I had a benzo addiction that began with Lorazepam and Alprazolam, followed by a Clonazepam problem. That lasted about 7 years and I quit cold turkey for a few years, and I’m now taking Clonazepam, again, completely as directed.
I married a (gay, but I didn’t know it) real estate developer, who was terrible with $$, in 2005. His BFF, and hairdresser, was a coke dealer. 15 years ago to the hour today, I’d certainly be at Victoria’s Secret buying something new and lacy while he picked up 3/16ths of blow. I would then spend an hour in the bath. That 3/16ths would last us thru Sunday am and benzos and drinks would allow us 4 - 5 hours of sleep on Sundays before my daughter was returned home. I quit blow one day I left him, just after 5 years of marriage. I have had 1 relapse about 8 months after quitting (a friend had the purest, best-smelling blow at a music venue bathroom).
No one in my family has any idea about the blow issue. My family only knows about the Oxycodones I’m currently taking, but not in such a formulation. They think I take Percocet. But they don’t know I get 120 of 20mg Oxys each month. They think I get 30 Percocets monthly. I’m truly trying to cut down. I need to live a less foggy life. For now, with all my teeth procedures, I cannot quit but if I could get fewer kidney stones or my mouth felt better, maybe Oxys wouldn’t be so addictive for me.
Between benzos, cocaine and opiates, I think benzos would be my #1 most addictive substance. I’ve had panic attacks and I’d rather have pain than panic and extreme anxiety. I feel blessed that the angst-ridden life is not mine to live any longer.
See that !