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Why can't I hookup?

JessFR said:
Relationships aren't overrated. Sex is though. :D

But then given how obsessed society is with sex it'd be very hard for it not to be overrated.
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A while back, while I was in throes of lonely solo drug use I struck up a conversation with a woman online and we seemed to click and I invited her over genuinely thinking it would just be so nice to have genuine company when 4 AM came around. Sadly she kept making it about the sex I was allegedly going to be expecting at some point. But I can honestly say I would have had to have been held at gunpoint to want to fuck at that stage. I just wanted honest open non-judgemental company.

Needless to say we never met.
 
Atelier3 said:
I can talk to women without being on dex no problem. But I get the impression I’m more impressive and likeable to them after about 15 mg.
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I think that has to do with how Amphetamines/Dexedrine makes people talk, or more social, and your inhibitions get lowered? Alcohol can be this way as well.
 
billkankers said:
A bit off-topic but in my country (Romania) hookup culture isn't really a thing as most people ( ~80-90% ) are looking to get themselves into formal monogamous relationships. The gay society seems to be more open-minded about casual sex though - this can be easily seen if you are using apps like Grindr - yet still nowhere near Western levels. But in general, it's considered that mostly uneducated/dumb mainstream-type people engage in it (regardless of orientation) and it's been true from my experience (traveled to a few European countries). So if you want to stick to smarter, nicer people, don't do it 'cause they don't hook up.

I'm just extrapolating the mentality I grew up with to other countries and cultures. But I think most people will agree with what I've said. This holds true for both straight & gay people.
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I have to admit, I've noticed this as well. But I'm realizing that part of my problem is that I've been using the dating apps, when every boyfriend I've had (except for 1) has not been someone I met through an app.

At the risk of stereotyping, I do tend to find the casual hookup types to not be very bright or interesting people. Maybe that's why they can have casual sex without it mattering, because they're not overly complicated people inside.

Sirena Oscura said:
Don’t get me wrong, dating apps attract the worst kind, but I agree, I’d rather know something about someone before talking to them and getting to know them before meeting them is... well it doesn’t rule out the nasties but... well it still beats walking blindly up to strangers or waiting for them to walk up to you.
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Dating apps really do attract the worst kinds. There is so much narcissism, entitlement, contempt and dismissal. It doesn't feel like reality. But in this covid year I don't know how else to meet people.
 
This makes sense, I am knowing what you are talking about, but not women are like you described, there is a certain percentage of women who are looking for soul mate, sex, something, anything. Many women also use hookup sites and apps, not just dating. I suppose they have feelings but also have urges as we do...
 
annajamey said:
This makes sense, I am knowing what you are talking about, but not women are like you described, there is a certain percentage of women who are looking for soul mate, sex, something, anything. Many women also use hookup sites and apps, not just dating. I suppose they have feelings but also have urges as we do...
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None of those things are mutually exclusive and women and men both have sex for a multitude of reasons. Sure some people are more restrained by social conditioning or personality type than others and therefore are more reticent and have more self control. However, almost everyone has it in them to have a fling if the stars align in the right way.

Before I knew not to tempt karma I had hookups with happily married women who probably only strayed that one time. Not from apps though. But I've met women on apps who seriously wouldn't have sex until you'd proposed (or longer) and others who were giving head within the first hour of meeting. Women aren't one dimensional though, and at other times in their lives those horny head givers could turn into the blue-ballers waiting for a wedding ring first.
 
✿Dai₷y✿ said:
You could if you wanted to, you just don't want to.

What's the issue here? There isn't one. Its just getting older, happens to everyone regardless of sexuality. Just accept it and move on.
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That is very true.

I have done hook ups with women and men and it was not that enjoyable, and even though we had safer sex I still got nervous about disease or that this person or these people could be sociopaths or want to physically hurt or kill me, as there are people who have hooked up in pubs, bars, dance clubs, online or via apps and were robbed, beat up, date raped or murdered.

Or maybe you like being desired? Peter Berlin is like this, he would dress in sexy clothing and go out in public and cruise both on city streets, publicsexcruise areas like parks, or go to the saunas/baths for men only and flex and show off his body but it was for attention, selling and promoting his amateur solo/masturbation porn/photographs, and he preferred being desired by others but just had sex only with long term lovers and not really with strangers. He is a narcissistic man but there is a funny story he tells about being in Berlin or Paris, cruising all night long and seeing his perfect man walking towards him and it was Peter Berlin's own reflection in a glass shop window. 😂

 
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Same, all you said the exact same. Infact I pride myself on it now.

I was in a dead end relationship with a guy who basically used me as his bank. Good at sex but zero things in common. One day I get on Grindr to chat, get to know someone. If the vibe right we might mix it up. Kinda like a regular "friend" (yea I was cheating) (he was too) pointless relationship at that point.

The thing is this other man was really fucking cool. I would sneak over there on one of my days off. We have really amazing passionate kinky hot animalistic sex. Then we found ourselves talking for hours.

This went on for a couple of months. Sneaking around, dirty crazy sex, then swapping stories of our youth. I was falling in love , but I knew his reputation.

He's 23 years older than me and was known as a sugar daddy player in the area. I almost didn't want to date him because of that. Here I am an average looking guy. How was I supposed to compete with the models he's friends with.

We just honestly connected on a personality level. Well on just about every level that you can connect.
I told him how I felt, he reciprocated. I still had in the back of my mind the thought that this was just a triumph for him. He even would always say that he always gets what he wants and that he wanted me.

I told the guy that I had been cheating on that it was over and that I was leaving. He begged me to stay this and that but I had made my mind up. I moved in with my new boyfriend in May of last year and it's been f****** phenomenal ever since.

Honestly I don't feel bad about cheating on my ex. Because honestly I wouldn't have met my true love if I hadn't.
 
The way he explained it to me was his whole life he has not been interested in more than just a fun f***. He had been a player his whole life until he met me.

I have pretty much been a compulsive cheater my whole life until I met him.
We literally have just been traveling the world together making each other laugh cuddling, and just living life.

We are in the Bahamas this week. Just for fun.
We started a company together a few months ago, it's worth about a million in assets.

If you go back and you read some of my posts from a decade ago- you'd be as dumbfounded as I am about how my life ended up like this.

I feel like Cinderella
 
I wish I could do it more but its likely on my end due to trauma issues and needing to be with someone I have some degree of trust for. Im actually working on this now in therapy but if im someome who doesnt hook up I dont think its a big deal.
 
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