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Welcome Would you speak up about sexist or misogynistic language in the SLR Forum?

Do you think Sex, Love & Relationships is too sexist or misogynistic?

  • No.

    Votes: 8 57.1%

  • Yes.

    Votes: 6 42.9%
  • Total voters
    14
  • Poll closed .
Jabberwocky

Jabberwocky

Frumious Bandersnatch
Joined
Nov 3, 1999
Messages
84,998
Currently the Sex, Love & Relationships Forum is quite active which is a good thing. However, a number of people have commented that the discussions seem to be dominated by masculine voices that can often be read as quite sexist or misogynistic. That is they discuss women as little more than something to be fucked or otherwise essentialise women in somewhat negative ways. It is quite possible however that such posters do not realise how their words are being received. So the issue may be grounded in different views of what is acceptable or humorous language rather than malicious intent.

While we can’t know the intent of some posters, this style of posting does seem to have the effect of keeping many women out of the Sex, Love and Relationships Forum. Rather than relying on Moderators to police language it may be good for those men and women who dislike sexism and misogyny to politely point out egregious posts when they occur in the interests of all our general education. Or alternatively use the Report function so that your 2 new feminist moderators can see about tidying things up with the cooperation of the original poster.
 
It’s also incredibly homophobic.

I think Jess is the only one willing to take these people on, I’m certainly not. We’d all be arguing all day because those posters will no doubt become incredibly defensive. Most probably don’t care either. Reporting at this stage is like outing yourself as a “snowflake”.

Personally I make a mental note just to avoid those people and move on. Just like shitposting, I think it’s just a part of the culture.

You’d get a lot of biting back from those that consider it “free speech”.
 
Sirena Oscura said:
It’s also incredibly homophobic.

I think Jess is the only one willing to take these people on, I’m certainly not. We’d all be arguing all day because those posters will no doubt become incredibly defensive. Most probably don’t care either. Reporting at this stage is like outing yourself as a “snowflake”.

Personally I make a mental note just to avoid those people and move on. Just like shitposting, I think it’s just a part of the culture.

You’d get a lot of biting back from those that consider it “free speech”.
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No one but you and the mods know about reports. Any report is taken very seriously.
In order to help the two guys out who are modding please do report language that makes you uncomfortable.
 
Just a clarification that your reports are not seen by the general public and it wont be shared if a DM is made to me or Atelier, or Captain.

Sirena Oscura said:
I think it’s just a part of the culture.

You’d get a lot of biting back from those that consider it “free speech”.
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1) That will be changing over time, in this area.

2) This is a private forum, no ones free speech applies here. This is a private server with rules and guidelines and a culture all of its own. The third is pliable, and certain extremes, like actual hate speech, will not be tolerated with the same leniency as before.
 
I don’t want to be negative, but I wouldn’t report it unless it was especially heinous because I’m so used to it, which is not a good thing.
 
cduggles said:
I don’t want to be negative, but I wouldn’t report it unless it was especially heinous because I’m so used to it, which is not a good thing.
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It would help of you and other women reported it in order to help me and @Outlier calibrate the line between harmless jocularity and offensive misogyny.

I think we want to keep the former and eradicate the latter in a way your ordinary person would find acceptable even if not precisely to their own taste.
 
I dunno, takes faith in mods.

I don’t think telling them their free speech doesn’t apply here will make a difference. Just playing devil’s advocate here. But that for *you* guys to argue with them about.

I’m not going to make this my mission but I may help every now and then if I see something but generally I avoid it.
 
The trend in the Western world is now to expect all decent people, especially other men, to say something and call out sexism and misogyny in their workplace and amongst their peers. That’s kind of what I’d like to see a bit more of here. Silence can sometimes be seen as complicity and non-mods actively helping keep the discussions welcoming to women will shape a more attractive culture much more effectively.

We don’t want to police language at all. Rather, we just want everyone to help shift the general tone of the discourse so the large number of female members who currently feel uncomfortable in SLR find the place more enjoyable.
 
No.

I could not care less if some douchebag is a misogynist or has crass shit to say about women (or men).

People would tend to kinda relax and chat as if they were around mates who don't take things seriously at times so they may not actually be misogynistic.

If they really are, complaining or reporting that will not really do much to get through to them.


Depends on the thread at the time, if OP is obviously going through something delicate then being a prick with crass language wont go down well but its better anyone with an issue just say so to them rather than relying on a mod to play mum all the time.



Sometimes some people would need a mod to direct the seriousness of thr thread for them, I dunno, tbh.
 
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✿Dai₷y✿ said:
No.

I could not care less if some douchebag is a misogynist or has crass shit to say about women (or men).

People would tend to kinda relax and chat as if they were around mates who don't take things seriously at times so they may not actually be misogynistic.

If they really are, complaining or reporting that will not really do much to get through to them.


Depends on the thread at the time, if OP is obviously going through something delicate then being a prick with crass language wont go down well but its better anyone with an issue just say so to them rather than relying on a mod to play mum all the time.



Sometimes some people would need a mod to direct the seriousness of thr thread for them, I dunno, tbh.
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This isnt a hardline stance were taking. I agree with most of what youre saying until a situation crosses the line into being hateful, lacking anything constructive whatsoever. Being crass in a subject that often calls for it and (no particular example) seriously calling someone a worthless whore are two very different scenarios
 
Outlier said:
This isnt a hardline stance were taking. I agree with most of what youre saying until a situation crosses the line into being hateful, lacking anything constructive whatsoever. Being crass in a subject that often calls for it and (no particular example) seriously calling someone a worthless whore are two very different scenarios
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Calling someone a worthless whore here is pretty shitty.


I cant speak for anyone else. I would have been pretty upset if some loser did that to me here especially if I came here to get advice.




What would be worse though is having it obviously seen by anyone else and have no one reply to the turd with some kind of remark that would put turd in his place. That does help a lot, far more than scrubbing it.



Ive had all sorts of insulting shit thrown about my personal life for many years and most of that has never been removed, so maybe it just isn't a big deal to me but everyone's different.




Good luck!
 
✿Dai₷y✿ said:
Calling someone a worthless whore here is pretty shitty.


I cant speak for anyone else. I would have been pretty upset if some loser did that to me here especially if I came here to get advice.




What would be worse though is having it obviously seen by anyone else and have no one reply to the turd with some kind of remark that would put turd in his place. That does help a lot, far more than scrubbing it.



Ive had all sorts of insulting shit thrown about my personal life for many years and most of that has never been removed, so maybe it just isn't a big deal to me but everyone's different.




Good luck!
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When someone gets scrubbed out like that, they get to know why and it goes on their records. Its also nothing to leave something up and modedit it to highlight the shitty behaviour and leave that as a warning to others as well. Depends on the mod, the situation, and the mood (I suppose). I can say that for something like that Id be leaving a more visible infraction personally.
 
It should be discussed. I think Theres a line where its acceptable and depends on the thread too. Personal attacks and stuff should be reported.
 
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cduggles said:
I don’t want to be negative, but I wouldn’t report it unless it was especially heinous because I’m so used to it, which is not a good thing.
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I feel the same way. I've become numb to the degrading banter.
 
So far 2/3 of the votes in the poll are for “No Way. Get Fucked. Fuck Off” - so that’s the lay of the land at the moment. I guess people want their freedom to be obnoxious unrestricted.
 
And besides the mods of this forum, only one male has responded in this thread. The rest are females. ☹️
 
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