So, I'm 23, I'm living by myself, and I've been dealing with my weight for the last 15 years. And I feel like sharing my thoughts, I write them out every day anyway, and this web site seems like a good place to put them. I don't want a "sympathetic" ear, that's ONLY what I get in food-related forums and newsgroups, and from "friends" and family. I don't have a "problem," it's a life-style, it's a method. And somehow, it's just too exotic or distasteful or SOMETHING to just talk about. So here, kind of anonymous, I am.
Yesterday, I went 43 hours without food. Only coffee, cigarettes, and Tropicana Grovestand Orange Juice. I wasn't hungry at all...see, food calls to food. When you don't eat for 20 plus hours, you don't NEED food. It's when you start swallowing solids that you need more.
Yes, I AM proud of my lack of need. Because, I can SEE it now, I can see how what's considered "typical" is EXCESSIVE. I see people continually opening their refrigerators, again and again, looking with a hunger that has nothing to do with food. They are forever rooted in this pattern, this ridiculous circuit, up from the chair to the refrigerator to the table, then again, chair and refridgerator and table, etc.
43 hours, then this morning, at my mother's house, a bagel and cream cheese, she kind of forced me, and I just fell into the table routine, I still wasn't hungry, and I just ate it. And later, on my bed, I felt the stone of it in my stomach, it weakened me, I had this momentum, this living off the burn of my own body, and then this nuts inside me. But, my digestion is fast - after 2 cups of coffee, I'm a tube of toothpaste, I squeezed it out in one spurt. I looked in the bowl, I always check to see that it's ALL out, and...it was clear, like a squirt of hair gel. I kind of splashed around the water, frantic, a terror in me, and then, the reassuring brown again. Long tubes are nice, it's my digestion re-carving me hollow.
And that's this afternoon. There's more, and later, I'll send it.
Like, lately, I've been "feeding" pot to my bong with a plastic s p o o n.
Deke is always asking me for pictures, so I'll take some more, soon. My body's look is my work, I don't mind sharing it.
I like to lose weight, but I know there is a threshold, like anything, like doing cocaine, you have to KNOW where the peak is, and STAY there. You don't try to keep getting higher, because you simply can't; PAST that peak is only downhill. If you know yourself, then nothing is dangerous.
anna said:I see people continually opening their refrigerators, again and again, looking with a hunger that has nothing to do with food. They are forever rooted in this pattern, this ridiculous circuit, up from the chair to the refrigerator to the table, then again, chair and refridgerator and table, etc.
The drugs squad, and the job they do, can be compared to a group of people trying to mop up the rain with a box of tissues.
1. No one can ever stop the rain.
2. People who want to stand in the rain, and get soaking wet, will do so whether they are allowed to or not.
Anthony Storr said:The man who is able to assert himself in a socially acceptable fashion is seldom vicious; it is the weak who are most likely to stab one in the back.
Bill & Ted said:Be excellent to each other.
i like that .Rocky is my first follower on Twitter. :D(I'll build my nest on the rock
't it ain’t about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward; how much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done! '
I love this quote and Rock... We used to have a huge poster of him standing at the top of those stairs doing the V for Victory thang.
Rocky is my first follower on Twitter %)
"I'm the fucking daddy now" as spoken by Ray Winstone in the film 'Scum', absolute classic british film.
To describe a mob as subhuman is incorrect; it simply ceases to behave like individuals. To regard it as a storm of disorder is equally incorrect, for a mob is as orderly a human phenomenon as one will ever encounter: let a single voice of rational dissent be raised within it, and observe what happens to the dissenter.
The mob may with all propriety be described as a monster, since whether its object is to lynch a Negro, destroy a college building, or in the name of Jesus Christ to kill other Christians, its essence is reptilian.
The man who is able to assert himself in a socially acceptable fashion is seldom vicious; it is the weak who are most ikely to stab one in the back.
"Throughout human history, as our species has faced the frightening, terrorizing fact that we do not know who we are, or where we are going in this ocean of chaos, it has been the authorities — the political, the religious, the educational authorities — who attempted to comfort us by giving us order, rules, regulations, informing — forming in our minds — their view of reality. To think for yourself you must question authority and learn how to put yourself in a state of vulnerable open-mindedness, chaotic, confused vulnerability to inform yourself. Think for yourself, question authority."