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SLR Moderators: Senior Staff
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One facet of this problem that no one has yet mentioned is the fact that you play the role of normal hetero sexual guy yet are attracted to young boys. Perhaps you haven't any significant romantic relationships in your life, so you don't know (or naturally feel reluctant ) to get into a 'real' one, but maybe you should could comes to terms with homosexuality and maybe from there, you'd be surprised that you could find an [adult] man that you can have a relationship from.
I think it would be very difficult to change your particular sexual triggers, but it is important to see the difference between those and the full emotional need of having a human relationship. Have you thought that perhaps that you are obsessing over young males (which are basically out-of-reach) as a sort of safety mechanism for yourself to avoid the truth: which is you have a terrible fear of having any intimacy with an adult? I'm not saying this because I think it is certainly true; just a possibility, to throw out there. I know that our own minds can trick us; sometimes some fears and problems we construct ourselves to protect ourselves, or so that we don't have to deal with the actual issues, which can be even more frightening.
It also might not be a bad idea to take a high dose of psychedelics by yourself and face your demons. Perhaps I'm a freak; but I think getting a chemical castration or taking hormones is an absolutely disgusting idea. Everyone is capable of healing and/or rearranging their own minds; psychological drugs just mask the problems, not cure anything, and are mostly pushed because they generate tremendous profits.
I think it would be very difficult to change your particular sexual triggers, but it is important to see the difference between those and the full emotional need of having a human relationship. Have you thought that perhaps that you are obsessing over young males (which are basically out-of-reach) as a sort of safety mechanism for yourself to avoid the truth: which is you have a terrible fear of having any intimacy with an adult? I'm not saying this because I think it is certainly true; just a possibility, to throw out there. I know that our own minds can trick us; sometimes some fears and problems we construct ourselves to protect ourselves, or so that we don't have to deal with the actual issues, which can be even more frightening.
It also might not be a bad idea to take a high dose of psychedelics by yourself and face your demons. Perhaps I'm a freak; but I think getting a chemical castration or taking hormones is an absolutely disgusting idea. Everyone is capable of healing and/or rearranging their own minds; psychological drugs just mask the problems, not cure anything, and are mostly pushed because they generate tremendous profits.
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Altered Perception
Bluelighter
I doubt that is the case, the op claims his attraction to minors began during puberty. The op never claimed he was heterosexual, most heterosexuals are attracted to not only their peers but also adults, I know I was fantasizing about tits and women during puberty, not girls. So I dunno where you go the idea he was a heterosexual who was attracted to adults and avoiding it due to intimacy issues. Love and attraction is a pretty clear cut emotion.
Jblazingphoenix100
Ex-Bluelighter
kill myself.
THere's no way if I was in that situation I could deal with the guilt (or savage beatings and inevitable stabbings in prison) if I had a slip up...temptation would be too much I can tell, I'd have to become a hermit...where's the fun in that life?
THere's no way if I was in that situation I could deal with the guilt (or savage beatings and inevitable stabbings in prison) if I had a slip up...temptation would be too much I can tell, I'd have to become a hermit...where's the fun in that life?
panic in paradise
Bluelighter
it seems usually this is a way to try and control the same tragedy that occurred before.
or a distorted disturbing view implanted, with the feeling it must be reinacted to justify.
or a distorted disturbing view implanted, with the feeling it must be reinacted to justify.
Don Quixote
Bluelighter
I agree with Matsuo, that on a site where harm minimization is held as the keystone yet we've got people (sex irrelevant) suggesting chemical castration so easily, even when the OP made it explicit that they did not wish for this to happen.
It sickens me. People scream and moan about the death penalty, they scream and moan about sewing the vagina up, or removing the clitorus in women as an infringement on human rights, but as soon as a rather taboo subject as this comes up it's more than OK to suggest a person mutilate their body WHEN THEY DO NOT WISH TO.
I've got no problems with trannies, i find them attractive. I've got no problem with people committing suicide or dismembering themselves, it's their choice, but really...
REALLY!?
you think this solves the problem? Just like all the brainfucked idiots in my country that think putting a filter on the internet will stop innapropriate pictures of minors being taken and disseminated, or paedophilia at large.
Fuck it, why don't we string OP up by his tongue, lop off his arms and legs, testicles and penis and sew his mouth shut?
That way he can never harm anyone again and everyone's happy, right?
/response to fucking idiocy.
To OP: sorry, i really don't have too much constructive advice for you either. I'd suggest a psychologist, or distancing yourself from the youth as much as possible, though this is very difficult i'm sure. At the end of the day, what you choose to do is your decision, but I vehemently suggest you only consider the more extreme solutions (measures) as a LAST resort.
It sickens me. People scream and moan about the death penalty, they scream and moan about sewing the vagina up, or removing the clitorus in women as an infringement on human rights, but as soon as a rather taboo subject as this comes up it's more than OK to suggest a person mutilate their body WHEN THEY DO NOT WISH TO.
I've got no problems with trannies, i find them attractive. I've got no problem with people committing suicide or dismembering themselves, it's their choice, but really...
REALLY!?
you think this solves the problem? Just like all the brainfucked idiots in my country that think putting a filter on the internet will stop innapropriate pictures of minors being taken and disseminated, or paedophilia at large.
Fuck it, why don't we string OP up by his tongue, lop off his arms and legs, testicles and penis and sew his mouth shut?
That way he can never harm anyone again and everyone's happy, right?
/response to fucking idiocy.
To OP: sorry, i really don't have too much constructive advice for you either. I'd suggest a psychologist, or distancing yourself from the youth as much as possible, though this is very difficult i'm sure. At the end of the day, what you choose to do is your decision, but I vehemently suggest you only consider the more extreme solutions (measures) as a LAST resort.
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fizzle
Bluelight Crew
^I dont really understand how chemical castration is mutilation or comparable at all to the other examples you give... those are done unwillingly on small children. This would be done by a consenting adult who made the decision himself.
panic in paradise
Bluelighter
chemical castration should be a last resort, or a resort for habitual offenders.
there are distinguishable patterns with the mind-set, and a crime evolution.
normally, after being caught once or twice, its seen as easier to destroy what they feel is the evidence.
this burning inside him isnt going to disappear so easily, it will manifest as something else i believe, its a sickness of the soul and it has to be confronted and purged at the core, before any other measures could be truly affective and productive.
like someone wanting to have a sex-change done, or assisted suicide, they should have to go through a good year of psychoanalysis&therapy, or have several similar diagnosis&prognosis before it should be allowed to happen.
i mean, he could have a kid in his fridge for all i know,,, but the want/need&try for change should be allowed in a serious plea for help, not a permanent physiological alteration...
x2 for someone with no relative criminal history.
ive sat in jail for different stretches different times with 'chesters', and some of them are violent and wishing, wanting, just goddamn daydreaming about the shit.
this one guy was 19y/o, with a 99 year sentence, no argument this funik guy needed to be castrated, some how.
but his passion was this, at any cost.
the OP, has a much different feel/view about him compared to some of the sick-demented-pedos ive met and shared close quarters with for months...
seek a damn good, open psych, theyve heard it all, in many forms,,, what can be more important...?
help prevent the pain and torment that is others everyday, help yourself while youre at it. if you feel you can not control this, do what has to be done, and learn to accept and find peace there. reach out to others who would rather selfishly cause such pain, carry out such impulses.
anyone who understood would be enamored by the strength to confront and tackle such odds, if they didnt understand - let this go as well - and continue to practice harm-reduction at its most intense...
there are distinguishable patterns with the mind-set, and a crime evolution.
normally, after being caught once or twice, its seen as easier to destroy what they feel is the evidence.
this burning inside him isnt going to disappear so easily, it will manifest as something else i believe, its a sickness of the soul and it has to be confronted and purged at the core, before any other measures could be truly affective and productive.
like someone wanting to have a sex-change done, or assisted suicide, they should have to go through a good year of psychoanalysis&therapy, or have several similar diagnosis&prognosis before it should be allowed to happen.
i mean, he could have a kid in his fridge for all i know,,, but the want/need&try for change should be allowed in a serious plea for help, not a permanent physiological alteration...
x2 for someone with no relative criminal history.
ive sat in jail for different stretches different times with 'chesters', and some of them are violent and wishing, wanting, just goddamn daydreaming about the shit.
this one guy was 19y/o, with a 99 year sentence, no argument this funik guy needed to be castrated, some how.
but his passion was this, at any cost.
the OP, has a much different feel/view about him compared to some of the sick-demented-pedos ive met and shared close quarters with for months...
seek a damn good, open psych, theyve heard it all, in many forms,,, what can be more important...?
help prevent the pain and torment that is others everyday, help yourself while youre at it. if you feel you can not control this, do what has to be done, and learn to accept and find peace there. reach out to others who would rather selfishly cause such pain, carry out such impulses.
anyone who understood would be enamored by the strength to confront and tackle such odds, if they didnt understand - let this go as well - and continue to practice harm-reduction at its most intense...
Just to qualify again, the reason I even suggested chemical castration is because the OP asked what WE would do in his situation, and I responded honestly by imagining myself in this hypothetical situation and the inner torment and misery and suffering this would cause me, coupled with a constant fear of acting on it and a constant ache of wanting and needing to act on it, coupled with my own personal experience of becoming depressed and unhappy if I'm sexually frustrated. When I'm sexually frustrated it becomes the only think I can think about and becomes all-consuming, and it's a situation I successfully avoid in my life because I can have legal, fulfilling sexual relationships with people I find attractive. So for me personally, because I know myself, I would go with whatever solution I'm offered medically to remove the desire and sexual urges even at the cost of losing my gendered identity and features and becoming asexual, so I can find some rest and inner peace. The OP might be a completely different person in that sense though it does sound like this is something which occupies him a great deal. Of course this would lead to a whole new host of new issues about identity but I would have the mental space to work through them with a good therapist because I'd be able to think about other things apart from my frustration.
It would be my hypothetical choice as a consenting adult in that hypothetical situation, and you can agree or disagree with this but I'm not saying anything about what the OP should or shouldn't do. It's entirely up to him and if he thinks he can live with those feelings and desires I fully respect his choice and inner strength. And as for suggesting something the OP said he didn't want - he also said he didn't want to see a shrink...
panic in paradise
Bluelighter
man, well we are leaving out the most healthy hypothetical choices,,, and thats not fair for anyone.
you aren't guaranteed to be tossed into a dungeon speaking about this to a psych, like i said, they've heard it all in many forms.
study the locals accreditations, chose the most intensive.
heh.
this takes a lot to admit, they will see this.
you aren't guaranteed to be tossed into a dungeon speaking about this to a psych, like i said, they've heard it all in many forms.
study the locals accreditations, chose the most intensive.
heh.
this takes a lot to admit, they will see this.
^ I completely agree that speaking to a suitably qualified, non-judgemental psychosexual therapist (who would be a specialist in these issues) could be immensely helpful and I have said so in my first post and all along... it'd also be the best place for the OP to find out about the current choices of treatment and options available to him from someone who has experience helping others in his position. I only mentioned the medical route as one of the options I would go for. I'm not saying this is what the OP should do and never have done... so it'd be good if people stop saying I'm suggesting things I'm not or shoving medical solutions down anyone's throat. Everyone is different and I'm not saying that just because it's the route I would choose other people should do the same. Just like some men in the OP's position choose (voluntarily) this route and some don't. I think it also depends on many other variables such as impulse control, sex drive etc. and I know I have low impulse control and high sex drive so it'd be a possible (partial) solution for me - for others it'd be unnecessary or unwelcome and they shouldn't do it. Only the OP knows himself and what works for him, but because he discounted all treatment options including therapy I decided to answer by considering them from my own personal perspective. It's great we're having a debate and people are right to disagree and present different viewpoints, but I feel we're derailing the threat by going over and over this one point of hormonal treatment... since, anyway, he doesn't want it and probably won't have it.
Unbreakable
Bluelighter
Maybe Hypnosis can help you get a stiffy to older people.......just throwing it out their
panic in paradise
Bluelighter
" it'd also be the best place for the OP to find out about the current choices of treatment and options available to him from someone who has experience helping others in his position''.
exactly,
and sadly,
this is not at all uncommon.
the results you can find searching for convicted sex offenders in near any neighborhood are pretty shocking.
this alone is confirming and would give me more confidence to sit down with someone, who talks to people everyday, going through something ive hardly spoken of.
it stands for reason.
exactly,
and sadly,
this is not at all uncommon.
the results you can find searching for convicted sex offenders in near any neighborhood are pretty shocking.
this alone is confirming and would give me more confidence to sit down with someone, who talks to people everyday, going through something ive hardly spoken of.
it stands for reason.
...oh, and just wanted to add - I agree with what was said about society's attitude to people in the OP's predicament, an attitude which is very negative and highly judgemental. I just hope that by seeing some of the sympathetic responses he had on this thread, the OP can see that not everyone is like the tabloids and TV chat shows... some people are understanding, compassionate and empathic, and I hope the OP has some people like this in his life.
Draigan
Ex-Bluelighter
Well all I got to say is that I have no answer to your problem besides taking methadone(which I can def vouch fucks up ur sex drive.)
However, I am totally proud of you for not acting on your impulses and for staying true to our big earth family! It really hurts children when that kind of thing happens to them, as you well know. So just don't do it. Lots of people live with the urges their whole lives. I understand its tough, but I have friends who are alone too, but they manage. Good friends help. I'm sure we are all thankful for your solidarity.
However, I am totally proud of you for not acting on your impulses and for staying true to our big earth family! It really hurts children when that kind of thing happens to them, as you well know. So just don't do it. Lots of people live with the urges their whole lives. I understand its tough, but I have friends who are alone too, but they manage. Good friends help. I'm sure we are all thankful for your solidarity.
Altered Perception
Bluelighter
Its good that you were honest about sexual frustration being such a big motivation in your life which is probably the very reason why most offending pedophiles molest but I dont think a lot of peopl are reading what the op is saying and jumping to conclusions, the op mentions sexual urges is not the problem here and does not want chemical castration as he clearly says he is not motivated by sex and doesn't believe castration would help the type of love loneliness he feels.
I'm sure if he felt a sexual urge he would just go and masturbate like everyone else whos not in a relationship to take care of business, but masturbation doesnt remove feeling lonely, I think thats what people need to understand.
Research has shown that pedophiles have a detectable biological differnece in brain matter just like homosexuality so I don't think people become pedophiles from childhood distress, I think thats just an excuse society tries to make to avoid accepting god would create something like this and to shift the blame on the person with this attraction.
^^ That''s entering dangerous territory.
I'm not going to give my thoughts on this because I will just be shouted down but I will say that I disagree with just about every comment on here.
It's a drug harm minimization site, as in it's purpose is to help people take drugs safely. Nothing to do with this topic.
I'm not going to give my thoughts on this because I will just be shouted down but I will say that I disagree with just about every comment on here.
It's a drug harm minimization site, as in it's purpose is to help people take drugs safely. Nothing to do with this topic.
poopie
Bluelighter
You post a question looking for answers, yet seem to immediately shut down the most obvious-
PSYCHIATRIC HELP.
Unless you have exhausted the world of mental health professionals, I do not understand why you would not invest your efforts in this.
It seems you see suicide as a more logical outcome than therapy, chemical castration, etc. Regardless of what you or Bluelight thinks, pedophilia is considered a mental illness (and yes, we all know homosexuality was once considered in the DSM too).
Your "affliction" is very segregational. It seems all of those with "different" sexual desires have found a welcoming circle (furries, zoophilia, and all those other unpalatable desires). Yours is *thee* most taboo. It sounds like you are still isolating yourself. In almost all areas, these desires are not okay. I mean, it sounds more like border-line obsession-compulsion, especially when these feelings have not been retured. Many people in this world have not felt romantic love, or feel that their love for another person/object is not acceptable. It's relieving to hear that you have not acted upon these desires. But I honestly do not know how much I commend someone for not acting upon their desires, especially when they would be damaging to the other party.
Okay, I'm rambling and bouncing around.
Please seek mental help. There are options, even those that you immediately reject. Obviously. I bet even searching online you could find solace with others who are similar, but you need more than that.
(as for the chemical castration: i don't think it was the most outlandish suggestion seeing as how the OP is flirting with suicide.)
(and being attracted to 11-16 year olds? probably not going to dignify that with a real response.)
OP- please keep us updated!
PSYCHIATRIC HELP.
Unless you have exhausted the world of mental health professionals, I do not understand why you would not invest your efforts in this.
It seems you see suicide as a more logical outcome than therapy, chemical castration, etc. Regardless of what you or Bluelight thinks, pedophilia is considered a mental illness (and yes, we all know homosexuality was once considered in the DSM too).
Your "affliction" is very segregational. It seems all of those with "different" sexual desires have found a welcoming circle (furries, zoophilia, and all those other unpalatable desires). Yours is *thee* most taboo. It sounds like you are still isolating yourself. In almost all areas, these desires are not okay. I mean, it sounds more like border-line obsession-compulsion, especially when these feelings have not been retured. Many people in this world have not felt romantic love, or feel that their love for another person/object is not acceptable. It's relieving to hear that you have not acted upon these desires. But I honestly do not know how much I commend someone for not acting upon their desires, especially when they would be damaging to the other party.
Okay, I'm rambling and bouncing around.
Please seek mental help. There are options, even those that you immediately reject. Obviously. I bet even searching online you could find solace with others who are similar, but you need more than that.
(as for the chemical castration: i don't think it was the most outlandish suggestion seeing as how the OP is flirting with suicide.)
(and being attracted to 11-16 year olds? probably not going to dignify that with a real response.)
OP- please keep us updated!
Don Quixote
Bluelighter
Lola:
I appreciate and honestly value your opinion. I didn't mean to shout you down, and i was probably pretty overzealous, but I completely disagree with taking extreme measures as the first step of resolution. I understand it's your opinion, based on your own individual experiences.
Trance:
SLR much?
__
No, i don't have a degree in psychology or whatever, but i feel that were a person to grow up with these urges, and maintain them throughout their life, by merely removing the parts would prove quite innefective, and is only an option to reduce damage and coat the symptom, that and i'm quite sick of societies' 'out of sight, out of mind' mentality. To give another side of the coin, seeing castration /chem castration as not as outlandish a solution given that OP has shown musings of suicide / others have had similar problems: I fail to see how removing one of the singular defining physical traits of a persons identity, not to mention the further imbalance they could experience due to changing hormones could posibly be of benefit.
That and I still feel it's irresponsible to suggest such a drastic and potentially irreversable measure when we know so little about the person, not to mention qualifications... Were people to discuss this in person with one another, I could only imagine in my wildest dreams that such a suggestion would only be made in jest.
Do you have many friends your own age OP? Perhaps you could remedy your problem by focussing your energy elsewhere, however difficult it could be. I used to have a few soft addictions, such as alcohol, and the only way I was able to get out was to distract myself with other parts of my life. Art, socialising with people within your age group, directing your focus more towards your work: these will both take up more of your time and energy. If you feel that you're not yet a predator, or at risk of harming others, perhaps even involve yourself with the youth in a way that you can make them happy and their lives better, whilst still gaining a positive reward from your actions, such as volunteering for a youth outreach program. Of course, the latter suggestion may require a degree of self control and discipline which you may not posses.
It's all pretty simple on paper, sure, but even were you to see a psychologist, the change/struggle is still going to need to come from you, as difficult as it may be.
I still strongly suggest you seek professional and confidential help.
I appreciate and honestly value your opinion. I didn't mean to shout you down, and i was probably pretty overzealous, but I completely disagree with taking extreme measures as the first step of resolution. I understand it's your opinion, based on your own individual experiences.
Trance:
SLR much?
__
No, i don't have a degree in psychology or whatever, but i feel that were a person to grow up with these urges, and maintain them throughout their life, by merely removing the parts would prove quite innefective, and is only an option to reduce damage and coat the symptom, that and i'm quite sick of societies' 'out of sight, out of mind' mentality. To give another side of the coin, seeing castration /chem castration as not as outlandish a solution given that OP has shown musings of suicide / others have had similar problems: I fail to see how removing one of the singular defining physical traits of a persons identity, not to mention the further imbalance they could experience due to changing hormones could posibly be of benefit.
That and I still feel it's irresponsible to suggest such a drastic and potentially irreversable measure when we know so little about the person, not to mention qualifications... Were people to discuss this in person with one another, I could only imagine in my wildest dreams that such a suggestion would only be made in jest.
Do you have many friends your own age OP? Perhaps you could remedy your problem by focussing your energy elsewhere, however difficult it could be. I used to have a few soft addictions, such as alcohol, and the only way I was able to get out was to distract myself with other parts of my life. Art, socialising with people within your age group, directing your focus more towards your work: these will both take up more of your time and energy. If you feel that you're not yet a predator, or at risk of harming others, perhaps even involve yourself with the youth in a way that you can make them happy and their lives better, whilst still gaining a positive reward from your actions, such as volunteering for a youth outreach program. Of course, the latter suggestion may require a degree of self control and discipline which you may not posses.
It's all pretty simple on paper, sure, but even were you to see a psychologist, the change/struggle is still going to need to come from you, as difficult as it may be.
I still strongly suggest you seek professional and confidential help.
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psood0nym
Bluelighter
This seems like a dangerous suggestion, whether or not it's qualified with the comment about self-discipline. It gives social permission to pedophiles to consider such an option, opening up inroads for their desires to rationalize taking the first step towards actualization -- gaining access to kids -- under the guise of self-therapy.
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