I started doing drugs to have fun...to relax...to escape from life in general. I was a kid....maybe not in age, but in maturity...I thought that if I smoked a little weed with my friends, I would be "cool" just like them. I was curious...why do all these people go bonkers for these drugs? So I tried some...I became a pot head after my second year of college (I was an odd teenager, I didn't do anything other than smoke cigarettes and drink occasionally with my parents, I was introverted and had very few friends)...I lost all motivation in my life...I went through jobs like crazy...until I realized I had to stop. I began drinking after this...I drank myself to borderline alcoholism (everyone in my family is an alcoholic)...I liked the fact that I would loosen up when I was drunk...I didn't care what I did, I didn't care what people thought of me. Until I sobered up...and finding out what I had done when drunk just made me more depressed and introverted than I had been before. About a year and a half ago, I decided to find out what the "mystery drug" ecstacy was all about...all my friends were pot heads, I knew nothing about this new avenue upon I was about to embark. From the first pill I ever took, I fell in love with rolling...the feeling of community, the love I felt for everyone, the fact that it made me feel like I finally fit in...even if only for a few hours before the effects of the drug wore off. This past spring, I was introduced to my new life...Miss Tina..the bitch in the red dress...crystal meth. She does to me everything I love...I am talkative, open, uninhibited, I don't eat, I don't sleep, I'm losing weight...all the things I have always wanted in life, she gives me everything. All of these stages in my life have been entered into in order for me to be able to have more fun...to escape the bubble that I have lived in my whole life. I have never felt as thought I was part of the rest of the world around me...but the drugs made me part of that world. I have new friends now, people I love dearly. We have bonds that developed because of the drugs, but as different ones of us have dropped various habits, the bonds have remained, and become stronger because of the lack of drugs. I have given up on smoking pot, long ago. I have drastically cut my alcohol intake...maybe one drink a weekened, if even that. I have made a decision that I will not partake in the wonderful world of ecstacy until Christmas, possibly later than that. My new girlfriend, however, remains. She has become my stability in this life. I know that I am capable now of standing on my own two feet...of being the person that has always been hidden inside of me...that person has been released, the bubble popped forever....but I still cling to her...she makes my life easier...I can accomplish things so much eaiser when she's around....I see what I am doing as nothing more than a child who takes Ritilin for ADD...I court Miss Tina in order to make my brain function normally...not wander aimlessly....If I can break the hold that she has over me...I will prove to the world that I am me...the drugs may have helped me to this point of self-realization and independance...but they are not me...I am myself....and this is why I do drugs...so that I can be me and live outside my bubble....