Wonderlandless
Bluelighter
Dear Ross;
So I've been doing a whole lot of thinking lately...after I just broke it off with Him. Another day, another guy. You know how it is.
Lately, though, things have been coming back to me and I've been looking back on those crazy times we had before I moved to Europe. I remember late nights running through Wal-Mart, going to Kroger at 2am ("Attention Kroger shoppers, a lady has lost something in the Deli....she's lost inches off her waist!") only to end up at your apartment and me cooking for you, Leslie, Eddie and Dustin, Rocky Horror nights when I was still in the cast and you would bring everyone to see me, and just, well, those general quiet moments, in your truck listening to music.
I'm rambling.
I guess, the truth is why I am even writing this, is because I believe you need to know the truth.
Do you want to know the absolute true reason I won't be with you?
Well..it's because I am so scared you are my one.
Please, don't think that I am so crazy girl forcing my way into finding her 'one'. You know me, and you know how I get sick at the idea of being with someone for longer than a month...especially at our age.
The thing is, there is something about you that just...shakes me. Through all of the guys in my life, the ones I date and throw away, you're still there. You're like that piece of sticky paper that just won't come off my hands.
Of course, it doesn't help when our friends call us 'Ross and Rachel', does it? Sadly enough, it is true...you are pretty dorky. Hehe.
So then, I know you're probably wondering why I won't be with you, if I am so sure of these feelings?
Because...well...I'm afraid I'll lose you. I know how I am with men. I get with them and within a few weeks I am tired of him and get rid of him. I don't want that to happen to you. You've chased me for years and still I keep you at arm's lenght. I guess because I know if we were to date and I mess it up (like I know I will)...I'd never recover.
I really want to try it with you..I want to be your girl, but I can't. I've ran from you for so long, that I got comfortable with it, and I'm afraid I've damaged everything too much for us to ever be together....and that really hurts. It's really one of those damned-if-you-do damned-if-you-don't.
So, we continue to sit by, watching as eachother has a relationship with different people and it fails. Each time during have very awkward social encounters. Leslie says, like the two we seem to personify so much, we'll eventually get drunk and have a baby...but, according to her, we're only in Season 5.
Its your birthday, today. I hope it's a good one.
Love always,
Your Rachel
So I've been doing a whole lot of thinking lately...after I just broke it off with Him. Another day, another guy. You know how it is.
Lately, though, things have been coming back to me and I've been looking back on those crazy times we had before I moved to Europe. I remember late nights running through Wal-Mart, going to Kroger at 2am ("Attention Kroger shoppers, a lady has lost something in the Deli....she's lost inches off her waist!") only to end up at your apartment and me cooking for you, Leslie, Eddie and Dustin, Rocky Horror nights when I was still in the cast and you would bring everyone to see me, and just, well, those general quiet moments, in your truck listening to music.
I'm rambling.
I guess, the truth is why I am even writing this, is because I believe you need to know the truth.
Do you want to know the absolute true reason I won't be with you?
Well..it's because I am so scared you are my one.
Please, don't think that I am so crazy girl forcing my way into finding her 'one'. You know me, and you know how I get sick at the idea of being with someone for longer than a month...especially at our age.
The thing is, there is something about you that just...shakes me. Through all of the guys in my life, the ones I date and throw away, you're still there. You're like that piece of sticky paper that just won't come off my hands.
Of course, it doesn't help when our friends call us 'Ross and Rachel', does it? Sadly enough, it is true...you are pretty dorky. Hehe.
So then, I know you're probably wondering why I won't be with you, if I am so sure of these feelings?
Because...well...I'm afraid I'll lose you. I know how I am with men. I get with them and within a few weeks I am tired of him and get rid of him. I don't want that to happen to you. You've chased me for years and still I keep you at arm's lenght. I guess because I know if we were to date and I mess it up (like I know I will)...I'd never recover.
I really want to try it with you..I want to be your girl, but I can't. I've ran from you for so long, that I got comfortable with it, and I'm afraid I've damaged everything too much for us to ever be together....and that really hurts. It's really one of those damned-if-you-do damned-if-you-don't.
So, we continue to sit by, watching as eachother has a relationship with different people and it fails. Each time during have very awkward social encounters. Leslie says, like the two we seem to personify so much, we'll eventually get drunk and have a baby...but, according to her, we're only in Season 5.
Its your birthday, today. I hope it's a good one.
Love always,
Your Rachel