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What would you do if you were attracted to minors?

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Altered Perception said:
Research has shown that pedophiles have a detectable biological differnece in brain matter just like homosexuality so I don't think people become pedophiles from childhood distress, I think thats just an excuse society tries to make to avoid accepting god would create something like this and to shift the blame on the person with this attraction.
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I simply don't believe this to be valid.

What I mean is people's brain chemistries change when they do drugs, or go through traumatic experiences - their brains literally become rewired.

Paedophilia is a result of childhood-teenage conditioning.

Sorry for not contributing anything useful OP...pretty tricky situation. Power to you for having not acted on it, all I can recommend is cognitive psychotherapy, and relying on your closest friends.
 
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I want to know what you guys would do in my situation
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Well, I'm pretty sure sooner or later an opportunity will come where you can act on this urge and you will just justify it in some way. This is how these things always play themselves.

Seriously think about psychedelic therapy. It will help you to get to the core issue of your attraction to boys, then help you to leave it behind you and move on with your life. It might take several sessions but I'm sure your yearning for young boys will be gone.
 
Tormented said:
Dear Moderators,

I had no intention of replying back but a lot of questions were asked so please merge my response with my following topic found at:

http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/showthread.php?t=548778

_________________________________________________________________________


Thank you to everyone for showing me tolerance, I was relieved to see there are open minded and compassionate members of society, I had not expected this and I could sure use friends like you guys in real life but it’s unfortunate that I don’t feel safe exploring that possibility. Thank you for also putting yourselves in my shoes and answering the question honestly.

Some people here still seem to be stuck on the idea that everyone with an attraction to minors faces the urge of sex, is that what the heterosexual and homosexual world struggle with constantly?

Sex is so over rated and insignificant, I don’t understand the motivation behind child molesters and rapist, why would anyone take the risk of engaging in a sexual offense when negatives out weight the positives of it, especially when sex only lasts for a few minutes? It seems absurd and illogical putting yourself and the child involved at risk for a few minutes of pleasure, after the sex is over then what? Will I be cured, will I be eternally satisfied? Is it such a life changing revelation that I must risk everything to experience it?

My point is sex is pointless, if I get a sexual urge I take care of it by myself, I don’t need anyone for that purpose and I sure don’t need anyone who is too young for sex to be involved in my few minutes of self-gratification. If i had sex with a minor that would create more problems for me then resolutions, I would feel even worse about myself, I would feel like a monster with no self-control. It would create pain, abuse and distress for the child involved, why would anyone who loves kids and is attracted to them cause them such grief and jeopardize their well being ? I love boys so much I would never want to see them harmed emotionally or physically. I have self-respect, compassion and dignity why would I abandon those for a few minutes of pleasure which I could achieve by myself masturbating anyways.

So can we please stop already assuming that all pedophiles obsess about experiencing a few minutes of insignificant sexual pleasure? I think it’s you guys who obsess about sex. Love and attraction is much more than just sex, I can live without someone else getting me off but it’s hard to live isolated, lonely and without a companionship.

Sure if this was an alternative reality where kids were able to consent to sex with full awareness with the same intellect as adults and if it wasn’t illegal, immoral, sinful or harmful to the person involved then I may have considered sexual interaction but even then it wouldn’t have been on the top of my agenda because I don’t view sex as a priority that needs to be shared with someone else, it doesn’t take two to experience an orgasm but it takes two to experience love.

I am here acknowledging the years of emptiness and loneliness this fate has created for me so why is it that is even considered as obsessing? What am I obsessing about? Am I a robot? Should I just shut up and live out my life ignoring my senses screaming out that something is missing. The emptiness I feel doesn’t even have the face of a child, its just a missing piece of the puzzle from my heart, I feel the constant emptiness but only when I try to fill it and inspect its shape I realize the missing puzzle piece for me is a boy, for you it may have different shape but the gap it leaves feels the same for everyone.

I just live by myself day after day after day, years go past and the emptiness doesn’t get any better and the hurt gets worse, I don’t think or obsess about it, I just FEEL it with all of its painful glory, the same way you guys have felt when you have been alone in your life for extended periods, except mine is a lifelong.

Then I see the face of a beautiful handsome young man walking past and suddenly my heart ignites and his beauty hurts me so badly tears fill my eyes, I feel like I want to be near him sitting there staring at his flawless face all day long just listening to him talk. I want to interact with him but not necessarily in a sexual way, I want to hang out, partake in activities watch movies, play video games, enjoy the world and spoil him, entertain him. Young teenagers are a reflection of how I childlike I still feel. To me young teenagers are an example of flawlessness and human perfection, they are like an anima character with their big bright eyes and fresh expressions, their skins seems perfect without wrinkles, blemishes and little to non- body hair, their thin, slender athletic structure and agility has a youthful appeal I can’t see this in adults, no matter how hard I try, to me adults seem old, hairy, smelly, like piece of fruit starting to go soft, the thought of being intimately touched by an adult disgusts me. I can acknowledge when an adult looks handsome or pretty but even then I just feel like I am looking at a nice beautiful car or painting but no more than that. I don’t even have to think about it when I see a handsome boy, the feeling I get is immediate, it’s like OMFG!! it takes away my breath and shakes my world, but it also his beauty hurts me like hell.

I don’t just find all boys attractive either, people seem to think pedophile like all children; hell no! that is not the case with me. I am extremely selective, I once went to a baseball game where it seemed there were thousands of boys around and the entire time I was there I only saw about 7 or so boys that I felt an attraction to amongst the thousands, as for all the others if in a hypothetical situation they came up to me and started talking to me I would probably find an excuse to walk away from them due to any lack of interest. If i wasn’t interested in the least not even to socialize with the type of boys outside of my attraction then I don’t think I have chance in hell with adults who I have absolutely no attraction to. I find adults much appealing as a gay man may find a woman appealing.

It’s like when people become adults they lose something which I don’t seem to have lost yet. I love that younger boys are so fun loving and share the same views, hobbies, activities, clothing, music, and choice of entertainment I do in life. I don’t have any insecurities talking to adults as questioned earlier and I don’t think of myself as dominant and attracted to kids because of that or they are innocent. It’s just a particular look that sets me off, boys with bright blue eyes and blond hair with perfectly symmetrical faces with everything in what seems like perfect proportion, I am just attracted to perfection, cuteness, anima like cool characters and those puppy dog faces. Anything beyond that such skater boys, hip clothing, cool hairstyles and the attitude just reinforces my attraction even more.

You don’t just develop this sort of an attraction form a childhood trauma as questioned earlier, I had a great childhood, I was never abused or mistreated, I find it odd that people would assume trauma could result in misguided love. Is love and attraction so trivial ? to me it seems much more complex and biological like some sort of random chemical reaction that sets of in the brain when you see the one.

I know love is much more then something superficial but I had I been homosexual or heterosexual I would have still believed in the importance of a physical attraction as a foundation to try and discover inner beauty or other compatibilities. In a hypothetical situation i could not love an ugly boy with a great personality as much as I could not love a stunningly handsome boy with a horrible personality. The balance is the perfect combo. Not that I am ever going to be in relationship but I am just giving insight as to what makes me tick. My situation is a conundrum an absolute paradox that has me in hole unable to ever get out.

A psychologist may help but I am afraid to see one, the whole meeting could very quickly turn ugly if I happen to meet one that didn’t share my views and assumed he could change my sexuality this through cognitive therapy which is just a bunch of nonsense, or yet if he assumed I was sexually abused as child and that it effected my mental health or if he assumed I was a threat or became annoyed with me for disagreeing with his views and reported back to my referring doctor explaining the situation. So many things could go wrong here. So I will not see a psychologist.

I’ve had bad experiences with shrinks in the past when I consulted them for various reasons other than the pedophile thing which I am so glad I never mentioned to them. All the shrinks I’ve seen have mental problem themselves, for real! I even reported done that became aggressive towards me when I didn’t t agree with his views and then to defend himself against my official complaint he made up a bunch of lies saying I was there for drugs when that was never the case. I don’t trust any of those wackjobs.

I understand society’s hatred of me because I share similar vies towards adults who are attracted to young girls, I know this makes me hypocrite but it disgusts me that an adult could be attracted to young girls who seem so fragile, innocent and vulnerable. I feel like at least with boys they are a lot stronger, dominant, cheeky and assertive then girls at the same younger age but I know my reasoning is flawed because any attraction is just as wrong. Then there are the pedophiles who are attracted to toddlers and babies which make me feel utterly sick because infants have absolutely no defense, but I have to keep reminding myself I am no better and if I want tolerance from society then I also need to tolerate others even if I feel their attraction is worse than mine, unless of course they are the offending, molesting type then I believe they should just be hanged. This whole thing is such a conundrum, its like maze with every direction coming to a dead end. What an absolute fucking mess and I’m in, some days I can’t believe this has happened to me, it’s like I’m watching someone else’s life unravel.

I appreciate if you have read this far and the details I have gone into is to avoid having to further reply to questions that may arise. So please I hope you can understand I will only be reading what you guys say but I won’t be replying anymore. Thanks.
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I respect you.
 
Unfortunately most paedo's do not share this persons way of thinking. How many times have we heard about internet child porn rings involving paedos from all over the swapping pictures, movies etc of themselves or others abusing kids. Too often I think. If this person is true to his word then that really is commendable and an astonishing feat , it would not be easy for anyone to live so isolated and with absolutely no physical contact of the variety they crave.
 
I read the second reply, all I can say is your situation really sucks. I was going to suggest maybe one day you could meet someone of age who just happened to be very young looking but you said you are against that and the idea of adults disgust you. I don't know man, I've seen some very beautiful and young looking grown men with all the features you've said you like... but if you aren't open to that possibility I don't know what to say....

I feel how you do about therapists and don't blame you for your position. Honestly if it were me I'd probably devote my life to spirituality of some sort (whether that be religion, meditation, writing, art, whatever) and try and live without the rest. I know that isn't much of a helpful answer but the question was, what would we do and that is what I would do.
 
OP you sound very similar to myself minus the sexual component toward children. I also love children and want to protect them and feed them and nurture them...teach them how to live and how to 'be' in the world. I want children someday much like you want children someday (minus sexual component again).

Did you ever wonder whether or not your attraction to children is some confused coming of age impulse to have children (ie be a FATHER not a LOVER). You sound like you could be a great father someday if you could work out your sexuality.
 
I don't see how this person's situation is any different than a person who wishes to sleep with a 40 foot tall woman, or a person who wishes they were a fox. Its part of your fantasy life. Deal with it. Do what you need to do to be sexually gratified without harming anybody.

Sex is so over rated and insignificant, I don’t understand the motivation behind child molesters and rapist, why would anyone take the risk of engaging in a sexual offense when negatives out weight the positives of it, especially when sex only lasts for a few minutes?
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Says the person with the shitty sex life. Stop throwing a pity party for yourself, accept that you have desires that you can't act upon (just like everybody else, btw), and move on.
 
I don't think it is just his desire for sex. It is his desire for companionship he can't work out because of this... How could one pick a mate if the ones they are attracted to are off limits?
 
You settle. Do you think ugly people with no personality are ravenously attracted to other ugly people with no personality? The only reason this is different is OP self-flagellates about having unacceptable desires rather than putting himself out there and meeting actual people who have personalities, agency, and the ability to judge for themselves whether or not he is desirable-- things I'm confident his idealized vision of pubescent boys don't do.
 
Matsuo Munefusa. said:
OP you sound very similar to myself minus the sexual component toward children. I also love children and want to protect them and feed them and nurture them...teach them how to live and how to 'be' in the world. I want children someday much like you want children someday (minus sexual component again).

Did you ever wonder whether or not your attraction to children is some confused coming of age impulse to have children (ie be a FATHER not a LOVER). You sound like you could be a great father someday if you could work out your sexuality.
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this sounds crazy.
I find it hard to believe you can get those 2 different types of love mixed up.

I think Pander is right. You settle. There have been others in your shoes who have done it.
You can continue desiring young boys and fantasizing while having sex with an adult.
 
I just read your second post OP, and I respect you as well.

It sounds like you are in love with a certain time in your own life, when you were 11-16. You still feel like a young teenager, you have not moved on from those times in a strong emotional sense whereas others have. I can relate to this somewhat as I often long for a certain period of my life, the next bit in fact, from 16-19. It was a special time in my life, full of alcohol and drugs (sans hangover/comedown), with no responsibilities, great friends and at age 16 I fell in love for the first time with a truly wonderful girl (now, 9 years later, she is my fiance). In a special kind of way I feel that teenagers have life sussed better than older people, and that people get more lost and jaded as they get older. But now, at age 25, whilst I am still very much in touch with my late adolescent self, I am beginning to feel more like an adult. Perhaps one day you will feel more like an adult and when you do these feelings will cease.

In many ways it sounds as though your fantasy is stronger than anything reality could ever muster. The way you describe your attraction reminds me of when you have a 'crush' on somebody. If you actually got to know a boy very well I'm not sure you would still entertain the idea of having a relationship with him, as you may be able to relate to him much less than you think. I'm just thinking out loud here but I wonder if you might be able to relate better to someone who is an adult but feels young or even someone who is in a similar situation to you in terms of their sexuality. Maybe you will not feel attracted to such a person physically but if there is an emotional connection the other could follow. I don't think elderly couples would be attracted to each other physically if not for the fact that they are emotionally entwined.

I would suggest that you tried something like MDMA assisted psychotherapy to explore your feelings and understand where they might originate from. It may well be that you are stuck with feeling this way for life, but you never know until you've really looked into yourself and gotten to know yourself. If nothing else it must be worth a try and should be enlightening even if ultimately it does not solve anything.

Good luck and don't give up on life. The odds are stacked against you but you will respect yourself if you fight them and strive for happiness regardless. It takes a brave man to do this and this you are.
 
where does settling get you? as unhappy as everyone else who settles.

this thread should be closed imo. none of us are qualified to tell this guy anything. seek professional help, but don't listen to anybody but yourself when it comes down to it.
 
If you read psoodonyms post you see its not that weird at all.
And wrong is subjective.
But how could this man be wrong. What is he doing wrong? IMO he is handling his situation the right way by not acting on urges and accepting societies norm. The only thiong i would do different if i were him is i would find an adult partner to not be so lonely.

And IMO some teenage girls look damn hot. Once they have tits and ass its hard to ignore.
Ofcourse i wouldnt have sex with anyone underage because the consequences are not worth it, but that doesnt take away the fact that theyre attractive.
 
I dont think he should go against his grain to meet adults. If he did that the chances are he may meet a women who wants to settle down and have kids and having children of your own for someone in his situation could mess with his head even more. Not suggesting he would abuse his kids cause for majority of us there is a safety triger that prevents us lusting over our siblings, family and blood relatives but still it may make him feel uneasy.

I agree with Kam Moye I think the op can continue to be equally unhappy without just "settling".

uTranceMe said:
Unfortunately most paedo's do not share this persons way of thinking. How many times have we heard about internet child porn rings involving paedos from all over the swapping pictures, movies etc of themselves or others abusing kids. Too often I think.
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Of course you only hear about the offending types on the news, what did you expect ?...In todays breaking news we have uncovered a pedophile whos been at home alone for the majority of his life and chooses not to act on his feeling, so ye... umm...we just wanted to let you know folks...now on to the weather"
 
At least he has the decency to ruminate over it. The NAMBLA types celebrate it, the ruination of young lives for THEIR pleasure. I have a daughter in college now but after my divorce (she was two) I kept tabs, through the sexual registries and via certain friends I had in law enforcement in the DC area on the records of every guy my ex-wife dated long enough for me to meet him. Only thing I was worried over was a bad guy with a record of domestic or sexual violence towards kids. She knew it at the time but never griped. She never dated a guy that was an offender and eventually met a pretty good guy and had more kids. But a lot of child molesters date women with kids for that reason, so I worried. I have zero tolerance. I'm silly that way.

OP should keep in mind however, kids tend to grow up. And remember. And return. When they do, boy are they pissed. They also have parents that upon discovery of a deed against their children might stop in for a visit to say hello. There are so many ramifications to damaging children that I would hope that people with these sorts of proclivities would realize the end result isn't their pleasure, it's the ruination of lives and sometimes their own. If you're gay, go be gay. If you're straight, be straight. Do it with adults. But leave the kids out of it. They have ENOUGH fucked-up stuff adults impose on them as it is and they're entitled to deal with that without some guy's mis-behavin' dick getting in the way.
 
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