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Wat things have you lost/given up to your addiction?

K

Khadijah

Bluelight Crew
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To keep this from being a topic that would go better in The Dark Side , lets try not to get into no deep tragic stories here, cuz if youre lookin 4 support you prolly aint gonna find it. We a bunch of assholes in here. ;)

Anyways, I think the title says it all. Is it your xbox, your grandmas in the family for generations wedding ring that you were supposed to keep for when you got married, your computer, your wife or husband, your kids, your job, your self respect, your dignity, the list goes on. we all lost something. maybe you aint lost alot yet cuz you just starting out. or maybe you lost damn near everything cuz you been on this road so long without gettin off. But watever it is share it here. It is nice to know that you aint alone and are in good company of people that know exactly how it feels to have lost most of the things they cared about, just to be able to keep doin somethin they hate and dont even want to do but have to .

Hope yall enjoy this thread and it brings up some real talk.
 
My health has gone out the window big tiiiiime.
My dignity, did some inhumane bullshit over the years. Degraded myself basically.Was a slave.
Family's love & support, Mum does not like me around.
My sanity. I'm a crazy lady now, messing around with your brains chemicals for that amount of time can never be good.
Various items at pawn shops, vases, jewellery (one my Nana gave me:\) so on & so forth.
Plus over $600,000 AUD. No biggie :|
Ah what can you do now? Try to rebuild;)
 
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well, to keep it from being too sappy, i'll just name the *items* that have been given to various pawn shops and dealers around the chicagoland area the summer of 2008.

Garmin GPS, iPod 8g, iPod Video 30g, two dvd players, stereo system, $500 Canon digital camera (they gave me $70 for it), a bunch of cheap digital cameras, every book I own, laptop, VCR (i couldn't believe they were actually willing to buy it), a bunch of my clothes, purses, wallets, all my CDS, my student loan refund (over $3500).

And then, I guess, since I paid for drugs instead of it, my 2007 Nissan Versa.

There has got to be more, but when the guys at 4 different pawn shops know you on a first name basis, your bound to forget something you sold them.
 
I agree with Binge Artist that I gave up my "ability to enjoy life sober." That was the first thing I lost.
Second were the friends that had a problem with my new lifestyle.
Third was and still is tons of cash.
And fourth would have to be a great pair of red stilettos and my matching red laced underwear...yeah no clue where those went. Had them on...took them off...and stupid me forgot to grab them when I woke up the next day to the parents of the kid's house banging down the door. Needless to say I threw on my jeans and snuck out the back window totally spacing that my stilettos and underwear were still God knows where in the house. Yeah...they weren’t there when I went back for them at the next party hosted at the same house :(
 
-all my nice clothes, make up, and shoes (buy when sober sell when using and desperate)
-any hope of having good credit
-numerous electronic devices (sometimes not my own)
-any trust w/ my parents concerning money
-many, many friendships
-lost all my dignity in many situations when desperate
-thousands and thousands of dollars spent on drugs over the years that could have gone towards a good car, apartment, education, etc

lost my future as a gymnast.. anorexia and drugs ruined my body to the point that i no longer can safely compete; also, rehab and whatnot caused gaps and screwed with my training. that was my whole life from the time i was two years old and on the way to becoming my career, and i completely destroyed it.

health (nose is fucked, metabolism has slowed down, have heart issues and whatnot), relationship with my parents is extremely strained and almost non-existent, i've basically taken two years to complete one semester of college (failed many classes, withdrawn, dropped, etc) and jeaporized my job many times.

mostly, tho, just a sense of freedom. i feel like i'm beholden to drugs now, and i'll never get back to the way i felt five years ago. and life sober is extremely depressing, boring, and just seems pointlessly hard when drugs are possible.
 
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Lots of shit. Friends no doubt, although most of the people I've severed connections with I can clearly see I am better without. My recording studio, that was an expensive one, I pawned off all my equipment that I saved for a long time for. Some dignity, but not as much as I would have expected.

And the obvious tens thousands of dollars. But the money I don't care so much about, I was never really into buying things OTHER than drugs. I'd go shopping once a year maybe, but I don't do the whole consumer thing. Before coke and heroin my needs went something like this shelter -> food -> music, either in the form of playback or instruments to make it with. So yeah I could have bought half of a new car or payed off monthly rent in some fancy place on the gold coast or downtown but I'd much rather live in a cheaper, more home-like place, drugs or no.

Mostly opportunities. I was a supposedly bright kid in a good school, and now I'm a heroin addict with no job and no real future without quitting, and christ I can hustle up twenty bucks a day for my shit, but getting enough to go to the clinic isnt so easy.
 
ToxicFerret said:
Mostly opportunities. I was a supposedly bright kid in a good school, and now I'm a heroin addict with no job and no real future without quitting, and christ I can hustle up twenty bucks a day for my shit, but getting enough to go to the clinic isnt so easy.
Click to expand...


That's the worst one. I wasn't trying to get too sappy, but since you brought it up...

I had a 4.0 with a double major and was set to graduate from college in 3 years and then go to graduate school. Man, I wanted to be a senator or something--even thought of being president.

One taste of drugs and 3 months later I am the drop-out junkie who has a record and can barely concentrate long enough to read a couple pages of a book.
 
*trust and respect of close friends and family (thankfully they still love me)
*just in the past 6 months, 40 grand i made at my oil field job (have nothing to show for all that money, thank god for tax returns)
*most of my prized personal posessions that could be hawked, and some of my friends/families as well
*my own mental well being. its getting better the longer i stay off the needle in particular, but i really need to quit all drugs period for awhile.
*my varsity spots on the h.s. wrestling and football teams. i thought it was more fun to smoke weed, drink, and slang dope.
*any sort of meaningful long term relationship with a girl (drugs can buy pussy easy! getting high is more important than real relationships!)

Aren't drugs fun?
 
^ Yep. I was intelligent, I am 22 and do nothing now, I graduated in 2003. Could easily have completed university.
My record is also not impressive. This is a big big loss due to future employers.

I lost all mental stability & self-respect. Did anything or anyone for $.
My health - this is just unbelievable.
Kidneys, bladder & my liver are not in good shape due to years and years of meth abuse.
They are that of a 40 year old womans. This should be a wake-up call to all who use, be careful. Constant infections, never-ending.

I basically gave up everything I could, it didn't matter. Only relationship I cared about was with my pipe.

Blah. But I am back on track now as to not make the thread so gloomy=D

I posted above but forgot some. Oh well. That explains more
 
Wow, where to start....in terms of material possession, everything of value I had was traded or pawned for dope. Clothes, electronics (videogames, ipods, digital cameras/camcorders), books, tools. Literally, half of my mom and dads house is missing due to my heroin problem. The amount of money I have stolen from my parents is unimaginable. The worst was my moms diamond wedding ring. Thats something which still gives me this really bad taste in my mouth when I think about it. Other that items and possessions, every last shred of dignity and self respect and self confidence have been thrown out the window. My health is absolute shit as I have hepatitis C (which is getting worse). Parents trust, friends, girlfriends, any sort of a normal life has all been lost.
 
My intelligence - nice and K-tarded now

My vision - HPPD

My stability - PTSD, HPPD, other things, like weird twitches and thoughts, but nothing too serious

Mainly...I also spent a lot of money on drugs, but not that much compared to most people on here.

I lost confidence in my self, but that is slowly returning

I stopped exercising, and missed out on the years of social skills development (high-school) so now I'm trying to make up for it in university, I'm getting better, but still a fair bit behind.
 
concentration, Vision (hppd) & an anxiety-disorder-free life. I also pretty much lost my parents respect.

could've gone alot worse.
 
I gave up a great deal of money, a computer, a flat, a job, quite a bit of self respect.
I gained a bit of perspective, however.

Hmm, just noticed the intelligence type ones. I probably lost more than a few IQ points and did my memory no good too.
 
All sorts of stuff of varying importance. The things that I miss most are - perhaps oddly - my beautiful collection of rare vinyl and my guitars. All sold for an absolute pittance for a couple of bags that kept the monkey off for all of a couple of hours. Gotta love Cash Converters :|
 
- my boyfriend who went to rehab and got clean and as a result couldn't be with me anymore because i reminded him of using drugs
- tons of money
- my family's trust.. except it's been improving these days (knock on wood)
- having a good reputation
- a couple decent friends but no one really important
- my body which is now twenty pounds underweight
- memory
- having a pschizophrenic episode-free life
- being able to enjoy life sober.. for the most part

.. and the list goes on

gotta love drugs
 
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