron who was on a bit of a bender. I have not taken any illicits for ages and for some reason i decided to eat some meth i had stashed. Its what we call base here in oz, its a kind of paste not crystal but still super strong. Now i am totally off my tits, its 10:35 pm and i have no idea what to do with myself. I dont think i will be getting any sleep. I might roll a spliff but i have not had a smoke in months. I used to enjoy the speed weed combo though. I guess its porn and net surfing. May as well enjoy it but i kind of wish i had just gone to bed. Impulsive drug pig.

 

[ordinary mind]

Been enjoying moderate doses of 3-meo-pcp over the last couple of days and feeling pretty awesome (sweet sweet mania), its been real nice having a dissociative around other than sub-par ketamine. I even presented a project on it yesterday and got great feedback, was much more relaxed and able to be witty on the spot than my normal terrified-of-public-speaking self.

I'm well aware that people say mania sneaks up on you with repeated dosing of this drug, but as I have no responsibilities or plans for the rest of the day apart from maybe jamming with a friend in the evening I'm going to try pushing the dosage a bit higher and let things get a little crazy.

Here's hoping I don't lose my shit and try to flip buses with my bare hands or eat too many pedestrians.

 

[ordinary mind]

OK I AM NOW OFFICIALLY A MANIAC

feels good man

 

[keeping]

smoked a couple of points of some really dark b, to the point where when i opened the wrap i thought i'd be sold a lump of chocolate.

sidenote: any ever get vision problems (mainly focusing on objects/reading) from b? i've been noticing this happens more and more to me. at first i thought it could be the beginnings of a nod but i never ​really nod out anymore.

 

[ordinary mind]

Enjoy yer self mate

Cheers bob, this is fun as hell but I've just been hit with a wave of hyper dissociation! I can now see why people say this is a risky one to dose too high!! I'm smashed! Hope this will calm down a bit, so I can go out!

Happy weekend everyone!

pcp+beer= pure joy

 

[KingOfWessex]

Cheers bob, this is fun as hell but I've just been hit with a wave of hyper dissociation! I can now see why people say this is a risky one to dose too high!! I'm smashed! Hope this will calm down a bit, so I can go out!

Happy weekend everyone!

pcp+beer= pure joy

Have a great weekend too bud!