what if I just picked up and left

[TheDeceased]

Get a job and save up some cash, then leave. If you leave ill-prepared your journey will suffer. Never lose sight of your goal. Just work enough until you can get where you want. Invest in nothing, including relationships.

That is my advice.

There is a massive world out there.

It is waiting for you.

 

[zombiesarepeaceful]

For whatever its worth, I don't think that choosing not to go to college, or even dropping out of high school makes someone worthless. I dropped out of school at 16, only finished 9th grade. I wasn't stupid, I just got sick of being tormented by my peers my whole goddamn life. I'm also adhd and normal schooling just wasn't gonna work for me. I took my ged when I was 20 and passed with high scores, despite my lack of schooling. I don't plan on going to college at all, because I know organized schooling won't work out, and its a waste of my time, and the area of work I'm in doesn't require a degree, it just requires experience on the job, which is gained over time.

Nor do I want to get married (which I can't anyway, I'm a cock sucker), or want a relationshit, or want kids. I don't understand or grasp the concept of family. I don't agree with the american "dream". If that's what someone wants, go for it. But I don't want that shit. I'm happy living in a not so decent part of town with my cat, working my ass off to make money for myself.

I never thought I'd make anything work for myself. I worked a dead end job in food service for years. I got my break when I started at a temp agency working at a damn steel factory. Factories are always needed, that line of work is always open to those who are able and willing to kill themselves working long hours for the money.

If you want it bad enough, it'll happen.

 

[alwaysblazed]

I'm not going to get some shit ass job. The point of this is I'm not even going to get a job at all. If I wanted to I could get a job that would support me without having to work hours and hours just for a little check....I have the potential to get there but again I said I don't want that.

Again you can survive with nothing. How do you get food? Ever heard of those little food lines at soup kitchens? (I know you have just saying it that way haha) I wouldn't mind eating there. Also if I'm really in need of food I would just steal some shit from walmart or something........that place fails at security. Also shelter I'm sure I could figure out a place to sleep and if it's not raining I'll just sleep in a cemetery.

I know the above sounds crazy because it is! The thing is I'm not going to do this for my whole life..... Yet it's something I want to do for a little bit. Hopefully I will find myself on the way. Hopefully I realize that maybe my life before was better.....maybe I will find a reason to continue living.

I rather do this because honestly I feel like if I don't get out soon I'm just going to kill myself. Seriously I think a journey like this would be better than lying in a casket somewhere.

And I understand what you guys are saying. I really do. I know this could all go wrong but I will have a family to comeback to. My mom and I may have our differences but I know she would take me back. Then I could even go to school.... I may not be going to a four year right away but I could start at a community college. Life isn't over if I decide to do this. I could always go back if I choose to. I mean I don't want it to end that way but at least if I do this I know I tried.

My drug use could get worse..... I could end up dead in a ditch. Or I could get clean and maybe have a whole new look on life. Who knows? because I sure don't.

 

[fifleman]

Awkward-

I'm going to be a little frank with you because I know how The Dark Side works. I was once part of the "addict" cries on here. Big into cocaine and alcohol and NOBODY understood my situation or so I thought. Man, being sober and coming on here all I is impenetrable walls of ego.

Before I say this, keep in mind it's all my perception and given the lineage of this post and your responses, you're not going to hear it anyway.

You're wanting to be validated. Any wisdom given against what your mind is telling you to do or anything you don't want to hear you're shutting out. What was the point in starting this thread? I have a guess and it may be wrong, but if you're anything like how I used to be or a lot of other currently using Darksiders, it's because you want your crazy, not-going-to-work plan to be validated and thought of as something that could work. Could it work? Yes, but that's not the point. You have too many problems that you need to settle with yourself before you take on anything else. Moving is not going to help, your problems are your problems and they need to be settled. Maybe you need outside help. Something NOT to be ashamed of: best choice I ever made.

I had the exact thoughts that you did when I was using. I just want to be a nomadic wild man, create these great stories, see the world. It never panned out. Why? Because the more sober I go, the more unrealistic it was. You don't plan on getting a job? Ok. Keep lying to yourself and denying the truth that money is needed in this life.

I'm young at 24 but I was raised with a hard work ethic. Been doing physical labor that kids nowadays would scoff at and say "I don't have/want to do that".

My point? Take some responsibility. I saw a good post above saying buy in to the 9 to 5. I never wanted to rebel against working, because working for me makes me feel like I'm doing something, self-satisfying.

Today's generation are loathsome I-don't-have-to-do-that, irresponsible, lazy punks. Do not understand the concept of work and money.

My dad got a four year degree in geology and by the time he was my age, 23-24, he would work 4-6 months and take the rest of the year off. Oh yeah, he has over a thousand pictures from around the world. A mountain climber that scaled Makalu, which is the fifth highest mountain in the world. Been to Antartica, South America, New Zealand. Name it, he's been there. Didn't get married until he was 38. Spent his youth doing what you're talking about, but in a spiritually satisfying grand fashion. My point? Unless you want to bum around the US and have nothing to your name, you're not going to explore and find yourself out there.

Find what you love, and if you're young, learn to work and make some money. The further you stay away from the "norm", the farther down you'll fall and further away from any dreams you do have.

Honestly man, as nice but as straight-forward as I can be, get a job and do something about your problems. You have to deal with them. You are in straight denial and you do not even see it.

 

[alwaysblazed]

I am not shutting out anything you guys are saying. Just because I'm not agreeing with you doesn't mean I'm not actually listening to your opinions/guidance. You guys all assume my situation is the same as yours because its not. I'm going to become "homeless" by a choice.... I'm leaving a chance of getting a 9 to 5 job. So this journey isn't meant to involve that at all because if I wanted a good job I would stay here....go to college and do the same bullshit everyone else does. I don't want to wake up and dread going to work. I do not want to lay in bed because I'm not doing what I want to do. I do not want to remain in the place I am because nothing is really offered here. I want to explore all my options even if it means leaving everything behind.

I also asked for your advise on how to go about doing this but none of you've really even provided an actual answer to that. You all gave me the answer to your solution not to mine.

Oh by the way I worked for every dime I ever made. I never got shit handed to me. So I understand that you do have to work for something but all the things most are working for is not what I want. You guys all compare me to you and your wants. Guess what we are different people. What may not be a good life to you may actually be for me..... What is satisfying to you doesn't mean it is satisfying to me.

 

[TheDeceased]

alwaysblazed,

You said you were concerned for your life. You said if you stayed where you were that you would end up dead. So your solution is to live on the streets and eat at soup kitchens? I don't think you really know what that's going to be like. You refer to running away to live on the streets as a "journey"... Personally, pissing in alleyways and begging for change isn't much of a journey.

And I understand what you guys are saying. I really do. I know this could all go wrong but I will have a family to comeback to. My mom and I may have our differences but I know she would take me back. Then I could even go to school.... I may not be going to a four year right away but I could start at a community college. Life isn't over if I decide to do this. I could always go back if I choose to. I mean I don't want it to end that way but at least if I do this I know I tried.

You are setting yourself up to fail. As I said, if you are ill-prepared your journey will suffer. Your desire to leave is a positive thing. But of all the places in the world to go, you want to be homeless and eat at soup kitchens?!? Fuck that. Go to India. Take that job you said you could get and save just enough for the plane ticket with a tiny amount of extra cash left over. Backpack. Sleep in the forest. Eat rice with locals. See the world. You can live on practically nothing in some countries, but not in yours. (I assume based on the soup kitchen reference, etc. that you come from a first world western society). If you don't want to do the whole mortgage and nuclear family shit, then leave properly. Don't half-leave. Experience a different kind of life (NOT living on the streets) and then make up your mind about how you feel. There are so many more options on the surface of this planet then investing in a house and being homeless. Your perspective of the choices in front of you seem a little black and white...

I don't want to wake up and dread going to work. I do not want to lay in bed because I'm not doing what I want to do. I do not want to remain in the place I am because nothing is really offered here. I want to explore all my options even if it means leaving everything behind.

I'm not sure what you think it's like being homeless... Living on the streets and eating charity soup is not exploring all your options in my opinion.

You say you don't want to wake up and dread going to work. What about waking up starving and cold to the smell of piss? Soup kitchens are a good resource but you can't expect to sustain yourself entirely from free soup.

You will be miserable.

If you want to explore your options, think about what that means. Because, to me, lining up at the same mission every night to get a bowl of fresh soup and then sleeping in a park or an alleyway isn't really an exploration of anything. In fact, it's more of a limited lifestyle than the one you are currently living.

 

[alwaysblazed]

Soup Kitchens don't just provide soup lol it's just an american term. And I'm saying homeless like this "homeless" because that's what everyone says I will be just because I am leaving to live in the open world....don't know how to word that sorry. The thing is I'm going to be travelling to find that place I want to be. Just because I don't exactly have a roof over my head doesn't mean it's not home....I've already stated this. I am not saying the soup kitchens and sleeping in the cementary will be my only options but since I do not know what more is to come from this that is what I am going off of for now.

I will meet new people, be somewhere new, finally living for me and not for others. I don't give a damn that I will not be able to take a shower all the time. I'll find a way to get clean. Even if it means jumping into the ocean with a bar of soap or one of the showers outside at the beach.... again I'm going to find away.

You all just need to look outside the box. I can but I'm not sure if you can.

And I know that I will fail if I do not think this through....Thats why I came here to ask you guys what should I do before I leave but instead the majority of the answers are telling me don't do it and nothing more.

 

[TheDeceased]

I'm not telling you not to do it. I'm offering you legitimate advice. Most of the users on this site are offering you legitimate advice. You chose to ignore it. You are convinced of yourself.

You all just need to look outside the box. I can but I'm not sure if you can.

But you are young. And you've never lived on the streets, and you don't know what it's like. You have an idealistic vision of what it's going to be like to be free. How are you going to travel with no money? What are you going to eat when you travel? Soup kitchens are only open certain days at certain times. You cannot sustain yourself from them. And if you're travelling (again, how?) you're not going to be near soup kitchens all the time anyway.

No offense, but you are not thinking outside the box.

Homeless people showering at the beach, or at community swimming pools, is not an original idea. Not sure how you get the soap you mentioned. I guess you could rely on the charity of other people, like with the soup kitchen. Beg people for a bar of soap every couple of weeks. People who work might be generous and give you some of their pay. Somebody has to pay for it: for the soup, the soap, the water, petrol. Rather than you working, you'll just be relying on someone else working for you. Nothing comes for free. Animals work. If you want to have basic luxuries like hot food, soap and the ability to travel - someone has to pay for it.

You want your cake and you want to eat it to. And the world is sympathetic enough to support you meagerly. Even still, I think you'll find living on the streets to be a living hell. You sound naive and idealistic. From what you've said, I give you about a week before you return home with your tail between your legs.

YOU DON'T NEED TO FAIL.

Be open minded. Listen to the people on this website.

If you don't want to get a job, here's another idea. (I realize it's a bit dodgy.) Sign up for university. Take out a student loan for a couple of grand. Drop out of university and get a refund. Buy a plane ticket with the loan money. Leave the country. Go somewhere where being homeless means being a backpacker, not somewhere where it means starving or being stabbed and raped.

If you decide to return, you'll have to pay off the loan and the interest, obviously. It's not a fool-proof plan, but it does provide you instantly with the means to leave properly and have a real journey.

 

[alwaysblazed]

I don't want my cake and want to eat it too. I'm tired of you guys assuming you know me and the life I lived. For what it's worth I've lived on the streets before. I've been evicted out of my homes. I had to live in a shelter once. I lived in a home where I slept on the floor and was given the bare minimum. Now stop treating me like I'm some prude rich kid who doesn't know what she's talking about.

I am listening to you guys but you're not listening to me. I just wanted to hear some ideas rather than don't go or get a job. Or save up that money and then leave. Cause guess what after that money is gone then I will be back in the same position I was even before I left. Money can only last so long. I already know all of that.... I just wanted to get an idea on how I could do this and then maybe anything else you could provide.

And also I know soup kitchens aren't open all the time. And I can get a bar of soap its not hard. Again if I have to it's not like I can't walk into a store and slip it into my bag or something (done it numerous times)..... Also it's not like I won't meet people where I'm going. I have friends all throughout the united states I just do not want to live off of them. I've been offered to live in people's house for free but I'm the type of person who won't do that. I just feel real bad doing that. So yeah if it ever gets to the point I need to get some sleep or can't take a shower I will have the option to do that. Again only if it gets to that point.

And showering at the beach I know is not an original idea. Yet it is an idea that works... I'm not looking for a journey that will be so different than the rest. You're making this seem like it is a competition when it's not. "oh look guys I figured out a way to take a shower!!!! a way that has never been done before! Oooo I am so special." That's how you make it sound.

Also being homeless doesn't mean you will be stabbed or rape. I was raised in a good area and I still got raped. I still had so much shit happen to me. I know that I would try to avoid this situation as much as I could.... And by the time I will leave I will have money to get to where I want to go. Also ever heard of hitching rides? I know that isn't smart but I'm not going to be getting in someones car without a knife or some shit.

The loan thing could work but it would really screw me over if I ever decide to go back to school. Then taking out a loan wouldn't be really an option for me anymore. People have done that in my area and that's why some schools don't even give out the perkins loan anymore. Everyone would get the loan and then drop out....end up using it and not even pay it back.

I would love to get out of the United States and head to Australia or the United Kingdom but it would be very different since I wouldn't know any of the areas but I would probably do that. It just would be harder to adjust. And going through the whole process to get my passport ect.

 

[TheDeceased]

So you're going to steal soap...

You say that we aren't giving you advice. Maybe the advice you're looking for doesn't exist.

You say if you want to sleep in a house, you'll have the option to. Again, this is idealistic. In reality you're not going to always be near a friend or a beach shower or a soup kitchen. The reason I made assumptions about you not having lived on the streets is because of repeated naive/ idealistic comments like this one. You clearly haven't thought it through. No offense.

How long did you live on the streets for?

You're making this seem like it is a competition when it's not. "oh look guys I figured out a way to take a shower!!!! a way that has never been done before! Oooo I am so special." That's how you make it sound.

On the contrary, you labelled everyone else on this thread as narrow-minded when you said that you were the only one capable of thinking out of the box. This was directly after suggesting the shower at the beach thing. You said: "I can shower at the beach. I'll find a way. You just need to think outside the box." I don't mean it to be a competition. I'm trying to help you realize that it's not going to be as easy as you think it is.

Also being homeless doesn't mean you will be stabbed or raped

Also ever heard of hitching rides? I know that isn't smart but I'm not going to be getting in someones car without a knife or some shit.

As a young woman travelling by yourself and meeting people on the streets and hitch-hiking, you will most likely be raped or worse after a certain amount of time. I'm not up to scratch with current statistics.

The loan thing could work but it would really screw me over if I ever decide to go back to school. Then taking out a loan wouldn't be really an option for me anymore. People have done that in my area and that's why some schools don't even give out the perkins loan anymore. Everyone would get the loan and then drop out....end up using it and not even pay it back.

The only reason I mentioned the loan-scam idea is because it is preferable to your current option. It might potentially put you in financial trouble, but it isn't going to threaten your life. A couple of grand is nothing. Trust me.

If you're seriously going to live on the streets, hitch-hike and shower in public as a young woman - that is fucking dangerous. At least look into getting a student loan. Find out what the consequences would be of skipping out on the payments.

I know quite a few people who've done variations of this scam and it's worked out quite well.

The reason I keep saying India is because it's cheap and it's different. You seem to be fed up with western life. Try something different rather than continuing to live a western life without the means to do so.

Think about it.

 

[alwaysblazed]

Yeah but I'm not going to fuck up my chances if I do the loan thing. That just wouldn't be smart at all. I want to make sure if this journey doesn't turn out right that I can comeback to the security I had before (meaning education wise). Because if I do need the money to get out I can get it. I can do legal things or illegal things which I will not mention. Also I even could be a stripper if I have to. I always been a good dancer and I could be rolling in the money. Even that job is dangerous. Yet it would allow me to manage my hours and when I want to work. Also it's not a 9 to 5....

Also you're saying to me leaving would be dangerous and that I might end up killed. I know that but the life I'm living right now is dangerous in itself. Living in an abusive home where I've been attacked....but I fight back. I would like to add I've done kick boxing and I grew up in places where I had to know how to fight (I know that me knowing kickboxing or how to fight isn't going to help me when someone pulls out a knife or a gun on me but at least I would try to get away and if I ended up killed at least I tried to live on this earth for awhile longer.....and I didn't just give up). It was either fight or get beaten. And to add to the fact I'm using all these drugs....they're going to probably kill me before some weird rapist. The scary thing I was almost raped by my "friends" last week. I was so high and I noticed they were talking like they were going to get something. One of them even had a knife.....some people from BL. They ended up probably changing their minds but I stayed on my phone. It was a bad situation but I'm just saying that because I can be attacked anywhere by anyone. Also I rather face my chances of being attacked than stay here and live for a few more weeks or a few months knowing that I'm probably going to end my life.

The shower situation: I would shower in a bikini or something in the day time. I did that all the time when I would go surfing. In no way shape or form did something bad happen from me doing that. Also stealing soap, I do not want to do that but if it comes down to it I will. It's only possibilites.

All your responses just seem like you want to make me go, "Oh yes you're right. I agree 100 percent." Yet it's never going to happen. I'm not saying what you're telling me is wrong but it's not completely right either. The same goes for me.

I am not done living "western life" I am mainly done with people trying to control how I have to live. People still live the "american dream" in other countries as well. They want to save money, have a house and start a family. You will see that anywhere you go. If I was to go to India or another country like Africa I would see people struggling.....not even getting the chance to live that dream (not saying all people in those countries because obviously there are areas where they live just fine with houses, tv's ect.) And maybe I could learn something from them. No one said I'm just going to stay in the united states but I'm not going to leave to another country without money....money that is mine and not per say a loan....which will lead me to many problems.

I am thinking about it. That is clearly evident because if I wasn't I would be long gone by now. I wouldn't be replying back to you guys. I would already be on the next train over. I just wish you would actually try to listen to what I have to say....because it doesn't seem like you're. All you're doing is trying to find the wrong in everything I type here. I don't understand why you even waste your time in replying to me if what I have to say bothers you so much.

 

[Eyes On the Roll]

if you're gonna get up and leave, the best place to go would be LA or somewhere else in california. In LA you at least have a much higher probability of being cast as an actor or becoming a porn star or a model. Thats the way i think of it and thats why im considering of heading out there. At least out in LA i will have a higher probability of making it big. You could also become a weed farmer. I know a guy that left for california when he was around 19 and he found connections in the growing business and started working on a farm out in the woods making lots of cash.

You only live once, and drastic decisions like this could end with something great. They could also end in catastrophe, and if so there is always the military as a last resort or heading back to your family. Hell, if you go to LA and just walk around the busiest parts of town all day you have a chance at being scouted by someone in the film business or modeling business. This world is huge, and there are so many chances to be taken. If you dont take any chances you dont open up doors of possibility, of things that could become.

 

[alwaysblazed]

if you're gonna get up and leave, the best place to go would be LA or somewhere else in california. In LA you at least have a much higher probability of being cast as an actor or becoming a porn star or a model. Thats the way i think of it and thats why im considering of heading out there. At least out in LA i will have a higher probability of making it big. You could also become a weed farmer. I know a guy that left for california when he was around 19 and he found connections in the growing business and started working on a farm out in the woods making lots of cash.

You only live once, and drastic decisions like this could end with something great. Hell, if you go to LA and just walk around the busiest parts of town all day you have a chance at being scouted by someone in the film business or modeling business. This world is huge, and there are so many chances to be taken. If you dont take any chances you dont open up doors of possibility, of things that could become.

The san fernando valley will definitely be a good option for you if you're looking to be a pornstar and what not. I got accepted to school in Los Angeles but it will be too much money at the moment. So I wanted to save money and go to school instate (if I ever decide to). Sometimes I think I should just go to school over there and then strip.... out of state cost is ridiculous though but the money from stripping would help A LOT. I was thinking of stripping in Van Nuys and changing where I strip every few weeks. I'll make more money this way.

I am going to southern california though if I do leave. I'm not looking to become famous though....but hey if I did then awesome. I wish you the best of luck though, maybe I will see you one day. And I thought of getting a license to grow medical marijuana that would be pretty legit.

Yeah, I agree with you that if you take chances that doors will open for you. Really what do I have to lose? I don't own a house...I don't have kids. I do not have anything I am tied to. If I don't try then I will never be able to know what I could have had.

 

[TheDeceased]

Also you're saying to me leaving would be dangerous and that I might end up killed. I know that but the life I'm living right now is dangerous in itself.

Like I said: Black & White. You are consciously going from one dangerous environment to another. Why not go to a safe environment. The loan-scam was just an idea.

You said it "wouldn't be smart at all". But living on the streets and hitch-hiking your way across the country with no money while having to shoplift soap and possibly steal food to survive isn't "smart" either. Obviously the loan-scam has a couple of issues. It's not perfect. But it's a much better idea than what you're planning on doing. At least it's safe.

You ever read Into The Wild? You are the spitting image, in terms of attitude, stubbornness and naivety, of the main character. (No offense.)

You ever been to India? Or are you just assuming that it's the same as the US? Because it isn't. It is a far better place for you to go than to live on the streets of LA.

if you're gonna get up and leave, the best place to go would be LA or somewhere else in california. In LA you at least have a much higher probability of being cast as an actor or becoming a porn star or a model. Thats the way i think of it and thats why im considering of heading out there. At least out in LA i will have a higher probability of making it big. You could also become a weed farmer. I know a guy that left for california when he was around 19 and he found connections in the growing business and started working on a farm out in the woods making lots of cash.

This is some of the worst advice I have seen on this forum in ten years. Go and live on the streets of LA so you can become a drug dealer or a porn star. Brilliant.

Yeah, I agree with you that if you take chances that doors will open for you.

Some people take chances and die. Choosing to be homeless is not opening doors. Going to university would open doors. Getting some cash would open doors. Porn directors don't scout the streets for homeless people, nor do any other employer that I'm aware of legal or otherwise.

Doing something drastic doesn't mean something good will happen as a result.

 

[alwaysblazed]

For one I'm not going to become a pornstar.... never said I was going to. Also I have always been stubborn but I am not naive. Sorry that I don't find your idea as being better.

And in no which, way, shape or form did I say I am going to actually put myself in a dangerous situation. Leaving my life to go travel really isn't going to be dangerous... unless I put myself in bad situations and what not. No matter where you're or how you live you can end up in a bad situation. Also your suggestion of going to a different country in itself is dangerous. You know how crazy some places can become and especially with the fact I have no one over there who would ever be able to come get me and I do not know the locations really at all.

Also I have no interest to go to India... I never once found that place to be interesting (no offense.) I know it's just a suggestion but I'm letting you know. By the way you also have to remember YOUR interests and YOUR right and wrong is different than MINE. From the replies I've read from you it doesn't seem like you grasp that concept.

I know school will open doors. I will eventually go I know I will but I want to take the chance now to go out and explore the world because I have nothing tying me down. I won't have loans... I won't have to worry about school work. I will not have to have a 9 to 5 job right away. It's just better to do this whole "journey" right now before my life gets serious.... If I go to school I will have to have a job to pay for my loans because I'm paying for school all by myself with no help from others. I will not have the time to do something like this.... That's what I'm trying to say. This whole trip will not last forever...I know theres going to be a time when I want to go back home but until then who knows what I will do. What decision I will make? A lot of thought is going into it though. I'm not doing this rashly...honestly I've been thinking about this now for a few years except this time I'm ready to make it happen.

Just like I said many times...this is why I have stopped trying to explain my plan/idea to people because most just shoot it down. I guess it's only really up to me to figure this one out.

 

[TheDeceased]

And in no which, way, shape or form did I say I am going to actually put myself in a dangerous situation.

Yes you have, repeatedly. That is why everyone is so concerned.

Okay, so you don't want to go to India. Fair enough. It was just an example. My point is, there are better alternatives than living on the street.

By the way you also have to remember YOUR interests and YOUR right and wrong is different than MINE. From the replies I've read from you it doesn't seem like you grasp that concept.

I do grasp it. It's not difficult to grasp. I was just trying to make a suggestion. I cannot possibly presume to know that you don't like India (or travelling overseas in general) until you tell me so. Now that you have stated them, I have some idea of what YOUR interests are. I am not psychic.

I want to take the chance now to go out and explore the world

So you DO want to explore the world? ... Or do you want to be homeless in Southern California? (I don't get it.)

Just like I said many times...this is why I have stopped trying to explain my plan/idea to people because most just shoot it down. I guess it's only really up to me to figure this one out.

Maybe what you need is a voice of reason rather than confirmation that you're doing the right thing. That is, the reason people are "shooting it down" is because there are problems with your plan. If you go on a harm reduction website, in The Dark Side forum, and say you're planning on running away and becoming homeless it would be downright irresponsible for us to not try and talk some sense into you. But as I said you are rather stubborn and it doesn't appear as if you're willing to take anyone's advice... so I wonder why you asked for it in the first place?

I guess really what you wanted was some encouragement towards being a homeless thief rather than going to school.

I don't have any to offer. Go figure.

If you really want to do this, nobody can stop you - but you're going to be hard pressed finding someone who thinks it's a good idea.

 

[alwaysblazed]

Everything I say you take so literally. You, yourself look at everything in black and white even though you will probably try to deny that. Also what I said about you not knowing my interests or what I see fit didn't have to pertain to India at all. It had to pertain about you telling me I should get a job and that I should not explore america the way I am going to because it's just oh so dangerous. Since being a "backpacker" in another country would be so much safer by your standards. Also I do want to explore the world I just said I am going to southern california for a little bit but I'm not going to stay there. Sorry I didn't state every single place I am going.

I am willing to take advise from others but you I just really can't because all it seems like is a whole out war of who's right and who's not. I didn't want that. I didn't want you to get why I'm doing this because clearly you will never understand why. It's not your fault though but until you're living the life I am you would easily get why I am doing this.

By becoming "homeless" even though I will be far from that....since when I find the place I want to be it will be home because I'm happy there. Home doesn't have to mean a roof over your head which I'm sure you get since I said it numerous times....any ways by doing this I am trying to live. I am trying to find something that makes me want to wake up another day. I feel that if I don't do this that it's the end for me because it will be. There is just so much stress on top of my shoulders and if I go to school I will probably be so drugged out that I will fuck up the whole experience (every school I got into are major party schools). I just don't want to risk going into an environment like that right away....it could jeopardize everything I am trying to work for... I just need to get away for a little bit. Even if it means doing something drastic like this.

And again I know that nobody is going to tell me this is a good idea. I got that and like I said before I am not looking for you to tell me oh yeah good idea! I am just looking to hear a better way about going this other than going to school and what not because I will be going to school but it's just I don't want it to happen now.... I want to try something else out before that time comes.

When someone wants something they can get it. It will be hard but no one said it was going to be easy. I know there will be days when I will break down and cry.....wanting to go back home. Yet, there will be days that I realize why I am doing this and it will give me a whole different out look on life.

Also once you become dangerous to yourself nothing else seems so scary anymore.

 

[TheDeceased]

I didn't say being a backpacker in any other country would be safer.

I used to rebel against the world in a similar way when I was younger. I didn't become homeless, but I mirrored many of your sentiments regarding "the American dream". When I was young I refused to live like everyone else does.

I lived like a junky without the junk. I deprived myself of my basic physiological needs - warmth, food, etc.

As I grew older, I realized that these things have a purpose. Although "owning a house" or "buying a house" has a lot of stigma attached to it, it is essentially natural. Most animals build homes or nests or burrows or whatever. It's not conformity. It's our basic needs. Warmth, security, shelter. It isn't until you don't have these things, that their importance becomes clear.

Having said that, I'm almost 30 and I have no intention of owning a house. I'm going to the US to do my doctorate in a couple of years. Maybe sometime down the track I will buy a house and settle down. There is no hurry.

I wish I could convince you. I was stubborn once too.

Be safe.

Love,
The Deceased

 

[alwaysblazed]

I didn't say being a backpacker in any other country would be safer.

I used to rebel against the world in a similar way when I was younger. I didn't become homeless, but I mirrored many of your sentiments regarding "the American dream". When I was young I refused to live like everyone else does.

I lived like a junky without the junk. I deprived myself of my basic physiological needs - warmth, food, etc.

As I grew older, I realized that these things have a purpose. Although "owning a house" or "buying a house" has a lot of stigma attached to it, it is essentially natural. Most animals build homes or nests or burrows or whatever. It's not conformity. It's our basic needs. Warmth, security, shelter. It isn't until you don't have these things, that their importance becomes clear.

Having said that, I'm almost 30 and I have no intention of owning a house. I'm going to the US to do my doctorate in a couple of years. Maybe sometime down the track I will buy a house and settle down. There is no hurry.

I wish I could convince you. I was stubborn once too.

Be safe.

Love,
The Deceased

Don't get me wrong I'm listening to everything you have said. It's just I'm afraid that if I remain here that the worst is going to happen and I don't want that. For years I've haven't wanted to live and now I have finally reached my breaking point. I'm just afraid..... and I know I am stubborn/hard headed....sorry I do take after my mother in some aspects and it's the italian in me. But yeah I know we don't exactly see eye to eye but I understand that you were only trying to help and I thank you for that.

 

[TheDeceased]

Fear is not a good motivation for drastic life changes/running away from things.

If you are afraid, you need to face your fears rather than running away.

I wasted five years of my life running. It wouldn't be such a waste if it means I can help you to not make the same mistake.



Think about it.