• Life Advice & Visual Arts Welcome Guest
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    🌌 Share Your Dreams! 🌌
    📸 15 Years of Photo Contests 📸
  • LAVA Moderator: Shinji Ikari

What's going on in your life?

Status
Not open for further replies.
Honestly not much is but I feel miserable. I know it’s just from drugs and I can’t wait until this time period passes. Every day it gets better but my personality is constantly coated with sarcasm and I’m just a weird girl right now. I hold nothing back when it comes to my opinion and a lot of things feel emotionless. It’s not all the time and it’s clear to me that I need to take care of myself. I’m annoyed, I’m sad etc. There are good things but I swear to you Ill coat it with meaningless blah so I’ll just say I can’t wait to feel like my happy self again. There are so many things in my life that pop up and remind me that things are good and I think next week Ill make fun of myself for being so miserable. The thing is is that I don’t or can’t hide it well. I’m at work and I told my coworkers how I feel. They helped laugh it up with me and all I really say is “yeah” and “I’m miserable” I remind myself of a sad, down and out man. I have to laugh. I swear if drugs can get me down they can get anyone down. Ah anyway- wish me some common sense so I can start thinking positive again. My friend Robert is in town so we’re going to the Yankee game and going to camping this weekend at Pismo Beach-. It will be nice to be away from all the partiers and try to clear my head up. Fresh air, relaxation and my friends scottish accent can only help nurse me back to normalcy.

I actually feel a little better now.
 
SONOGRAM TODAY !!!!!

Well, I had my doctor's appointment today, and got my sonogram! I couldn't wait until I have the baby to find out the sex...I am way too impatient! I will be glad to tell the Daddy when he can call again....
IT"S A BOY !!!
The sonogram pictures are GREAT! In one it is a side view of him, and he has his hand up like he is waving, I love it! There are like 7, so I am going to go get copies and send them right out to the dad! The doctor said he is all good ( I must admit I have been worried, worries are always in the back of my mind) Long arms, and fingers, and legs she said! The baby was moving around like crazy. It was so amazing to see it moving arund on the screen!
I ofcourse cried during my sonogram again!
I had a dream last night I named him Colin Vincent....So that is kinda sticking now! I want to discuss it more with Geoff when he calls again though!
Haven't heard from the Dad in 2 weeks now! I did however read on the USMC website that his unit is in Mosul, Iraq. So, who knows when I will be bale to hear from him again!
Today has been a great day!
Mom and I went shopping after my appointment. I couldn't wait any longer to get baby clothes! I got like 13 outfits/sleepers, some gowns, onesies, and blankets! I jsut couldn't help myself! I got myself a few shirts too that will fit this growing belly!
I am just in a GREAT mood today now!
I called Geoff's mom to let her know, helped to here her so excited since I can't talk to him!
I could go on and on about my day today!

=D :) =D :) =D :) =D :)

Happy belated birthday Mariposa !!!!!
Keep your hopes up sweetie, and I wish you the best of luck with deciding what you are going to do! Sounds like Matt is a great guy, so you definitely don't want to leave that!
Stress sucks, and is no good for anyone. I can tell though that you are a strong woman, and you can conquer the world when you need to! Best of lucK!
Sweetpea..I wish you your common sense to think positive! You can do it girl! Bring back that happy sweetpea we all have learned to like so much! A break does do good once in awhile! I think most all of us have been there! Best of luck finding yourself again!
Everyone else....Happy day, and I wish y'all the best!!!
 
I just lost my job 3 weeks ago. :( The company went out of business.

Anyway, I am now broke (living on my savings).

On the bright side though, I am about to be employed soon. :) Hope to start work mid-May.

Wish me luck!
 
You know, out of 21 pages, I've only posted in here once (I think...), guess it's about time.

Things look bad... they feel bad from time to time... but it's not all that terrible.

While I'm still "in the basement" of my best friend/brother... and now have my girlfriend here with me... we're both losing our minds over the stress... but something is on the rise, I know it. On the flip side of that, I've got a girlfriend! =) We're in love, and it's pretty fucking hardcore. :) And she's HERE, with me, not across town, not across the state or the country. Right here. Well, not right here, because she's at work... but ya know.

I'm still not working (it's been... oh, about 5 weeks), but I hope to change that by the end of the week. I've gone from waiting and wanting to live off of unemployment for a while... to "I'll take anything, I'll shovel shit", because we need money bad... money to move out of "the basement" and get to Richmond... speaking of which, it's time to log the fuck off and get something done today. :\
 
^^^awwww Dave!!! so what's all this vacation talk about?? ;) jk Congrats, glad to see you are in happy relationship!!


Sweetpea- i know exactly how you feel- it's all about who you surround yourself around, and sometimes it is hard to separate yourself from those people (the bad influences)in fear that you will be TOO lonely and bored.....

Miss Twitch- Congrats on your up and coming baby BOY!! How exciting...*sigh* makes me wanna have a boy- good thing the constant reminder that i'm practically unemployed and unwed keeps me away from those silly thoughts. ;););)

Chalk- although i don't know you, i'd love to hear what's going on w/ you.... that's what bl is here for- sometimes venting to complete strangers makes you feel better than if you had to vent face to face- you get it all off your chest- kinda like therapy- except in the privacy of your own home---so c'mon..what's up? :)

fengtau goodluck on your new job- glad to see someone is getting work! *sigh* one of thses days something will come along for me....


As for me- the moving to SD thing might be put on hold for awhile- my bf had 2 REALLY good job offers come thru- making 6 digits! woohoo! soooo, if he gets one of those we'll stay in orange county but probably move a little north. i might be able to find something better job wise a little more north... i'll know more int he next couple weeks- although i still long to move to sd- i've been going down and visiting more often now. i miss my freinds. :(
 
Last edited:
Eeeek.

I know what I want to do. I want to study psychology. This is the first subject that I have studied (and I have taken first year EVERYTHING) that I feel some passion towards. I used to make fun of friends that majored in psyc, thinking it was some artsy-fartsy cop out, but now realize that it is not. It is scientific and it is growing and I do have something to offer.

Now to break it to my mom that I have changed my mind again. I fund my own schooling so she can't be mad at me, but I know she worries about the fact that it will take me until I am 90 to get my bachelors. Ah well, I spent my teenage years getting in trouble, this part is a cakewalk...
 
Wow, it's been awhile since I posted in here!

What's going on.. my due date is exactly 5 weeks away today! I can hardly believe it. They won't let me go any more than 10 days overdue, so in 45 days at the very latest, I'll have my bubby here! Still struggling with the naming process - I love a lot of names but I can't find one that everyone likes, it's so frustrating. Our latest ideas are Gabrielle Cait and Abbey Claire. Who knows?

Michael, the fiance, is sensational, of course. He's the most wonderful person I've ever known (well, he and my Daddy equally).

Have been having hypnotherapy for the past 5 weeks for my anxiety and it DOES seem to be helping. I feel a lot happier and I'm sleeping better. Let's just hope that keeps up and I stay happy over the next few (VERY TRYING) months!
 
my life...
I just got my driving license, I'm writing my final exams and in two months I'll be leaving home to go live on the other side of the world. (scary) I'll have to start working, making new friends, being responsible and I'll miss my mum a lot! (Scary...)
On the other hand, after my exams are finished, I have a whole month of partying to do here with my friends, some of them whom I'll maybe never see again...
Growing up is (scary :(
 
Last edited:
For the sake of participation............

Grapeape. Thanks for your words but i dont really see how posting to a bunch of people i dont know can help me in anyway. Aside from the normal 'it'll be alright' 'give it time' 'get some excercise' theres not much that can be done to cheer me up. What going on in my life? Lots of everything, maybe too much. But at the same time nothing. A hollow shell filled with meaningless games in a world of ghosts. Games that boost you slightly one minute and then drop you the next, right onto the hard cold floor of reality. And im not talking about drugs. Thats a different game altogether.

Lets just say if i was playing chess i'd be 15 pieces down and my king would be surrounded by the entire fighting force of the world, all pointing their knives at him and mubbling vicious incanations under their breaths.

There ya go.

Cheers anyway.
 
...the normal bad stuff.... then finally.... something good! :D

last week after I left uni the week before because I had enough work to support me until I found a real job, the company giving me the contract and job filed for bankruptcy. I was most of the way thru the contract, which was to be paid only completion. Suddenly it wasn't worth a sent. Didn't have any money, no fuel, rent was overdue... even had to drive over to my folks twice to borrow money for food.

Then early this week I got an awesome job. Doing what I was going to uni to do. For quite a bit more money than the average first year earnings of uni leavers for my course. :D

sweet :D
 
Last edited:
Just when I thought things were getting better. I should have known it wouldn't things don't usually. Let's just say family problems are getting extreme. It's a lot of stress I didn't need right now. I'm trying to stay happy and stress free for my baby but it isn't working to well. I just try and ignore it and keep thinking in four months Ill have someone to give all my love to and the rest won't matter anymore.

It's a boy!! I found out on tuesday. They changed my due date to September 8th. So I am now due the day before you MissTwitch :) Imagine were both even having boys and due a day apart. We are way too alike. As for a name I am having some trouble. The name I wanted doesn't really sound good with my last name so I may have to reconsider. I get more excited, and scared by the day. He kicks like 8 hours a day, he's a very active little guy. The father of course hasn't even called to check on things or offer any help in buying all the expensive things in getting ready for the little one. You would think the guy would at least call and make sure everythings ok with the baby or maybe ask what it is. I'll never understand it I guess.

Everyday more things remind me of how it's just me and my little guy. I know I have enough love to make up for the people he won't have in his life. But it's saddening to think of how I can begin to explain to my baby that his daddy isn't around and why. It's not like I can say because the guy sucks and he can't even grow up and give some love to his own son.

Blah, talking about shit makes it more depressing... I have 2 good things in my life first is my little baby only four months and he will here! And my job. Everything else just sucks. I try so hard everyday to not let the other things get me down. But sometimes that is an unatainable goal.

As for those of you who sound as if your doing well I couldn't be more happy for you :) I can't be around a lot now to keep up with things. The first thing I do when I do get online is come here and see how you all are!!! Take care everyone.

For those of you who are having trouble, things have to get better sometime. Which is what I tell myself everyday. I now have a little boy growing inside of me to give me some inspiration to try and stay happy. I wish you all the best of luck in finding somehting that can help do the same for you. I know I was happy at one point in my life and I am determined to reach that point again. Your all great people and you will do the same!

~LP
 
Happy Days

Im just after getting out of a really bad spell. for the first 4 and a half months of the year i was completly wasted, most of my time was spent lying on the couch and my energy levels were low, i was good for a while before Christmas and then i got sacked from work (shit job anyway). I was quite good before and only went mental at the weekends but after Christmas i found myself bored and had no interest in anything. That said i had some good times since then but they were few and far between. The amount of videos i have watched in the past while has got to be a world record....Two weeks ago i got up and decided to go for a walk, this was possibly the best decision ive ever made. I went to a doctors in the city and saw for myself the damage i had been doing. I went to the bank and applied for a loan and if this comes through i'll go to London for the summer months. If it doesnt i'll get an easy job and take a break there myself. The last two weeks were torture but ive got my shit together somewhat and i have been detoxing. Im gonna move in with my sister back in Ireland for a bit-just to get away from the scene and then hopefully London. Gotta put on a few lbs before i see my family again( the shame) and right now im thinking of making music again. Hope anyone who is good stays good and if things are bad i hope they get better........There was a little drawing of a heart next to that followed by an exclamation mark!...best wishes
 
Still confused

I'm trying to be hopeful, but it's getting increasingly difficult.

My family is pressuring me to move to California to finish school out there. My father thinks my current job and group of friends are holding me back from reaching my full potential. He's right about the job and somewhat right about the friends. The funny part is it has nothing to do with drugs, but rather putting the needs and desires of others ahead of my own.

I feel a strong need to be around my family, but at the same time I feel as though I would be leaving someone amazing behind. Things aren't perfect, they never are, but it's wonderful to love and be loved in return. Incredible guys like my bf don't come along every day. However, in the end I will be miserable if I am not true to myself and if I do not put my own needs first. I just need to be honest with myself, and others, about what those needs are. I have such a tendency to internalize and eventually it all just blows up inside me.

I have decided that I absolutely refuse to let my poor attitude toward my job affect my future plans. Whether it's here, Cali or Timbuktu, it is my destiny to become an attorney and I can't let my boss get to me like I do. If I end up leaving Florida I am giving my notice in the next 2 weeks. If I decide to stay, I am immediately looking for a new job. The classifieds did not turn up too much, but good legal help is hard to find.

So many people will be unhappy if I leave. Yet I am increasingly coming to the conclusion that I will be miserable if I stay, and I need to remain true to myself.

The only good thing that happened this week is I became a mod. :D

Those of you who are doing well... I am so happy for you! As for the rest of us, let's hope it gets better soon.

:)
 
This belly seems to get bigger and bigger! My belly button is almost flat, It looks so funny. I have also discovered taht I have reached the point where looking straight down...I could see my feet, but today I realized I now can't!
Today, we moved into a new house. My parents bought a new house so that there was more room for me and the baby when it comes! I woke up at 4 this am 8o and my parents were already awake packing shit up. So I stayed up, now being 11, and I am so going to regret this tomorrow. We feet are so sore, and swollen. My hips, and back feel like they are broken...but we got almost everything moved! I love my new room...seems as it is my only personal space living back with the rents :\
My boyfriend called me the other day...he was in Greece, and on his way to Vennice. If I only had a passport, I would have been joining him there for 5 days! They were letting the guys fly in wives for 70$, and they were gonna let him fly me in also! I really wish I could have gone. I cannot even explain how much I wish he could be around to go through this amazing thing I am going through right now. Just for him to see me all pregnant. My belly has gotten so much bigger in the past 2 months that he has been gone. I wasn't even really showing when he left!
Maybe I am just dumb, and worry to much, but I hate not hearing from him when he says he is going to call. I know things come up, and he is not on a vacation, and just doing what he wants. But, I worry too much lately. I am so afraid that he is going to decide that he doesn't want me or this baby. I am really afraid of being hurt, and I am jsut worried that once again in my life, I am setting myself up for a complete let down. It seems to happen so often in my life. The 40 minute drive from our old house to here...I made 4 trips today....and cried over this and missing him, every time :( I miss him so damn much!
I am really in a way starting to hate being back here. I have like one friend I keep in touch with really. The rest it is better I stay away from. They are being watched, major investigation. I have been told there is pictures out there, and I am not sure if I am in them due to the fact they were taken before when I was always with them all (so very good chance). I don't need that shit anymore! I ahev cut my ties from them all, except Sara...but she straightened her shit out. I am really proud of her! I really didn't see it happening.
I just really miss having someone around that I can talk to about everything. LP is really the only one I will discuss everything with, but she is 800 miles away. I miss my friend really, alot! I just need someone around that I have to just...hang out with (besides my parents).
My real father...well, I am a bit frustrated with him. I really appreciate that his wife, and my sister in NY are having me an online baby shower so I can get stuff down here from people back home. Though my father said he would help pay for gas for me to come home, I cannot go 3 hours without having my head in the toilet still, let alone drive 800 miles! I guess, I am just really sick of him always saying he will help me to come home and visit, and then going back on his word. I guess he doens't wanna help me get home at all anymore...surprise surprise! Not like he can afford it :p Just like he can't afford that new custom made Harley. I don't mean to sound selfish, but I jsut thought he might like to see his daughter that he hasn't seen but maybe 5 times in 6 years! I don't know why I even let stuff with him bother me, nothing has ever changed! 8)
Oh well, I have a GREAT family here, and I am so grateful for that!
I am still going mad crazy trying to find a job...everyone just looks at me like yeah right though. Go figure, 5 months pregnant, no one wants to hire me! I am going to loose my mind! I jsut sent 3 more applications out though...hopefully I will here something soon!
Well, It is late, and I am exhausted!
To all that are well...I am happy for you! Those that are not...keep your chins up!
 
Well the fiancee should be coming to the US around the middle of July. He got his paperwork from the INS and then from his own consulate. He won't get here until about 2 months before the wedding so I have to do all the work on it (which is NO problem - I love doing this type of stuff). The wedding will be September 6th, 2003. I found a beautiful (and cheap) old mansion that they rent out. It's currently an Audubon center sitting on 62 acres of forest, so I can even write off the payment for the rental as charity on my taxes for next year. The only down side is I have to keep the wedding under 50 people (including the minister, my fiancee and myself). That will be hard since I have a big family (11 aunts and uncles on BOTH sides of the family, and a billion cousins). Then, I was really worried about finding a great wedding dress. I saw one that was exactly what I was looking for on ebay but my stupid computer froze up in the last couple minutes of the bidding and I lost out on it! I was so crushed. Luckily the woman that sold the dress gets lots in and within two days of losing the other one another more beautiful one came in. I did win it, but ended up spending more than I had hoped to. But it is a never been worn, Demetrious gown that originally sold for $2,900. I ended up paying $635 for it, so I'm still happy. It's a ballgown style dress with beading all on the upper half, long sleeve (but the sleeves are just lace with beading on it), and it has a cathedral train on the back. I love it! The hardest part will be booking the entertainment and caterer. I want a sit down dinner and it looks like it's going to get expensive. There's still so much to do and not really that much time (because all these things book up months in advance). I hope I have enough time to get everything done.
 
...right now...well I'm kind of freaking out. My daddy was taken to the ER again because of his heart :(. This is his 4th time. Last time, the doctor said "next time is not going to be good"
:(
 
Been back at a full-time job for 2 months already, my work review is coming up and hopefully I'll get the promotion for assistant manager (pay increase which will help a lot). Other things, have got over some difficult things and now back on track hopefully.

:)
 
I just arrived here in Santa Cruz, California. Moved here to live w/ my dad and get one of those "new lease on life" thingies. Its workin pretty well for me so far. Exercising helps me to stay 'on top of things' mentally, and I am just trying to keep focus (which is why I quit most drugs, save alcohol and coffee). It feels pretty good. I tried explaining that, but a few of you guys really got upset and started accusing me of generalising 'all drug users' like I am now magically superior to you guys. I don't quite understand that, but its your dumb-ass loss, not mine. Don't take everything that everyone says as a personal offense guys! And I'll probably come out of retirement at some point in my life, but only when I think my lifestyle won't suffer dramatically. Ya' know "use the drugs, don't abuse 'em." Well that's what's goin on in my life.

Oh P.S.- I'm currently on the market to any ladies in the area
*wink wink, nudge nudge*%)
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top