Yeah I have a serious problem. I have no choice but to die. The only problem is when.

Didn't even see the part about the caffeine....not to be a dick, but you better have some serious mental impairment, because if your only issue is caffeine i'd be pissed.

Like a poster said above, we're dealing with broken family's, lost jobs, and legal issues. And you're threatening to kill yourself over a double espresso at Starbucks?

Yeah.. it sounds silly.. but let's take a step back here and realize that this guy is feeling desperate enough to come on here and post like this. regardless of what led him to this point.. it's all relative.. sort of. I honestly kind of scoff at 600mg caffeine a "day" becausr when I'm cold water extracting t1's I'll slam back nearly a gram at once with the codeine.. but I digress. he's got some shit going on. he needs some help. I know exactly how hopeless he's feeling.. I go through it all te time in cycles. Ive done the psychiatist/psychologist/therapist and medication riamorale only to continue to get worse over time. Ive been homeless. Ive lost eveything.. looking back its terruble but each step of loss was just anotger rung and a new beginning.. yeah I can scoff at him, but this is as worse as thins have got for him, therefore it feels the end of te world..

in short, OP, shit can get much muhmuch worse. be glad you've still got parental support. 5 months is a long time. get off whatever the fuck you're on, talk to your parents, use them, get help, you've got tons of options availavle and ahead of you
 
The internet is a great tool for independent learning. You do not need to believe that going to "shitty" schools or not having the focus for traditional school has to define your education for the rest of your life. Find something you care about and research more about it. Take your life into your own hands. By that I mean everything from the fatalistic story you are telling yourself every day (change it!) to learning how to stand on your own two feet while creating your life the way you want it. People are literally dying over a ridiculously narrow perception of "success". Success in this life is simply being at peace with yourself and your life. Make that your goal and everything else falls into place.

Thisss.

Try and let go of your preconceived notions and fears that are holding you back and grow into who you truly are. Fuck societal expectations and soul numbing psychiatric drugs.
 
Seriously I am just shocked to even read this it almost seems fake. I have lost my girlfriend,everything I own, my family respect and every job I ever get do to heroin/suboxone. And someone is committing suicide over 2 cups of coffee....I drank 10 cups a day for a long time and quit because it did nothing . guess what nothing happened at all
 
This has to be a troll haha. Because for real if your parents are providing you a roof over your head, you have a college degree and the only addiction issues you have are 600 mg of caffeine what the hell is going to happen when something that is actually hard to deal with occurs. Failure is a part of life. Learn from your mistakes and try again. Edit: l just looked at his post history and there is no way he has even been to a shitty med school lol.
 
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yeah. i think i was just upset at that time. It wasn't because of the caffeine. It was because I never became homeless before and it is a hard thing to think about. I'm trying to file for government assistance but it is really hard to get for some reason. I don't know why. That's why I'm a little screwed. My parents are supporting me for the time being, but I don't know when they'll decide to kick me out of the house. I made so many mistakes that it looks like they might snap at any time so I can't completely trust them. I don't have any friends. Well, not any real ones actually. No one would give a shit if this stuff actually happened to me so I need to plan in advance how I am going to mitigate the damage. My health insurance is about to expire too. I did try looking for jobs, but for some reason I am not getting hired. Sorry for the confusion I caused. I should have explained things more clearly. Thank you all for your help! Really, you are the best bluelighters! Does anyone have any advice on how to make my situation a little better?
 
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Deadendgame, my advice to you is the same advice I have for myself and every other human being: don't be a victim. Create strength inside. It can be done. It is not a magical occurrence...in fact it is just something you tend to every day that you are alive--kind of like a garden. Some days will require more work and specific tasks, other days you find yourself just repeating the same work to keep everything going; the reward is what the garden produces (my metaphor for healthy mental sustenance). Trying to get on government assistance before trying to get help for your mental state worries me. You need to be in counseling and it would be good for your family if they could participate in some family counseling as well. You are probably not getting hired at jobs because your confidence and self-esteem are so low right now. That is why you really need to get some counseling and learn strategies for changing how you see yourself. Practice turning your language of your internal dialog around. Instead of believing you cannot work or function just add the phrase "for the time being"--then you can become stronger as you envision a time when you do not need this support from outside. Hang in there--you will be OK.<3
 
Don't accept any pressures put on you if it's your parents then you might be taking it the wrong way at the same time they might be handling it the wrong way.
If the high expectations are from yourself you either need to take a big step back and rethink the execution to a more realistic approach make and keep a progressive schedule but not st the expense of missing out on the moment, plan things do things you really enjoy to break up and maybe reward your progress. It's not a race, a competition, a game and there are no winners or losers. It's you living the only attempt at this life, Enjoy what you are doing or don't do it. The problem or situation or what's got you upset seems so overwhelming at the moment but is it really, ask yourself will this matter in 5 years. Most of the time it doesn't.

Don't take no shit from no one, no one is going to stand up for you but you, don't be afraid to let loose a few "go fuck yourself", or "beat it fuckface". Stand strong
 
I know it sounds like a bizarre solution, especially for someone who is addicted to caffeine (???) but after I had with my complete breakdown and suicide attempt (fucking Zopiclone) I thought I would feel anything again except crushing numbness and despair. Then I tried Ketamine, I went into a K-hole (and experienced this: http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads...ley-Spirit?p=13514654&viewfull=1#post13514654)

Afterwards, I had a completely new perspective on my life. Same fucking shit life but I felt differently about it, I had self-worth for the first time in years and years. I felt like I had control. I genuinely think Ketamine saved my life. I'm still depressed, I'm on citalopram for that but that feeling of wanting everything to stop and end has gone.

(not meaning to sound like a Ketamine pusher - just something that helped me when I felt like OP)
 
I'm pretty sure 600mg of caffeine is only 3cups of coffee..and it ruined your life ? I'm pretty sure there's some kind of under lying mental illness here. Though I kinda got lost on what you were saying was wrong. I can't imagine my family thinking I killed myself over caffeine either
Lol, this is what this is all because of ffs?? Deadend, I think it is time to sober up. You got 5 months with Mom and dad?? Thats a whole lot more than most psychotic dudes get. Use it wisely imho.
 
we punish ourselves so much and ruin our lives because of what others think about us. I destroyed my body trying to get fit when I was younger. Now I have chronic pain. ten years later all I care about is not living in pain, its what ended up being truly important in life....I could give a shit about being the most ripped guy in order to bang a bunch of stupid eighteen year old whores.
 
i always try to help my friends who are in situations "similar" to yours
and i can relate to a lot of ur problems
if ud like u can message me and we can talk?
id love to help :)
 
Quit making excuses. Time to sink or swim

It might not be the best course of action but in the situation I agree with you 100% there is sometimes where youn just got have to pull up your bootstraps up and face shit head on. I see this younger generation so quick to give up. It seems that they don't know how to handle life because everything is been made so kindler ar d. gentler and. I'm 43 years old and when I was in high school it was either sink or swim there was no getting out of presentations no trophies for every single person on the team.

You either won or lost. I have been in some tough situations suicidal and homicidal ideation which came from PTSD which manifested into various mental health issues and I'm not trying to be unsympathetic . I do however see a lot of younger posters so easy to just give up.
 
It might not be the best course of action but in the situation I agree with you 100% there is sometimes where youn just got have to pull up your bootstraps up and face shit head on. I see this younger generation so quick to give up. It seems that they don't know how to handle life because everything is been made so kindler ar d. gentler and. I'm 43 years old and when I was in high school it was either sink or swim there was no getting out of presentations no trophies for every single person on the team.

You either won or lost. I have been in some tough situations suicidal and homicidal ideation which came from PTSD which manifested into various mental health issues and I'm not trying to be unsympathetic . I do however see a lot of younger posters so easy to just give up.

I'm 40. Our little generation niche has been suffocated by the baby boomers. For a bit.. ;) As this has happened we have been forced to kinda observe what has went down.

We are the true observance of the most amazing leap in human history. This is a very big deal imho. We started in the 70's and are still rolling hard. Been waiting in the shadows.. not by choice.

Started out being forced to do drills where we were asked/forced to duck under our desks as a drill to "save" us from a nuclear attack from the USSR. I remember clearly raising my hand and asking if this crap was real. Grade two in the US. Kinda absurd how a second grader realized the insanity. Hope to God that I had counterparts in the both the USSR and the States who raised their hand and said wtf are you kidding??

We have also witnessed the the entire cataclysmic jump forward of the world. Never before in recorded history has anything like this happened. Going to take a bit for the wisdom to catch up. But the enshadowed generation holds a bunch.

We have a huge mess to try and clean up from the baby boomers. We also hold a level of wisdom unprecedented recorded history.

We were here when it all went down.. we went from one channel and kick the can to where we find ourselves now.

The best authors and philosophers of all time will come from our enshadowed generation. The time is now as the baby boomers are finally falling off power.
 
So true man, you make some great points. It's funny I remember the duck under your desk drill. I joined the military at 19 and remembering being scared as shit but you know what I was forced to make it through boot camp and stayed in 8 years and had a successful career afterwards. I learned there are somethings you just have to do to grow as a human, nowadays it's a,ways the easy way out, the kindler gentler way.
 
This is ridiculous I am withdrawaling from sub's and to see some one complain about coffee withdrawal wtf?

I know this was posted on the 5ft n it's now the 29th but I've just read this thread n wondering how you are getting along with the subs withdrawal? Have you jumped or tapering? I'm on 1.6 mg currently n first time Anyway how are you getting on? I have a thread where I'm documenting my journey over in Sober Living and I hope to precipitate the support with others going this, as not only will it support each but people out there searching information. Wishing you all the best with it and for your recovery. Probably one of the hardest fights you'll have but worth it.

to be edit (mog for op)

I'm 40. Our little generation niche has been suffocated by the baby boomers. For a bit.. ;) As this has happened we have been forced to kinda observe what has went down.

We are the true observance of the most amazing leap in human history. This is a very big deal imho. We started in the 70's and are still rolling hard. Been waiting in the shadows.. not by choice.

Started out being forced to do drills where we were asked/forced to duck under our desks as a drill to "save" us from a nuclear attack from the USSR. I remember clearly raising my hand and asking if this crap was real. Grade two in the US. Kinda absurd how a second grader realized the insanity. Hope to God that I had counterparts in the both the USSR and the States who raised their hand and said wtf are you kidding??

We have also witnessed the the entire cataclysmic jump forward of the world. Never before in recorded history has anything like this happened. Going to take a bit for the wisdom to catch up. But the enshadowed generation holds a bunch.

We have a huge mess to try and clean up from the baby boomers. We also hold a level of wisdom unprecedented recorded history.

We were here when it all went down.. we went from one channel and kick the can to where we find ourselves now.

The best authors and philosophers of all time will come from our enshadowed generation. The time is now as the baby boomers are finally falling off power.

Interesting post. Did you ever finish your book you were writing, NSA?

yeah. i think i was just upset at that time. It wasn't because of the caffeine. It was because I never became homeless before and it is a hard thing to think about. I'm trying to file for government assistance but it is really hard to get for some reason. I don't know why. That's why I'm a little screwed. My parents are supporting me for the time being, but I don't know when they'll decide to kick me out of the house. I made so many mistakes that it looks like they might snap at any time so I can't completely trust them. I don't have any friends. Well, not any real ones actually. No one would give a shit if this stuff actually happened to me so I need to plan in advance how I am going to mitigate the damage. My health insurance is about to expire too. I did try looking for jobs, but for some reason I am not getting hired. Sorry for the confusion I caused. I should have explained things more clearly. Thank you all for your help! Really, you are the best bluelighters! Does anyone have any advice on how to make my situation a little better?

Hiya deadendgame, Good to meet you :)

You don't have to apologise for expressing yourself. I don't know you as well as others do but, reading between the lines, I think I can see both points of view here If people have seen the same posts from you they are probably worried and being blunt with you as a way of helping you - if people didn't care no one would post here. It's easy to act a victim and focus on the negative - I'm guilty of this myself, very much guilty. But the only way to try and change things is try and change your outlook. OK you're not suddenly gna focus on everything positive instead of negative For instance (correct me if I'm wrong but I'm assuming that 'assistance is sickness / disability benefit?) you're automatically negative thinking will lead you to not get your benefit. The mind is such a powerful thing that if in that mind-set you won't even complete the form the right way in order to receive it (you're not gna get it anyway, right?) I can understand anxiety and how it can impact on things but this way of thinking is what is causing you problems.

What I suggest to you is this write down all these negative thoughts (like the stuff in this post) in list form. By each one write a replacement to that negative and next to that, how you can achieve this.

So for instance, looking at the 'assistance'

1. I'm not gna get this assistant, I will get this assistance, seek help filling in form, seek advice (can't say other than that as I'm not sure how your system works for applying for benefits, I'm assuming that it begins with form-filling, and apologise if I'm wrong, but hopefully you'll get the idea)
2. I'm gna be homeless life sucks, I won't be homeless, at least I'm in a first world country, will do this by seeking employment / getting assistance / loan etc.

I am not sure what your addictions are but in terms of what people are saying my answer to that is addiction is addiction. It's not about the stimulus. It's about the underlying problem. If caffeine is a problem to you that affects your life, then it's a problem that you need to solve for you. A lot of the people on here are comparing their addiction to this ladies but you're simply thinking of the physical addiction and if most of us were truly honest with ourselves it's the psychological addiction that truly controls n traps us----the mind n how the addiction distorts thinking to believe that the substance is needed beyond all else. We battle with our own minds, ourselves when we are trying to overcome addiction. So it really makes me laugh n ponder when people say stuff like this. How many times have we heard the saying "The real work starts after the withdrawals. So whether it's caffeine, suboxone, gambling, stimulants etc if it's a problem and it's affecting your life in some way then it's an issue that needs sorting.

Deadendgame, it's a GOOD thing that you've made mistakes. Why regret them? Every mistake you've made is a lesson you've learnt for future use My advice would be to list all of your regrets and write by them what have you learnt from them, how will that be useful for the future?

For me I would put something like this,

1 becoming addicted to opiates, I can now understand addiction, I can help others, I've made new friends, I'm not such a judgemental person,

I hope I haven't come across as harsh in any way I just feel that if you change your mindset towards life that things will be a lot better for you We can support you through n offer advice, like I have by suggesting writing lists, but the only one who can truly change your life and make things better is you :)

Good luck <3

Evey
 
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