Since I started this thread I'll add some context about why I asked.
Compared to a lot of the posts in here, I suffer very mild consequences from my drug use.
I prefer short acting drugs that don't make me feel bad at work, or at least don't affect me too much. Like mxe, and GBL. I've used one or the other of these drugs nearly every evening for the past few years, with some months of sobriety. Before that I was a "problem drinker" -- short of an alcoholic but past recreational.
I bought a house and have worked at a demanding job through all of this, and consider my use as a way of relaxing in the evenings. The problem with this is that it's enough for me: I have no interest in dating, making new friends is a hassle, and hobbies are... well, found in a baggie or a bottle.
Of the drugs I use, I find alcohol by far the most disruptive and depressing. Alcohol *did* disrupt my life when I was getting drunk every other day - I saw a psychiatrist (who gave me some great guidance) and a psychologist (who was useless) about 4 years ago, and stopped regularely drinking at that time. I was really pleased with myself, and stayed sober for nearly a year. Then I "discovered" mephedrone - which at the time I viewed as an unrelated problem.
Meph and booze caused me problems with work, family, friends, and general coping (like the house was always a tip, I didn't eat properly, I never had clean clothes) -- but mxe and gbl did not cause these issues.
Just over a month ago I poured away my GBL, threw away my mxe, and vowed to "start living".... meaning dating, hobbies, and friends.
It'll probably come as no surprise that I went straight back to drinking. First to dull the GBL cravings, then just to get drunk. I HATE drinking - it makes me really pissed off and angry with myself, not to mention hungover all day at work and asleep all weekend.
That said - I did do better with seeing friends, went on a few dates with a few guys, and renewed my interest in some hobbies. But when I wasn't doing that - straight for the vodka.
My promise to myself was that I'd stay sober for 3 months (weekends and parties excluded) and if after that I still wanted to do drugs, I was allowed.
I've completely failed. After I started drinking again, I figured that might not be a bad thing since a drinking problem is something I know how to beat, from my previous experiences. Fail. I think I was just more determined last time.
A week ago I got drunk and got hold of more mxe. It's kept me off the booze this week and I've felt so much better for it. GBL is better though -- I'm more capable of getting stuff done. I'll likely get some of that again, after Christmas.
Then after a few months or weeks, I'll start feeling depressed about my drug use, throw it away and start it all over again.
Part of me wishes I'd never had fun drinking at uni, never had that first amazing pill, never had my meph summer of love.
Part of me thinks I'm judging myself by other people's standards - and that friends, hobbies and relationships are overrated.
And reading these posts - I really wonder if I have anything to whine about at all!
