Women calling men creeps, is it sometimes about attention?

[Pissed_and_messed]

Yeah, that's what I am looking for, rather passively.

But the issue is, I haven't formed really any sort of relationships for long time, I have few good people in my life and I barely can maintain with them. I have no sense of security and most of my time goes on trying to survive with just that. Any time I even plan meeting with some of my friends I've known for 10 years or more, I just get nervous even about that.

 

[xtcgrrrl]

Wow, some interesting points made in this thread! I want to respond to a few comments specifically:

For most women sex and emotions are intricately tied together- if our emotional needs aren't being met its hard to be interested in sex.

Well, I can definitely have some good sex with someone I’m not in love with. But when I AM in love with them, it makes it GREAT sex, because then it’s fulfilling on multiple levels.

Men NEED sex in a definitely more intense way than woman do, if you love a man, then you have to care about ALL their needs, you can’t pick and choose, if you do, expect them to do the same

Definitely don’t agree with that! Women ARE as horny as men, some of them are hornier than you guys! The problem is, society looks down on women who have adventurous sexual lives or who behave or act like they LOVE sex. We get called whores then, or worse. I’m just telling you, as a woman, I definitely want it more often than my partner. We would be SO sore if we had as much sex as I wanted and loads of my girlfriends are telling me that they sometimes get so horny they drag their hubby into the pantry to have a quickie while the kids watch tv in the other room. If she’s not super into it, either you’re doing it wrong or she’s just not that into you. A woman in love is (almost) always gonna want to get into your pants. (Exceptions include being sick or depressed)

Also Society still seems to think of promiscuity and sex as dirty, which needs to change

EXACTLY! The stigma of having an active sex life can make a woman feel like the “proper” thing to do is not to enjoy it too much. Ugh!

good people, communicate your needs and find what the people who are you intending to start relationship with, want. One can not just assume these things.

Bravo! People in relationships should have honest conversations with each other. In doing so, you can communicate your needs, desires, likes/dislikes, and sexual fantasies. Also, if more women spoke up during sex and said something (like supposing he’s fingering her too vigorously and it hurts, or she’s at an uncomfortable angle or something; in this way she can help him improve his technique and she’ll be able to enjoy it more.) The problem is that women are often reluctant to say anything critical, for fear of hurting his feelings. Which is nice and all, but then you’re always gonna have mediocre sex, and that can make one disinclined to engage in it.

I don't think men need sex more than women. Women are less likely to be satisfied by their partner so (often) probably less motivated to have sex... but women are actually super horny if you're meeting their needs.

EXACTLY! Meet their needs and they’ll be constantly jumping you

Some guys I know tolerate a lack of sex because their wife decides when and if they fuck. That's bullshit. It's manipulative and I wouldn't tolerate it for a second.

Yeah, that’s some toxic shit. But the kind of person who would deny their husbands sex, as a means of controlling them, are usually petty, vindictive, and spiteful. I wouldn’t put up with sex being used as a weapon, either.

So would you really want to have sex with a partner who doesn't want to have sex with you at the time? Would that be satisfying at all when you know she's not into it?

Yeah, exactly. Men can sense when she’s not really into it. At that point, he should stop and ask what’s wrong. Maybe there is something going on that is detracting from the experience, for her. For me, personally, if I’m somewhat tired or wasn’t planning on sex but he initiates it, I always go for it cuz I know that I’ll get into it once we start. But my partner is a very skilled, passionate and considerate lover; he ALWAYS makes sure I cum before he does. At least once, usually more than that. I’m lucky

Some women are super manipulative when it comes to sex. They use it to control men. It's all about when they want to fuck and how they want to fuck. Well, fuck that.

Yeah, that’s no good. Run, do not walk, away from a manipulative person. Male or female

I would eat her pussy even if I wasn’t 100% into it, it’s not that hard, and it makes her so happy, I’d feel like a dick if I said no without a good reason.
Idk what guys are talking about saying their mouth’s get tired, I just keep going until she tells me to stop.

That’s great! That’s what I’m talking about; being a lover who takes care of his partner’s needs in bed. You get a better response (and sex much more frequently) if you blow her mind every time!

 

[polarthedog]

Wow, some interesting points made in this thread! I want to respond to a few comments specifically:


Well, I can definitely have some good sex with someone I’m not in love with. But when I AM in love with them, it makes it GREAT sex, because then it’s fulfilling on multiple levels.

Definitely don’t agree with that! Women ARE as horny as men, some of them are hornier than you guys! The problem is, society looks down on women who have adventurous sexual lives or who behave or act like they LOVE sex. We get called whores then, or worse. I’m just telling you, as a woman, I definitely want it more often than my partner. We would be SO sore if we had as much sex as I wanted and loads of my girlfriends are telling me that they sometimes get so horny they drag their hubby into the pantry to have a quickie while the kids watch tv in the other room. If she’s not super into it, either you’re doing it wrong or she’s just not that into you. A woman in love is (almost) always gonna want to get into your pants. (Exceptions include being sick or depressed)

EXACTLY! The stigma of having an active sex life can make a woman feel like the “proper” thing to do is not to enjoy it too much. Ugh!

Bravo! People in relationships should have honest conversations with each other. In doing so, you can communicate your needs, desires, likes/dislikes, and sexual fantasies. Also, if more women spoke up during sex and said something (like supposing he’s fingering her too vigorously and it hurts, or she’s at an uncomfortable angle or something; in this way she can help him improve his technique and she’ll be able to enjoy it more.) The problem is that women are often reluctant to say anything critical, for fear of hurting his feelings. Which is nice and all, but then you’re always gonna have mediocre sex, and that can make one disinclined to engage in it.

EXACTLY! Meet their needs and they’ll be constantly jumping you

Yeah, that’s some toxic shit. But the kind of person who would deny their husbands sex, as a means of controlling them, are usually petty, vindictive, and spiteful. I wouldn’t put up with sex being used as a weapon, either.

Yeah, exactly. Men can sense when she’s not really into it. At that point, he should stop and ask what’s wrong. Maybe there is something going on that is detracting from the experience, for her. For me, personally, if I’m somewhat tired or wasn’t planning on sex but he initiates it, I always go for it cuz I know that I’ll get into it once we start. But my partner is a very skilled, passionate and considerate lover; he ALWAYS makes sure I cum before he does. At least once, usually more than that. I’m lucky

Yeah, that’s no good. Run, do not walk, away from a manipulative person. Male or female

That’s great! That’s what I’m talking about; being a lover who takes care of his partner’s needs in bed. You get a better response (and sex much more frequently) if you blow her mind every time!

You and frog Dreams are probably right, I don’t really have enough experience to argue, my gf I have right now is really my second gf, she loves sex, but I thought maybe she was just abnormal. I mean I think my confusion is justified, women don’t make it obvious, and they almost never approach men. And if you hit on them, and their not into it, more than a few will treat you badly, atleast that’s been my experience. Fuck, i SHOULD be able to go up to a women, compliment her ass, and ask politely for casual sex without her getting insulted. That’s just crazy otherwise. I’m not gay, but if a man came up to me and did that, I would say no thank you, walk away, and think highly of my ass for the rest of the day

In fact I’ve been in situations like that multiple times, it’s not a big deal, it’s always a self esteem booster

 

[xtcgrrrl]

You and frog Dreams are probably right, I don’t really have enough experience to argue, my gf I have right now is really my second gf, she loves sex, but I thought maybe she was just abnormal. I mean I think my confusion is justified, women don’t make it obvious, and they almost never approach men. And if you hit on them, and their not into it, more than a few will treat you badly, atleast that’s been my experience. Fuck, i SHOULD be able to go up to a women, compliment her ass, and ask politely for casual sex without her getting insulted. That’s just crazy otherwise. I’m not gay, but if a man came up to me and did that, I would say no thank you, walk away, and think highly of my ass for the rest of the day

In fact I’ve been in situations like that multiple times, it’s not a big deal, it’s always a self esteem booster

Um. The problem here is that you need more build-up to the ask for sex. If you walk up to her and just tell her that her ass looks good and ask for sex, it kinda makes her feel like a piece of meat. Even women who genuinely LIKE causal sex might be put off by this. A better strategy would be to go up to her and compliment her on something NOT looks-based (example: “excuse me, I felt compelled to come over here and start a conversation with you. You look like you’d have some interesting things to say. May I buy you a drink?” Etc) and then, if she’s amenable to a conversation (don’t be offended if she’s not; maybe she’s out with the girls and wants to spend time with them. Maybe she’s an introvert. Maybe she’s got a boyfriend. Maybe she just doesn’t feel like it and it’s not personal!) then you can charm her by being (or at least acting) riveted by the conversation, and complimenting her subtly the whole time (again, mostly not looks-based. Say things like “it was so cool how you did that” etc. women DO like being complimented on their looks, but only once they’re comfortable with you, and if it’s not too obvious that you’re trying to get into her pants, lol.)

If you and she hit it off, she’ll feel more like accepting that causal sex offer! Just keep in mind that many women are scared to go into a private place with a man they barely know. It can be dangerous for us; men rape, hit, and kill women all the time. Another thing to keep in mind is that *sigh* it’s still perceived as morally wrong for women to be promiscuous. If a man is promiscuous, he is a stud; if a woman is promiscuous, she is a whore and anything that happens to her as a result of her decision to have sex with a virtual stranger is justified, she should’ve just kept her legs closed until marriage this is obviously very dumb but that’s the way it is in this backwards society. Also, these days, in certain states, women have sworn off sex entirely because they can’t get an abortion if something happens. It’s a shame.

 

[ions]

What you're describing we call Pump Buying Temperature.
Turn up the heat so as to lead to sex.
It can be done with kino, touch.
But you can't just start off by touching a stranger.
Unless you're good.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Ion's game is unstoppable

 

[ions]

Did you ever learn evolution phase shift?
Awkward moment.
You smell nice, What are you wearing.
blah blah blah
You know animals are attracted to other animals based on scent.
And lions will bite each other neck.
Bite my neck.

 

[Dead Machination]

As a guy that, I hope, most people wouldn't consider a creep, there are a lot of really malicious and creepy dudes out there. I did a good bit of time in prison, and I'm able to sniff out creeps pretty quickly.

Calling men creeps all the time is a little bit odd, but there is some validity to that statement.

What really bothers me is when women get offended when men hit on them appropriately. How else are you supposed to go on a date or start a friendship besides approaching a woman and asking her?

I think there's a lot less creeps out there than there are good men just trying to meet a mate.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Unfortunately it's how you do it moreso than what you do

 

[ions]

Hey, you go in, can I afford to father a child.
No.
Access denied.

 

[ions]

Condoms break. it's the best you could ask for.

 

[polarthedog]

Um. The problem here is that you need more build-up to the ask for sex. If you walk up to her and just tell her that her ass looks good and ask for sex, it kinda makes her feel like a piece of meat. Even women who genuinely LIKE causal sex might be put off by this. A better strategy would be to go up to her and compliment her on something NOT looks-based (example: “excuse me, I felt compelled to come over here and start a conversation with you. You look like you’d have some interesting things to say. May I buy you a drink?” Etc) and then, if she’s amenable to a conversation (don’t be offended if she’s not; maybe she’s out with the girls and wants to spend time with them. Maybe she’s an introvert. Maybe she’s got a boyfriend. Maybe she just doesn’t feel like it and it’s not personal!) then you can charm her by being (or at least acting) riveted by the conversation, and complimenting her subtly the whole time (again, mostly not looks-based. Say things like “it was so cool how you did that” etc. women DO like being complimented on their looks, but only once they’re comfortable with you, and if it’s not too obvious that you’re trying to get into her pants, lol.)

If you and she hit it off, she’ll feel more like accepting that causal sex offer! Just keep in mind that many women are scared to go into a private place with a man they barely know. It can be dangerous for us; men rape, hit, and kill women all the time. Another thing to keep in mind is that *sigh* it’s still perceived as morally wrong for women to be promiscuous. If a man is promiscuous, he is a stud; if a woman is promiscuous, she is a whore and anything that happens to her as a result of her decision to have sex with a virtual stranger is justified, she should’ve just kept her legs closed until marriage this is obviously very dumb but that’s the way it is in this backwards society. Also, these days, in certain states, women have sworn off sex entirely because they can’t get an abortion if something happens. It’s a shame.

I think you misunderstood me, though I guess I didn’t really make this obvious. I know how to approach them(these days I do, I didn’t in the past) and I know they would feel like a piece of meat etc. what I don’t get is why that matters to them. I wouldn’t care if someone objectified me, I don’t understand why they would.

What’s wrong with being objectified?

The rape stuff makes sense though, that’s sad. I guess they probably wouldn’t feel comfortable even saying they were raped since society would deem it her fault since she was promiscuous.

I’ve never understood guys who treat women badly for being promiscuous, isn’t that what my genders supposed to want? More loose sexy women? I’d love it if there were more “slutty” women

 

[Jabberwocky]

What’s wrong with being objectified?

Gunna try answering before someone takes this the wrong way: I think being objectified takes away the human element of us, and without the human element we're basically just numbers.

For women in particular, that might hurt their self esteem knowing that whatever used to give them confidence doesn't really matter to the guy objectifying her.

Personally I understand we all use each other to one degree or another, and we also all shit in toilets.

But most people have a hard time accepting that

 

[xtcgrrrl]

Gunna try answering before someone takes this the wrong way: I think being objectified takes away the human element of us, and without the human element we're basically just numbers.

For women in particular, that might hurt their self esteem knowing that whatever used to give them confidence doesn't really matter to the guy objectifying her.

Personally I understand we all use each other to one degree or another, and we also all shit in toilets.

But most people have a hard time accepting that

Yes, exactly! Also. It wasn’t so long ago that women WERE second-class citizens. And we’re still not fully equal. For example, look at how many women are in congress compared to men. The pay gap between the genders is closing, but it still exists. And there’s the politicians out there trying to pass legislation about our bodies - whether or not we can have an abortion, they are even trying to outlaw birth control. What’s next?! Taking away our right to vote?? Honestly, I would not be surprised. So it feels like the fight is still going on. Trying to get men to respect us as humans. There are so many professions which are heavily male-dominated and women working in that field aren’t usually respected. They get snickers and jokes at their expense, they get catcalls, and generally looked down on. They have to work twice as hard to make the men respect them. And they’re often made to do tasks like making coffee, etc, and shut out of the really important work. So basically, women crave respect and kindness. Treating them like a piece of meat is the opposite of that. It’s degrading. (Of course, if you’re in a secure, loving relationship, then it’s a bit different. I don’t mind my partner objectifying me sometimes, but that’s because I KNOW I have his love and respect.)

Most women will object to being treated like a piece of meat because we are very aware that that’s not the way to get the respect of men and it’s not helpful towards the goal of actual, 100% equality. Now, SOME women will accept being degraded like that, but generally that’s because they have a low self esteem. What if you knew that, after you part from this random chick you had a one-night stand with, she went to look at herself in the mirror and started crying? And broke her promise to herself never to SH again, because she hated herself so much for what she just did? You are happy, leaving and thinking she had a great time too. Meanwhile she feels like a piece of trash, used and thrown away.

I’ve been that person.

 

[Jabberwocky]

That is pretty intense. I've never thought about it like that.

 

[Frog Dreams]

@polarthedog

I hear what you're saying about not being able to approach women and tell them they're beautiful. I have that urge all the time and I suppress it. The urge doesn't come from me wanting to fuck them. It comes from me wanting to compliment them. It frustrates me to see beautiful women not appreciate how beautiful they are.

Having said all that, I understand it from their perspective.

You mentioned that you wouldn't care if gay guys said you have a nice ass... but would you feel differently if gay guys had aggressively pursued you your whole life?

The women I want to tell are beautiful are not the top 10% of women. They already know. They get told all the time. All women are beautiful to me. I have the urge (frequently) to tell average women how gorgeous they are. It's crazy that some girls devalue themselves as much as they do. There are so many men that would do all sorts of crazy shit to be with them... But, if I tell them that, they will think I want to fuck them. So, I don't.

Empathy isn't treating people how you want to be treated. It is more about understanding their perspective and treating them how they want to be treated.

Whether or not being approached by gay guys phases you is not the issue. What is more important is whether or not women want to be approached by you. If we are to treat people as individuals and respect how they feel, the two things are completely unrelated as far as I'm concerned.

Trying to get men to respect us as humans.

Men don't respect women as humans?

I disagree with most of your latest post in this thread.

The table has turned somewhat. Has been that way for decades in Australia. Women can get away with openly sexualizing men and treating them like objects; but the same is not true in reverse.

This isn't a discussion I want to engage in particularly, I'm just defending the XY.

EDIT (I can't help it, or so I tell myself)

You are happy, leaving and thinking she had a great time too. Meanwhile she feels like a piece of trash, used and thrown away.

She shouldn't feel like that. I don't fully understand your hypothetical, but why feel like that if the man is oblivious when he leaves? Doesn't make sense to me.

Casual sex isn't sinful. We are trained to believe that. If the man is oblivious, I honestly don't understand the problem.

Men are treated like meat also. A lot.

 

[polarthedog]

Yes, exactly! Also. It wasn’t so long ago that women WERE second-class citizens. And we’re still not fully equal. For example, look at how many women are in congress compared to men. The pay gap between the genders is closing, but it still exists. And there’s the politicians out there trying to pass legislation about our bodies - whether or not we can have an abortion, they are even trying to outlaw birth control. What’s next?! Taking away our right to vote?? Honestly, I would not be surprised. So it feels like the fight is still going on. Trying to get men to respect us as humans. There are so many professions which are heavily male-dominated and women working in that field aren’t usually respected. They get snickers and jokes at their expense, they get catcalls, and generally looked down on. They have to work twice as hard to make the men respect them. And they’re often made to do tasks like making coffee, etc, and shut out of the really important work. So basically, women crave respect and kindness. Treating them like a piece of meat is the opposite of that. It’s degrading. (Of course, if you’re in a secure, loving relationship, then it’s a bit different. I don’t mind my partner objectifying me sometimes, but that’s because I KNOW I have his love and respect.)

Most women will object to being treated like a piece of meat because we are very aware that that’s not the way to get the respect of men and it’s not helpful towards the goal of actual, 100% equality. Now, SOME women will accept being degraded like that, but generally that’s because they have a low self esteem. What if you knew that, after you part from this random chick you had a one-night stand with, she went to look at herself in the mirror and started crying? And broke her promise to herself never to SH again, because she hated herself so much for what she just did? You are happy, leaving and thinking she had a great time too. Meanwhile she feels like a piece of trash, used and thrown away.

I’ve been that person.

I definitely agree that men in general devalue women on a societal scale. I guess that makes sense, if objectifying them reminds them of that treatment.

But like frog dreams said, that’s not because of the treatment, it’s because of how the perceive the treatment

 

[Frog Dreams]

Didn't mean to offend. I still get a bit triggered by woke stuff and what I perceive to be anti-male sentiment, which I sometimes (often?) I am just imagining when that's not really the intention. It's something I'm working on. I disagree with a lot of things in that post but mostly because of the tone not the intention, I think, because I also agree with some of the stuff I disagree with. I just think it's all a bit dramatic sometimes. (I also just flat-out disagree with a lot of it.)

I try to avoid politics. It's way too emotional. Too heated and manipulative... I requested a permanent ban from CEPS for this reason.

 

[Juniper Bruhmomentius]

"sometimes" yeah sure, same logic as "I PUT MAKEUP TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF!!" Silly thots gon be silly thots

 

[polarthedog]

Yeah, that's what I am looking for, rather passively.

But the issue is, I haven't formed really any sort of relationships for long time, I have few good people in my life and I barely can maintain with them. I have no sense of security and most of my time goes on trying to survive with just that. Any time I even plan meeting with some of my friends I've known for 10 years or more, I just get nervous even about that.

That can’t be healthy, there must be somebody who can help you get out of your shell, you have to be proactive though, chase down the man/woman of your dreams