what if I just picked up and left

[alwaysblazed]

Right now I feel like grabbing a few things and throwing it into my backpack and leaving. I don't have any money at all and no car. I would probably just put some clothes in the bag, toothbrush, toothpaste and other little things. I could leave right now but I'm probably going to wait a few more days.

The thing is I've been wanting to do this for awhile now. I feel as if there is nothing left for me where I am. Everything that I thought I was going to do isn't going to happen now. My best friend passed away.....my whole future/plans basically involved him. I randomly find out he died and now I'm here thinking what the hell am I going to do?! Honestly I don't have really anything to live for.

Everyone is telling me go to school, get that diploma, go to college, make money, buy a house and have kids. The truth is I don't want any of that. None of that is going to make me happy. I try to tell people that but then they give me this blank stare so I stopped trying to explain because obviously none of them understand. I mean I have a lot of potential and I could have a stable life if I tried but in the end I don't want that. I just want to do the things that make me happy even if it means I'm broke with no place to live.

I want to note that this isn't meant to be in a blog I just wanted to explain my situation to you guys. So how do you suggest I go about doing this? I also want to hear any input you have on this. I am just a young kid trying to live and right now all I am doing is slowly dying. Drugs are also swallowing me whole and I figure if I don't get out now I'm going to be lying dead in my own pool of vomit.

 

[snafu]

Just give urself time to think things through.. Talk to a few people, preferably not family, and get different opinions. Try to sober up as well.. PM me if you want to talk

 

[alwaysblazed]

I know I should sober up but I wasn't really using that much the beginning of this year. I actually wasn't using for a few weeks at a time. Even then I wanted to get the hell out of here. I've been wanting this since I was in middle school sadly. I've talked to a couple of my friends and they would want to do it as well but in the end they're going to stay home with their parents. They aren't ever going to leave what they have behind. Yet, I am ready. I've been ready. That's what's running through my head and of course I still have doubts (I did post this thread) but at the end of the day I have given up on everything.

 

[OrAnGePoPsIcLe]

I know exactly how you feel, I felt the same for a few years too, until I found out I do have something to live for.
I was also living with my parents, going to school... living kind of stable. But I felt so hopeless, I had no interest in anything... everything was kind of handed to me.
Before you make any irrational decisions, really plan out what you're going to do you know?
What gave me that push was that my friend(at the time, now my boyfriend), decided to move and told me to come with him. I felt like I wasn't really leaving anything behind, and it was one of the best decisions I made. So really think about it before you do something, especially right after a close friend passing away, it is normal to feel this way.
Best of luck to you!

 

[alwaysblazed]

I have nothing being handed to me in my current situation. I am pretty independent and hardly ever rely on anyone but myself. I know I just lost someone but even when he was still here I was suppose to pick up and leave with him. After my graduation I was going to do this but now that whole idea is ruined. I'm hopeless and depressed. Most of the people I surround myself with only make things worse. And those people are family members and even people I've considered my best friends. I mean I love them but I just can't deal with all their problems on top of mine and their idealistic ways....

I mean I could plan it out but really what is there to plan when you have nothing? I mean I don't know where I'll end up. I'm not looking to get a place to live. So far I was thinking about hitching rides across the states to the west coast. Skateboard in Berkeley and head down the coast to Los Angeles. I don't plan on remaining there though but I'm just trying to get far away from where I am.

I'm sorry you feel the same way. I figure a lot of people do but most never go through with their plans. They just follow the path you're "suppose to".

 

[Zerrr]

I can relate to you completely.

When I was younger the thought of staying in the same place,doing the same things,seeing the same people everyday, was insanely depressing. I wanted to live, and I really didn't believe there was any hope I could live the way I wanted to in the place I was at.

I'm not gonna recommend that you leave, but I sure wish I did. I would just try to be positive, and make the best out of whatever situation you find yourself in.

I stayed where I was, focused on creating music, playing my guitar,learning-reading,fishing and a few other things. I avoided relationships and serious jobs because I didn't want to get tied down. Those things kept me busy for a few years but eventually I became very depressed(like not getting out of bed for 6 months, depressed).
After that I got physically dependent on opiates(oxycontin>heroin) which lasted 3 years.
I did recently move and got clean, but the hill I have to climb now is a lot larger than it was 5-10 years ago.

Good luck with whatever you choose.

 

[alwaysblazed]

I can relate to you completely.

When I was younger the thought of staying in the same place,doing the same things,seeing the same people everyday, was insanely depressing. I wanted to live, and I really didn't believe there was any hope I could live the way I wanted to in the place I was at.

I'm not gonna recommend that you leave, but I sure wish I did. I would just try to be positive, and make the best out of whatever situation you find yourself in.

I stayed where I was, focused on creating music, playing my guitar,learning-reading,fishing and a few other things. I avoided relationships and serious jobs because I didn't want to get tied down. Those things kept me busy for a few years but eventually I became very depressed(like not getting out of bed for 6 months, depressed).
After that I got physically dependent on opiates(oxycontin>heroin) which lasted 3 years.
I did recently move and got clean, but the hill I have to climb now is a lot larger than it was 5-10 years ago.

Good luck with whatever you choose.

Thank you. And yeah I know leaving seems like not the best idea but sometimes you just got to risk what you have to find out what you do want. It's just I'm stuck with a mother who I love but our relationship is definitly a love/hate kind of thing. I tried to make things work but it just got too tiring when she wasn't willing to try as well. I also am dealing with a crazy household and my mom is going through a divorce with my whacked out step father..... We are also living on child support my father sends us so basically we are forced to live in an abusive household where now it's gotten to the point you have to sleep with one eye open. I mean my step father was cool and everything but now he's turning crazy again.... The first time I knew he was crazy was when he choked me and threw me on the table and it broke.... I mean full force shit I ended up running into their room into the closet and throwing up. Also crazier shit has happened the past four years I've been living here. My mom also just found out from his ex wife that he is abusive and that he use to drown her in the bath tub ect. I tried to tell my mom a long time ago to get out because I didn't have a good feeling but she didn't listen. This also isn't the first time I've lived in an abusive home... Things never change. I'm tired of getting trapped into this situations. I know my mother is trying but I just can't handle it anymore. I take on so much stress daily that I've haven't been going to school. Right now I'm currently unenrolled and I'm suppose to graduate in six weeks! I mean I'm most likely getting reenrolled because I have notes to explain why I've missed so much school.

Also no one knows about my drug use really. My friends don't even know except one of my close guy friends but he only knows because I get high with him. So basically I've dealt with addiction and withdrawl all of that wonderful shit on my own. It also is upsetting no one even cares to notice. Yeah I don't speak up but still. Nothing positive has ever come out of where I am right now. I'm also in a totally different state far away from my family because my mother wanted to get married. I use to be a happy kid and I didn't even fuck with drugs/alcohol but wow that sure has changed.

I am also battling addiction with opiates. I deny to myself that I'm addicted.... my use isn't as bad as before well it is getting to that point actually again.

So this is all weighing down on me and causing me to act rashly.

*super long reply haha sorry

 

[fifleman]

Think this through: you have a few items, bare necessities if they can even be called that. No money and no mode of personal transportation. There is nothing left for you where you are.

---Do you think this is going to change wherever you're planning on going?

Read and interpret this simple, Buddhist saying:
Wherever I go, I meet myself.

More than telling us on Bluelight, you're telling, reiterating, and convincing yourself that you have nothing left. Your best friend died (and my heartfelt love to you), you're unhappy where you're at, and you're slowly, spiritually dying. All of this stuff hurts, but many people out there in the world have it a lot worse. And, above all, this is life. Until you understand life is suffering and learn how to deal with suffering in a positive way, you will be depressed and loathsome of this world.

Your plans included your friend. That's great that you had a friend like that (for I don't) but his passing should not affect your future. As much as he was intertwined into any future plans, you are your own person. When we attach ourselves to anything outside of ourselves, we are bound to suffer. Why? Because even more so than our existence, all things outside of our self is transitory, as in, impermanent, passing, and fragile. Think about it: if you died, you would not know the difference, because you died. With it go your earthly body and mind. But because it was your friend that died, you are left on this beautiful earth with a tragic situation to try to decipher. All of the suffering that goes along with a death of a friend and his association to you has to be shouldered and gone through by you.

The sooner we find out that life is transitory and tragically short, the quicker we will be able to rejoice in the small moment of life we are currently in. We will wish not to rehash old memories or painful situations or see new and current situations through the lens of the past. We will also not want to make plans for the future, for the future does not exist. We will instinctively know what to do when the moment is upon us. If it shows responsibility or a caring, loving attitude or a moment of genius or whatever, we will know what to do. When we live in the moment, our ego and mind subside and there are no problems. My friend is dead; God, I loved that dude. He was so kind. I hope to let his kindness shine through me. Just an example of a moment type thought that I might have for a good friend passing.

When you say you just want to do the things that make you happy even if you're broke with no place to live, you sound like you want to live a life of a bum. I understand bums as being happy when they have a bottle of booze or a drug in their hand and most contented with it in their system. Beggars by day, transients through the evening, and drunk by night. You do not want this. And as sad as it may be, today's life takes money. Guess what? I work a measly 40 hours a week and make $10/hr. It's not amazing and it certainly doesn't even allow me any room for extra expenses, but I am happy with my deeper self. I live in the moment.

If I could share my hope for you, it would be for you to find your true, inner self. It would be for you to completely abstain from drugs and alcohol to calm your mind and learn that the ego has completely taken you over and constantly talks negative to you. You do not have to go to college or do anything anyone says. However, what you should want for yourself and your life is to be happy, content, free. Alcohol and drugs do not offer this. I will not argue this with anyone, but I will never waiver on this belief. They are not mind-opening but rather ego-promoting and mind-decaying.

You have one thing to live for: you. Your true self. Not what your inner voice in your head tells you every day, but the deeper soul, the deeper existence of you. Your mind lies to you every day: tells you life sucks, there's nothing to live for, just end it. Doesn't want you to be happy anywhere and wants you insane everywhere. Learn to become an observer to your mind, as in, listen to the crazy bullshit it says and realize that is not you. It is your opinions, judgments, views, thoughts, etc., but it is not you.

Be ok with your self. I used to love self-loathing and feeling sorry for myself, but it does not feel so good anymore. As Kurt Cobain said in one of his songs, "...I miss the comfort in being sad". There was comfort there, but it was not contented peace. The latter is so much greater.

Remove alcohol and drugs to begin the process of dealing with your suffering.

I am tired and have rambled quite long. Good night and much

 

[alwaysblazed]

Think this through: you have a few items, bare necessities if they can even be called that. No money and no mode of personal transportation. There is nothing left for you where you are.

---Do you think this is going to change wherever you're planning on going?

Read and interpret this simple, Buddhist saying:
Wherever I go, I meet myself.

More than telling us on Bluelight, you're telling, reiterating, and convincing yourself that you have nothing left. Your best friend died (and my heartfelt love to you), you're unhappy where you're at, and you're slowly, spiritually dying. All of this stuff hurts, but many people out there in the world have it a lot worse. And, above all, this is life. Until you understand life is suffering and learn how to deal with suffering in a positive way, you will be depressed and loathsome of this world.

Your plans included your friend. That's great that you had a friend like that (for I don't) but his passing should not affect your future. As much as he was intertwined into any future plans, you are your own person. When we attach ourselves to anything outside of ourselves, we are bound to suffer. Why? Because even more so than our existence, all things outside of our self is transitory, as in, impermanent, passing, and fragile. Think about it: if you died, you would not know the difference, because you died. With it go your earthly body and mind. But because it was your friend that died, you are left on this beautiful earth with a tragic situation to try to decipher. All of the suffering that goes along with a death of a friend and his association to you has to be shouldered and gone through by you.

The sooner we find out that life is transitory and tragically short, the quicker we will be able to rejoice in the small moment of life we are currently in. We will wish not to rehash old memories or painful situations or see new and current situations through the lens of the past. We will also not want to make plans for the future, for the future does not exist. We will instinctively know what to do when the moment is upon us. If it shows responsibility or a caring, loving attitude or a moment of genius or whatever, we will know what to do. When we live in the moment, our ego and mind subside and there are no problems. My friend is dead; God, I loved that dude. He was so kind. I hope to let his kindness shine through me. Just an example of a moment type thought that I would have for a good friend passing.

When you say you just want to do the things that make you happy even if you're broke with no place to live, you sound like you want to live a life of a bum. I understand bums as being happy when they have a bottle of booze or a drug in their hand and most contented with it in their system. Beggars by day, transients through the evening, and drunk by night. You do not want this. And as sad as it may be, today's life takes money. Guess what? I work a measly 40 hours a week and make $10/hr. It's not amazing and it certainly doesn't even allow me any room for extra expenses, but I am happy with my deeper self. I live in the moment.

If I could share my hope for you, it would be for you to find your true, inner self. It would be for you to completely abstain from drugs and alcohol to calm your mind and learn that the ego has completely taken you over and constantly talks negative to you. You do not have to go to college or do anything anyone says. However, what you should want for yourself and your life is to be happy, content, free. Alcohol and drugs do not offer this. I will not argue this with anyone, but I will never waiver on this belief. They are not mind-opening but rather ego-promoting and mind-decaying.

You have one thing to live for: you. Your true self. Not what your inner voice in your head tells you every day, but the deeper soul, the deeper existence of you. Your mind lies to you every day: tells you life sucks, there's nothing to live for, just end it. Doesn't want you to be happy anywhere and wants you insane everywhere. Learn to become an observer to your mind, as in, listen to the crazy bullshit it says and realize that is not you. It is your opinions, judgments, views, thoughts, etc., but it is not you.

Be ok with your self. I used to love self-loathing and feeling sorry for myself, but it does not feel so good anymore. As Kurt Cobain said in one of his songs, "...I miss the comfort in being sad". There was comfort there, but it was not contented peace. The latter is so much greater.

Remove alcohol and drugs to begin the process of dealing with your suffering.

I am tired and have rambled quite long. Good night and much

I know some people have it worse but I didn't list all the shit that has happened to me. Such as being in foster care, being raped, molested, abuse and the list goes on. I don't want pity though but honestly my life is meaningless right now. I just though I could post somewhere where people wouldn't try to judge me because you don't know all the things I am going through. I understand the whole life is transitory thing I even have a tattoo that goes along with that as a reminder. I'm also not trying to be a bum but I want to explore the world. I want to find myself on the way. I am not saying that I will do this for the rest of my life.... I eventually hope I can settle down because I found what I've been searching for, for so long.

If I do this though I have the chance to find meaning. I just don't want to end my life. I mean I've thought about it but I don't want to give up just yet. I have nothing to lose. It's just if I continue doing things I don't want to do I feel that sooner or later I'm going to take my life....I don't want that but I know it's still in the back of my mind.

I've been suffering long before the death of my friend who was the love of my life. He was going to help me get out though and that's why I'm upset that he is no longer here and of course for other reasons. So when I found out he passed it just added onto the whole shit load of things I already have been struggling with. So now I can only do this on my own. I'm just so scared.

I can't even get closure on his death because he's getting buried in his home state. And I have no money to get a plane ticket to his funeral.

 

[zombiesarepeaceful]

If you're running from yourself, or the drugs, chances are it'll follow you.
I can understand cuz I've done it, I got kicked out of where I was living, was homeless, and took the greyhound to the next city.
But if its you you're running from, it's gonna blow up in your face. I'm just being honest, not trying to burst anyone's bubble. In the end I've had to face myself, face my worst fears, to get where I am, inspite of moving, being homeless, building my life back up from nothing, etc. All that was just riff raff in the grand scheme of changing and facing myself, so I don't have to run from me anymore.

 

[alwaysblazed]

If you're running from yourself, or the drugs, chances are it'll follow you.
I can understand cuz I've done it, I got kicked out of where I was living, was homeless, and took the greyhound to the next city.
But if its you you're running from, it's gonna blow up in your face. I'm just being honest, not trying to burst anyone's bubble. In the end I've had to face myself, face my worst fears, to get where I am, inspite of moving, being homeless, building my life back up from nothing, etc. All that was just riff raff in the grand scheme of changing and facing myself, so I don't have to run from me anymore.

Really I am not running from myself.... I'm running from the situations I've gotten myself into. I'm running from the future I know I will have if I stay here. For years I've been wanting to get away but I've been trapped here. Finally I am ready to get out.

 

[blakmike]

No time like the present

That's why I do coke crack and speed is to hope that it will snap me into some kind of action, but usually it never does, and I just feel bad for not ever doing anything that makes so much sense, yet I always feel like I just might do something that is an attempt to fix whatever i'm disssatisfied with the most next time.

 

[alwaysblazed]

Even before drugs I wanted to do something to get me out of this place I am in but as the years go by I just feel even more trapped.

 

[Eyes On the Roll]

dude, i have been wanting to get up and go for so long.

Im actually selling my car now because its a gas hog. I was either gonna buy another car with the money.. or buy a plane ticket to LA and get the fuck out of here. The thing is is I would have to completely leave school behind.. and i have student loans that i owe, and i would be runing from them if i did this.

Idk man, one day i was really close to leaving. I dont know if i will or not, but once i sell the car i will know for sure. if i did id be going alone. The thought of leaving everything behind, everyone i know behind, and heading to california is intoxicating. Im over this shit. Im over my situation, over everything. I just want to run away, to a better place. Meet new people, get new connections, start something big.. something larger than life. I feel like Im meant for so much more, that i just cant achieve here. I cant stand sitting around waiting for action. I want to leave and do something, set something in motion, be a PART of something.. START something

if i had someone willing to drop everything and come with me, i would not be hesitating like this

 

[alwaysblazed]

dude, i have been wanting to get up and go for so long.

Im actually selling my car now because its a gas hog. I was either gonna buy another car with the money.. or buy a plane ticket to LA and get the fuck out of here. The thing is is I would have to completely leave school behind.. and i have student loans that i owe, and i would be runing from them if i did this.

Idk man, one day i was really close to leaving. I dont know if i will or not, but once i sell the car i will know for sure. if i did id be going alone. The thought of leaving everything behind, everyone i know behind, and heading to california is intoxicating. Im over this shit. Im over my situation, over everything. I just want to run away, to a better place. Meet new people, get new connections, start something big.. something larger than life. I feel like Im meant for so much more, that i just cant achieve here. I cant stand sitting around waiting for action. I want to leave and do something, set something in motion, be a PART of something.. START something

if i had someone willing to drop everything and come with me, i would not be hesitating like this

I feel EXACTLY the same way. I would also be leaving school behind as well. Well I'd actually be leaving everything behind. Everyday I grow an inch closer to walking out that door and never coming back. To be honest I could be leaving right at this very second but I don't. That's what makes me mad because honestly I shouldn't be saying I'm going to do it....I should just get up and make it happen. Yet, I'm hesitating just like you. I agree, if someone was willing to do this with me I would already be long gone but that's probably never going to happen. I will most likely have to do this on my own.

 

[toastedpanda]

What is it that you want out of life, what do you hope to find by leaving are questions that you should answer before leaving. Just packing up not even the bear neccisities in life and moving across the country could result in you being trully trapped in a much more crushing way. I've felt that way and still do to some extent, but stuck it out. I finished school, got a job that pays 4k a month and got my drug use under control as best I could

This all has brought a lot of stability in my life and put me in much more control of my own destiny and as a result, I don't feel so trapped. Even though I don't plan on keeping this career or remain in this enviroment, they both allow me to start and plan the life I dream of. A lot of young people thonk the 9-5 is such a bad thing and being only 20 myself I understand where there coming from, but really its much betgter than just floating through life with no plan and nothing to gain.

You say you want to do what makes you happy even if it means your broke with no place to live, the truth is most destitute homeless are not happy.

 

[alwaysblazed]

What is it that you want out of life, what do you hope to find by leaving are questions that you should answer before leaving. Just packing up not even the bear neccisities in life and moving across the country could result in you being trully trapped in a much more crushing way. I've felt that way and still do to some extent, but stuck it out. I finished school, got a job that pays 4k a month and got my drug use under control as best I could

This all has brought a lot of stability in my life and put me in much more control of my own destiny and as a result, I don't feel so trapped. Even though I don't plan on keeping this career or remain in this enviroment, they both allow me to start and plan the life I dream of. A lot of young people thonk the 9-5 is such a bad thing and being only 20 myself I understand where there coming from, but really its much betgter than just floating through life with no plan and nothing to gain.

You say you want to do what makes you happy even if it means your broke with no place to live, the truth is most destitute homeless are not happy.

I'm not worried about the 9 to 5 job. I know I could manage having one but I rather do something else. Also being broke and with no place to live doesn't make me a homeless person. If I am somewhere doing what makes me happy....in the place I want to be then I am home. Just because I don't have a roof over my head doesn't mean I can't have a place to call "home". Also a lot of people who are homeless didn't choose to be. They wanted something more. They want the american dream but I don't.

You all don't realize that stability doesn't matter in the end. Nor does the amount of money you have, the job, the house and so on because when you die no one's going to care. No ones going to give a damn if you went to an Ivy school or were a millionaire. Everything you worked so hard for will mean nothing. The only thing you will have left with you are the memories. So I rather look back on my life and see that I did the things I wanted to do. I don't want to regret that I held back.

 

[toastedpanda]

I get that from your posts, you still haven't said what it is you want or what makes you happy (which I feel you will say is what you want). All we want to do at TDS is to help you find your peace and happiness, how can we help you do this? Did you simply need to vent (that's okay, too). Do ypu need us to help justify your desire to leave? You are deflecting most of the words wrote otherwise. Unfortunatly many of us have been where your at and that is precisly why running will be recommended by few here. And truth be told many of us find the best memories were made when we lived stable lives and shared our succes with freinds and loved ones. It may not be understood by you till you struggle more and grow older, many of us must learn through our own experince.

Money may not buy happiness, but I live in one of the poorest cities in The US and
I see very few of the destitute loving life.

Best of luck in whatever choice you may make...

 

[alwaysblazed]

I get that from your posts, you still haven't said what it is you want or what makes you happy (which I feel you will say is what you want). All we want to do at TDS is to help you find your peace and happiness, how can we help you do this? Did you simply need to vent (that's okay, too). Do ypu need us to help justify your desire to leave? You are deflecting most of the words wrote otherwise. Unfortunatly many of us have been where your at and that is precisly why running will be recommended by few here. And truth be told many of us find the best memories were made when we lived stable lives and shared our succes with freinds and loved ones. It may not be understood by you till you struggle more and grow older, many of us must learn through our own experince.

Money may not buy happiness, but I live in one of the poorest cities in The US and
I see very few of the destitute loving life.

Best of luck in whatever choice you may make...

I'm young but I've been through more shit than most. Again I didn't want a pity party so that's why I didn't list. And also I'm not from a rich family either. I've been living with a mother who doesn't have a job and we just make it by. My life has never really ever been stable and it isn't now. I always had to worry about where am I going to live, what's going to happen next, will my sister and mom be okay? I never got to live a normal life.

I also was trapped at home when I was younger. Since my mom got us back from foster care she has been so protective. She wouldn't let my sister or I go out. We would always have to be with her. Was I able to go to sleepovers? No. Now I'm older and I'm not going to be forced to remain here. My mother even is trying to make me go to a college that is closer to her... when I got into a university in Southern California she was all pissed off. She wasn't even happy for me. The funny thing she isn't even paying a dime so I don't see how she thinks she will be the one deciding.

I'm done being controlled and I'm not looking for you guys to say yeah leave! That's the best idea ever. I am listening to what you guys have to say and I understand what you're trying to tell be but all my life I have been trapped.

What makes me happy since you ask: knowing I'm not chained down, that I can make my own decisions. That I do not have to go to school because if you don't then you're a loser. (I get good grades got accepted into every school I applied for). Going somewhere new and travelling to places I've never been....places I wanted to see. Meet new people and start over. Finally live my life and not have it be controlled by others. Finally not having to have the stress of others on my shoulder. I had to be an adult living in my household.....I had to make sure my sister and mom were okay. I had to check on my mother when she was puking out her brains from being sick. I had to get my sister help when I found all the cuts she had and the knives hidden away. I had to always make sure they would be fine. I neglected my own self and the funny thing is no one is there to even help me now.

Wherever my journey takes me I am sure I will find something that I love. I know it won't be easy but it's worth a shot. I want to go over to the west coast. Sit in the sand and just watch the waves. I want to draw everything I see because I am an artist. I want to write everything that goes on. Maybe I could even make something out of this crazy adventure.

I'm not going to leave right now. I'm still deciding. Maybe I'll know by this summer.... I just have to think this through and map out what I'm going to do. I just don't want to be another person dead from drugs. Or be the person who committed suicide because they had enough. I don't want to be the depressed person I am any longer. I don't want to keep myself here where I have nothing left for me.

 

[Ixchellian]

I'm not worried about the 9 to 5 job. I know I could manage having one but I rather do something else. Also being broke and with no place to live doesn't make me a homeless person. If I am somewhere doing what makes me happy....in the place I want to be then I am home. Just because I don't have a roof over my head doesn't mean I can't have a place to call "home". Also a lot of people who are homeless didn't choose to be. They wanted something more. They want the american dream but I don't.

I've been living nomad now for a couple years after being in the Army for almost 8...... and "homeless" is a full-time job on it's own.
Granted, it's nice not having to wake up at oh-dark-thirty in the fuckin' shitty cold mornings to go do pushups (or some other unspeakable torment)....

But still, you're not giving the 9-to-5 enough credit.....
"I didn't sell out!..... I bought in!"

You can still see the world, and/or perform your art, while working the right job. And having a job can be very cathartic/theraputic. If your family/home life sucks, I'm sure you'll be able to find welcome company with your coworkers.

Besides...... aside from being on the gov. dole, how do you afford food, bus/train tokens, and a weekly room?.... and do it legit? there's not a lot of lucrative legal hustles out there right now, and the ones I know I ain't gonna share.... they're that scarce.

it's hard as shit going it alone, not to mention dangerous.....
~ ever get caught in a torrential rainstorm or snow blizzard while hitchhiking, miles from shelter?
~ wake up in an abandoned squat with cops, gacked-out tweakers, or hungry beasts coming down the hallway?
~ get shaken down by thugs (or the government 8) ) for everything you're worth?

But if you're gonna go.... at least have a good sized bankroll secured somewhere; take only what's vital to your survival, and that you could walk away from in 10min or less; and always have an Out.

You all don't realize that stability doesn't matter in the end. Nor does the amount of money you have, the job, the house and so on because when you die no one's going to care. No ones going to give a damn if you went to an Ivy school or were a millionaire. Everything you worked so hard for will mean nothing. The only thing you will have left with you are the memories. So I rather look back on my life and see that I did the things I wanted to do. I don't want to regret that I held back.

Ah.... but our individual memories fade...... like old pictures, super-8 film, or tears in the rain (props Roy).

When none but the stone of your grave-marker remembers your name, then you are good & gone. I personally don't care much for legacies.... but when we're happy we tend to be creative.
Anything we create is legacy enough, given there's friends/family/community around to enjoy it after we're gone...... memories alone aren't enough.