Lost What happens when you tell a doctor you are suicidal and havea drug issue?

[✿Dai₷y✿]

I was a dickhead and took a very large number of 100mg seroquels, about 50 of them, some fucked up shit was going on, but iirc thinking I'm good with this but wasn't sure if it would even work (still don't know).

But after swallowing them, the practical side emerges, like "fuck, I need to give my pet to someone so she doesn't starve ", "i should clean up first", stupid shit.

So I rang my mum and told her what I did and could she arrange something got my lorikeet.

By then, mum had probably had enough weird shit and was interstate so she said call an ambulance you idiot, nothing we can do from here". So I rang them and said I told my mum I would so I did.



The seroquel knocked me on my arse,, I couldn't keep awake and couldn't do what they told me. I had no clothes on and there were about 3 other male patients , the male nurse was just being a piece of shit abusing me. I couldn't do anything at all, . He was probably yelling to keep me concious, nothing personal but hoped they would just leave me in peace to croak, no dramas.

Next day I managed to sort of slur my words to the effect of "you are an awful man, you have no idea what I'm going through, cant believe you work here" etc, went home in my bra, few days later they came to put me away involuntarily.

I just pretended I had a support network and was feeling better , that was a total lie, there is no way that place would have helped me.

Drug issues could be better off at home detox, severe mental crisis not so much I think.

 

[n3ophy7e]

I was a dickhead and took a very large number of 100mg seroquels, about 50 of them, some fucked up shit was going on, but iirc thinking I'm good with this but wasn't sure if it would even work (still don't know).

But after swallowing them, the practical side emerges, like "fuck, I need to give my pet to someone so she doesn't starve ", "i should clean up first", stupid shit.

It's so weird, the things that go through our head when we've taken the pills huh. I remember, one of the times I attempted to OD, I made the decision I was going to do it. But before I took the pills, I cleaned the entire house from top to bottom (I'd already had 4 bottles of white wine). The whole house was absolutely spick n span, not a single speck of dust to be found anywhere. The whole place was sparkling clean. Then I took the pills and started drinking the vodka. I guess it was mainly so that my partner at the time didn't have to worry about cleaning the house for at least a week after I'd died (that was nice of me huh), and also so that when the paramedics arrived they would remark on how nice and clean the house was. LOL

 

[Mafioso]

Sorry for the late reply and thanks for all the support. I haven't done anything stupid, at least not anything dumber than sitting around smoking and popping xans. I wrote this really fucked up, so I don't entirely remember everything. I've been trying to taper and I've found the best way for me is to sleep and eat as much as possible, avoid stress, and take only as needed. Use weed to help with sleep and nausea, but too much makes my head spin and I end up taking more xan to feel level.

I'm going to try to reply to everyone who took the time to write to me, it just might not be tonight. Thanks again for all the support, I'm realizing this has been an on going theme of my life for quite some time, even before drugs to be honest. I never did follow up on getting professional help, and defnitely wasn't going to to go a psych ward- I've spent 40 something days in the hole withdrawing from pretty much every recreational drug, went into a psychosis that took weeks to come out of, and was treated like crap so I'm not sure I'd feel ok with anything beyond outpatient.

 

[Mafioso]

Can I ask how far you are willing to go to get your life where you want it to be? And can I ask your age? I think different advice applies to different people and age is a factor. Example: If you are 24 I might give you different advice then I would a 50 year old. Just 'cause their circumstances would be different. Things like income and housing situations can be very different for the different age groups.

So your main issue is you are taking 10 mgs of Xanax throughout the day right? What other meds do you take? Do you smoke and drink at all?

If ya feel like answering any of that I can probably give you some of my sage advice @Mafioso

I'm pretty willing, debating letting go of a six figure position so I can get back on track mentally. I'm in my early 30's, so still young enough to make a few more mistakes but at the age where I've isolated myself from all my friends, and my family just basically tolerates me, they hate me when I'm like this. I hate me when I'm like this. Anyways, definitely feeling more and more each day that my life is slipping away, that all the time I spent getting high could have been spent with the people who actually cared about me, that I could have chose a legit career path that probably would have allowed me to keep a better work/life balance and not have to isolate for secrecy. Had to move back home.

I smoke weed and take xanax. I was taking 2-3mg of adderall 3-5 times a week to keep up with the work schedule. I don't have much desire for any more other than when I have to socialize with family or need it to get something done, pull me out of the benzo stupor. WIthout benzos, it honestly scares me because I'm so high anxiety sober in general. Started drinking a tall can or two a day for a couple weeks but it really doesn't mix well with me and not a habit I care t pick up.

@Mafioso I apologize for derailing your thread. Hope you pop back on in the near future.

no need for apology

 

[Mafioso]

You will be locked in a mental hospital, forced medications (you will not be discharged until you agree, or they may hold you down and inject you if you refuse), given shotty group therapy like going around the group saying your favorite cookie, and then discharged to the door (some states are better than others and might try to help wirh aftercare). They will either sustain any physical addictions and then refer you to a detox, or maybe do a really uncomfortable, fast, but medically safe detox themselves. I dont suggest it, unfortunately

Or they might just give you advice like they did me, like filling out do not resuscitate paperwork.

Your situation doesn't seem like one that you should commit suicide over. If i were you, I'd get over the anti-rehab thing and go to an inpatient detox at least, as a start.

Prettty much what I had expected.. seen friends go through it in the US and it never really seemed to help, maybe for the short term.

 

[Mafioso]

@brokensoul - my web browser isnt letting my qote right now for whatever reason. Bt I'm in the US. I've actually been trying to stay busy and keeping my job opportunities open but I'm probably going to have to let things go for a bit a get myself recentered. If it wasn't for a few select members of my family that I know that decision would absolutely destroy them... like they've demonstrated far more love than I'd deserve from them... and last time at rehab my sister said everytime she hears a siren she worries it's for me because I've OD'd. This was when I was taking opioids, benzos, and whatever else came my way pretty much... but I know my family sees my relapse clear as day and is afraid to say something because it's a sensitive subject, and one we disagree on about the solution. in their eye's the problem is I walked away from Jessus- but that was just the point in my life when I started questioning things and drugs came along with it.

 

[Mafioso]

retty sure here in the USA at least at the point of showing up at the hospital after a seizure, they would be required to prescribe a taper, but not sure.

been there twice for that reason in normal hospitals. They just gave me anti nausea medication and said that it was mostly out of my body anyways, and with my history of rehab- plus having my mom there while i was unconscious(who doesn't understand the dangers, just that it's dangerous).... I'm pretty sure that option is removed.. I think my best bet would be to sober up and get another evaluation.

 

[Ketamania]

I see a lot of hate for mental hospitals in this thread, and while I do not like them very much either, it really did help me at one point in my life where I was about to slice my throat open with a kitchen knife during a psychotic episode (attempted suicide).

This may not apply to all hospitals due to different states' rules, but the one I went to was very nice.

1. You CAN refuse to take medications unless you are being violent towards others and they have to sedate you.

2. I think depending on the quality of the hospital, and how positive your mindset is, the therapy they provide IS helpful. If your mindset is "Oh this is shitty, this isn't going to work, I hate this place" then obviously it isn't going to be helpful. But, if you actually apply yourself, trust me, group and individual therapy are immensely helpful.

3. If you're there for suicide, you're going to have a 72-hour hold. This means you have to stay at least 3 days. Now, you can technically refuse it, but it just makes it worse because you end up staying longer fighting the courts as to why you are/aren't mentally fit. They do take into consideration your wishes.

4. The mental hospital I went to had designated smoke break times, and it was the best thing ever. Those four periods during the day were the best thing that ever happened to us in that place. Not all hospitals do that, but it sure is nice when they do.

5. KEEP YOURSELF BUSY! Follow the system, conform to the system. Pretend if you have to. You'll get out quicker. Go to all the therapies, talk to the doctors, wake up and go-to meals on time. They make note of all that stuff and it determines when you can leave. Follow the schedule to a "T", and you'll get out in minimum time.

Let's try to end the stigma around mental hospitals people. Yes, they are often an unpleasant experience, and can even lead to PTSD, but they are NOWHERE near as bad as they were back then. And for most people, it actually helps them turn their life around- like it did mine.

I don't know... it feels weird to say but to survive your stay and be the most comfortable- "manipulate the system".

 

[OpiateKiller]

Just wanna say you’ve given me some great advice and you’re a good person. We love you here and you personally have impacted my life. I’m going through similar pains and struggle. Please get help we love you and you deserve it.

 

[xxsicknessxx]

Don't tell doctors you have a drug problem. Maybe it comes up because they ask you that's fine, but don't just tell them. It doesn't help your case.. In my life every time I told a doctor I was thinking of killing myself I was 51/50 I had to spend weeks in mental hospitals and it was horrible telling them I did drugs stopped me from begging given ativan for anxiety. I go to a pain clinic now where there jobs to give norcos for pain, that's the truth in CA they got places just for that but doctors are just doctors there here to help but if your mentally crazy go to a psycitrist or therapy because those people love to help crazy people work things out plus psycitrist can give you all kinds of drugs including fun ones and crazy pills.

Just imo.

Dude killing your self isn't the answer. I've been homeless sleeping in a dumpster just to hide from a gang that wanted to kill me. That's the truth. Life's been bad for me it really has but once your sober everything changes and you start to enjoy normal life again
I do. I love my life again in a way I didn't think I ever would. Good luck.

 

[Purposefull]

I hate to say it, but even though I've been through suicidal feelings more times than I like to remember the only, and I do mean ONLY time I'll ever admit to being suicidal again is if I have no medical coverage at all, the ACA is repealed and I'm in long term severe pain. I learned the hard way that sometimes the only way to get medical help is to say you're suicidal. At this point they pretty much have to at least figure out what is going on to cause it because you're not permitted to kill yourself. That's the hospitals fucking job..

 

[n3ophy7e]

I hate to say it, but even though I've been through suicidal feelings more times than I like to remember the only, and I do mean ONLY time I'll ever admit to being suicidal again is if I have no medical coverage at all, the ACA is repealed and I'm in long term severe pain. I learned the hard way that sometimes the only way to get medical help is to say you're suicidal. At this point they pretty much have to at least figure out what is going on to cause it because you're not permitted to kill yourself. That's the hospitals fucking job..

It sucks that it has to come to that sometimes, huh. How are you these days??

 

[Purposefull]

It sucks that it has to come to that sometimes, huh. How are you these days??

Me? I'm in a whole lot better shape than back then..no teeth to hurt and I at least have medicaid and VA benefits and I have my own shop to work from . I still take a low dose of methadone, 8 mgs. I was trying to taper completely off, but since I only go to the clinic once a week and I'm not getting even one minute younger I might stay on the low dose to help with pain. Trying to get a script for pain meds these days is like telling the doc I'll be 4 years old next year..

 

[Mafioso]

Thanks again for the support. Just stopped by to give a quick update, struggling to stick to a strict taper over the last week or so but have been successful in at least dropping my dose to 2-4mg/day on the average. I've been fairly inconsistent on dose size and time.. kind of wavering between giving into hedonistic urges and pushing myself to the point that I start to experience extreme dysphoria and mild hallucinations, at which point I'll take a taper dose but struggling to find what stabilizes me and what is just extra.

The depression has really hit hard, with many days as of late I find myself struggling to get out of bed let alone do much beyond basic hygiene. Emotions are really starting to come surging back, everything I've tried to push down starts to rise back up and I'll find myself in tears about past events. For whatever reason I've been drawn to videos like this ...I guess to reaffirm the full effect of a decision I still struggle to put away.

I've been trying to avoid stress as I know it's a trigger not only for craving xans but worse, for seizures when tapering/withdrawing, but it's reached a point that avoiding the stress only leads to my worries becoming greater as I'm neglecting responsibilities and relationships... which is only something that I can get away with for so long before bridges start getting burned, and I think I may have already started a fire on a few of them unintentionally...

It's usually at this point that I start to consider looking for professional help as I can tell all my friends are exhausted with even the idea of trying to help. It's also at this point where my motivation is the lowest, and I know if I can just pull through this darkness for a little bit longer the light will start to shine again. In a way it has, just being able to feel anything feels better than being completely numb to the world.

 

[n3ophy7e]

Thanks again for the support. Just stopped by to give a quick update, struggling to stick to a strict taper over the last week or so but have been successful in at least dropping my dose to 2-4mg/day on the average. I've been fairly inconsistent on dose size and time.. kind of wavering between giving into hedonistic urges and pushing myself to the point that I start to experience extreme dysphoria and mild hallucinations, at which point I'll take a taper dose but struggling to find what stabilizes me and what is just extra.

The depression has really hit hard, with many days as of late I find myself struggling to get out of bed let alone do much beyond basic hygiene. Emotions are really starting to come surging back, everything I've tried to push down starts to rise back up and I'll find myself in tears about past events. For whatever reason I've been drawn to videos like this ...I guess to reaffirm the full effect of a decision I still struggle to put away.

I've been trying to avoid stress as I know it's a trigger not only for craving xans but worse, for seizures when tapering/withdrawing, but it's reached a point that avoiding the stress only leads to my worries becoming greater as I'm neglecting responsibilities and relationships... which is only something that I can get away with for so long before bridges start getting burned, and I think I may have already started a fire on a few of them unintentionally...

It's usually at this point that I start to consider looking for professional help as I can tell all my friends are exhausted with even the idea of trying to help. It's also at this point where my motivation is the lowest, and I know if I can just pull through this darkness for a little bit longer the light will start to shine again. In a way it has, just being able to feel anything feels better than being completely numb to the world.

Good on you man, please hang in there, you really are doing great. I'm still just a PM away if you need to chat to someone