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🌟🌟 Social 🌟🌟 What Was YOUR Nightly Fix? v. Smoking the Midnight Oil

TheLightBringer said:
Hehe Im also up at 5am without proper sleep, Id give you a more proper response if I wasnt so tired, but I just wanna say stay safe man.
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Thanks man, I will definitely be trying. It’s quite weird for me, as I started using a lot more when I started uni, which suprised me at first.

Got a bit too comfortable being high in public or at home with my family. I think it’s partially my autism/adhd that makes people accuse me of being high when I’m sober and having a meltdown or just being scatter brained and twitchy. Then when I’m on speed, opioids or stoned or whatever, I find it a lot easier to function and often get the ‘wow I’m so glad to see you’ve been in a better mood lately!’

TheLightBringer said:
Seems like youve been going at it harder lately from your recent posts here, dont go off the rails once you move out and have free access to be as high as you want whenever you want, been there done that. Youre still so young 🙏🏼
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So I kinda already fell into that, except with an added dash of constant paranoia, making it harder to do harm reduction stuff I want to be doing .—. Like I can’t just say ‘ohh hey mom, going to get my speed and xtc pills tested’, so that requires a whole setup lie to do.

Type of situation where I wish I could just freely smoke joints with my friends once in a while and not have to lie, or go out and not have to be back at 10pm lol.

I’ve had periods where I had the house to myself for weeks and those were genuinely the best times I’ve experienced in a while. Like yeah I still did some impulsive young adult stuff, but at least I had the space to get all my shit tested, to regularly clean my supplies, etc…

also to go to raves, which so far have helped me more than harm me. Drugs I do regardless, but when I have the freedom to go out, especially to more queer type of raves or club nights, it makes it easier to not use as much during the rest of the week.

I think of it kind of like a form of hedonism. Not in the individualistic sense of constantly chasing pleasure for myself, but more in the way that I get a lot more out of especiay stim use when I only use at raves. Always find I need less at raves because I love raving regardless of drugs and it also has helped me meet a lot of people similar to me, which then kinda sets this positive spiral into motion where I have less need to constantly need a chemical crutch when I feel more fulfilled in life, if that makes sense?

Long ramble, but yeah. Have been working on making some drug use guidelines for myself the way I already have with some, like xtc. I do realize I am still an addict, I’ll never fully be a ‘just in the weekends’ type person, but I’m trying to reduce the harm and maximize the fun.

TheLightBringer said:
Anyways Im off to brush my teeth, goodnight to all of you, take care of yourselves and eachother ❤️
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uhhhh I have to get out of bed now damnit😞 Good morning to me, good night to this thread haha :)
 
Sp4rky said:
Got a bit too comfortable being high in public or at home with my family. I think it’s partially my autism/adhd that makes people accuse me of being high when I’m sober and having a meltdown or just being scatter brained and twitchy. Then when I’m on speed, opioids or stoned or whatever, I find it a lot easier to function and often get the ‘wow I’m so glad to see you’ve been in a better mood lately!’
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This reminds me a little of myself in the beginning - though I don't have any diagnosis to justify anything..
When I started to abuse opioids regularly people noticed the mood improvement and complimented me on being more calm (you're shouting much less, mom)...
But unsurprisingly it didn't stay that way. I believed that I could just get high 1-2 times a week and keep it at that.. But then I did it 3x just sometimes - and suddenly (🙄) didn't get much out of it anymore. Took me several weeks to admit to myself that I had to increase doses not just a little but double them, then tripple, then I was in WD on the days in between.
I had the very strict rule to never use when I had to work, but that became more and more embarrassing until I had to give up... Turn to more potent stuff, just 1 g of H... The usual story.
Life became a series of WD, taper and relapse.
No matter what I do now I never reach the feelings of the first highs. Instead I'm collecting memories of embarrassment, either because of getting too messed up or being more or less unable to function because I didn't taper properly. 😒
I find benzos to be especially problematic because they're so subtle. So practical - and you don't notice how impaired you really are. Benzo hangover got me into a car accident, and made me fall asleep while talking ( it's not the only reason for that to happen but one of them). Basically whenever the drugs wear off I have more reasons to feel bad and the fun part is kinda missing. I'm glad now when I manage to keep my friggin body temperature stable ...☠️💀☠️
Sorry for the rant. But I believe there's a point for everyone where the balance tips over. Then ' just normal ' becomes the better option...😒

OT:
Still trying to figure out a proper dosing schedule for Kratom. Since I have issues falling asleep with it, last night had my last dose of 7 g at 3:30 pm, then 15 mg Diazepam in steps of 5 mg. 50 mg dph and a piece of a cannabis cooky that overpowered everything else.. and I could sleep at least...
 
Chaotic, but fun day with friends. One of those rare days where I feel I am finally living the teenage years I wished for but wasted away in my eating disorder. Taking bong rips while dyeing my hair with my best friend and planning a piercing appointment with another friend.

Currently a little tipsy after another friend’s birthday party.

Will definitely regret drinking tomorrow, or today ig, stomach already hates me, but ehh had fun and am just realizing that wow maybe I did make friends at uni and not everyone hates me, because I must be doing something right with lovely friends who want me in their lives I suppose.

Going to sleep now, busy but exiting days ahead, can’t wait to see my rave friends more often when I move out upcoming Sunday :)
 
Good morning everyone!
Had somewhat of a (Kratom) binge yesterday, tried a 10 g dose for the first time (3,5 hours after 5 g) with 25 mg dph, then got busy and noticed I should have eaten something one hour later, cause nausea started and took 10 mg propranolol for the slight headache that came up.
Took me another hour before I finally ate something and thought it's fine for a moment - then my circulation went down and I felt so sick that I had to lie down... Not much of a high there.
"Since I'm already feeling sick I want to get something out of it at least" - thought so and ate:
10 mg Diazepam
75 mg Pregabalin
Another 25 mg dph
- that calmed my stomach at least. Still not satisfied so:
100 mg Tilidin (not sure it even works when combined with Kratom, so dosed low), and finally a
Mini shot of K i.m. - and felt it.
With all the Kratom dosing issues I got a one week break of K and even longer no Pregabalin, so the combo worked fr..
When I woke up at 2 am and took a few hits of the nic vape it seriously made me nauseous and I woke up early today feeling (still?) dizzy and without any signs of WD - that's been a while. 😁
Guess I will stick to Kratom for now, as it obviously allowed my tolerance to recover at least partially...
 
Kind of a regular hedonistic night:
1800 mg gabapentin
A few bowls of methamphetamine
One bowl capn crunch
200 mg methadone
A bump of ketamine
Normal boring psych meds

But the key thing is, I said fuck the fentanyl and didn't do any. I didn't even feel the urge when people busted it out. Idk if I'm quitting it altogether but certainly I need to be cutting back like I have been.

Love and light, everyone!
 
Gridlink said:
Kind of a regular hedonistic night:
1800 mg gabapentin
A few bowls of methamphetamine
One bowl capn crunch
200 mg methadone
A bump of ketamine
Normal boring psych meds

But the key thing is, I said fuck the fentanyl and didn't do any. I didn't even feel the urge when people busted it out. Idk if I'm quitting it altogether but certainly I need to be cutting back like I have been.

Love and light, everyone!
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how tf you sleeping then
 
Very busy few days. Had a very intense k-hole yesterday. Was good, but damn, hadn’t experienced that complete detachment from my entire sense of self.

Moving out mostly went well, bit intimidating being way younger than all of my roommates, but they’re friendly enough.

- Tropical Cherry Peru joint
- roughly 12.5mg ic-26 (methiodone)

Feeling quite nice, pretty stoned and trying out the ic-26 I got a while back. Not sure how to describe the high, definitely distinct from other opioids, more sedating and less euphoric, more like a blanket of general sense of wellbeing and peacefulness I suppose.

Hope y’all are having a decent evening/night :)
 
... Damn... Now all I wrote before is gone... This is what I remember: I was in really shitty mood last night. So around the not felt peak of 6,7 g Kratom I took
10 mg Diazepam,
a crushed 100 mg Tab of Tilidin.
Another 3,1 g Kratom,
Edit 2: Didn't get the peace to feel any of those so:
10 mg Zolpidem and then tried whether
25 mg K i.m. made me feel better or worse...
Edit: "anger management" was ringing in my ears...
Added another 20 ... Prepared the next - then my better half entered the room...
I remember walking out with the syringe, and sitting there in the dark bedroom trying to figure out what to do...
Shot the last 20 mg, and tried to hide the syringe. Still had the capacity to log the last dose, then went to bed/blank.

Almost 4 hours later (now) woke up for toilet and found everything still open there 🤦🏼‍♀️ RIP
... I even remembered the place where I tried to hide the pin... But it was just lying there out in plain sight...
I also remember that benzos and K are a perfect black out combination for me. ..And last night I kinda wanted exactly that.
So even long after moving out now I don't have even my own room and not much privacy 😑
FML - momemt
 
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21mg methadone
.3mg clonidine
Gabapentin, staggered a bunch, didn't really keep count
8mg tizanidine
Normal boring scripts - with the late morning round too cause I forgot lol
And currently a fat joint of Black Truffle with some Cereal Milk crumble thrown in there. When I finish, going inside to attack an actual bowl of cereal. 😉

Early night, early rise. Fuckin' early work lol. 🫩

✌️ ❤️
 
Pretty tame first night out with full freedom, met some new people, had fun kissing strangers but will be going to bed now, tired as fuck.

- few lines of 2-mmc
- 1.5 joints Tropical Cherry Peru weed

Did have a slight awkward social interaction with a roommate, bit scared I’ll get labeled as ‘that weird druggy stoner’.

Hard situation of yeah to a certain degree I guess I am, but also I’m terrified of bothering people, so I at least can’t be labeled as a mess-maker or disturbance to my other roommates I suppose .—. Anyways, going to bed now, hope y’all having a good start of the weekend :)
 
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