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Write a Letter to your S/O or Crush.

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I love you even thought you like gay cars. ;)
I love you sofuckingmuch pain sears through my entire body every second I'm away from you. I can't wait until we're always together. <3
 
dear captain pnut,

One day when we acquire our own boat we can hunt oysters together in the nude and scream like wild banshees at the moon.
 
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I'm sorry, I only do stupid shit 'cuz I can't let you get attached to me. Maybe one day things will be different but it doesn't look like that will be anytime soon.
 
I risked being pulled over for indecent exposure this afternoon just for you. It felt so good naughty sexy hot I want to do it again.. but I'd prefer to do it when we're in the same state, k?

It'sadate. :)<3
 
im so happy for you even if youre kinda myah about the whole thing.
onwards and upwards my dear :D <3
 
Thank you for yesterday honey. I can really say that being there with you was one of the happiest moments of my life. It was really great just the two of us. It was nice to see the person that I fell so hard for again. I love you Teddybear!

Love,
Snuggles
 
I love the fact that I'm still getting to know you, little by little and day by day.

I know that you're going to be a huge part of my life Baby, you bring out the best in me.

Please don't go anywhere!

All yours

xxxxx MM
 
Showing me your true want to commit yourself completely and utterly to me for eternity means so much to me babe. I can't believe how nervous you were about asking me to marry you - you honestly thought for a second i would say no? I agree with every word you say when you speak of us belonging together and being true soul mates. I truly believe we will be together forever too.

Sometimes it hurts how much i love you ... i love you so much it scares me, because i don't know what i would do if i ever were to lose you. I love you so much that every time you're running late to get home, i always fear you have been in an accident. I just don't know what i would do if something were to ever happen to you. I know i am strong, but i don't think i am strong enough to ever be faced with that and to be able to cope. You give me unconditional love of which i never knew existed. You have taught me to believe in myself more, and how to truly love. And you have also taught me to let my guard down and trust. I have no concerns with you. You make me feel so completely secure and that is the best feeling ever. I love how you get so protective of me too ... that really makes my heart melt, and it's a first. I am finally with a real man. <3
 
Hey Sweetie,

I haven't been able to talk to you really yet today. Its not been a good day and being close to you always helps. I'm sorry that it seems that I need so much attention from you. I know that scares you in the whole commitment area. I wish I knew how to help you with that, (BL advice here is welcome) but all I really know how to do is just try to understand. I guess in the fact that I need you so much and you are afraid of commitment kinda makes us like oil and water, but I hope our love for each other can make it work. I'm of the thought that through love anything is possible. (Maybe a good love letter is in order, hope thats not too sappy) You are leaving in about 2 weeks, it makes me SO sad because in the month you were home we hardly had any time together at all. I'm afraid to talk about you stopping working overseas. It seems unfair or me to ask you to quit a job as good as that, and set a course for your whole life, but I have also been waiting for almost a year now and its hard on both of us, our relationship and unfair to me. It seems like a no win situation. I hope that we can talk about it honey. You know I wouldn't have done all I have if I didn't love you more than any thing. But I'm actually pretty sure you can see that. I love you honey, and thanks for showing me that sweet person that I fell so hard for a year ago...

(Comments or advice from fellow BLers is welcome :))
 
@lterEgo said:
first of all, note that this guy hasn't formally talked the love talk. according to the OP, what he has said is "you know you love me" and other statements to that effect. please keep this in mind as i move through the rest of this post, as i think it's an important detail.

so... why would someone manipulate a significant other in this fashion?





the two quotes above offer a good starting point to one of many possible explanations. i'm venturing into very speculative territory by responding this time around, so i'll just describe what it was like for me when i used to behave this way.

in every relationship, there is always a person who cares more and a person who cares less. i was always careful to set myself up in the dynamic as the person who cared less. all of the control lies in the hands of the person who cares less; if/when it all fell apart, i didn't stand to lose nearly as much. i wasn't invested. i wasn't vulnerable. i wasn't connected on any meaningful level. i refused to give my heart away, and this meant it could never be broken.

at its core, i assume this stems from a fear of intimacy - real, genuine, raw intimacy. this is also why i was able to detach emotion from sex so easily even though this is a privilege that is typically reserved for males. if you don't allow yourself to care on any level but the superficial, sex becomes just another act. a fun act, sure, but mostly a utilitarian practice.

the rub here is that no partner likes to be made acutely aware of the fact that they are the person who cares less. you don't want your significant other to know that if push came to shove you could take them or leave them (probably leave) and most likely escape unscathed. that's not to say that i didn't like any of my exes. a lot of them were immensely fun, super hot, good to have around in social situations, or fed my ego, kept me company, or otherwise amused me. i liked some of them quite a bit - certainly enough to want to keep them around - but not enough to drop my defenses or address my hang-ups entirely.

i guess the simple explanation is that i liked the people i dated, but i didn't love them, and moreover, in my heart i wasn't even open to the idea of loving them. i loved my friends, and they came first. boyfriends? those guys come and go. my loyalties were to myself and to a small inner circle of close childhood friends. everyone else was just a guest in our world.

the game here is that you have to always give your current partner the impression that they are slowly being brought into the fold, welcomed into that secret society... you know, by virtue of their specialness and awesomeness. you dangle carrots. you throw them scraps of time and affection at your own leisure, making sure that it's in the right amount and frequency to keep them coming back for more. you only have to play a few people like this before it becomes a habit and you kind of stop thinking about it. keeping people at arm's length just feels like the natural amount of distance. any push for more is met with accusations of being too clingy, too jealous, too needy, paranoid, immature.

god, this is fucking embarrassing to type out.

i used to feel smothered all the time by pretty much everyone i dated. i wondered why i attracted so many attention starved babies. as it turns out, all these people wanted was an adult relationship. equality. priority. respect. in hindsight it's obvious that i had no business in the dating pool, but i liked having hotties around so i did the bare minimum to keep everyone pacified. you can gift wrap the bare minimum in a lot of shiny looking faux-compromise and measured self-disclosure and smiles and sex if you want to keep someone around. it's not always so sinister and intentional either... it's just the behavior of an emotionally stunted individual who isn't ready to fall in love.
Click to expand...


here you go
 
yeah, thats kinda him. He doesn't self-disclose much, although he did some yeterday and I made a point to thank him for it. And he has talked about being smothered (which resulted in a breakup and me being kicked out of the house) and accusations on clingy, needy and mimmature, however I don't claim that there isn't SOME truth in that. I suffer from mental illness that can compound that. But he does tell me he loves me, I just sometimes wonder if he REALLY knows what that means, but at the moment things are going pretty good.
 
ilikeacid said:
Thank you for teaching me more about myself than anyone could. Thank you for being here for me even when my mind revolts and I attempt to systematically destroy everything and everyone that has ever given my life meaning. Thank you for not giving up on me and showing me that I need not give up on myself. No matter how hard things get we will get through them together!

You are my Queen and I am your King, even after everything, nothing else means anything.
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I don't give up on things that mean so much to me easily, i never have and i never will <3

I sometimes just wonder how we got here but then i remember that we must move forward, whatever is meant to be, will be.. I hope for a lot of things, but a brighter future with you the most.. Like i have always said, no matter what happens when i am on my death bed, you will be someone i will look back on with a smile..
 
The sheer thought of holding your hand as I'm walking along, pulling your arm and our hands up to my chest and looking you in the eye before pulling you close for a perfect kiss makes my insides implode in a spray of a thousand beautiful colours.

You make my heart sing. Even when you're so far away. <3
 
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