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What’s the longest time you were without sex?

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SpiralusSancti

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 2, 2023
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So? What was your longest dry spell, willing celibate, some problem causing you not be able to have or to want sex, anything whatsoever…..

Mine is approaching year. Far, far longer than ever before. If someone told me not too long ago I’ll not have sex for a year as long before old days or forced because some serious reason I would dismiss it as something not in any way in a spirit of me.

I’m currently in a state of mind where I wouldn’t mind to have sex with some beautiful girl but don’t put any kind of energy, any whatsoever in that direction. And having sex with some crazy bitch soul eater ex or new is now out of question, even with someone with whom sex is mindblowing. But I’m not 100% sure what all caused me to feel so. One of last sexual experiences I had, or at least not too long before I stopped having sex made me think – hell, this is it, I reached a point where there ain't left fantasy I at least partly didn’t realised. And so I started thinking about in how many problems thinking with my dick got me and that it ain’t worth anymore. Another thing that bothered me is that it was long, long time since I last time had “best sex ever”, and I think that to have it again it needs to be with someone I’m madly in love and pure beauty, novelty or having mind blowing sex because it’s spiced with great drugs just wont cut it anymore. Still all of those would certainly be great but to seek it actively is not nowhere the top of the list of my current life priorities. Sounds kinda right and nice mindset? But I wonder is it that I also (that pronounced) fucked up my testosterone levels or whatever.

I’m wondering did anyone experienced something like this and than after some time just jumpstared sex life? I don’t miss sex more as more time passes and even ideas that popped to my mind first few months rather regularly – like fuck it, I’ll just call hear and get laid, are not there anymore and that’s kinda great as I wont fuck up my life with wrong person again (at least not the one I know already).

Time will show if my drug diet is wrong or if some not 100% unresolved ex relationship is in fact that mad love I need to have best sex ever or if I’m more mature now or....
 
From when I first had sex at 17 about half a dozen times until I was almost 20, so about 2 years! I went through a phase of HEAVY cannabis use then, and I think that affected my mental health and libido to the extent that, looking back as my more confident adult self, I didn't take up on quite a few opportunities for sex with girls I like, mainly due to shyness.
Ive been in a little bit of a dry spell as it is tbh, I think about 4 months BUT have a couple of things going at the moment, so it hopefully won't be 5, thank god...
 
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SpiralusSancti said:
So? What was your longest dry spell, willing celibate, some problem causing you not be able to have or to want sex, anything whatsoever…..

Mine is approaching year. Far, far longer than ever before. If someone told me not too long ago I’ll not have sex for a year as long before old days or forced because some serious reason I would dismiss it as something not in any way in a spirit of me.

I’m currently in a state of mind where I wouldn’t mind to have sex with some beautiful girl but don’t put any kind of energy, any whatsoever in that direction. And having sex with some crazy bitch soul eater ex or new is now out of question, even with someone with whom sex is mindblowing. But I’m not 100% sure what all caused me to feel so. One of last sexual experiences I had, or at least not too long before I stopped having sex made me think – hell, this is it, I reached a point where there ain't left fantasy I at least partly didn’t realised. And so I started thinking about in how many problems thinking with my dick got me and that it ain’t worth anymore. Another thing that bothered me is that it was long, long time since I last time had “best sex ever”, and I think that to have it again it needs to be with someone I’m madly in love and pure beauty, novelty or having mind blowing sex because it’s spiced with great drugs just wont cut it anymore. Still all of those would certainly be great but to seek it actively is not nowhere the top of the list of my current life priorities. Sounds kinda right and nice mindset? But I wonder is it that I also (that pronounced) fucked up my testosterone levels or whatever.

I’m wondering did anyone experienced something like this and than after some time just jumpstared sex life? I don’t miss sex more as more time passes and even ideas that popped to my mind first few months rather regularly – like fuck it, I’ll just call hear and get laid, are not there anymore and that’s kinda great as I wont fuck up my life with wrong person again (at least not the one I know already).

Time will show if my drug diet is wrong or if some not 100% unresolved ex relationship is in fact that mad love I need to have best sex ever or if I’m more mature now or....
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Maybe I'm wrong because I don't remember the worst, but if I don't remember them it's because it wasn't too important for me (my memory is weak, in anycase.

The worst I remember was almost a year n a half... it was pretty horrible, because I started questioning my attractiveness. It wasn't actually that, but living in a place with some girls (society) I generally don't like, and just a few friends to engage with
I think something like this depends largely on your social circle. If you don't have a social circle for whatever reason... or you don't have a hobby, study or work where there are (enough) women....
then you're screwed.

In my case I didn't want to use Tinder, nor do I plan to use it now, as it goes against my morals (I don't like the idea of looking for sex as a commodity).
Instead I broke the dry spell by using another "app" for flirting, but (at least) one that promoted long term relationships, and indeed from there came a 5 year relationship, but with a person with BPD. This relationship was very intense, for better or worse, the sex was the best of my life, at least at the beginning of the relationship, or/and when using psychedelics.

My decision is firm in this,
I prefer an infinite dry spell to go back to using something that uses an internet "profile", I want to meet someone with the magic of reality, not a damn algorithm or feel like a product in a catalog.
I am much more than a product.
 
I’m currently going through my longest period of time without sex. It’s been about 9 months. I haven’t had any desire since I got out of a relationship of 12 years. It was the best sex of my life, so far. Other shit happened throughout though, so I’m in the process of getting over all of that.
 
I went about 4 years without sexual contact of any kind. From the middle of age 16 to almost 21. I was lucky as a young gay man and had an actual boyfriend when I was 16. After that ended, every guy I asked out in high school said no and the rejection really affected my psyche. In hindsight, I was an early bloomer for coming to terms with being gay. All the guys I asked out in high school and said no because they were "straight" ended up coming out of the closet after high school. One even became a drag queen, lol. So there was nothing really wrong with me, they just lacked self-awareness. Also I was pretty ballsy about it. This was before the time of LGBTQ+ affirmation in schools, so the risk was much higher. But my sex drive was so insane as a teenager, I couldn't avoid trying to go after guys.

I've also had other dry spells, but for me it's not just about sex being missing, it's about the whole package of intimate physical relations being missing. I don't tend to hookup, I like to date at the very least or have a friendship at first. I've had periods of time when I had no intimate contact that could even possibly lead to sex, which was very frustrating. Being disabled with a gross health condition in my 30s limited my options, but ironically not as much as certain dry spells in my 20s that had nothing to do with poor health. Life is weird like that.

Voluntary celibacy is something I go through between sex partners because I'm extremely picky in terms of looks, personality, values, etc. I have a high sex drive but no matter how pent up I get, I won't go bang some random. It's worth it for me to wait for the right person because the payoff is always a guaranteed good time.

Side rant... I think sex in our society is highly overrated and men especially are pressured into feeling like shit for not having it at every opportunity. Unless you have an irrepressibly high sex drive and feel insane urges, then I think lengthy periods of no sex is relatively normal for your average human being. The consumer capitalist agenda from the 1950s onward wanted us to be sex-obsessed breeders because it created more human livestock to buy shit. If you look at most research on people's lifetime count of sexual partners, it's lower than you'd expect.
 
Foreigner said:
Voluntary celibacy is something I go through between sex partners because I'm extremely picky in terms of looks, personality, values, etc. I have a high sex drive but no matter how pent up I get, I won't go bang some random. It's worth it for me to wait for the right person because the payoff is always a guaranteed good time.

Side rant... I think sex in our society is highly overrated and men especially are pressured into feeling like shit for not having it at every opportunity. Unless you have an irrepressibly high sex drive and feel insane urges, then I think lengthy periods of no sex is relatively normal for your average human being. The consumer capitalist agenda from the 1950s onward wanted us to be sex-obsessed breeders because it created more human livestock to buy shit. If you look at most research on people's lifetime count of sexual partners, it's lower than you'd expect.
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yeah, I'm not gay but I think the same about this.

I think we tend to take too seriously things like being "incel" for a while, because of how culture works nowadays and because all seems to be around sex and most culture is about sex/sexualization. Now they are doing this with the children (with TikTok) which is sad.

In the past being sexless for years was very normal if you went out of a marriage or LTR. The thing is that, at least in my case, I want to be sex free till I solve some personal issues, things about self-knowledge and self-acceptance that could have affected my previous relationships (including "mating" so to speak). I think internet gives people too much comfort and ease to have sex whenever they want, but that has a prize too.
 
The longest is right now… And I’m fucking losing it. Been I think about 3mos. I think before the longest I went was around 2.

Problem is, I need to learn how to have sex with a different person after only fucking one gal for the past 15yrs. It’s gonna take some getting used to.. Last time I had sex with someone else I was 18.

-GC
 
Neuroborean said:
yeah, I'm not gay but I think the same about this.

I think we tend to take too seriously things like being "incel" for a while, because of how culture works nowadays and because all seems to be around sex and most culture is about sex/sexualization. Now they are doing this with the children (with TikTok) which is sad.

In the past being sexless for years was very normal if you went out of a marriage or LTR. The thing is that, at least in my case, I want to be sex free till I solve some personal issues, things about self-knowledge and self-acceptance that could have affected my previous relationships (including "mating" so to speak). I think internet gives people too much comfort and ease to have sex whenever they want, but that has a prize too.
Click to expand...

Honestly, sex is overrated.

After some of the spiritual experiences I've had on drugs and even while sober, I see sex as sort of a cheap, visceral way of trying to recapture some of that. I feel sorry for people who think that sex is a peak life experience. I've met men who think I'm crazy when I say sex isn't the best thing ever. I think these people are either hypnotized by their own lust or by societal messaging that sex is "the ultimate". How they put so much energy into getting dressed up to go out on a Friday or Saturday night, hoping to get laid. They are no different than any other kind of animal that preens themselves in order to mate.

There is so much more to life than sex. Even having one sex partner eats into time that I could be spending on other things, if I shifted priorities.
 
Foreigner said:
Honestly, sex is overrated.

After some of the spiritual experiences I've had on drugs and even while sober, I see sex as sort of a cheap, visceral way of trying to recapture some of that. I feel sorry for people who think that sex is a peak life experience. I've met men who think I'm crazy when I say sex isn't the best thing ever. I think these people are either hypnotized by their own lust or by societal messaging that sex is "the ultimate". How they put so much energy into getting dressed up to go out on a Friday or Saturday night, hoping to get laid. They are no different than any other kind of animal that preens themselves in order to mate.

There is so much more to life than sex. Even having one sex partner eats into time that I could be spending on other things, if I shifted priorities.
Click to expand...
In my case sex has been almost a peak experience in my life but ONLY when it has been with a person I loved and we BOTH have used psychedelics, so in a way it was a part of a psychedelic experience with a lover so I guess it was more like a spiritual continuum of a trip, not so much a thing on their own.
Other than that, yeah, I think it's overrated. But I think most people take sex as something animal, visceral, but that's only one side of sex, I think hinduism and other cultures take sex as a more "complete" process, with its spiritual side as crucial, which is how I ended up understanding it.
Life's seem to run too fast for people to practice that, tho.

I feel much more alive when climbing a mountain or getting a good wave (I surf), or well, when playing music
 
Eh I don’t think sex is overrated if you’re with someone you love. The whole one night stand thing is definitely a waste of time but there’s something special when you have that deep connection with someone and make love. It’ll likely be years (if ever) before I experience that again, but I’m very much looking forward to it.

Then when you add drugs like MDMA, LSD into the mix it’s definitely a peak level experience.

-GC
 
Sweet Jane78 said:
It’s really refreshing to know that there are some men out there who appreciate meaningful sex with a special partner that they love and have an emotional connection with.
Where have you guys been all my life?
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In a relationship ;)

God I really do miss it too. If we are talking that special sex with a deep emotional connection it’s probably been years for me. The last years with my ex have been lackluster in the bed. All because we no longer had that connection, sex became a chore for us both.

The first time we broke up years ago, all I could do was think of her. Now you couldn’t pay me to sleep with her. (Well you could but it wouldn’t be a cheap lay lol.)

-GC
 
one night stands are the best - those are the ones you think back and say "that was great"

my slutty girlfriends were the best too - i don't think back to the times where "i made love" - i think back to the times where we got down and dirty - that was the best

but yea about a year or so without ass i'd go sometimes - never worried about it and i never pressed for it either - when it happens it happens - when it doesn't, i was probably better off anyway - but there were times where it was one after another - when i was about 17 until i was about 24, it was non-stop - but i remember periods where i just didn't care - i was bangin left and right at times and other times, not so much - and then i just didn't care for a while there so i think i just didn't bang anybody for a while - maybe around 25 or so? and then it was another run - and then i'd get stuck with somebody i should've called off sooner and i didn't even bang her anymore because i was already checked out - and then everybody else looks great again

now im old and i just don't care anymore - if it comes along, it comes along - if it doesn't, whatever - im good either way - i don't look for it and i haven't looked in over 10 years now - but it all brings trouble one way or another

and it is a little over-rated with the way some ppl go on about it, but not really either, because i think about all the fun times i had and they were great - but it doesn't have to happen frequently now, nor did it have to happen frequently back then - if it happened, it happened

:shrug:
 
Neuroborean said:
In my case sex has been almost a peak experience in my life but ONLY when it has been with a person I loved and we BOTH have used psychedelics, so in a way it was a part of a psychedelic experience with a lover so I guess it was more like a spiritual continuum of a trip, not so much a thing on their own.
Other than that, yeah, I think it's overrated. But I think most people take sex as something animal, visceral, but that's only one side of sex, I think hinduism and other cultures take sex as a more "complete" process, with its spiritual side as crucial, which is how I ended up understanding it.
Life's seem to run too fast for people to practice that, tho.

I feel much more alive when climbing a mountain or getting a good wave (I surf), or well, when playing music
Click to expand...

I love tantric/spiritual sex. I'm currently seeing a guy who doesn't know anything about it, but seems to do it naturally without us talking. The energy between us is really great and it's really the only kind of sex I can bother having anymore. So I see what you mean.

The couple of times I had sex on acid were mind blowing and also tantric, but the guy I did that with ended up being a narcissistic psycho stalker so my memories of that time are kind of tainted. And now I don't really do acid anymore, so oh well.

In my last post, I think I described things wrong. It's not about peak experiences it's about seeing through experiences. Most people, in their day to day lives, are really immersed in the experience of life. Whether it's sex, eating, having fun with friends, suffering, pain, whatever. When it happens, they believe it. They believe they are who they are and that the experience of life is real and is all there is. Ever since my near death experiences, I just see everything as god and nothing as "better" or "worse". If I'm having blissful sex or suffering from some kind of pain, I never get swept up in the experience anymore... I see right through it and it brings me back to the present moment. It's very sobering but it also disables any kind of fantasy. Even if I can generate a fantasy, I see through the fantasy and it pops like a bubble. I become aware that I'm a body-mind experiencing a fantasy, while experiencing the fantasy.

I don't even remember what it's like to get swept up in an experience anymore, because all experiences seem so substanceless to me. It's not that I can't experience joy, it's just that... it seems illusory. So when I say I feel sorry for people who think sex is a peak experience, I think more what I mean to say is, how can they not see through it? It's not that amazing.
 
Don't know what's been the longest, time isn't one of my primary concerns. I know there has been a period of three years I didn't have sex, which was because of the circumstances I was living through. Now it's been about three years again, and this time is because of my own free will. Too much hassle for actually nothing... There are better,easier and more enjoyable ways for me to get satisfaction.
 
14 going on 15years.
The succubus and jerks dishes out a lot less jealous ex's.
 
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