• S E X
    L O V E +
    R E L A T I O N S H I P S


    ❤️ Welcome Guest! ❤️


    Posting Guidelines Bluelight Rules
  • SLR Moderators: Senior Staff

What's the deal with pursuing women like this?

D

Dre1990

Bluelighter
Joined
May 30, 2012
Messages
219
Location
I can see the Southern Cross but I cant see the Bi
It just dawned on me that a good percentage of the male population of where I live spend a hell of a LOT of money, time and energy going after women. They pay for expensive dates, right on the first date, and then continue paying for them over and over and over. Some give presents for girls they havent even kissed. There also a dumb "tradition" here that I think is so ridiculous: sending flowers to a girls work. I mean, if these guys were rich I would get it, but they're not, many really dont have means to waste money away like that.

I've never even considered doing this kind of stuff. Maybe that's why I havent had much success in this department but I dont care. This stuff is humiliation IMO.

What is worse is that so many of these guys end up getting used. The girls use them for a while and then dump them. They take the free gifts and stuff for a while then just dump the guy. Of course some are successful doing that but I think it is a minority.

Is there men here who do that? I dont mean to bash, personal freedom is everything to me. I want to know what is on the guys mind to get so hung up on a woman to do that.
 
That's truly sad. I wouldn't expect to be showered with gifts that way. I wouldn't use someone like that. If I'm not interested in someone, I tell him from the get-go. Where I'm at, guys don't do what you described. They don't care.
 
I'm curious where "here" is, and also what age range you are talking about.

I ask because what you are describing (at least on the male side) sounds very like stereotypically western courtship rituals, but from a while ago. This could mean (in my mind) very old (these were the rituals when they grew up), very young (these are the rituals they see on TV, the ones that are nicely set in stone and obvious), or from a culture that is somewhat new to western culture (think japan).

In any case, nothing you are describing is shocking or groundbreaking. Men are very often considered the "providers" for household, even in today's world where both people in a 2 adult family often work and where more women actually graduate college. Reasons for this are often tradition and basic utility (men still make more than women for the same work, although the gap has closed some). Because gifts are spurious and unnecessary, by extension if they can be bought, that money can go to spending on things the woman actually needs. So in that sense, the rituals make perfect sense.

In another sense, they make sense because gifts are a very real way of exhibiting interest, more concrete and certain than words or gestures. This goes again to the unnecessity of the gifts.

Finally, it should be noted that you make two assumption errors. One, you assume that most of these relationships end because the women split. This almost certainly isn't the case. Men will get tired of their love interests too.

Second, you seem to assume that other courtship rituals are more successful and less humiliating. Fact is, any time you are putting yourself out there, there is going to be some mixture of unsucess and humiliation. About the only totally successful courtship type is an arranged marriage, and that can often be very humiliating. On the other end of the spectrum, the only courtship ritual with little humiliation is one that doesn't exist, with the expected level of success.
 
the "here" is Brazil. The age range is from teenagers to guys in their 50s...but of course this is more prevalent with guys 20 yrs old or less...
I realize this is stereotypical western courtship rituals. I even favour the idea that men work and women stay home taking care of small kids.
I think is just that I'm not wired to go after women like this. I'm very laid back.
I've seen some guys getting f****d doing this.
I have a friend who had a girlfriend who was cheating on him with another girl. And then SHE left him. He started going after her and I remember one day he arranged a way of making a bunch of flowers reach her, right in front of the whole school so everybody knew it was him. And by the time this happened she was already blatantly hooking up with every guy and every girl she could get her hands on (including me...). And my friend was still after her, sending flowers and stuff.
It was so ridiculous. People still laugh at him because of that, years later.
If that happened to me I would be so ashamed.
 
Last edited:
i think this is unfortunate all around, so watch blaming the woman as "using" them. essentially this is trying to buy a woman as opposed to having any real substance or personality, no? they are trying to buy, and they don't get what they want. oh, evil manipulating women. how could they? i don't buy that the average man doing this is some bumbling idiot who thinks she is going to truly fall in love with him over some material goods, as opposed they think the woman will then feel a sense of obligation.
 
Yeah, see, that's never been my style, the whole paying for dinner, paying for drinks sort of thing. I'm not the most attractive guy in the world, and I'm not the funniest, wittiest, or most charming, but I'm good enough and dare I say... a little bit better than average, maybe?

So the girls know what it is right from the jump. They take me out, pay for my drinks, and take me back to their place... and nothing turns me on more than that, a girl who takes me out. ;)
 
see, dres comments about guys in their early 20's or younger mkes me think that thats where the real problem is....mny guys that age just arent that good at courtship rituals. thats why (well, one of the reasons anyways) that girls tend to go for older men...because they will do stuff like this and actually make them feel good as well as loved and appreciated
 
I'm guilty of doing such things. I think all men are guilty of doing it once or twice, come on...let's be honest.

I don't spend a lot of money on a girl I like, but I'll buy her food, or pay for her metro fare, maybe buy her a gift or two but nothing expensive. Maybe take her to the movies if she wants, but that's it really. I guess my outlook is, poorly, that if I spend money on her, make her feel good, she'll appreciate me and like me as a person.

In retrospect, it's clearly flawed thinking, but...I don't know, I can't help it sometimes.
 
i see nothing wrong with the guy paying for a lot of the things couples do... Might as well get used to it, if you marry them you`ll be signing your check over to them anyway. That`s when THEY pay for stuff...

Flowers, pick your own for them. It doesn`t cost anything and they appreciate them more.

If a chick is that materialistic and you aren`t made of money, move on. There are women out there that could give a shit about wining and dining.
 
I've seen that happen quite a bit as well. I think guys just do that to try and get the girls to date them. It often doesn't work. I'm not sure exactly what you're asking because you seem to understand that it doesn't work most of the time. It's just because a guy is really into a girl, wants to date her or sleep with her or whatever.
 
retro85.jpg


What else are you going to spend your money on? Men have been doing stupid shit to woo women since the caveman. Why else would you give up a vegetarian diet to try and kill a 10 ton mammoth with a small pointed stick? Some women are worth every penny. Men don't wage wars so they can build beautiful castles over looking spectacular vista's. We do it so a gorgeous women will be impressed, move in and wash, cook and fuck us.

On the flip side though most women lose their looks, their boobs sag and they become boring and superfluous to our needs. They are then dumped on the rubbish pile of life and left to fend for themselves while we go and look stupid for an younger, prettier model. What you lose on the swings you gain on the roundabouts....
 
Fuck that shit. Women can't have it both ways.. if they want better pay and to be treated as equals then why should the man pay for everything? A few little things now and then, but i'd expect them to do it for me too so we're balanced you know? Any woman that expects me to pay more than my fair share can kiss my ass and go find a derpy desperate rich guy to suck the wealth and life out of. My take on love and affection is the stuff that you DO for the person is what matters, and not the purchasing of stupid trinkets and toys to make them feel like a princess.
 
-=SS=- said:
Fuck that shit. Women can't have it both ways.. if they want better pay and to be treated as equals then why should the man pay for everything? A few little things now and then, but i'd expect them to do it for me too so we're balanced you know? Any woman that expects me to pay more than my fair share can kiss my ass and go find a derpy desperate rich guy to suck the wealth and life out of. My take on love and affection is the stuff that you DO for the person is what matters, and not the purchasing of stupid trinkets and toys to make them feel like a princess.
Click to expand...

Not all women are asking for it. If a guy is showering a girl with gifts, she could have rejected him already, said no to him, but he keeps trying. Women don't always expect to have it both ways!
 
I think the typical male pursuit tactics, usually found within rip-off nightclubs. Is merely to try and impress other males over actually being anything to do with a great desire for conquest. It is simple to just ensure you don't end up showering somebody with gifts without appearing stingy:
tumblr_lw6olr1TvP1qk4p2jo1_500.jpg


JUST SAY NO.
 
What I want is a man who will want me to give HIM gifts - because I'm so crazy about him - that's what makes me happy. Don't really care about the other stuff, but nothing wrong with buying some flowers now and then, for someone who really likes you. Don't really like Valentine's Day, or the concept that only one day a year should be devoted to that kind of thing. I like when it's more impulsive.
 
I feel bad for you guys working overtime just to get a little pussy...

There's no better feeling than going to a club, having a hot chick pay your cover, and then having her dump a wad of cash in your hand for you to go buy drinks with. Like a fuckin' boss...

Wait... no, there's a better feeling than that... having a chick pick you up in her whip, take you out to dinner, foot the bill, take you to her apartment, fuck your brains out, and then let you just lounge around the next afternoon.

The only thing that can top all these things is to become a stay-at-home dad (once you're a little older and feel like settling down), and that's my ultimate goal. :)
 
I don't mind dropping coin on a girl. But then again I have a job and I'm not very selfish.
 
Males of many species give gifts as part of the mating ritual, including some insects and birds:

"In some species of insects males transfer a gift to females during courtship or copulation. In the dance flies these nuptial gifts vary from nutritious prey items to inedible tokens such as a leaf, stone, or silk balloon. Nuptial gifts in dance flies are presumed to increase male mating success. We examined the strength and form of sexual selection on male Rhamphomyia sulcata, an empidid in which males provide females with a nutritious prey item as a nuptial gift. We found that whereas large males carried large gifts, neither large males nor gifts were targets of sexual selection. Indeed, correlational selection analysis and nonparametric examination of the fitness surfaces revealed that small males carrying small gifts were the most successful."

http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/j.0014-3820.2004.tb00459.x/abstract
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top